My life scares me. I always wonder if I’ll ever end up being alone. I’m scared that I might wake up the next day, but my father wouldn’t. I wonder what makes me get up in the morning. School? Family? Future? But I’m still wondering when all that’s going to come into play. I have one priority, and I wish it was myself. If it’s my life, then I should care. I wish I did.

            “Appa, I’m leaving for school.” It was six in the morning, but I still tried to act like I would at four in the afternoon. My almost-there smile could only dull the unnaturally lit room. I just couldn’t bring myself to it. Who smiles in a hospital? Hospitals never slept, and neither did my dad. It hurt too much for him to. That stupid car accident months ago took such a strong toll on him. He hasn’t been able to move since then.

            “Study hard, Danbi-ah.” He grinned tiredly at me, but it was one of those compulsory ones you’d give your only daughter to assure that you were alright. Reaching for my hand, he squeezed it so hard I thought my veins were going to pop out. He always held my hand firmer than the last time, almost as if it would be his last. My heart panged at the thought.

            I nodded, wishing I could say something more. But watching my dad coiled around all those plastic wires like snakes ready for kill, made it too distracting. When I left the hospital the sun was already starting to bloom from its black petals, the sky fading away to a translucent peach. I boarded the public bus that would stop near my school, ready for some extra study time. However it was so early, and only I and another person had boarded the bus. And from the identical uniforms, you could easily tell he was a classmate of mine.

            Unmistakable, you’d think. That’s because there was no use hiding the identity of a person like him. No matter how many jackets he wore, how large his hat was, or how thick his fake glasses, he’d never be able to hide himself.

            The bus driver fumbled for his words. “Are you…? You, you. Are you Boyfriend?”

            “Yes,” he bowed, “hello, I am Boyfriend’s vocalist, Lee Jeongmin.”

            I tried not to smile at his upmost politeness, but it was hard not to. So I covered my face with my scarf and continued my way to a window seat. The bus driver conversed with Jeongmin for a few more seconds before finally letting him sit down. Even as the vehicle was in motion the bus driver couldn’t help but steal glances from the rearview mirror.

            But you couldn’t blame him if he had an idol riding his bus.

            Lee Jeongmin had been attending my high school for a long time. We’re both graduating this month. He was naturally comfortable with everyone, and was always popular with the students, even before he was a singer.

            “Hey. Gong Danbi.”

            I almost jumped at the silence being disrupted. Forcing my head to turn slightly at the call, I pressed my lips together and spoke quietly. “Yes?”

            At my simple response he broke into a large grin, irking me. This boy, he was always so positive. “Ah, it’s been awhile!” he said, hopping into the seat next to mine. He folded his hands together, taking in the moment with relish. “I was wondering if you still remembered me.” In which that sounded really weird, considering who would forget a star that attended your very own school. “What are you doing here so early?”

            “I should ask you the same thing.” I replied smoothly, easily diverting the topic off my shoulders. No way would I explain that I just came from the hospital.

            He laughed, his hand brushing over his lips. “I guess you’re right. I’m going to school, the earlier the better. They’re sweet, but my manager doesn’t really like it when the fans crowd the school.”

            Completely understandable, so I nodded. “Your band has been doing great lately. Would you give them my regards?”

            Jeongmin nudged my shoulder, almost getting too into the idea that we were on the borderline of friends and classmates. “Oh, so you’re a fan too?” he chided playfully, and when I didn’t reply he gave me a puppy pout. “C’mon, Danbi-ah. I just came from practice five hours ago and I’m still tired. Give me a break.”

            “The bus ride is pretty long, take a nap.” I suggested.

            “I was planning to,” he sighed, relaxing himself as he placed his hands behind his head, “until I saw you.”

            It probably didn’t mean anything to him, but I felt a little jolt in my stomach at his words. To avoid being embarrassed, I stayed quiet and kept my eyes on the window. He thankfully didn’t seem to mind, and we both immersed ourselves in the silence.

```

            “Gong Danbi.” And at that moment I just knew that everyone’s eyes were on me. I was just five minutes, five sweet minutes for school to end and leave the building Scott-free. My teacher just got off the phone and I could feel her stare burning into my body.

            “Yes, teacher-nim?” I replied, keeping my tone even and devoid of any discomfort. My head lifted up slightly to not only meet the teacher’s eyes, but the twenty-one pairs of my nosy classmates.

            “Would you like me say it out loud or would it be more comfortable out in the hall?” the teacher asked crisply, even a bit relentlessly.

            Whispers buzzed like flies in the large classroom. I knew if I let myself be sent outside, the students would know something’s up. “You can say it now.” I muttered, bracing myself.

            “A young lady had just got off the phone. She told you to arrive to meet your father immediately.”

            As soon as she said it, the ending bell sounded. It was the worst wake up call. With the uncalled for notification, I fumbled to stuff all my books inside my bag at once. Something is wrong with my dad. Something is definitely wrong. My dad’s nurse just called the school, which definitely calls for something. In the midst of my thoughts I dropped my phone, causing the case to break off.

            Before I could curse myself and bend down to grab it, a pair of hands swiped at me and picked up my phone. “What’s the hurry?” Jeongmin questioned, putting the case back together.

            “Didn’t you hear what the teacher said?” I asked, slightly irritable from how much time I was wasting. I quickly grabbed my phone from him and gave my thanks. “Please excuse me.”

            “Hey, wait.” He pulled me back by tugging on my wrist. I felt another jolt travel from his touch to my stomach. His free hand grabbed my backpack, slinging it effortlessly over his broad shoulders. “I got a company car waiting for me outside. Wherever it is you need to go I can probably take you.”

            “No thanks.” Nevertheless I still followed Jeongmin, and the only reason for that was that I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible. “I have a bus pass.” And if I was trying to prove something I waved my bus card around.

            He chuckled softly. We were out the door and a blue van was at the front. I tried to ignore the crowd of girls squealing for him outside as I listened to him. “But the buses are really packed at this time. This is much faster.” He reasoned.

            I hesitated as he gestured a hand towards the open car door. He had already thrown my backpack in. “Ladies first.”

            Biting my lip, I told myself that I couldn’t waste any more time thinking and got in. As soon as Jeongmin followed and the door slammed shut the car speedily drove away. “Won’t I cause a scandal if they see me going into your car?” I squeaked, staring at all the death-staring girls from the tinted window.

            “Don’t you trust me?” he queried lightly, giving a small smile of reassurance. “Now, where are we going?”

            “The Samsung Medical Center.” I turned around so I wouldn’t have to see Jeongmin’s reaction.

            We got there quicker than I expected, and Jeongmin was right when he said that we’d get there quicker with his car. “I’m just going to her inside really quickly.” He told the driver, grabbing my backpack once again and following me inside.

            The pungent antiseptic smell hit Jeongmin’s nose like a train wreck, as he pushed his collar higher up his face. Used to the smell, I immediately brushed passed everyone and walked straight to the doorway. My fingers just grazed the doorknob when I heard my father’s screams.

            I couldn’t convey it with words. It was just the sound, the kind of sound that could tear you apart and eat you whole in your nightmares. He was in pain and I couldn’t even move to open the door. All of a sudden I was too scared to face his suffering. Maybe it was because the screams were so lurid that I could hear from a closed door.

            “It’s okay.” I heard the soft, honey-like voice from behind me. A hand rested on top of mine, right were the doorknob was. I looked up to the smiling face of Jeongmin, where his genuine demeanor attempted to soothe me. He squeezed my hand gingerly. “We’ll go in together, is that alright?”

            Whatever possessed myself to comply, I felt myself opening the door alongside Jeongmin. Two nurses surrounded Dad on either side of the bed, looking ready to sedate him. But as soon as they heard the door open my dad’s eyes flew to me. “Danbi-ah.” He said, almost in a ghostly voice.

            “Appa,” I immediately moved to his side, causing the nurses to immediately file out. “They called me half an hour ago. Are you okay?”

            “Just fine.” My dad’s hand found way to mine. He squeezed it tighter than this morning, trying to show off his strength. “It was just another panic attack.”

            “It wouldn’t be nothing if they bothered to call me.” I sighed, checking the computer that was attached to a needle in his skin. The numbers and patterns made absolutely no sense to me, but I prayed that they all meant he was alright. Before I forgot, I turned and gestured to Jeongmin. “I hope you don’t mind that I’ve brought a friend along.”

            “Hello, my name is Lee Jeongmin.” He bowed.

            “Lee Jeongmin.” My dad repeated, his pepper colored eyebrows moving up at the name. “Sounds like that idol Danbi always talks about.”

            “Oh, she talks about me!” Jeongmin boasted, amazed. He took no hesitation to pull out the chair next to mine and get comfortable. “Tell me all you know!”

            Awestruck, I watched my dad and Jeongmin converse. It was so weird. Jeongmin’s golden hair and heavenly appearance made him look like an angel. And my dad couldn’t help but go along with his childishness. It made him appear so much, healthier. My dad said something and Jeongmin laughed, a wonderful melody that sang softly in my ears. He smiled, a dazzling, pearly white one that lit up the room like mine never did.

            It was a wonder why he could still smile. Him as an idol, people would think he’d only smile when he was told to. Unbelievable, how he continued his life so honest and carefree, but here I was, letting my dad’s burden take over me and dissipate mine. Thinking earlier, I remembered how Jeongmin told me it was going to be okay. And how my dad told me it was going to be alright. How they both held my hands and kept me sane. With the two of them around, why shouldn’t I smile?  

             My lips curved up, it was definitely going to be okay.

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Tell me about it! There's a bunch of Jeongmin in my non-biased story Absolute Boyfriend. All of Boyfriend has a chance with the OC :) Hehe, sorry for advertising.

~Camille