Joohyun leans back in her chair stretching her arms and heaving a large sigh. A few disgruntled looks are shot her way at the disturbance of the library’s quiet, but she pays them no mind. Her eyes flicker to the clock. 3:00 AM already? She gnaws on the back end of her pen, eyeing the module she’d already been studying for the past few hours. She pulls the pen out of , running her fingers over the rough indentations left by her worrying teeth. Wendy always hated this bad habit of hers. "Do you know how many good pens I’ve lost to your teething?" she’d say, with a furrowed brow, but with a certain lilt to her voice that let Joohyun know she wasn’t mad. Then, Joohyun would kiss her, a new pack of pens would be left on Wendy’s desk, and all would be forgiven.

She sighs again, checking her phone. No new messages, but what was she expecting anyways. She figures she should eat something but with all the restaurants on campus closed, she’d sooner forgo dinner than eat fast-food again. She packs up her things silently, slowly. No food, no friends, just Joohyun. She wonders if she still would have wanted to be a surgeon if she knew how lonely she’d be, but she regrets the thought almost as soon as she has it.  

She would always want to be a surgeon. 

The drive back to her apartment brightens her spirits a little. Good music and the bright lights of the city her trip home, and she taps her fingers lightly against the steering wheel to the rhythm. 

She’s still humming in the elevator and even when she’s walking down the hall, fumbling with her backpack to get her keys out. There’s nothing like a car ride to clear your head.

“Hey.”

The voice comes from a girl on her phone, sitting on Joohyun’s welcome mat. A flimsy plastic bag of groceries sit beside her. 

“Hey…” Joohyun starts tentatively, “What are you doing here, Wendy?” The girl stands, allowing Joohyun to unlock the door and enter. 

“Don’t sound so happy to see me,” Wendy says sarcastically. She jams her hands into the pockets of her jacket as she hurries inside and takes her shoes off. She shuts the front door gently behind her. 

Joohyun doesn’t wait to watch her enter. “I hope you weren’t waiting for me long.”

Wendy shakes her head no, and stands awkwardly as Joohyun busies herself around the apartment. If she had known Wendy was coming, she would have at least cleaned up a little. 

“I brought groceries,” Wendy wiggles the bag in the air for emphasis. “Can I borrow your kitchen?”

Joohyun nods, content to sit at the kitchen counter watching Wendy cook, once she’s done tidying up.

“Are you here because it’s midterms week?” she wonders out loud. “I always used to get really busy around midterms week.”  

Wendy laughs, her eyes trained on the vegetables she’s cutting beneath her. “You’re always busy. Midterms week or not.” 

The only sound in the cold room is the sizzling oil in the pan and the repetitive, chop , chop , chop , of Wendy’s knife.

“You always went to the library and stayed too late, till all the dining halls were closed.” Wendy dumps the vegetables into the pot, before returning to the cutting board. “Then you’d just go home without eating.” tsssss- The raw meat hisses against the pan. “And then you’d go straight to bed, wake up, and do it all over again.” 

“Yeah. But back then, it was okay.” 

Joohyun doesn’t say any more. She doesn’t have to. Because they both know exactly what she means. Back then, she’d come back from the library to a blue sticky note and a Tupperware of whatever dinner Wendy had prepared. And with a full stomach and a happy heart, she’d sidle into bed as quietly as she could. No matter what, Wendy would always stir, groping blindly for Joohyun’s presence to lull her back to sleep.

Wendy doles the white rice onto two plates diligently. “Yeah, but that was then and this is now. It’s too lonely a life to live, cooking alone, eating alone, sleeping alone.” She plates the meat and moves her dishes to the sink. “And every morning waking up alone and you’re already gone.”

And just like that the conversation’s no longer about Joohyun. She hears the lilt in Wendy’s voice and she knows she isn’t mad about it. Just trying to make a point. Joohyun took Wendy’s presence for granted. Her comforting meals and presence that brought warmth to Joohyun’s cold life. She never figured what it was like being on the other side, always lonely, always waiting up for her. 

They eat in silence. It’s curry with meat and rice, a little spicy, and it warms Joohyun down to her toes as she eats. Wendy cleans up even when Joohyun tells her she doesn’t have to, "I made the mess I might as well clean it, Hyun" she had said smiling. And Joohyun had appreciated the familiarity so much she let her wash up. It reminded her of old times, and that even if things were awkward now, they’d always have a certain softness for each other. 

“Are you sure you want to drive home?” Joohyun asks timidly. “It’s dangerous to drive at night, maybe you should just go tomorrow.”

Wendy laughs a little and Joohyun’s face warms, “Joohyun, it’s already tomorrow. It’s nearly sunrise, so I’ll be safe driving.”

Time had passed quickly with Wendy, too quickly for Joohyun’s liking. “You know what I mean,” she ignores the familiar flutter in her chest, “I’ll sleep on the couch and you can take the bed.” 

Wendy hums, seeming to consider the offer. “I wouldn’t want Sooyoung to worry,” she says decidedly after a pause. 

“Oh, right.” Joohyun gives Wendy a quick hug, disappointed at how cold she feels when Wendy pulls away to leave. “Be safe then, and thank you for taking care of me today.” 

“Take care of yourself, okay Joohyun? Eat your meals and get enough sleep.” 

She nods diligently, watching on as the girl readies to depart. 

“Oh, by the way, Hyun,” Wendy adds, tugging her shoes on, “There should be a pack of pens with the rest of the groceries. Figured you might be needing them.”

The door shuts behind her quietly, and just like that– Joohyun’s alone again.