.

I could feel my heart collapsing.

Was the end nearing? Was I finally suffocating?

Was God making me pay the price of all my sins?

I held onto the chair trying to catch the air that I can’t see but can feel.

“Gwenchana?” A strange voiced asked as she tried to help me up. I nodded my head and took a deeper breath. I smiled then picked myself up from having a weak moment. She smiled back at me, I guess to let me know it was going to be alright, I wish to believe it would be but I doubt it will be.

. . . . . .  . .

‘Aly, I just can’t make it tonight; I’ll take a rain check again? I’m sorry, maybe next week?’ His text message read once again. I flipped my phone closed and threw it as far as it could go. I sighed to myself as I started cleaning up the anniversary dinner I have prepared for my boyfriend whom I’ve been going out with for the last five years – Yong Junhyung.

When I entered his life, I accepted not only his flaws but also his hectic schedules.

He was a superstar, literally.

I couldn’t complain whenever he’d put a rain check on me; which happens way too often. First few years were alright, he wasn’t as busy as he was now. People ask me ‘why do you put up with this? You could date like ordinary people´ I just always tell myself that they are ‘jealous’ that to him – I was the one.

“So much for being sweet” I whispered to myself as I threw the food in the garbage bag.

. .

“I want you to stop working,” he started as he watches me wipe the tables in my bar as I close it for the night. “I don’t want you tiring yourself like this anymore; I just want you to stay home. I’ll provide for you” he continued as he takes the rag off my hand and sat me down opposite to him.

I looked up at him and watched him intently waiting for the next words he was going to throw at me.

I didn’t know if I should be upset about the fact that he’s clearly trying to run my life or over the fact that I didn’t even get a greeting from him for our anniversary… has he forgotten?

“I just want you safe”

“I am safe. I love doing what and I do and I’m not going to stop working here. This is my job, my bar and there are people working for me. If I was to close this down what happens to them? Junhyung, I don’t have a say in your life or what you do so I think it’s unfair for you to have a say in mine. To keep it fair, let’s not meddle with each other’s business” I replied bluntly.

“But you’re my girlfriend,” he choked out.

“You stopped being a boyfriend the moment you start to forget our anniversaries; belated happy anniversary boyfriend.” I answered as I dropped my gift for him onto the table and grabbed the rag off him and continued cleaning.

. .

“ALY WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!” He yelled as he tugs my shirt off me. I cried as he continues to pull my shirt. I wish he wasn’t as numb as this, I wish he’s one of those people who can tell what’s wrong and what should be done in a situation with just one look. “I’m trying,” he whispered into my ears.

“Not hard enough” I replied before walking away.

. .

Weeks passed and our relationship hits rock bottom.

The moments where everything we’ve been through started to flashback in my head; I didn’t think they’d come this soon. I was hoping it’d be after ten or fifteen years from now but I guess the earlier it comes, the quickest time prepares you for the heartbreak.

I remembered that day so clearly.

It was mid-winter; it was snowing as I browsed through the road near the Han River. Our body first met when we bumped into each other, smiled, and first waved goodbye. That was mid-winter.

Time and fate must have been on my side, I got to lay my eyes on him once again. He stood a few inches away from me as a colleague of mine introduced me to him. He wore an oversized jacket along with black sweat pants; he extended his hand and introduced himself as Yong Junhyung, the superstar. That was springtime.

 The passion, the love and the need burnt hotter along with the summer heat. He asked me to be his girlfriend, to be there for him cheering him on every day; I agreed like there was no tomorrow to come. No thinking about it, no regrets in saying it and no thinking about how hard and how miserable the relationship could get because I know deep inside this love is something I’ve wanted. That was beginning of summer.

Just like the leaves shedding themselves from the tree branch, our relationship felt the same as the autumn season. We argue, we fuss, we fight and we kiss and we make up. A repetitive scene, a scene I thought would tear us apart but I was wrong. That was end of autumn.

Those were five years ago.

Five years ago, I was in love.

Five years later, I’m still in love.

In love with a boy that can never be compared to anyone.

. . .

I could feel my heart collapsing.

Was the end nearing? Was I finally suffocating?

Was God making me pay the price of all my sins?

I held onto the chair trying to catch the air that I can’t see but can feel.

“Gwenchana?” A strange voiced asked as she tried to help me up. I nodded my head and took a deeper breath. I smiled then picked myself up from having a weak moment. She smiled back at me, I guess to let me know it was going to be alright, I wish to believe it would be but I doubt it will be.

I held onto the left side of my chest trying to feel the heart beating right within me.

The rhythm was starting to be different.

The palpitation was no longer stable, no longer sane.

I clutched onto my t-shirt as tears start to fall.

‘Junhyung,’ I whispered.

. . .

‘I’ve always questioned myself; what is it about him that was so attractive? Was it the way he’d pick me up from work even when he was out of the way? Was it the way he’d wait for me to call him in the middle of the night so he could pick me up? Was it the he’d hug me from the back with his chin resting on my shoulders reminding me just how lucky I am to have him near? Was it the way he’d take me out to nice places just to impress me? Was it the way everything stops making sense when he whispers the word of love into my ears?

Or was it the way he’d make me feel better when everything else around me is falling apart?

Whatever it was that was so attractive about him, he got me digging cavity six-feet underground without me knowing and next thing I know – I was no longer breathing my own air – I was breathing for him, his air.

He shined the brightest, burnt the most and formed the deepest scar.

Yong Junhyung, the supernova of my life.’ I spoke.

People stared at me with despair, sympathy, worry and pain written underneath their dark orbs. I released a pale smile and elaborated on what I have just said.

“He shined the brightest because there was no one compared to him. I tried and tried to look for someone new but every time that I do, he always find his way back into my heart, my mind, my soul and my life. Its crazy how his love works,” I paused then looked around. These people probably think I’m crazy and it’s true… I am, back then, right now and will always be.

“He burnt the most because the pain I feel whenever we’d fight even at the littlest thing is something I wish I’d never have to feel again; something I wish he didn’t have to feel as well.” I continued.

Scanning the room wasn’t easy for me.

I see their eyes wanting to reach out to me.

Wanting for me to let go, but I won’t.

“And last but not least, he formed the deepest scar,” I said as I clutched onto my chest once again. Tears flowing, knees weakening, I felt the coming. “Yong Junhyung was like a supernova, an exploding star; a catastrophic explosion of a large star in the latter stages of stellar evolution. Well in our case, our evolution. He left me with something far rarer and beyond any price in the world… he left me with his heart,” I choked as I admitted to myself finally that the heart beating inside me was no longer mine, it was his.

A sacrifice he made to save my pitiful life.

“He was my hero, and will always be.” I ended before turning back around to farewell the man I loved first, second and last.

He was the love of my life, and will continue to be as long as his heart beats inside of me.

“I love you” I whispered into the air wishing it’d reach him.

. . . . . .

A/N: This idea came out of the blue, not really haha. This came from my heart, a heart that’s breaking right now haha can you guess who’s heart? *me* haha. But I’m all good. I dedicate this story to alyjuna, thank you for always spazzing and always being there when my story needed the motivation. Hope you enjoy this surprise of mine. And please don’t’ hurt me if this makes you sad lol. I love you for always reading and commenting. I’m out.

`tubbyGENx3 | 17/O3/12; 12:23AM