Tick..tock..tick..tock..

 

A cloud of warm breath escapes my mouth as I heave a deep sigh. It’s already been an hour and I haven’t even seen his shadow yet. I dropped my wrist and removed my gaze from the bradshaw rose gold watch. My eyes roam around to scan the area while continuously tapping my foot on the ground.

 

“Gwaenchana Heeyoungie..gwaenchana.”I keep on telling myself. “Just hold on for a little while more. I’m sure he’ll come.” These are the words that I repeatedly chant. This is not the first time that it happened, in fact this is already the 38th time that I’ve been waiting here all by myself. But that doesn’t mean that I have gotten used to it nor that the feeling gets better.

 

I waited for another hour before deciding to pull out the phone from my pocket and tried to contact him again.

 

“The number you have dialed is either unattended or out of coverage area. Please—-”

 

I pressed the end button and sighed for the nth time this day. Tears started to form from the corner of my eyes as I clenched my fist tightly before breathing out. With shaky hands, I unlocked the phone again and started typing.

 

“지금 어디에 있나요?” ( Where are you now?)

 

“오지 않으실 것 같아요” ( I don’t think you’ll come.)

 

“내가 먼저 갈게” ( I’ll go first.)

 

I stood up from the cold wooden bench that I have been sitting on for hours. My eyes wander around the place for the last time. Behind me is the dream catcher flowering cherry tree that is looming above the bench that I was sitting on earlier. Small fairy lights are hanging, providing the greenhouse with a magical look with its shine. The smell of jasmine flowers and the gentle citrusy mock orange blends wonderfully in the air. The entire place looks entrancing and mystical at the same time.

 

This is our “Merry space” as we call it, what a funny name we thought. We just don’t want it to be cliche like those on stories so we created our own. Looking back, it contains lots of happy memories that he and I shared but as time goes by, looking and being at this place gives me somewhat a bittersweet feeling. Happiness because this is our place, this is where we meet and spend our time together. Away from prying eyes, far from people who can judge us, the place where we can freely show our love and affection to one another. No cameras, no fans to worry about, just the two of us.

 

Tick... tock... tick... tock…

 

Each second that passes feels like an eternity. I glance down at my watch again, hoping for any kind of indication that he might show up soon. But it’s now been three hours, and there’s still no sign of him.

 

My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I eagerly pull it out, hoping for a message from him. But it’s just an email notification. I sigh and stare off into the distance.

 

“Hey, babe,” a voice suddenly says from behind me. I turn around, and there he is, looking a little sheepish. “Sorry I’m late.”

 

“Kookie~ah” I exclaim, relief flooding through me. “I was starting to worry. You didn’t even pick up your phone.”

 

“Oh, sorry about that,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “I was in a meeting with the company. They’re making us work longer hours now that we’re getting more popular.”

 

My heart sinks at his words. It sounds like he’s too busy with his new life to make time for me anymore. But I try to push the thought away and just enjoy the fact that he’s here with me now.

 

As we chat and laugh together, I can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt deep down inside me. I know what I need to tell him, but I don’t know how to bring myself to do it.

 

“So, how’s your day been?” Jungkook asks, interrupting my thoughts.

 

“It’s been okay,” I reply, trying to sound casual. “Just the usual stuff.”

 

There’s a brief moment of silence before he speaks up again. “You know you can tell me anything, right? We’re in this together.”

 

I can feel tears welling up in my eyes as I try to keep up the charade. “Yeah, of course.”

 

But the truth is, I’m hiding the fact that I’m pregnant from him. It’s been weeks since I found out, and every day is a battle to keep it a secret. I know that I need to tell him soon, but I’m scared of what his reaction will be.

 

As the time goes by, Jungkook starts becoming more distant. He’s always busy with group activities, and we see each other less and less. It’s like he almost completely forgot about our special place, and it hurts so much. I tried so hard to understand, I know that it’s just the way it is but still.. It’s so hard to accept that we are now living in different worlds. I know for a fact that I love him. God knows how much I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I also know that this can’t go on any longer.

 

“Hey,” Jungkook says suddenly, causing me to jump in surprise. “You seem so worried. What’s going on?”

 

“I...” I start, but the words get caught in my throat. I don’t know how to tell him that I’m pregnant, that I’ve decided to move on without him.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice now laced with concern.

 

I take a deep breath. “I can’t do this anymore, Jungkook.. We’re not...it’s just not working out.”

 

“What?!” he says, looking completely blindsided.

 

“I’m sorry,” I continue, feeling the tears flow freely now. “I just can’t keep waiting around for you. You’re too busy with your new life, and I’m just...I need to focus on myself now.”

 

“But we were so happy together,” he protests, his grip on my arm tightening. “I thought everything was okay.”

 

“I did, too,” I say softly. “But things change, and people change. Maybe it’s for the best.”

 

Tick...tock...tick...tock…

 

I could feel every passing second as if it were a dagger being plunged into my chest. I stood there, staring into his eyes, trying to hide the pain I was feeling.

 

"Please don't go," he said, his voice trembling. "Please.. I know I messed up, but I love you. I promise I'll do better. I'll give you more time and attention. We can work things out."

 

"I'm sorry my Kookie," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "It's not just about the time. It's about the priorities. We have two different visions for our lives, and it's best if we part ways now. It's over. It's time for me to move on."

 

"But what about us? What will happen to our love? I can't imagine my life without you. How can you let our love go?" he pleaded.

 

As I stood before him, looking into his tear-filled eyes, my heart ached with an indescribable pain. I loved him with all my heart, but I knew that love was not enough to make this work.

 

He was a Kpop idol, and his career demanded so much of his time and energy. I felt like I was always on the back burner. It wasn't fair to either of us. As much as it hurt, I had to let him go.

 

"I love you so much," I said, my own voice thick with emotion. "But sometimes, love is just not enough. I don't want to hold you back from pursuing your dream, and I don't want to be the reason you miss out on so much."

 

He whispered, his voice trembling with emotion, "I don't want to lose you."

 

I placed a gentle hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes. "I know. But sometimes, love means knowing when to let go."

 

He started crying softly, unable to hold back his tears. "Can't we work something out? Can't we compromise and find a way to make it work?"

 

As much as I wished we could, I knew that it wasn't possible. "Sometimes, love means letting go of the other person so they can fulfill their own dreams. I love you, but I don't want to hold you back from reaching the stars. I wish you all the happiness and success in the world," I said, tears streaming down my face. "

 

I gently pulled my hand away from his grasp and walked away. I could feel his gaze on my back, but I didn't turn around. The pain in my chest had become too much to bear, and I needed to get away.

 

As I stepped out of our Merry space for the last time, I couldn't help but feel a sense of sadness and nostalgia. This place had been our sanctuary, a place where we could escape from the world and be ourselves. But now, it was just a painful reminder of what we had lost.

 

I took a deep breath, wiping away my tears, and made a mental note to myself. I would be happy, I would be strong for my baby, and I would fulfill the role of both mom and dad. It wouldn't be easy, but I had the determination and the love for my child to make it work. I promised myself that my baby would be showered with all the love and affection in the world, despite the absence of a father figure.

 

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

 

Time passed, and I focused solely on myself and the baby in my tummy. But every now and then, I would check on Jungkook's career from a distance. I would see his face on billboards, TV shows, and concerts. It always leaves  a bittersweet smile on my face.

 

Now, as I stand here with a big baby bump almost near my due date, I see his face on a billboard again. But this time, I don't feel that pang of sadness in my chest. Instead, I feel a sense of happiness and contentment. 

 

I realize that it's time for me to let go of the past and move on with my life. But I will always cherish the memories we shared, and I will always cheer for him on the sidelines, hoping for his success.

 

Tick...tock...tick...tock…

 

Every second that passes feels like a step towards a new future, a future without him. But I'm ready to face it head on, with my baby by my side.