20 years.

In all those years that I’ve lived, I could say that life hasn’t favored me that much, not even for the half of it.

Growing up with parents who’d rather spend their time drowning themselves in office works or arguing over some petty things than actually looking after me is rough. I appreciate them for providing me with all my basic needs, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes, I long for them to be there for me whenever I need them, or at least provide me with some peace of mind at home. Life is already tough as it is, more so that my school life is not as pleasant as how I wanted it to be. The place where I should feel comfortable and relaxed no longer gives me that feeling. There’s never been a quiet and peaceful day at home these days, if it even deserves to be called one at this point.

I quietly slip out of the house whenever I could sense that another fight’s gonna break out, wanting to just have a peaceful night with my own thoughts without having to hear them shouting at each other’s faces, especially whenever I have a tough day at school. My feet would lead me towards the seaside all the time. The sound of the waves, the feeling of the sand under my feet, and the smell of the salt air seemingly doing its job to keep my thoughts at bay, temporarily forgetting about the ensuing fight at home or the difficult school works I need to cram later. I immerse my mind in the tranquility that the sea and the night brings.

When the calmness of the ocean isn’t enough to ease the chaos inside my mind whenever I feel suddenly overwhelmed by my racing thoughts, I look up in the sky and stare at the moon, getting captivated by the light she emanates in the stillness of the night, eventually calming down my raging emotions. I tell her about all my worries and fears, hoping that she, or someone out there, can hear my silent cries for help. In these fleeting moments, I feel like I can breathe freely, like a temporary moment of bliss, a recharge. In the silence of the night, under the moonlight, I found my temporary shelter.

At one point, everything became too much for me, as if everything bad that could possibly happen in my life had been thrown at me all at once. It's starting to feel like everything in my life is falling apart, and I'm struggling to take control of everything to prevent it from happening. I'm just physically, mentally and emotionally drained that I just want to give up. 

Like every other night, I snuck out of our house to seek refuge at my sanctuary, hoping that it would keep me from drowning in all these thoughts and emotions coursing through my body.

Eventually, I found myself staring at the dark ocean once again, feeling the gentle breeze, attempting to soothe myself and clear my mind of my cluttered thoughts. When my efforts were proven futile, I tried to look up to the sky, only for me to be disappointed that the moon decided not to show up tonight.

I faced the vast ocean again, whispering my woes to the wind, asking questions that would surely fall on deaf ears. I screamed at the top of my lungs, without a care in the world, desperately trying to release all these pent-up frustrations. I felt my heart clench as tears started to fall from my eyes uncontrollably. My knees began to weaken, eventually falling on it while I continued to cry my heart out. I tightened the grip on my chest as if I were trying to hold myself together, hoping it’s enough to prevent myself from crumbling down.

I laid myself on the sand once I’ve managed to calm down from all the crying. I stared at dark sky, hoping that the moon will finally decide to show herself to me but to no avail. I was just lying still, trying to gather my thoughts, when I felt a presence a few feet away from me. When I turned my head on that direction, I was surprised to see a woman who, like me, was also lying on the sand and gazing at the sky. Has she been there the entire time?

Probably sensing that I was looking at her direction, she suddenly sat up and turned her body towards me. I immediately looked away, suddenly feeling conscious, afraid that the stranger might see my weak and vulnerable self. I can still feel her eyes boring into me despite what I did. Feeling suddenly awkward, I started to play with the sand, hoping to distract myself from the intensity of her stares.

Moments later, I saw her standing up, now walking towards my location. I was so busy contemplating whether I should stand and walk away or wait for her that I didn’t even notice that she was already sitting a few inches beside me, not too close but not too far away either, just enough to make her presence known, to make me feel that I’m not alone.

I immediately sat up, feeling a rush of wind hitting my face. For a moment, nobody dared to speak. Strangely, the silence was not awkward. Her presence was oddly comforting.

“Hi. I hope you don’t mind me sitting beside you. I just felt like you needed the company.” The stranger said, finally breaking the silence between us. I didn’t say anything as I just continued looking straight ahead. I felt her looking at me again, possibly waiting for me to speak. When she realized that I was not gonna answer her, she returned her gaze back to the ocean. 

“I’m sorry if I approached you here without your consent. It’s just that you remind me of my old self.” I immediately turned to face her, staring at her with a questioning look. She just smiled softy at me as she continues.

“I used to come here before whenever life is being a little bit too unfair on me, trying to seek comfort from the seas, just like you. I know this is the first time that we’ve met, and I don’t even know you at all for me to say these things to you, but I can sense that you need someone who can lend you their ears, or someone who can simply stay beside you while you process your own thoughts. I’ve been there, after all.”

As much as I want to deny it, she’s right. Being alone here gives me some sort of tranquility, it really does, but I still seek for a warm body beside me, making me feel like I’m not alone, listening to all my pains and doubts, reassuring me that everything will be fine eventually, keeping me sane, preventing me from slipping away from reality.

I am honestly scared, but totally tempted. She’s a stranger, someone who doesn’t know me personally, a clueless outsider. This is probably the first and last time that we’ll meet, so I decided to grab this opportunity.

I stared at her intently, trying to find a hint of hesitation in her eyes, but all I can see is her sincerity and determination. Equipped with the newfound courage, I finally gave in, telling her about all the things I’ve been worrying about recently. Despite not looking her way, I felt that she was staring at me attentively, listening and comprehending every word I say. Not once did she interrupt me nor shown some sort of disinterest. She devoted all her attention to me, letting me pour my heart out until everything was off my chest, suddenly feeling lighter than I have ever felt in a long time. She didn’t do or say anything, she just sat there listening to me, but it felt like a huge burden was lifted from my chest. It may not be a huge deal for anyone else, but it really was for me, and I’m thankful that she came at the right time when nothing else was able to make me feel better.

Having got nothing to say anymore, we just sat in silence, basking in the cool night breeze.

“I remember you said earlier that you come here whenever you’re going through something. Are you okay?” I decided to break the silence this time. I just heard her chuckle amusedly. 

“So you were listening to me earlier, huh?” I could hear her smirking. I scoffed, finding her response ridiculous.

“Wouldn’t it be rude to not listen to you though? You were speaking to me after all.” I retorted. She just laughed comfortably as if we’ve known each other for years. Does she feel as comfortable as I do around her? I hope so.

“Let’s just say that the sea called for me that’s why I ended up coming here. And I’m actually better than ever, thanks for asking.” she said as her laughter died down. She stared at me again, trying to convey something through her eyes, as if she wanted to say something. I just stared back, urging her to continue.

“You’re a brave woman. The fact that you’re still here trying to survive on your own despite all the things you’re going through right now is admirable. You’ve fought your way through everything by yourself, and I am proud of you for that. You’ve worked hard,