Irene sat isolated in her dimly lit room, the consequences of her realisation pressing down on her like a suffocating blanket. She was hurting, a pang striking her heart again and again until she was unable to comprehend the pain she was going through.

Her hands clasped the fabric of her shirt tightly, there was a physical ache in her heart every time the scene of the elevator door closing on Wendy's face flashed in her mind. The answer to the question has always been her and she kept running away from it because she's nothing but a coward. Wendy was right, she was afraid.

She couldn't go out with Seulgi, not when her heart was aching so bad like she was getting stabbed repeatedly by Wendy's confession. She had politely refused the younger girl and took a taxi home. 

'Home', she wanted to cry. Seungwan always referred to the dorm as her home because she was there, Joohyun was Seungwan's home and she took that home away from her leaving her all alone, heartbroken.

Her chest ached as she replayed the memories of all the times she ignored Wendy. She had pushed her away, hurting her so badly in the process. How could she be so cruel? How had she been so blind? How had she not seen what was right in front of her all along?

She buries her face in the palm of her hands and before she knows tears stream down her face and she starts to cry. It starts to rain outside, even the universe is crying for the heart she shattered into pieces. She sobs until she can't breathe, she mourns for the heart she broke until she can't because that heart doesn't belong to her anymore. 

There is a mirror right in front of her and she looks at her reflection, she's a mess, her hair is all messed up, her face has tear marks all over it and her eyes are bloodshot red.

“It's time for me to admit that I was in love with someone who never wanted to make an effort for us…”

Tears well up in her eyes once again as she finally admits the truth to herself. She was in love with Wendy and she had been for a long time. But she's too late…

It all started when a foreign trainee with glimmering eyes and a gummy smile entered her life. She was a ray of sunshine, always cheerful and full of positivity. When Irene was at her lowest and wanted to quit pursuing her dream after numerous heartbreaks, it was Wendy who became her hope.

She came off as cold and unapproachable to all the trainees. It took her a year to get close to Seulgi and Yeri but with Wendy, it only took several months to open up to her. She couldn't help but be drawn to her infectious laughter and the way her eyes lit up when she talked about their passion for singing. 

Irene cherished their friendship a lot, but as time went on something changed. She doesn't know when but feelings began to stir within her, feelings she couldn't quite put into words. She found herself thinking about Wendy more and more. 

Sneaking into her bed late at night, drinking hot chocolate during cold winter nights, looking at her like she put the star in the sky, holding her the way no friend would ever hold their friend, being jealous, daydreaming about stolen moments and sharing secrets, the signs were right there and she couldn't see them.

She got too blindsided by the company dictating their lives that she forgot how to process her feelings on her own. She's never been a leader when it came to herself, so whatever was easier she went with it, the company decided that Seulgi was easier for her and she went with it. 

Falling for Wendy wasn't part of the plan, it just happened and it wasn't supposed to happen. To undo her mistakes, she made the contract her entire motto and for the most part she did well. It was until Wendy decided she wasn't a coward anymore, that she wasn't someone that could be juggled around like a ragdoll. 

Wendy went against the contract, broke the rules and Irene let her because Wendy did something she couldn't do. She was a human too, she was tired of holding herself back so she let things happen.

Freedom came with a price to pay. The contract became stricter but it was the least of her worries. The feelings she had buried deep down in her chest surfaced again. She couldn't afford to have them because Wendy deserved better than someone who couldn't even fight for her. Instead of acting on her feelings, Irene did the opposite.

She decided to distance herself from Wendy, convinced herself that it was the company making her do it, that it was the only way to protect herself from her feelings, that inevitable heartache, but it was a losing battle. The more she pushed Wendy away and convinced that it was for the best, the more she fell for her.

She ignored Wendy at public events, didn't come out of her room until she was sure Wendy was not at the dorm, ignored texts and calls, made excuses to avoid hanging out, and even went so far as to pretend she was too busy to attend her musical, she just didn't want to see someone else capturing the lips she has been dying to kiss.

Every time she hurt Wendy, it cut deeper into her own soul. She could see when Wendy started to figure out the change in her behaviour, the hurt in her eyes pierced her heart but she couldn't bring herself to explain why she was doing this because she had been running away from the truth all along.

She wiped her tears and walked outside to see Wendy's room was still empty, the younger didn't come home. Being the selfish person she was, she decided to lie down on Wendy's bed. The last thing she remembers before going to sleep is Wendy's scent enveloping her like a hug.

(...)

She and Wendy had mastered the art of acting like everything is fine but ever since their confrontation in the elevator they haven't been on talking terms, the more fitting explanation would be that Wendy has been ghosting her for the past two weeks. She hasn't been to the dorm for the past fourteen days, the only time they are in the same room is when they are practising and they don't interact at all.

Wendy is angry and disappointed, in no mood to even spare a millisecond of her attention to her and she's just a coward, that's all she'll ever be, scared to make any amends. Joy and Yeri didn't need much time to figure out that something was going on but they didn't intervene. All they told Irene was to fix the mess she created.

It takes Seulgi much longer to figure out but eventually, she figures out that something has happened. She looks at the staff and then looks at Seulgi. From the corner of her eyes, she looks at Wendy and in that moment a decision is made. She asks Seulgi if they can hang out and she agrees. It's time to fix things.

They met at a quiet cafe, the tension in the air nearly suffocating. Seulgi's eyes held a mix of curiosity and caution as they sat down across from each other as Irene took a deep breath, trying to find the right words.

"I need to be honest with you," Irene began, her voice trembling. "I'm a terrible person and what I am about to say is incredibly selfish of me,” she looks up and gulps, trying to think of a decent explanation. All the words that she thought of just turn into a jumbled mess in and the only thing that comes out is, “I'm in love with Seungwan.”

Seulgi nods, and her expression softens. “I know that unnie. We all do,” tells the younger girl with a smile playing on her lips. Tears well up in Irene's eyes as she processes the fact that everyone around her figured out her feelings yet she couldn't do something as simple as that. 

“So many times, I wanted to talk to you about it and tell you but I just couldn't bear the thought of dropping that bombshell on you,” Seulgi says as she takes a sip of her coffee. “There are countless moments that could be used to conclude that you are in love with her but all it took me to figure it out was a stare. You look at her like nobody else, like she's the only person in the world, like she's the sun and you are her moon. You look at her like she's yours unnie.”

“Have I been this obvious?”

“Only if I could show you how you look when you look at her.”

She sat there and listened to all the takes of the other three just admiring the love they had for each other from afar and it broke Irene because that meant she was leading Wendy on for too long and Wendy kept waiting for her until she got too tired to keep going.

“The company,” she mumbles quietly, her eyes filling with guilt. “And the contract. I don't want to do this anymore. I have run away from my feelings for far too long. I can't afford to hurt Seungwan anymore, not when she already hates me,” when she finishes, a heavy silence surrounds them.

“I had a feeling, you know,” Seulgi spoke, her voice gentle and understanding. “The entire fan service contract had a part in everything happening between you and her. I wanted to end it but I wanted to be sure that you'd never consider that path again,” she admits.

Irene blinks in surprise, not expecting such a response, “You're not disappointed?”

Seulgi smiles, a sad look flashes across her face but it gets replaced by a relieving one. “You are not the only one feeling trapped by this contract,” the younger girl points out. 

She watches as Seulgi takes out her phone and types something before she gets up, “Where are you going?”

“To get rid of the jar of facade.” Seulgi smiles and reaches out to hold her hand, “Get her back and don't mess this up.”

“I won't.”

“And unnie…Seungwan can never hate you.”

(...)

Irene checks the seat number and looks at her ticket before she takes her seat. She taps her feet on the ground unable to calm her nerves as she looks around to see the entire musical hall being filled. Despite the dreadful feeling about what she's about to witness she feels proud of Wendy for not being afraid to try new things and succeeding at it.

She sees the ticket in her hand again and Wendy's words from their fight in the elevator run through her mind. She takes out her phone and snaps a picture. Wendy was right, she was out there making efforts and taking risks meanwhile she was busy tailing around the