Puppets

TaeyeonxLeeteuk

She's tired. Exhausted really. Tired of all the singing and dancing; tired of the unconditional and undying hate; tired of being perfect. Tired of the pretence.

She thinks that's the worst part. The part where she feigns a smile though tears are welling in her eyes; where she gives out a forced laugh for the cameras though it is obviously an empty one if one knows her well enough.

Her sisters can see it in her eyes, all eight of them. They see it when she tries to bite back the tears, or when she is silent while the rest of them bicker and argue. Truthfully, they feel the same way too. But she's probably the most exhausted among them, they say. And she's got reason to.

Being criticised for dropping the role of the leader, all for their sakes. She is selfless, she embraces equality. How someone manages to see that as a terrible and horrible sin is beyond them.

Then there's the issue of him and his virtual life. That is one issue she can never turn a blind eye to. Everywhere she looks, she sees people commenting on what a cute couple they would make, or fans screaming at him to kiss his virtual wife. It was bad enough she had no word in the decision, life just had to slap every intimate moment into her face- and she could never feel more helpless.

Because she can never disagree to it; she can never object.

And the reason is simply because she is not entitled to do so. Because in their world, they are puppets. Every single one of them; complete with strings attached. Their jobs were to simply please and become the object of people's fantasies. Never mind the fact that all of them wanted to debut, they were simply being controlled by their management. Every single move, every action or feeling was to be made known and given consent by the higher ups before being executed.

Perhaps that was why Kibum refused to participate in the game. He refuses to return to Super Junior, though the very group is probably the only one that can act according to their will (-The fans get attached, more money for us- the higher ups say). He's afraid of becoming yet another puppet, but he hides this fear well. He should be able to, he was- after all - an actor.

But Taeyeon knows she simply can't hide her feelings like how Kibum does. Perhaps that was how the higher ups found out about their relationship, Leeteuk and her. No, scratch that; Jungsu and her. Leeteuk is another name, another person created by the higher ups. But Jungsu, gosh he takes her breath away. He is daring, gentle and affectionate. So kind and understanding, a hard worker, an emotional person. So human.

She's tired of it all, but it's that one dream that keeps her and everybody else going.

That perhaps one day, they'd get to cut off their strings and uncover their masks. To act as they want, sing as they wish, behave as they are.

To love as they please.

But that one day hasn't come; and until that day arrives, she remains to be the kid leader of the nation's girl group. Until that day comes, she will continue living under the scrutiny of the management and the fans. Until that day comes, Jungsu and her will remain a secret. Until that day comes, she, Kim Taeyeon, will remain a puppet.