Eunbi doesn’t realize that she’s here to take pictures of random singers.

 

A group of four girls is on stage right now, music booming through the speakers of the festival. The audience is just as enthusiastic as the performers, cheering loudly every single time one of the members takes the center stage. 

 

Everyone has been enthusiastic. All except Eunbi, who doesn’t exactly enjoy concerts due to the rowdiness, who's only there for a job. (She doesn’t know a single person on stage right now, nor does she recognize their songs at all.)

 

The lights are blinding and people have the audacity to scream near her ears. Eunbi pushes through despite the uncomfortable crowd pushing behind her to get an inch closer to the stage. She clicks her tongue in irritation yet again when someone has the nerve to push her shoulders, nearly causing her to stumble forward. 

 

Eunbi forces herself to continue, rooted in place, despite hating every single second of it, only for Juyeon’s sake.

 

Seriously, she’d think college students would have some basic manners and concert etiquettes, but guess not.

 

The weight of the camera, suspended in  her chest by the straps around her neck, becomes more apparent. Right. She’s here on a job — not  originally hers, and it’s unpaid — participating at Seoul National University’s documentary team for their large-scale festival. With the assigned task in mind, Eunbi reluctantly points her DSLR camera towards one of the singers on stage, clicking just in time to snap a decent picture.

 

Eunbi stares at the picture’s preview. A beam of spotlight shined against the idol’s figure, creating a beautiful contrast in the composition. Her camerawork captured the choreography nicely, down to the very details despite the fast tempo of the song. However, If it was an assignment, Eunbi would have deleted it immediately. It’s not, so she reluctantly pushes aside her perfectionistic standard. 

 

A long sigh leaves her lips, drowned by the loud cheers from the crowd behind her. Eunbi doesn’t have time to ponder over the pictures when she’s hit by a time limit.  As the song’s obvious bridge begins, Eunbi begrudgingly  lifts her camera to take another picture.

 

The song ends before Eunbi can feel an ounce of satisfaction, but that’s fine. The festival won’t end just like that.

***

When Eunbi graduated high school, she managed to land a full scholarship in Seoul National University. 

 

It meant that her entire tuition fee was covered, only if she continued to excel her classes and earned a high enough GPA score. For Eunbi, it wasn’t so difficult. She had spent her high school days working her off with her studies to get the scholarship, continuing her flawless track record at college wouldn’t be hard. 

 

Although in her roommates' opinion, she got a bit crazy about it sometimes. 

 

(The underside about studying in Seoul is that she has to move out of her parent’s home in Cheongju and live independently at the dorm. Her roommates, Choi Yuna and Kim Yewon shared a similar experience of enduring the hardships of living apart from their families, then eventually becoming close friends.)

 

They were understanding, to say the least. Enrolling in the number one university in South Korea comes with the drawback of high tuition cost, something they know well.

 

Yewon came from a rich family in Incheon, so her enrollment is secured comfortably. 

 

Yuna, who came from Ilsan, picked up a few night shifts at a nearby convenience store, and it turned out to be a decent-paying job by the end of the day.

 

Eunbi didn’t need to worry about money if she studied seriously, and she would, no matter what. 

 

She already scored a place in the Media Art department, something she’s passionate about. College life itself definitely wouldn’t be that bad if she enjoyed what she’s doing. So there’s no way she could let the scholarship she earned slip between her fingers.

(“Eunbi-yah, when are you going to turn off the lights?” 

 

Her deep gaze at her laptop screen was only broken away when Yewon called her at the dead of the night. She didn’t realize that she’s been slumping over her desk, editing pictures after pictures like a madman for hours already. 

 

“Sorry, Yewon-ah, just a bit more.” Eunbi said, looking over her shoulder. Yewon is lying on her bed, close to sleep but not yet, perhaps due to the lights. Meanwhile, Yuna is already snoring by the sound of it.

 

She hears a sigh, then a resigned ‘okay’.)

And by ‘no matter what’, Eunbi meant it as ‘no matter how much she breaks her body’.

 

One thing about Hwang Eunbi was that she has always had a very high standard of herself that she diligently tries to reach. Her works and studies were only some examples of her perfectionist nature. The more she put her goal on the highest pedestal, the more she suffered as she worked towards it, even at the cost of her health.

 

So as her overworking habits gradually deteriorates her health— what according to Yewon is her frequent staying up all night staring at her laptop screen and only sleeps only when she feels like it— it’s not surprising that she often gets ill.

 

Her savior came in the form of one Son Juyeon, her classmate in Media Art that frequently forced her to rest and share her own notes when Eunbi was feeling better.

 

When it’s Juyeon’s turn to suddenly get sick for whatever reasons, Eunbi would volunteer to help her out.

 

“Jagi-yah,” Juyeon calls her one day.

 

And for someone who used that term of endearment, Juyeon’s voice is oddly hoarse.

 

“What do you want?”

 

“So, here’s the thing,” Juyeon says, voice cracking. It doesn’t take long for Eunbi to know that she’s sick. “I volunteered to take pictures for the upcoming event–”

 

“You’re sick and you want me to cover you?” Eunbi quickly says.

 

There is a pause, and a quiet. “Yep.”

 

Juyeon has been a great friend, especially since Eunbi wasn’t faring well with her social life. Between studying after studying, Eunbi can only manage to maintain a few friendships: Her roommates, and Juyeon who keeps buzzing around her. She appreciates her persistence, really, in a way that Juyeon has always succeeded persuading Eunbi to rest while doing her a favor by falsifying her attendance to classes.

 

And Eunbi isn’t a jerk. As people would call it ‘an eye for an eye’, Eunbi thinks about the many times Juyeon helped her out and agrees easily.

***

And that’s how Eunbi ends up taking pictures of various idols and singers.

 

If it isn’t to help Juyeon out, Eunbi will definitely be spending her time back at the dorms with Yuna and Yewon, hearing them rambling about their respective majors and classes. If not that, she can just use the time for her well-needed rest inside the solitary walls of her room.

 

“It’s for Juyeon.” Eunbi chants at various points of time throughout the festival, especially when the crowds bother her to no end. 

 

The stage is empty right now, promptly after the last idol group bid their farewells. The intervals between the performances allows Eunbi to properly monitor the pictures she took. She has filled her SD card with hundreds of photos, both close-ups and wide shots of the stage. With a resigned sigh, she diligently sorts those photos, quickly deleting the blurry pictures.

 

(She pauses to closely stare at pictures of one girl group with 3 members— one of them, the main dancer, shares an uncanny resemblance to herself.)

 

When a sudden cheer erupts amongst the audience, Eunbi lifts her camera once again. There’s a silhouette of a single person on stage, and Eunbi takes it that this person is a soloist. At the back of her mind she cheers, because she remembers clearly that the soloist is the last act of the festival.

 

The stage light shines upon the figure, and oh, the prettiest woman Eunbi ever saw smiles even brighter.

 

It takes her off guard, mouth gaping as she freezes throughout the first song. Eunbi doesn’t move an inch nor does she dutifully point her camera lenses like she is supposed to. She stays perfectly still as this woman, this pretty singer, sings her lungs out, matching the enthusiasm of the whole audience.

 

The lights dim as the song quickly changes. Only then does Eunbi come back to her senses, coincidentally blinking straight at the woman’s eyes. She’s right in front of her, and Eunbi–

 

Eunbi’s eyes widen the moment she realizes it. She can’t tear her sight away, following her dance movements to each and every detail. She feels like she just skips a few heartbeats, 

 

She’s staring at her, a smile blooming wide that it reaches her eyes. The singer is insanely pretty, and how her eyes curve into a crescent moon sends Eunbi’s heart fluttering against her chest. Eunbi clutches the grip of her camera tighter– wait, camera?

 

Eunbi flushes red the moment she realizes something for the second time. 

 

She hasn’t been taking pictures, lost in complete daze after this singer entranced her with her charms. Her fingers nearly tremble as she fumbles with her camera. Eunbi quickly s her eyes into the viewfinder, but instead of finding the singer dancing, she meets her eyes through the camera lenses. 

 

She’s smiling, a lopsided grin clearly forming in her face, as if she caught Eunbi dazing out and is teasing her about it.

 

Eunbi can vividly see her cracking into a small laughter, and mechanically, she presses shutter, capturing the moment permanently.

 

Her wide grin disappears as the second song starts. Her facial expression automatically reverts back, leaving the teasing grin lingering only in Eunbi’s mind. She continues to perform the song, and Eunbi, despite being pretty embarrassed about it, follows her movement and takes more pictures. Far more than the previous performers, but Eunbi believes it’s only to make up for the absence of photos from the first song, nothing more.

***

 

“So, how was the festival?” Yewon asks.

 

Yewon decided to not come to the festival only because she has her eyes focused on a project of her major. Yuna came with Eunbi, but they split off. Eunbi taking official pictures and Yuna enjoying the festival from her spot with her same-department friends.

 

“It was great.” Yuna replies. Standing up for hours may be taxing. Now that the adrenaline is all gone, Yuna looks worn out as she collapses on top of her bed.

 

Yuna gives a wide detailed speech on the actual performance from a technical standpoint, being a singer herself. Yewon listens to her intently, with actual interest that Eunbi probably won’t spare her. So Eunbi doesn’t listen much, instead preferring to sit in front of her laptop to continue her task.

 

When Eunbi transfers the photos from her SD card to the laptop, she’s met with thousands of pictures of idols that she has to sort and edit. She checks them one by one, until Eunbi finds the singer’s gaze again.

 

The picture of Jung Yerin– Eunbi finding out her name after she checked the cue sheet– is staring at her menacingly. Jung Yerin and her teasing grin almost mocking her for her small mistake earlier. 

 

“What about you, Eunbi-ah?” Yewon’s voice quickly pulls her out of her reverie, and Eunbi turns to her with an unfazed face.

 

“It’s just so-so.” 

 

“Really? You’ve been staring at that picture of Jung Yerin for a minute now.”

 

“I–” Eunbi instantly closed the window, a short of panic washes over her for being caught staring, “I wasn’t–”

 

“Must be because Jung Yerin is an amazing performer,” Yuna chips in, “The aura she gives is no joke. It is so bright and cheerful. It’s probably the audience’s favorite show in the festival.”

 

“Right.” Eunbi slowly nods, clearing to mask the embarrassment, “She finds my camera often.”

 

Yewon stares at Eunbi, then to the screen, with skepticism. “Let me see the pictures.”

 

She takes Eunbi by surprise and practically hijacks her laptop. Quickly she opens up the window again, browsing through the photos. Before Eunbi can take it back, Yewon’s eyes are fixed on that one picture of Yerin’s teasing grin. “Wow, she really looks straight at you.”

 

“Yewon.” Eunbi hisses, taking the laptop away.

 

“Ah, that was you?” Yuna magically appears on Eunbi’s other side, eyes rooted to the picture. “I was wondering why Jung Yerin was laughing towards the side of the stage, it turns out she’s posing for your camera.”

 

“I’m not sure that’s posing–”

 

“Yewon,” Eunbi hisses again. 

 

Yewon shrugs. She finds the picture to be pretty, partly because Yerin’s grin is wide and it feels like sunlight is beaming from the photo. The other part of her wonders what Eunbi did that causes Yerin to laugh, at least according to Yuna, especially when it’s mid-performance.

 

She reverts her eyes towards Eunbi, searching for an answer.

 

Only after a while, with various attempts of convincing, does Eunbi finally give up to their persistence. 

 

“She caught me off guard, okay? I forgot to take pictures of her first song. I came back to my senses and she’s looking at me like that.” Eunbi explains, not forgetting to conceal the fact that Jung Yerin practically took her breath away for the entire duration of the song.

 

“Ah, so she’s teasing you.”

 

“Well, it’s no surprise,” Yuna says, “I think Jung Yerin is very pretty too.”

 

Eunbi quickly denies, “I don’t think she’s pretty.”

 

“Sure.” 

 

“I really don’t!”

 

Yewon joins Yuna on her quest of laughing at Eunbi’s face, especially when the latter doesn’t realize that her face is already red.

 

They let her rest only when Eunbi whines that she still has to edit the pictures— meaning that she implicitly threatens them of keeping the lights on till morning. It’s not so much a threat to Yuna than it is to the other roommate. Yewon gasps, knowing that she can’t sleep when it’s bright, and quickly surrenders away. 

 

In the end, Eunbi gives her a small mercy, finally shutting down her laptop at only 11 pm. 

 

She spares a glance towards the unedited picture of Jung Yerin’s teasing smile, eventually deciding that she won’t edit it at all. Definitely not because the picture is already perfect, but because Eunbi won’t give it away.

 

It’s the only photo, despite being an objectively good shot, that Eunbi doesn’t submit to Juyeon.

 

Eunbi doesn’t have a clear reason— She just doesn’t want Juyeon to ask her about the backstory of the shot, possibly make fun of her– like Yuna and Yewon did– after forcing an answer out of her.

 

Definitely not because she wants to keep it for herself. 

 

Yeah, no reason at all.

***

Eunbi doesn’t think much about it. 

 

The festival passed, Eunbi sorted the photos, sent the best ones to Juyeon, and she was never faced with Jung Yerin’s name again.

 

Of course, with the exception of one of the songs that Yerin performed. Eunbi begrudgingly searches the song and puts it in her playlist after the melodies of the chorus keep repeating in her head. It sticks out like a sore thumb, all happy and bubbly compared to the rest of the songs in the playlist, most of them being the rock and roll genre.

 

Eunbi thinks about how great the song would be if performed with a live band instead, so she searches through the many music shows performances, and eventually sighs in disappointment when she comes empty-handed.

 

“Are you watching another Jung Yerin performance?”

 

“I’m not.” Eunbi quickly says, before checking that her earphones are indeed plugged in.

 

Yewon rolls her eyes, but lets her do her things. She returns to her book about business theories, diligently studying for a quiz the next day, but her eyes flicks over to Eunbi once in a while. Yewon can’t help but chuckle over the small smile on Eunbi’s face. “You’re too obvious.” She whispers, just quiet enough for Eunbi to miss.

 

Eunbi doesn’t think about it. With a flat face she watches youtube auto-plays into another performance.

 

She’s a great performer, she admits.

 

And no, she isn’t a fan. She’s just being honest about how Yerin is good at her job. She isn’t a fan just because she puts Yerin’s b-sides songs into her playlist, or for watching her variety shows and laughing her off.

 

(Her laugh is loud, to the point of waking up Yuna, the heaviest sleeper Eunbi knows.

 

“Eunbi-ah, stop studying, you’re going mad.”

 

“Go to sleep, Choi Yuna.”

 

“Yah, I’m older!”)

***

Eunbi’s state of denial only continues for an entire week, because it eventually gets harder to hide it when both Yewon and Yuna know it already, and uses it against her.

 

She has never been subtle, and Yewon is always too perceptive. 

 

She borrows Eunbi’s laptop under the guise of submitting a paper when her own laptop’s battery failed her. Because it’s Yewon who asked, Eunbi gave it without a second thought.

 

“Eunbi-ah,” Yewon calls her, her voice hinted with mischief, “Mind telling me why you’ve been searching for Jung Yerin’s name for the past week?”

 

“I… I wanted to know if I took her pictures properly?”

 

Even Eunbi is unsure of the reason she hastily pulls out, even more when Yewon gives her an unconvinced look. The proof is in Yewon’s hands, a laptop that shows her browser history of multiple Jung Yerin performances.

 

“Okay, I kind of like her.”

 

Yewon raises her eyebrows, still unconvinced.

 

Eunbi sighs, “Fine, I’m a fan.”

 

“That’s more like it.” Yewon smiles as she achieves victory, easily giving back the laptop to the original owner again. Turns out Yewon didn’t need to submit a paper after all, it’s only to trap Eunbi. “There’s nothing wrong with being her fan, even if you’re a dark and brooding guy trapped in a woman’s body.”

 

Eunbi instantly turns to Yewon, face offended, “I’m not dark and brooding.”

 

To which Yewon replies with an eye roll and a, “Yeah, sure.”

 

“I’m really not!” Eunbi whines, even more when Yewon has the audacity to ignore her.

 

Yewon shrugs, turning to look over her phone instead, “You’re in luck though, Jung Yerin is coming back next month.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“That’s your reaction?”

 

“How am I supposed to react?” Eunbi flails her arms, face smiling like a cheshire cat in mock excitement, “Like, Oh, Yerin unnie is gonna release new songs and get a makeover or something, hurray! Like that?”

 

A pause. 

 

“Yewon-ah, holy , is she going to dye her hair?”

 

In the deepest part of Yewon’s brain, she has the guts to call Eunbi useless. She hasn’t said anything but Eunbi is already panicking about Jung Yerin again— this time in a more expressive way— because of something she insulated herself.

 

“Yes, Eunbi-ah, Idols dye their hair a lot.” Yewon sees Eunbi swallowing air, and chuckles, “Who knows, I think blonde suits her a lot.”

 

“Blonde…”

 

“You should go to her fan-meeting or something.”

 

Eunbi thinks about how she despises crowds, and hesitantly shakes her head. Yeah, Yewon may have made her realize that she’s a fan, but she doesn’t need to go all out, right? Eunbi is definitely content on being a casual fan, enjoying the music and content only inside the dormroom. She’s definitely not going.

 

“Suit yourself,” Yewon chortles, not having an inch of trust for Eunbi at all.

(And Kim Yewon is always right.

 

When she passes her phone right on Eunbi’s face, the content nearly shocks Eunbi until her heart stops beating.

 

Yerin does look majestic with blonde hair.)

Yewon thinks it’s endearing for Eunbi to become such a fan. Eunbi used to brood by herself inside their dorm room, doing nothing but studying and editing pictures for college tasks. Now that she actually finds a new side to Eunbi– the excitable but equally bashful part of personality– Yewon’s whole image of her roommate changes instantly.

 

That’s wh