If there is one thing anyone is sure of, it's that Heejin and Hyunjin are best friends. If the fact that they're always together isn't enough to give them away, their tendency to accidentally exclude other people from their conversations is a dead giveaway.

“I'll be your friend,” Heejin tells Hyunjin on the first day of first grade as the other girl is alone on the playground, “Come on,” she says, grabbing her hand.

The other girl is shy at first- she doesn't say anything, silently pushing Heejin on the swing and agreeing to switch every once in a while, before she starts to open up.

“I'm Hyunjin,” she quietly says, “What's your name?”

“I'm Heejin,” the other little girl smiles at her.

They spend the entire recess playing together and walk hand in hand back to class.

They don't do any of it on purpose though, it's just that, well, it's always been the two of them and it'll always be the two of them. As far as Heejin is concerned, they've always been Heejin AND Hyunjin, not Heejin or Hyunjin. 

**

The first time it happens, they're in sixth grade. Heejin sees Hyunjin talking to a boy and immediately goes red in the face, her little ten-year-old fists balled up and her eyebrows furrowed into a frown. She doesn't understand it, that need to punch that annoying boy in the face, especially since he's in the volleyball team along with Hyunjin, and they aren't even that close, but damn it, he might steal her platonic soulmate and she won't let him get away with it.

“You spend a lot of time with him,” she says, one day, when Hyunjin talks about how Minjae can smash better than her so he's charged to serve, but Heejin sees red when she starts raving about his abilities, “Sounds like someone has a little crush,” she forces a smile, trying to be happy for her friend, but irrepressible anger is bubbling in the pit of her stomach and every mention of his name feels like a punch to the gut.

“No,” Hyunjin blushes a little and goes red in the face, giving herself away, “He's just really good at volleyball, that's all.”

“Mhh,” Heejin says, unconvinced, but doesn't push the topic any further, "If you say so," she furrows her brows, trying to go back to focusing on her math exercise sheet.

As it turns out, Hyunjin does have a crush on Minjae. She doesn't understand it- he's as attractive as a toad, and he'd probably struggle to pour water out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.

Quite frankly, Heejin doesn't see the appeal in boys.

It's Hyunjin's first crush, so they're entering uncharted territory here, and she does her best to give Hyunjin some sound advice- the thing is, she doesn't know anything about crushes, and the task turns out to be a little more complicated than expected.

“Just talk to him about volleyball!” she says, frustrated with the situation at hand, “You guys already have that in common.”

“But what if I panic?” Hyunjin asks, unsure, “What if I do it all wrong?”

Part of Heejin finds herself hoping for that scenario to happen- she never says it out loud, not even to Jungeun who has a scary ability to pull information out of her, kind of like a gossip surgeon. She chalks it up to not wanting to lose her best friend. It fills her with dread, but she doesn't dare to speak of it out loud, for fear of accidentally spilling.

Minjae and Hyunjin don't work out.

Heejin gets a phone call that evening from a crying Hyunjin, “He has a girlfriend,” she whispers into the phone, in between sobs, “I feel so stupid.”

“There, there,” Heejin says out loud as if she was patting her friend on the shoulder, “Want me to come over?”

“Yes,” Hyunjin says, “Please.”

She wraps Hyunjin in a huge hug the second she gets to her house. “It's okay,” she says, unsure how to react to this situation, “Listen, it's going to be okay,” she continues.

Hyunjin simply sniffles on her shoulder, and Heejin doesn't question the butterflies that seem to flutter in her stomach, or why her mood suddenly improved the moment she learned Hyunjin and Minjae weren't together.

The guilt that comes right after is unbearable. How dare she feel relief when her best friend is in pain? Heejin feels selfish and tries to pretend none of it happened. 

**

The second time it happens, they're in eighth grade. Long gone is Hyunjin's crush on Minjae, but a certain animosity lingers between the two. Heejin doesn't like it one bit, but chooses not to address it- she’s always been protective of her best friend, despite the fact Hyunjin is a strong and independent girl who can take care of herself, but still, she feels that if she’s going to be the one to mend Hyunjin’s broken heart, she might as well try her best to prevent her from getting her heart broken at all.

It’s time for the eighth grade formal, and Heejin and Hyunjin both have dates- boys that have asked them, and so they had seen no reason to say no.

It’s all Hyunjin’s idea, but Heejin finds herself strangely agreeable to it.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Hyunjin asks, unsure of what is going to happen next.

“Yes, let’s get this over with,” Heejin says, inching closer to Hyunjin and planting a kiss on . It’s like the butterflies are back, this time ten times more intense than when they were in sixth grade, and she wonders whether such a small and chaste kiss can cause someone to spontaneously combust.

“Did you feel anything?” she hopefully asks Hyunjin when their lips part.

“Not really,” she shrugs, and Heejin doesn't understand the immense feeling of disappointment taking over her.

Still, they end up ditching their dates and spending the evening together.

**

The third time it happens, there is a witness.

Choi Yerim is the new girl at school. She’s pretty, she’s kind, she’s funny and everyone loves her.

Including Hyunjin.

The two start spending more time together, and it doesn’t bother Heejin at first- she firmly believes that ‘the more, the merrier', and she’s actually glad that her best friend is happy but she feels like she’s carrying an unbearable amount of weight on her back.

“Heejin, is everything okay?” Yerim asks her the next day as the three of them are hanging out at Hyunjin’s house. Hyunjin leaves for one minute to go to the bathroom, and Yerim takes advantage of it to try and get closer to Heejin. Great. On top of being the nicest person in the world, it seems like Yerim actually cares about her, only making it harder for Heejin to get mad at her- after all, none of this is her fault, and Heejin chooses not to blame her for something she isn’t even aware is happening.

“Yes,” she says, “Everything is fine.”

“Really?” Yerim raises an eyebrow, “Because you just shook your head no as you were speaking.”

“Oh…” Heejin finds herself metaphorically against the wall. She tries thinking of something to say, but her mind comes up blank. She sighs, rolling her eyes, “It’s just that Hyunjin hasn’t been hanging out with me as much," she says in a grouchy tone, crossing her arms, "E-ever since…”

“Ever since I moved here?” Yerim finishes the sentence for her, shooting her a sympathetic smile.

"Damn it," Heejin thinks. She quietly nods, looking down.

“Look,” Yerim says, “Hyunjin loves you. All she does is talk about how great you are, how you’re so amazing at everything, and quite frankly,” she chuckles, “I see what she’s talking about. What I mean is that you’re her best friend and clearly she only has eyes for you,” she smiles at Heejin.

Heejin beams at Yerim, and once more she feels that little flutter in her stomach.

Yerim smiles back, and after that, Heejin suddenly becomes much more open to the idea of all three of them hanging out.

**

When she’s seventeen years old, Heejin makes a few discoveries about herself. Granted, her epiphanies are mostly Jungeun and Haseul’s doing, the two girls seemingly wiser than Heejin but still, she does part of the work.

One day, she’s talking about how she and Hyunjin are going to move in together after college as best friends when Jungeun finally cracks.

“Ahhh!” She screams out of frustration, “Enough, enough, enough! You’re in love with Hyunjin. None of this is platonic.”

“Aaaand there it is,” Haseul says, “Cat’s out of the bag. Look, you may not see it but clearly but what you and Hyunjin have going on, it’s way more than just gals being pals.”

Heejin nervously chuckles at that, “Wha-? No…” she says, her mind going over every single moment she’s shared with Hyunjin, “I don’t even like girls,” she weakly says, as a pathetic attempt to salvage her dignity as she realizes there might be some truth to Jungeun and Haseul’s statements.

“Yeah, yeah,” Chaewon pipes in, rolling her eyes, “Closet made of glass. Look, you sound like me in seventh grade. Hang it up, little clown- you’re gay.”

It takes her eight days to come to terms with it. During those, she spends her entire time reviewing every single detail of her relationship with Hyunjin- their first kiss, the way Hyunjin never shies away from her, the recurring fluttering in her stomach, the way Heejin’s face always gets hot at the mention of the other girl. Still, it takes watching the movie But I’m a Cheerleader with Chaewon and Hyejoo to realize that she is, in fact, a homoual- and that she wants what Meghan and Graham have, especially with Hyunjin.

to: Jungeun

from: Heejin

I guess you were right.

to: Heejin

from: Jungeun

i’m always right 

to: Jungeun

from: Heejin

What do I do now?

to: Heejin

from: Jungeun

tell her?

Heejin’s palms get clammy at the comment, her breath accelerates and for a second, she thinks she might be dying, but decides to get a hold of herself.

**

She manages to keep the secret for twenty-seven days, during which she doesn’t know what to do with herself. It nearly eats away at her, to the point where she never knows what to say. It quickly becomes a problem, as Hyunjin can tell when something is wrong with Heejin, but she doesn’t know it has to do with her.

“Heejin?” Hyunjin pokes her in the shoulder, “Is something wrong?”

“No, I mean-” she answers, “I-I mean, no. Everything is fine,” she fakes a smile, thinking of a way to shift the focus away from her.

“Come on, I know you’re lying,” Hyunjin pokes her once more, “What’s going on? I’m worried.”

“I- I have a crush,” she blurts out. She’s always been unable to Hyunjin, and this is just another instance of her being unable to keep a secret.

Hyunjin’s face immediately falls- oh no, does she know it’s about her? Heejin runs every scenario through her mind- Hyunjin never speaking to her ever again because she’s grossed out, Hyunjin starting to hate her for making things awkward- she shakes her head at the thoughts.

“Oh…” Hyunjin simply responds, “On whom?”

“I- Uh…” Heejin stammers, “It’s,” she desperately tries to buy time, but to no avail. She says the first name that comes to her mind, “Minjae?”

“Oh,” Hyunjin says even more quietly, “Really?”

Heejin knows it’s too late to get out of that lie, so she nods vigorously, “Yes. Minaje.”

“Well, if that’s what you want…”

**

Hyunjin doesn’t speak to Heejin for two days after that. It’s strange and unfamiliar, especially since they’ve essentially been attached at the hip ever since they were children, but Heejin knows she’s royally messed up in more than one way.

“You did what?” Jungeun asks Heejin on the phone on the evening of the second day.

“I said I had a crush on her former crush.”

“I know, I just wanted you to say it out loud so you could hear how stupid you sound. Don’t you get it? Hyunjin likes you too!”

“W-What? How the hell do you know that?”

“B-because, well, she told Kahei, who told Haseul… who told me.”

“What? Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

“Because I respect Hyunjin’s privacy- but this can’t go on any longer. She’s devastated and genuinely wants to set you up with Minjae so you better go and fix your mistake.”

“Oh my god,” she says, “Call you later. I need to talk to Hyunjin.”

“Here you go, attagirl! Talk to you later, good luck.”

Heejin immediately puts on her jacket, and her shoes and rushes out of her house. She runs and runs all the way to the swimming pool.

“Hyunjin!” she says when she sees the other girl exiting the building, her hair still wet from swimming practice in the late afternoon, “Hyunjin.”

“Oh, hi,” Hyunjin looks shocked to see Heejin, but the latter doesn’t care, “What are you doing here.”

For once, Heejin decides not to overthink and just say what’s on her mind, “I lied about liking Minjae. I like you, I just panicked,” she says, still out of breath from all the running, “I know I messed up, but please forgive me.”

“What’s there to forgive? Look, I’m sorry I didn’t text you this weekend, I just got really busy with the upcoming swimming competition.”

“No, don’t be sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed,” she blushes.

“Well,” Hyunjin says, “What now?”

“Welp, will you be my girlfriend?” Heejin nervously asks, looking anywhere but at Hyunjin.

“Of course,” Hyunjin says, dropping her bag to the floor and pulling Heejin closer to her. She wraps her arms around the other girl’s waist, “I will be your girlfriend,” she says, leaning in for a kiss.

Heejin reciprocates with no hesitation.