Jisoo doesn't feel anything. He can't feel anything anymore so he lays voiceless, letting his body be broken down into pieces. He has reached a point where the pain has merged into a numbness and his body has become a mere vessel for torment. His abuser, his own father, continues to torment him mercilessly. Jisoo had lost track of time, and it seemed like the abuse would never stop. But he didn't care anymore. He doesn't care. He stares up at the ceiling with empty eyes, chuckling to himself.

 

It hurts. The pain is unbearable. It's as if a thousand needles are being pushed against his ankles, slicing through his skin mercilessly. He can barely move and he can't feel his bones anymore. His body hurts. The cut in his wrists hurts too. The pain will only get worse, he realizes with a sinking feeling. He can't imagine enduring it for much longer.

 

Every time his bruises start to fade, new ones emerge like a cruel joke. His body feels like it's breaking apart, piece by piece. And the worst part? It feels like his existence itself is a never-ending nightmare. A shattered film that plays out in a continuous cycle.

 

His life is like a broken film.

 

But it really hurts. But the pain that Jisoo feels cuts deeper than any physical wound. It hurts even more that it is his father. The man he had trusted and idolized all his life never loved him. How could he? Jisoo was nothing but a burden.Who'd even love someone as useless as him? And to think that he wasn't even his father's own flesh and blood. It was like a twisted kind of fate, a misery that he can't break free from.  Everything makes sense. 

 

Why'd he be loved? He is just a reminder of a mistake, a mistake that tore his family apart. His mother's infidelity was the root of his existence, a curse that he bore silently. He is just a child, left to fend for himself in a world that kept pushing him down. He is not his father's blood. His mother cheated on his father and left him alone to survive in the hell. And when he found out, his father came home everyday, drunk and out of his mind. He'd repeat cruel words and torment his bruised body endlessly. 

 

He yearned for the love that he never received—a love that his own family denied him. His mother, his father, the world, everyone despised him. The pain of abandonment and rejection was a wound that never healed, one that would continue to bleed until the end of his days.     

 

Unbearable pain courses through his body. With each punch, he feels his bones shatter, crumbling under the force of his father's wrath. Yet, he doesn't want it to end. The last thing he wants is for the pain to stop. He only wishes that if he is going to hurt him then, he might as well just kill him already. That way, he'd be free. But no, his father stops, leaving him battered and broken, muttering incomprehensible words that fall upon his deaf ears. Jisoo knows what his father wants - he wants him to suffer. You need to endure the hell that your mother created— that's what his father said. He was right. His life is a hell and he'll never be able to escape it. 

 

He's trapped in this cycle of abuse, desperate to escape but unable to break free. Through tear-stained eyes, Jisoo curles up in his bed. All he can do is cry himself to sleep, praying for a way out. But there is no escape. His father won't let him live, but he won't let him die either. All he can do is cry himself to sleep.  

 

Next day, he limps to the bus and sits at the corner, adverting eyes from the people who seem to sympathise with his wounds yet said nothing. He's just a pathetic kid afterall. School is just another hell. An organised and designated one. The teacher speaks about something incoherent— freedom and rights. A hypocrisy. So he rather focuses on the cherry blossoms outside of the window. It's beautiful, to the point that he envies it. A symbol of purity and beauty. It contrasts against Jisoo so well. He is tainted and displeasing with the bruises covering his body. 

 

Jeonghan opens his eyes to face the appalingly beautiful sky. The only thing he finds beautiful in the impressively beautiful school. He gives in to his dull and colorless life, letting it repeat day and over but his gaze finds someone so bright.

 

That day, he encountered his happiness for the first time.

 

Hong Jisoo stands out from the crowd in his oversized clothes, too large for his petite frame. It rather felt like the clothes are wearing him instead. He regrets never noticing the boy before. Somehow Jeonghan finds his attention on Jisoo to eagerly. Their eyes would briefly meet. No words are spoken but the subtle smile Jisoo wears feels so intricate, almost like he's hiding something. He'd often get so immersed in taking his notes sloppily and a small pout never left his face. The sky now feels so empty compared to Jisoo.

 

Jeonghan decides to sit beside Jisoo's one day, stealing glances at the boy who would always be lost in his own little world. He wonders if he would be allowed in that world someday. The boy would often drift into sleep in the middle of classes, cheeks squished beautifully against his frail crossed arms. Everything he does intrigues Jeonghan.

 

The weather is warm and Jeonghan always lingers around the boy, wondering why he wears as much layers of clothes—not even a inch of skin is uncovered. The winds flutters Jisoo's hoodie slightly and Jeonghan thinks he saw a horrifying purple bruise. Jisoo quickly covers it so he doesn't know anymore. He can no longer see the secrets painted on his skin that Jisoo tries to hide frantically. He longs to discover the secrets. He longs to see a genuine smile in that beautiful face. The lifeless expression Jisoo wears feels like a desperate cry to help and Jeonghan desperately wants to erase all the pain away. 

 

Jisoo's dark eyes bores him and for the first time ever, he can clearly see the pain in those sparkling eyes. He feels bitter, no matter how much he wants; he cannot take that pain aways. So, he avert Jisoo's gaze and tries to act nonchalant but—

 

"Hi" Jisoo's frail, sweet voice calls out to him and Jeonghan freezes instantly, mesmerised by the smile just as saccharine. His limping is so obvious and the pain must be overbearing but he smiles brightly.  "Can I sit next to you?" 

 

Jeonghan stays silent for a moment, trying to confirm the reality. "Yeah, Sure" He composes himself and smiles politely at the smaller male. 

 

"Thank you" No one dares to utter a single word after that. Jeonghan wants to ask so many things to the boy but he is overwhelmed by Jisoo's mere presence. He silently stares at Jisoo, observing his soft features. Everything about Jisoo is just so beautiful and the beauty only increases with the proximity. 

 

"What is your name?" 

 

The sudden question startles Jeonghan yet he smiles ever so nonchalantly. "Jeonghan" The doe eyes staring back at him are dangerously hypnotising and he can't take his eyes off of Jisoo. "And yours?" He clears his throat as an attempt to regain his sanity.

 

"Jisoo" It's a name he cherishes so much and hearing it from the boy himself feels much more delightful. He is entranced the the beauty and the entire class, he finds his attention on his enchantress. The soft frown adorning Jisoo's face is oddly captivating. Jisoo starts taking more to him everyday and Jeonghan is elated. Soon, without realising, Jisoo becomes Jeonghan's way of escaping the dullness of his life.

 

Jeonghan eagerly waits for Jisoo, eyes lingering on his empty seat. Jisoo is not coming today. He wonders if Jisoo is fine. No, he is actually scared because he just might know what happened to Jisoo. He thought he'd not be able to see Jisoo that day but while leaving the school, Jisoo stands at a corner in his wet uniform. He is soaked in the rain yet he remains still, letting the droplets trickled down his cheeks and neck. Disheveled yet so beautiful.  

 

His large clothes sticks to his body, hugging it perfectly and Jeonghan notices how skinny the boy really is. Jisoo's neck is not covered for the first time and he can see those horrendous bruises in his neck yet again, which he think, are freshly created.  "Hey" He calls out to Jisoo for the first time and the weight sinking his down feels lighter. He smiles, carrying his umbrella over both of their heads. "What are you doing here?"

 

"Umm....I was having dinner with a.....friend." Jisoo's voice becomes even smaller than usual and he shrinks in Jeonghan's presence. He has the same puzzling expression and his dark orbs pierces through Jeonghan's soul. "Oh and, What happened to you?" Jeonghan asks, caressing the bruises and scars tainting Jisoo's exposed neck. Jisoo flinches slightly, his round eyes widens naturally but Jeonghan is not willing to get hypnotised this time. He doesn't know where he got the tenacity from but for once, he wants to uncover the darkness beneath those childlike gaze.

 

"It's nothing. You should go home" Jisoo resists and Jeonghan gives in again. 

 

"What about you?" He asks instead and pulls Jisoo closer under the umbrella. "Are you not going home?"

 

"No...I'm just—"

 

"Are you still waiting for someone?" He asks. 

 

Jisoo turn silent for a while. "No, Why?"

 

"I mean, you were not moving from here so I thought you were waiting for someone" Jeonghan locks his gaze with Jisoo but the smaller male is quick to evade. He carefully observes Jisoo, he is strangely tensed and uneasy. 

 

"Do you need....a ride back home?" Jeonghan asks and Jisoo smiles awkwardly at the offer.

 

"Yes" Jisoo puts on a facade, masking his discomfort with a smile. He tiptoes a little closer against his distorted ankles. "I shouldn't be staying here any longer" 

 

"I'll call a cab—"

 

"No, Bus is just fine" Jisoo limps towards the bus stop and Jeonghan patiently follows the uneasy footsteps in a similar pace. The wait in silence and a few moments later, the bus stops, door parting and both lets themselves in after paying their fares. Jisoo sits in the farthest corner. He seems to prefer window seats a lot. Jeonghan follows behind and stumbles besides the other boy.

 

"I don't think you've ever taken a bus." Jisoo chuckles softly. "Do you know where your stop is?" He asks and Jeonghan nods abruptly. It's true that he has never taken a bus before but he knows the way back home just fine. 

 

"Do you like music?" Jeonghan says after a whi