AN: This story is set 9 years prior the debut of INFINITE...

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I could never fix him. I tried but I could not. Instead, I ended up broken and tormented.

Thursday 26 December 2019

It had been 9 years since they had met. 9 years since they debuted as an idol group together with their other hyung. And 9, since they fell in love with each other.  The how and when, everybody knew. Hell, all of Korea knew. It had been passionate, stormy and unstable. And at the end, after 4 years, countless fights, incredible , a pair of rings for a vow that would never be exchanged, numerous attempts to a normal life, the perfect relationship that most of their fans have been looking for came to an end. Until now, Sungjong could smell his unique scent, a mix of his manliness and expensive cologne and could hear his y voice and laughter. It’s like that it lingers around him, reminding him of their former relationship.  But, Myungsoo was not here. No, he was probably with his boyfriend of 3 years or with the other members of their group, gathering for some late Christmas event or party. The maknae could not blame their visual though. After all, they had been apart for quite some time now, technically he had been away from the whole group for a number of years and he, himself had moved on. Well, maybe on a physical level, even though it always felt empty.

No, now Sungjong was sitting by his living room window, looking at the view without seeing anything really. Even the moon and the stars decided to hide that night. Playing with his ring on the chain hanging around his neck, he was lost in his thoughts. A ring that he received from his beloved, an infinity ring to exact, a ring that should symbolized their undying passion and love for each other. Lately, they were his only companions at night. What a waste! To be so in love, to have so much to share, but to never be able to give anything. Empty... Everything was empty.

Myungsoo called earlier to wish him a Merry Christmas and to ask him if he could join them for a dinner but Sungjong had not picked up. There was no point. Once upon a time, Christmas had been his favorite holiday, but right now it was his worst nightmare. The last time he spent it with Myunsoo, Riku had been there helping Sungjong put the ornaments on the tree. It was the picture perfect family, except for the fact that other people have discriminated them and their choices in life; Sungjong blinded by unconditional love felt his bright outlook on life would conquer anything, that they could overcome all of this and live as a happy family; and Riku craved for the family he really never had.

The visual grudgingly had stepped away from the script that he is studying for his upcoming movie that night and joined the world of the living by sitting on the couch drinking hot chocolate. Sungjong did not mind. Sitting on the floor by Myungsoo's side with Riku sleeping on his lap, that's where he wanted to be... Surrounded by his family, he felt whole. At some point, he must have fallen asleep as well because he woke up to a subtle nudge on his shoulder, or was it a caress? Sungjong could never tell. In a rare moment like this, in which Myungsoo shows his true self, he picked up Riku and put him to bed. The visual was still reluctant to adopt Riku, insecure of the fact that may be he won’t be a good father and role model to the child but Sungjong was confident that he was warming up and adjusting to the idea that he wants a child to be called as his own. That night, he came back to get the maknae "allowing" him to enter the bedroom to celebrate a festive night. Sungjong could have sworn that these moments were becoming more frequent.

The phone jolted him out of his thoughts again. Damn, life! For once, he was having a pleasant flashback and it had to be ruined. Sungjong had made his decision, however. The once vibrant artist and maknae of the idol group INFINITE was broken. He had created a mirage of himself for the world to worship for many years but memory was a and after years of trying to forget and pursue a normal life, he was too exhausted to deny what was ultimately his responsibility. He had destroyed everything and he could no longer live with the guilt. These restless nights tormented by the 'what ifs,' he could not deal with them anymore.

He yanked off his chain and placed it on the table. With a firm step, he headed towards his patio, down to the beach, straight into the deadly embrace of the sea. The last thing Sungjong remembered was the taste of the sea, the darkness, then nothing...

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Bye for now... Still need to study for my Animal MorphoAna Final Exam....