October 23, 2020

“I’m addicted,” Jimin sings softly. “endlessly; talking to me, my aespa.” She hangs up the banner HAPPY BIRTHDAY in her room with thumbtacks.

It’s 4am, and her room has no windows, none of their rooms have windows, a precaution to avoid any unwanted attention, but also a reminder that she doesn’t own her life. To not see the daylight, the nighttime, the honking cars, the first snow, the street market—the sights she saw in her youth—now trapped, locked in her mind, in a memory.

Call her dramatic, but she loves a damn window, and yeah she could see outside through a window when she gets to the SM building, but it’s different having a window in your room.

And it's in these moments like this where, as simple as celebrating one’s birthday, gives her control, a dissonant break in the automated. It’s scandalous even, her eyes wander all around her jerkily, especially towards her door, to even do this. She doesn’t think it’s forbidden to celebrate her groupmate’s birthday, but it’s something she’s doing without permission. Yu Jimin always follows rules and orders, but just this one time, if it makes everyone happy and nobody gets hurt, she’s doing it. She moves secretly, decorating the walls with her handmade drawings and blowing up balloons with her breath. She’s blown up three, and she’s still singing the lyrics with every exhale into the balloons. She stops to catch her breath. She may be tall, but her lungs are the same size as everyone else. She vibrates side to side on the floor, excited. It’s good manners to throw a surprise birthday party, but the four cupcakes they’re going to gorge on tonight? Oh yeah, no one can find out or they’ll get scolded and patrolled again in their dorm. What was the flavor Minjeong got for them? Right, it was a special Chinese sponge cake with fruits, one that is not too sweet. Jimin ties her third balloon and positions it intentionally on the floor.

November 20, 2020, Jimin thinks, KBS2’s Music Bank. This is so crazy, she scoffs, debuting!! in her first pandemic of her life!! Luckily, she and the girls are vaccinated. She remembers Yizhuo shivering, Minjeong asleep, and Aeri wearing all their shared coats and jackets on her body which made her look like the Michelin man. Yizhuo asked her to drop her sickest lines as a tease to America’s 90’s rap album covers, but Aeri simply said her all lines are sick because she herself is sick, pure logic, and not the rapper. Truly the greatest linguist of our time, Jimin nods in appreciation.

A faint knock rapped on her door.

Jimin hears it and tightly twists the end of her 4th balloon, it’s not halfway inflated yet, so she hopes it doesn’t sputter all the air out when she gets up.

Jimin reveals the smallest creak in the door, suspicious of who may be there. The birthday girl simply cannot see her own surprise birthday party, obviously.

“It’s me, let me in.”

Jimin turns off the light in her room and opens the door for Minjeong. Her hair is a dark blonde now with faded blue tips; Jimin’s a midnight blue. Aeri’s an ashy brown and Yizhuo has faint highlights underneath her hair. Within a day, after practice, they were whisked to their hairstylists to get their new hair colors. Filming starts in a few hours for their music video, Black Mamba, and the Behind the Scenes, naturally, so now was a good time to doll up their physical appearance. Tomorrow will be their “The Debut Stage,” and the next day--Black Mamba Techwear Version Dance Practice.

Jimin turns the light back on as she closed the door. Motioning to the decorations, and with a proud smile, she asks, “Do you like it?”

Minjeong looked like she was contemplating whether to tease or be truthful, but Jimin still saw a smile, so her decorations must be good.

“Ehh, it could use a few more—“

Already knowing how that sentence will end, Jimin hurls a bag of balloons at her blonde friend’s pretty face.

“Ack—“

Jimin chucks another bag at her. Minjeong dodged it this time.

“Excuse me??“

“You are excused. Please help me with the balloons,” Jimin cheekily smiles.

“Hmmph!”

The room was silent, except for the hoooooo’s when Minjeong was blowing and the hooo-pbbtt-pbbttt’s from Jimin whenever they made eye contact and Jimin’s quietly laughing, and Minjeong too, joining her with the hooo-pbbtt-pbbttt’s, and then Jimin remembers this needs to be a secret, so she keeps her chuckles a dying mess and she’s gripping the balloon tightly, firm grip of her lips on the edge, as she tries to blow air into the balloons again. Minjeong, on the other hand, let her balloon FLY and SPUTTER all over the room. Its sound the loudest fart noise Jimin has ever heard in her life and her jaw drops.

Minjeong’s face lights up like the fireworks on Independence Day, so bright, and she grins, eyes so stunning, giggling, right at Jimin, and Jimin doesn’t know if she should glare at her or, or…

They finished the bag of 40 balloons. Is it excessive? Who knows. Should they have saved some for Aeri’s birthday on the 30th? Maybe. But 40 balloons on the floor does look more complete. Minjeong suggests to style the balloons in the number “21” on the walls for a little more variety and to make the floor less overwhelming. Jimin agrees.

They’re working in a comfortable silence, offering suggestions on how to make the room “aesthetic,” but as the night continues and there is less to decorate, less to distract themselves, the night gives room to sentimentality.

“Are you excited for filming?” Jimin asks, writing out NING on one of the balloons.

“Yeah, definitely,” Minjeong grabs a different colored marker, “I’m nervous too. They said for every filming, expect a Behind the Scenes video, and to constantly keep talking, no awkward silences, and always stay positive.” She writes BESTIE on one of the balloons, “How did our seniors do it? What is there to talk about? All we do is sleep, eat, dance, sing, and repeat for the last 4 years.”

“Aeri, for 10 months, actually; 5—if you count her time in KWANGYA.”

Minjeong snickers at the recurring joke.

“Speaking about Aeri though and maybe Yizhuo,” Jimin takes on a more serious tone, stance a bit more regal as what she says next will be one of her many decisions as Karina, “Do you remember when we did “MY time, aespa?”

Minjeong pauses, not wanting to be distracted and misspell the balloons. “Yeah, I think it went well even though I was cringing the whole time but they were very adorable. Did something happen?”

“The girls confided in me, and I think it’s safe to share with you because… well… anyway, they said it was manageable because we had a pseudo-script and notecards behind the set to keep the flow of the segment, but they’re actually insecure for the Behind the Scenes,”

“Where there’s no script,” Minjeong gasps.

“Correct.” Jimin rubs the back of her neck, “No s