One day passes by. Another passes. Yet another passes.

Each day goes by and I don't miss it. Life here is harder than anything I've ever experienced.

There's no time to relax- the little free time I do have I try to spend on catching up on sleep or schoolwork. No time to go shopping like I had planned or to call home, and I was barely finding time to go for a short run.

The only up side of this is, although I do have my head up in the clouds most of the time, I'm able to ignore the glares in the hallways and mean comments in the dance studio. I've given up on trying to please anyone but Lee Sooman, the choreographers and my vocal trainer.

They're the only people that matter to me now.

With this new resolution, I've been a lot happier, I notice. I don't feel so lonely and I've gotten my cheeriness back. Also, since the interaction with Kyuhyun I can walk everywhere with a smile on my face.

It's freaking awesome.

The alarm clock in our dorm goes off and I sleepily drag myself out of bed and get dressed.

Today is Saturday.

Saturday. What was happening today? Something important.

"Haerin," I ask groggily as we get ready to go to the SM building, "What was going on today again?"

"Evaluations," Haerin replies, pulling a brush through her hair.

"Oh. That's right," I say nervously. Evaluations happened every saturday. A SM executive and some other important people judged the trainees one by one on singing and dancing skills. They also evaluated your looks. If you had trained long enough and they thought you looked okay, they put you on a list to debut. If you weren't good enough, you kept training. If, in their perspective, you needed to lose weight, they put you on a stricter diet. If they thought your skin needed improvement they'd make you go so a dermatologist.

This would be my first evaluation since coming here.

I hope they think I'm too skinny, I think wistfully, And will raise my calorie intake.

Looking in the mirror, I can already see that I've lost a few pounds. I had been thin already, but now my face is even more gaunt and pale, and my ribs are more prominent.

I also feel lightheaded and dizzy all the time.

We walk to the SM building, and arrive there at 8:00 sharp. Our training group meets in our usual dance studio, and there are some other trainees already running through the dance by themselves, but I refrain from practicing anymore. I practiced it to death just yesterday and I made sure it was perfect.

We run through it once with the choreographer, then head over to our vocal rooms, where we warm up our voices and run through The Beatles song once as a group. Then Mrs. Jung leads us up to a room towards the very top of the SM building where a bunch of trainees I've never even seen before are gathered in the hallway.

Only then do I realize how many other people I'm competing against- at least 25 or 30. I've never seen so many gorgeous people gather in one place before.

After a few minutes of waiting, our names are called one by one from inside the room. I take a deep breath as I wait for mine to be called.

"Olyvia Mercury," I hear my full name called finally. I take a deep breath, trying to undo the knots tied in my stomach, and push through the crowd around the door.

As soon as I enter, all eyes behind the judging table are on me. First, there's Lee Sooman, sitting importantly behind the table. Next to him is a man I've never seen before- he looks to be in his mid 30's. Sitting on the far side of the table is someone I do recognize, though.

Lee Taemin.

I gulp nervously and bow from the waist.

Lee Taemin.

Lee Freaking Taemin!

I resist the urge to faint right then and there. He used to be my number one idol before I thought about auditioning for SM. He was the most amazing dancer ever and had such a gentle voice.

"Hello," I say politely, bowing again. "I'm Olyvia Mercury." I try to keep my eyes from wandering onto Taemin. All the way in America I dreamt about meeting him and saying what an inspiration he'd been- and now, here I am, ten feet away from him and his eyes are focused intently on me.

The music for our dance starts to play, and I try not to focus on who's watching me. I try to relax as the dance starts and move with the beats of the music- the song is slow and jazzy, and as I dance the choreography I'd practiced so much before, I try to add as much emotion as possible without looking like I'm trying too hard. The song ends and I look up at the judges.

No sign of emotion from any of them- even Taemin, who I'd expected to be a lot more approachable. No luck, I guess.

Just a few seconds after the dance song ends, the 'While my Guitar Gently Weeps' starts playing. I try to calm down my breathing enough to sing well, and I let the feeling of the song take over. It's the perfect song for my situation; the underlying message is that nothing is a coincidence.

It's not a coincidence that I got into this company. That really was meant to be.

Nothing is a coincidence. You are meant to take the path you are headed towards.

~

I get my new schedule the very next day. It says exactly where and at what times I'm supposed to be training. All the trainees got a schedule like this, apparently. Haerin told me it's because a bunch of trainees were late to their practices, and this way, they'll always know when and where to be.

I look at the half sheet of paper that outlines my life for the upcoming week. I also notice a small profile has been added to the top of the paper. Just like the profile I'd have if I had debuted already.

Name: Olyvia Mercury

Age: 15

Nationality: American

Height: 178 cm

Current Weight: 59kg

Schedule

Monday: Vocal training @ 5:50AM- 7:30AM, Room 210

                Dance practice  @ 4:00PM- 9:00PM, Studio2

 

My schedule goes on, but my eyes are glued to the top of the page. My profile. How did they know my height and weight? Then it hits me- this was exactly like a real profile. Real profiles didn't actually use your real measurements- this is what I looked like to them. I look like I'm this tall, and I weigh this much.

A shiver runs down my spine as I imagine all the judges sitting around their table discussing how much I weigh. Especially Taemin. Did he take a part in this too?

Then my eyes fall on the very last line of my schedule:

*Note: allowed an extra serving of rice at breakfast if to keep running.

I grin. They knew I was running?

Stalkers.

~

The hunger in my stomach doesn't seem to go away, despite the extra bowl of rice at breakfast I've been getting every day. I still feel faint and weak all the time, and sometimes when I stand up too fast, the blood rushes from my head and I feel as though I'm going to black out any second.

Nevertheless, I keep pushing through this because I have something in my sights. I have a goal that I want to achieve no matter what.

~

Sunday evening. My dance group was let go early from training because we learned everything we had to already. I didn't have to do anything for vocals today either, because Mrs. Jung was sick and told us to rest up our voices for tommorow.

So I decide to go for a run, then return back to the SM building, eat dinner and go back to our dorm.

I run my usual loop around the SM building's neighborhood. When I'm done, I notice I'm not nearly as hungry as I usually am after a run.

Maybe it's because of that extra rice? I think curiously. No way. Everyone skipped breakfast this morning, remember?

I think of everything I can that could cause me to lose my appetite but come up with nothing. I head to the cafeteria anyway though, and try to force as much food as I can down my throat. I'll need it later, I'm sure.

"Hey, Mercury," I hear someone call from the other side of the room. I look around curiously to see who it is.

It's the kid from my Korean class that was listening to music the first day of school. He was a trainee, too?

"Do- Dongwoon, is it?" I yell back, trying to remember his name. A laugh is sent back in reply.

"Dongmin," Dongmin says with a grin, setting his tray down on the table and sitting across from me. "I didn't know you were a trainee here."

"I could say the same for you," I shoot back, shoveling a huge spoonful of rice and kimchi in my mouth. We sit in silence as I chew. Dongmin picks at his food but doesn't eat much. "So," I say again once my mouth is clear of food, "Do you have buisness with me or something?" Nobody talked to me here in the SM building unless they absolutely had to. It was weird even socializing with another person.

"I figure you could use some company," He says. "And I need company too. I don't have any friends. You don't have any friends. Instead of the two of us being alone, we should be friends together."
I laugh at his reasoning. "That's pretty clever,"I say with a grin, "But you have a lot of admirors. What do you mean you don't have any friends?" I recall the incident back at the school with the girls trying to tell me to stay away from him because he was "theirs".

"Admirors aren't the same as friends," Dongmin says, fiddling with his chopsticks. "They're too obsessed. Like fangirls."

I laugh. "I guess so," I say. I decide not to tell him that his fangirls told me to stay away from him. I didn't want him thinking that I was only hanging out with him because he's a trainee (maybe soon to be idol), and because he's good looking and talented.

I force some more food down my throat, but I'm too full to finish up what's on my plate. I look across the table at Dongmin. He hasn't eaten anything.

"Are you okay?" I ask, "You haven't eaten anything."

"Hu-huh?" Dongmin looks up at me from his plate and laughs. "No, I'm just not that hungry today."

"I'm not either," I say, "But I'm forcing myself to eat anyways. It's not good to skip meals with our activity level."

Dongmin stares at me for a few seconds then shakes his head. "If I eat I think I'm going to throw up." His face looks crestfallen.

"Hey, hey," I say, panicking slightly. What happened to the cheerful kid from a few minutes ago? "Are you sure you're okay?"

Dongmin looks at me and then back down at his plate. He picks up his chopsticks and eats a few bites of kimchi. I watch nervously but try to eat some more myself.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I venture asking after he's eaten a few more bites.

He looks up at me and his eyes are watery. I catch a slow nod of his head.

"Finish eating and we'll find a place to talk." We eat in silence for the next 5 minutes or so, but Dongmin mostly picks at his food instead of eating it. I finish my last mouthful of rice and put both of our trays in the pile across the cafeteria. I walk a few strides ahead of him out of the cafeteria and into the hallway. We keep a slight distance between eachother until we get to a deserted area of the building.
I stop walking and sit down against the side of the hallway.

"So what's bugging you?" I ask, patting the floor beside me.

Dongmin looks apprehensive but sits down anyway. "I don't even know you," He says, more to himself than to me.

"So? Didn't stop you from sitting next to me, did it?"

Dongmin lets out a weak laugh and it makes me even more curious about what's wrong with him. He gave off a very tough attitude when I first met him but he seems so weak now...

"You... you know how we were talking about fangirls earlier?" Dongmin begins in a low voice. "I'm guessing you already know about the bunch that follows me around."
"Yeah," I say. "They're really annoying."
Dongmin pauses for a few seconds, looking up at the ceiling. Then, taking a deep breath, he looks straight at me and says, "I don't even know if I can trust you with this."

"I never said you had to trust me with anything," I say.

"I guess.... It's weird talking to you about this though," He says with a sad smile. "We're talking in English, not Korean. And you're a girl. It's weird."
I laugh loudly. "Just think of me like a guy," I say. "No weird feelings, okay?"
"Okay," He says. We sit in silence again and I wait for him to speak again. He finally does. "So... These fangirls of mine. They bully the girls that I get close to... They bully anyone that comes in contact with me, even. Even guys.

"I had this one friend a year or so ago, and because we were always together, they beat him. He transferred schools and I haven't seen him since. I haven't made friends since. I've been too afraid to get close to anyone since then." He sighs and stops, looking up at the ceiling again. Then he continues. "That's not even it. These girls... These girls used to have boyfriends. They're all gorgeous, you know, but when they started stalking me, their boyfriends heard about it. Of course they took that out on me. Not the stupid girls, but me! I can't even go out of the house without getting ambushed by these guys, and I can't talk to anyone without them getting hurt by these girls. But then a few days ago you showed up."
Dongmin looks directly at me and I see his eyes are watering. "I was sort of sceptical about you at first," He says slowly. "But you looked like you were handling your own taunting just fine. So..."
"So you wanna be friends with me?" I ask with a grin. "I'm cool with that."

Dongmin looks at me with wide eyes as if this was too much to hope for. "Even though you'll probably get bullied by those girls?"

"It can't be much more than what I'm used to already," I say. "Plus, I'm alone too. What was it you had said before... Since we're both alone, we should be friends so nobody's alone?"
We both grin.

~

Later that night, I'm in bed and I can't stop smiling. Although it obviously was a friendship that would come with a toll, I was estatic. I had someone I could tell everything I wanted to, and he could tell me everything he wanted to. We both go to the same school and train at the same times, mostly. I even found out his dorm wasn't far from mine.

I hadn't been this happy in a long time.

I wasn't completely alone.

 

 

I keep punching out these chapters in like, a day. :D

Comment and subscribe and I'll give you free cookies!! XD