The first time it happens, it’s an accident. Joohyun is in the middle of setting up her wine and Netflix for a very comfortable Friday night when her phone rings, and it flashes a picture of her and her best friend. It’s not uncommon for her to call out of the blue, especially on weekends, so Joohyun really has no expectations when she answers the phone with a, “Hey Seulgi, what’s up?”

But instead of her best friend, all she hears are utensils scraping against plates, loud boisterous laughter, someone calling for a waiter and different people just chatting away.

She’s about to end the call when suddenly, “Unnie! Why’d you call?”

Joohyun’s brows furrow together, “I didn’t call, you did.” 

She hears the scraping of the chair against the floor and Seulgi’s soft voice, addressing someone else, “Oh- excuse me, I need to take this.”

The voice that responds seems sweet enough, “No, it’s fine, go ahead.” 

“Unnie, you still there? Sorry, I didn’t realize I called accidentally.” 

“It’s fine, where are you anyway?” 

“Uh… I’m on a date.” 

“Yah! And you’re talking to me?! Go back and be with your date, Kang Seulgi!” 

Seulgi sighs, “But… what if… I don’t want to…? She’s a great girl, and she’s super nice… but she’s so boring, unnie. I have nothing to talk about with her! She’s talking about stocks! I don’t know anything about that, and she has no hobbies- I just want the date to end.” 

“Then end it? Maybe, eat faster? Then get her a cab home.” 

Seulgi’s sigh then turns into an overdramatic groan and Joohyun has to suppress the smile that’s forming on her face, already imagining Seulgi pinching the bridge of her nose, “She eats so slow, unnie. Soooooo slow. I’ve seen turtles eat faster than her! I just- I want to go home.” 

It’s an offhand comment more than anything and Joohyun isn’t really thinking when she says, “Then say you have an emergency, pay for the meal, and go home.” 

There’s a beat of silence, Seulgi makes the sound of kissing into her phone, “Unnie, you’re a genius!” and Joohyun doesn’t even have a chance to respond when the line is cut after a hurried, “Bye, see you!” 

“I-“ 

And sure, Joohyun could worry about Seulgi but Seulgi is an adult and she’s sure she’ll be fine. Her best friend will either chicken out and go through with the entire date or… well, she hopes her best friend will just eat faster instead of following her dumb spur-of-the-moment-not-really-thought-out advice. She settles in, her blanket draped over her shoulders and she presses play after raising her glass of white wine as a silent wish of luck for her best friend. 

She’s only a couple of minutes into the movie, the leads having just had their meet-cute moment, when her doorbell rings and outside stands Kang Seulgi, a plastic bag of who-knows-what, and a huge smile on her face. “I did it!” 

“You did it?! What did you say? What did she say?!” Joohyun asks, trying her best not to shriek in surprise as she drags her friend inside.

“I just said you called cause you caught your girlfriend cheating on you and I said I never heard you cry that much before so I was really worried and needed to go ASAP. She said ‘no worries’ and hopes you’re okay.” Seulgi shrugs, more focused on revealing the contents of her plastic bag than anything else. “I got sushi by the way! Yeah, I ate already, but lying makes me nervous and-“ 

“You get hungry when you’re nervous, I know, I know. Did you bring any for me?” 

“Course I did, unnie! Anyway, what are you watching for Joohyun’s Night of Self-love?” 

“Don’t call it that, it’s weird when you call it that.” 

Seulgi snorts and plops herself on the couch, “Come on, unnie, it’s only 9pm, we’ve still got a lot of time to enjoy our Friday night.”

Joohyun honestly thought it would be a one-time thing. Seulgi is very personable and she gets along well with people, even if they’ve just met, so when it happens two weeks later, Joohyun thinks it’s just Seulgi’s natural bad luck coming into play. But then it happens at least six other times and now, Joohyun is left expecting Seulgi to call her when she’s out on a date.

“What movie do you wanna watch?” Seungwan asks, her feet on the coffee table, her gaze focused on Netflix’ wide selection. 

“Anything you want.”

“Really? Even like… The Kissing Booth?” Joohyun gives a non-committal hum that gets the younger woman’s attention, “Are you okay?” 

“Uh, yeah.” 

“Why are you gripping your phone like that?” 

Joohyun looks down at her knuckles pale from how hard she was holding her device. “I didn’t even notice-“ and like clockwork, she sees the empty text message that Seulgi has managed to send and dials her best friend’s number right away. 

“Mom? What’s up?” Seulgi says, and Joohyun can’t help but think that somehow, Seulgi’s gotten better at acting (or lying). 

“Doing the mom routine again?” 

“Oh no, is everything okay?” This time, Joohyun snorts and takes it back, Seulgi is now a bit too dramatic for her taste but Seulgi is cute anyway and her date probably won’t notice. 

“Wannie is here by the way.” 

“Okay, okay, I'll be there as soon as I can. Are you home?” 

Joohyun rolls her eyes, “Where else would I be?” 

“Give me 20 minutes tops! Listen, I’m so sorry-” and the line gets cut. 

As expected, Seungwan is practically gawking at her, and before she can even ask, Joohyun says, “Give it half an hour and it’ll make sense… then I’ll let you judge me tomorrow.” 

It takes Seulgi a little bit longer, she arrives in 42 minutes, (and no, Joohyun wasn’t counting, it just says 00:42:23 when they pressed pause on the movie and shut up, Joohyun is not defensive) and Seungwan understands instantly. She shoots Joohyun an extremely judgmental look as Seulgi enters but it’s momentarily forgotten when Seulgi offers her a slice of pizza and a case of beer as a greeting. 

Seungwan does remember though when Seulgi tries to force herself between them and claim a spot on the couch, “Seulgi! Move! Why are you even here! Shouldn’t you be on a date!” she shrieks, kicking Seulgi’s and sending her to sit on the floor. 

“I was on a date. Now, I’m here. It’s more fun here.” Seulgi says, and then she pouts, though it’s clearly more about having to sit on the floor than being called out on ditching her date.

“What’s wrong with your date this time?” Joohyun asks.

“He kept burping and every burp smells like blue cheese.” 

Seungwan laughs, “Okay, fine, valid. Now please, shut up and let’s watch the movie.”

“Okay, it’s tomorrow, now I get to judge you.” Seungwan says accepting the coffee that Joohyun slides her way, hoping that it’ll lessen the judgment.  “And don’t think this is going to make me go easy on you, unnie.”

“Well, can’t say I didn’t try,” Joohyun shrugs, “But do note that I also let you stay over last night and treated you to dinner before that.” 

Seungwan squints, “Fine, I’ll be nice.” 

“Thank you, now, shoot.” 

“Unnie. You. Are. An. Idiot!” 

“This is you being nice?!?” Joohyun asks, smacking Seungwan on the arm.

“OW! And yeah! Do you want the mean version? I can be meaner if I wanted to.” 

“Fine, fine, just get on with it.” 

“I can’t believe you, of all people, are condoning Seulgi lying. One, because she at it and two, because don’t her dates deserve the truth? Or you know, a good date?? How would you feel if you went on a date with someone and you were having a good time and they just up and left?” 

“Bad…?” 

“Yes, bad! Not to mention it gives them hope that hey, maybe she likes me. It’s just really bad timing right now and then Seulgi has gotten into a bigger mess.” 

“Okay, okay. Listen, Wan, I know you have a point. And you’re right. It’s not fair to those people she goes on dates with. But it’s so hard for me to say no to her especially when she’s obviously having more fun here than out on dates. Like did you see her last night? She was so happy and comfy and I don’t want to ruin that for her too.” 

“Then do something about it.” 

Joohyun sighs, placing her mug of coffee down, “Okay, okay, I guess I should tell her to stop lying.” 

“And…?” 

“And what?”

“Is that all you’re going to tell her?” 

“Uh… yes…?”

“You’re not gonna tell her you’re in love with her?” 

It’s truly a good thing that Joohyun isn’t drinking or she would have choked with how hard she’s laughing at Seungwan’s words. “I’m not in love with her! It’s just a bad habit we’ve developed and now we’re going to stop it. Relax, Seungwan. I know you overthink and analyze things but that’s not what’s going on here.” 

Seungwan mumbles, “I hate you so much.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll try to talk to Seulgi about it.” Joohyun says, already feeling a bit lighter, “You’re so silly, Wannie. I’m not in love with her.” 

Joohyun does as promised. 

She talks to Seulgi. Seulgi listens. 

Seulgi realizes that yes, what they were doing isn’t very nice and they agree not to do it again. 

See. Good talk. Productive. 

And then two things happen. 

One. Seulgi no longer cuts her dates short just to hang out with Joohyun. She just… goes to Joohyun as soon as the dates end. Which should be fine, they’re not lying or hurting anyone and Seulgi’s mood is always better by the time she heads home because for some reason, every single date is still a major flop. 

But well, that leads us to number two. Joohyun may be, possibly, a tiny bit, very very tiny, even smaller than her pinky nail, in love with Seulgi. 

And god! It’s so dumb how she realized it too. Seulgi was talking about this girl she went on a date with that was funny, and pretty and Joohyun’s insides felt like they were on fire. When Seulgi kept talking about how she wished this one would work out cause they were actually hitting it off and “Joohyun unnie, she was so pretty, like model pretty!” Joohyun felt her stomach drop to her feet. But when Seulgi said that the girl was only looking for a hook-up that Seulgi herself wasn’t interested in, suddenly Joohyun felt so relieved and a weight lifted off her chest.

In the moment, she thought it was just the alcohol, Seulgi bringing in something other than beer or wine having an adverse effect on her. But then the movie plays and she sees the female lead get all irritated that the male lead has a pretty and hot new coworker and it dawns on her: that’s her. She’s jealous. And that made her want to throw up even more. 

And at first, Joohyun figured, it’s not even that much of a problem, it’s so small she can just shove it in a box and hide it away. But it turns out, it’s more of a princess and a pea sort of situation. It’s so small but you can still feel it. (Okay, Joohyun has not read the book in what, two decades? So she has no idea what it’s actually about but she figures it seems accurate enough.)

And what does she do? Tell Seungwan? And give her the satisfaction of being right? Hell no.

Sooyoung? No, she’ll tell Seungwan.  

Yerim? No way. That’s worse than telling Seungwan and Sooyoung at the same time! 

Jennie? That woman will be waaaaay too excited, someone will question her excitement and if it’s any of her close friends she’ll tell them the reason, then they’ll be excited too and the chain won’t end and Seulgi will find out within an hour, guaranteed. 

Yongsun? Yeah, she can keep a secret but Byulyi will most probably be nearby eavesdropping out of habit and yeah, just no.

Tell Seulgi? HA! Definitely not. 

So, she keeps it to herself. And that leads her to right now, a little past 11pm on a Saturday night, her phone ringing with a call from her best friend. 

Usually, she’d answer within seconds. But now, she just watches the screen flash until it fades back into black. 

She feels guilty after the fourth missed call, but instead she hides herself under the blanket and forces herself to go to bed. 

She’s still tossing and turning when she hears the door to her apartment open, followed by the soft pad of footsteps. Then, a knock on her door, “Unnie, are you okay?” 

“Seul?”

The door opens and Seulgi sits at the edge of her bed, placing her hand on Joohyun’s forehead, “You’re not warm, at least. Are you okay?” 

“What are you doing here?” 

“You always answer your phone unless you’re in a meeting or sick. And since it’s a Saturday, I figured it was the latter. I got some basic meds, but I can always go out and get some more. Have you eaten anything?” 

Damn Kang Seulgi and knowing her so well and her caring nature.

But Joohyun is weak and a little bit in love, so when she says it’s just a migraine and Seulgi still insists on staying, she lets herself be taken care of. The lights are off, the only light coming from the hallway outside and Seulgi sits on the floor across her bed, her legs tucked in close to her, allowing Joohyun to just lay down on her side as they talk.

“How was the date?” Joohyun asks, ripping out the bandaid so that she can spend the rest of the night enjoying Seulgi’s attention. 

“I didn’t have one today.” 

“Oh?” 

“Yeah, I’m just a bit tired of it… but I missed you today so I called. Sorry it was so late.” 

“S’okay. I’m glad you’re here now.”

Seulgi lifts her head up and smiles, “Yeah, me too.”

The silence stretches over them, and not only is it comfortable, but it’s comforting, something about Seulgi’s presence keeping her calm despite the weight of her affections for the other woman. It’s like Seulgi is holding her steady just by being there, watching over her.

After a while, Seulgi says, “Unnie, can I ask you something?” 

“Of course,” Joohyun says, slowly sitting up, mirroring Seulgi’s position.

“No, no! Your head! You can lay back down!”

“I’m fine, Seul. This seems important anyway,” Joohyun pats her bed, “Come here.” 

Seulgi does as she’s told and sits across from her. “Okay… I just… It’s just… is there something wrong with me?” 

“What?! Of course not! Why would you think that?” 

“I’ve gone on all these dates, and yet, nothing seems to click. I’ve met so many people… but it never seems to work out. When we talk on the app or whatever, it’s fine, but in person, something is always… off. And when I think I do like them, they don’t seem to want the same thing. I dunno… it’s just… what’s wrong with me?” 

If Joohyun were desperate, she’d go on a full, “OPEN YOUR EYES, KANG SEULGI. PICK ME. CHOOSE ME. LOVE ME.” speech. (She and Yerim are doing a Grey’s Anatomy binge, okay, sue her. Also, how the hell is it still ongoing? But, whatever.) But because she is not desperate, she gives Seulgi an honest answer. “I don’t think anything is wrong with you per se, but I do think that you have the tendency to look for something wrong instead of focusing on what’s right. I’m not saying that you have to settle, I’m just saying it’s the first date, and you can’t fully judge someone based on the first date, right?”

“I know you’re right… but it’s just… okay, when you and I first met, we didn’t get along in the first ten minutes-“ 

“That’s because you accused me of stealing your drink, then proceeded to spill said drink on me-“ 

“I was drunk, it was an accident and I apologized! But you see, after that, we hit it off instantly! And I don’t know why I can’t seem to click with someone in the same way.” 

The urge to spout the cheesy Grey’s Anatomy line grows ever stronger within Joohyun, and though she is still a badass who can keep her emotions in check, she is also a who just likes torturing herself more. “Is there anyone, out of all the people you’ve gone on dates with, that you could give a second chance to? What about the one that wanted a fling? Maybe you could change her mind? You said the date was fun, right? Maybe you should give her another chance.”

“I… I guess. I dunno. I’ll have to think about it. But thanks for the advice, unnie.” 

Joohyun reaches forward to squeeze Seulgi’s hand, “You’re amazing, Seulgi. You’ll find someone, I’m sure.”

Seulgi squeezes her hand back, and Joohyun really needs to swat those damn butterflies herself. “Thanks, unnie. But you know, I’ve also been meaning to ask. Why aren’t you dating?” 

“Me?” 

“Yeah! You’re a catch! If you were on Tinder or something, people would be falling over themselves in hopes you’d swipe right on them!” 

“It’s not that I don’t want to date. It’s just that… I know what I want. And what I want…” Joohyun pauses, trying to figure out the best way to say that the object of her affections is her best friend who is looking for love in all the wrong places instead of literally right in front of her without alerting said best friend.  But instead she settles with, “...well, I guess they aren’t ready yet.”

“Wait, wait, wait. You like someone? Who? Why didn’t you tell me? You could have been going out on dates with them instead of hanging out with me all the time! Do I know them? Are they nice? How can they not like you back- It doesn’t make sense-” 

“I’m not ready to tell you yet, if that’s okay. I haven’t told anyone else either.” 

“Oh. Well, then that’s okay! Take your time, unnie! I want to hear all about it though when you’re ready. Oh, oh! What’s your ideal date like?” And sure, there’s a little twist in Joohyun’s heart seeing Seulgi excited for her at the idea of her being with someone else, but Seulgi is such a romantic and an extra cute one at that, that she can ignore it. 

“Is it lame if I say I don’t want to go out?”

Seulgi swats at Joohyun’s hand, “YES! Incredibly lame! You can spend all the time indoors when you’re already comfy with each other, but for your first date, it has to be special! What would you want to do?” 

Joohyun thinks to herself, “That’s because I’m already comfortable with you, you idiot.” But she simply shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t know, I don’t think I’m picky, I just want to be with them. Whatever they want to do, I’m fine with it. What about you?” 

“The aquarium!” Seulgi answers, and it’s clear the younger woman has thought of it before as she absolutely lights up at the question, and damn Joohyun’s heart for thinking it is absolutely adorable. “But not a first date, because it has to be special and I can’t tell if they’re special if it’s the first date. But anyway. Yeah. The aquarium! Because even if there’s a lot of people, there’s an air of excitement but not too overwhelming or hot like an amusement park. Plus, it’s all the wonders of underwater without getting wet! Oh, and you know my friend Jinsol works there right? So I could ask her for some help ahead of time so I look smarter and can impress them. Plus, there’s a restaurant there too! The one where it’s basically under a glass dome and you can see all the fish swimming by. It’s very intimate. I’d really like that.”

And damn Joohyun’s mind for suddenly imagining the entire thing. Her and Seulgi, walking around the aquarium, Seulgi pretending to know what they’re talking about, possibly while holding hands. Then they can cap it off with dinner together with the reflection of the water just adding to Seulgi's beauty. Yeah, that would be nice. She doesn’t realize that she’s been smiling, the idea of her and Seulgi in the aquarium causing her cheeks to heat up. She only realizes what she’s been doing when she hears Seulgi mutter something under her breath and she blinks as she realizes her best friend was staring at her. “Sorry, what were you saying?” 

“N-nothing.” Seulgi shakes her head, “I was just saying that I hope you get to be with whoever you like soon. And you’ve got to go out there and get them, unnie! You can’t spend time with them if you’re always stuck at home, you know.” 

Joohyun is pulled back down to earth. Right. Spending time with someone other than Seulgi. Because Seulgi is looking for someone else. Not her. But god does Joohyun mean it when she says, “Yeah, I hope I can be with them too.”  

Joohyun should stop giving Seulgi advice. 

Why did she even give that advice in the first place? Why did she say, “Maybe you should give them another chance.”? Why didn’t she just say, “Take a step back.”? Or maybe even, “Look around, you’ve got a lot of single friends who aren’t horrible to look at and are decent human beings who you enjoy spending time with and who love you and to be specific, I mean me, if it’s not clear.” Why is she an idiot? 

Also, why the hell does Seulgi keep following her advice? 

Seulgi was not this obedient when Joohyun told her to stop cracking her knuckles. Or when Joohyun tells her that she does not need another can of beer when she can barely stand. Or to not rub wasabi on her tongue on a dumb dare. 

But this??? This is the advice she listens to?? Why????

If Joohyun did not love her hair so much (and if it were not so sensitive) she would’ve already pulled it all out due to the stress of crushing on? Liking? Loving? one Kang Seulgi. 

You see, it’s been a little over a month since that night Joohyun feigned sickness and Seulgi came over to take care of her. Within that time, Seulgi did in fact give the other girl - yes, Joohyun knows her name, but also, yes, she is petty and will not be saying the name out loud, even in her head - a chance and they’ve now been on four dates. YES. FOUR. F-O-U-R. Dates. Maybe even five if you consider the fact that Seulgi hasn’t contacted any of them tonight.

And she can’t even be fully mad that Seulgi listened to her because Seulgi looks so damn happy in the pictures she posts on social media and she just wants Seulgi to be happy but maybe she’s more mad at herself for not doing anything but again, Seulgi is happy but-

“Unnie!” Seungwan calls out, thankfully stopping Joohyun’s internal spiral from getting any worse.

“I- Sorry, Wan.” Joohyun says before she realizes that her pants are wet. “I- uh- what-”

Seungwan hands her a bunch of paper towels with a sigh. “Please don’t squeeze your can of beer like that again. You’re lucky it spilled on your jeans instead of the carpet. Do you know how expensive dry cleaning is??” 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Wan. My head was somewhere else.” 

“Clearly.” Seungwan huffs before taking a seat on the couch and inviting Joohyun to join her. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Does Joohyun want to talk about it? No. Should she talk about it? Probably. So Joohyun tries, but for some reason, the words don’t come out. “It’s- I’m-”

“Is it work? Did that jerk try to steal your work again?” Seungwan offers.

Joohyun shakes her head. “No, that’s solved already.” 

“Is it your family? Are your parents okay?” 

“They’re fine.” 

“Is it…” Seungwan asks, slowly reaching for Joohyun’s arm, as if she’s afraid Joohyun will run out of her apartment at the question. “Seulgi?”

A small nod in response. 

“Is it cause… she’s been seeing that girl for almost a month now?”

Another nod. 

“And that… you’re jealous and finally realize you have feelings for Seulgi?” 

Joohyun feels the blood drain from her hands, with Seungwan saying it out loud, it suddenly feels even more real. Because it’s no longer just her in her little bubble thinking these thoughts. Thoughts that she can shove away or deny exist. Now, with Seungwan saying it out loud, with Seungwan seeing her struggle, and knowing why she’s struggling, it feels like everything has been confirmed. She really is in love with Seulgi. She really is jealous. She really just let Seulgi go. She really just missed her chance. Maybe for good. 

It’s only when she feels Seungwan crushing her in a hug does she realize that she’s been crying. And when Seungwan says, “It’ll be okay. At least you know now, right? I’m sure you haven’t missed your chance yet completely, unnie. It’s okay,” does she realize she said all those words out loud.

Joohyun doesn’t cry for long. She’s not like that. At least not in front of others anyway. She just squeezes Seungwan back tightly, wipes away the tears, and accepts the glass of water that’s handed to her. Then, when her heart stops racing, Seungwan asks, “Hey unnie, you really love her, don’t you?” 

“I do, and I’m so stupid. I pushed her away, Wannie. But the truth is, what else could I do? She keeps looking for love somewhere else, on that stupid dumb app. She doesn’t see me and she never will.” 

The younger woman sighs, “Do you want comfort or do you want advice?” 

“If you’re asking if you can call me an idiot again, you can.” 

“Unnie, you’re not an idiot. Feelings… especially with friends are different. I get you. I get that you feel Seulgi is never going to see you in that light, or never even going to consider you that way. But at the same time, Seulgi is not a mind reader. How is she supposed to know what you feel if you never tell her? Or you know, you never even show her? You don’t give her any hints that she’s special to you, other than as a best friend. She won’t know if you don’t do anything.”

“But who am I to just insert myself? Isn’t it selfish of me to suddenly start showing my affections or if I just confess to her out of the blue? When she’s happy?” 

“It is selfish,” Seungwan shrugs, “But sometimes you have to be selfish to get what you want. Besides, I’m not saying confess now. Maybe give a little hint or something? Just to plant the seed in Seulgi’s mind to look at you differently. And if you decide to tell her everything, I’m sure we both know Seulgi enough to know you’re not going to lose your best friend.” 

“But-” 

“It’s not going to be easy, unnie. But if you’re willing to take the risk, you might be surprised at what you find. Okay? I always thought Sooyoung just thought of me as a friend, but if I didn’t confess, we wouldn’t be where we are today.”

Joohyun nods, this time, her turn to crush Seungwan into a hug. “Thanks, Wannie.” 

“Of course, unnie. Also,” Seungwan smirks as she pulls away, “I knew you liked Seulgi.” 

She smacks her friend with a pillow, causing the younger girl to yelp. “What, it’s true!! I’m right!! You’re so whipped for her!!” 

Joohyun raises the pillow ready to strike again when her phone rings, Seulgi’s face appearing on the screen. Seungwan sighs in relief as she answers the phone. 

“Hey Seul!” Joohyun says into the phone as brightly as she can, trying her best not to show that she literally just shed tears for the girl.

“Unnie, where are you?”