5:00 pm

The sun is slowly setting. I don't know if it's just me but no matter how tired I am from work, it feels like all the stress and negativity are slowly leaving my body as I watch how beautiful the sunset is, especially on my spot here in the train; everything feels so peaceful despite the chatting noise from those who are also on their way home from their different endeavors.

I took my phone out of my favorite tote bag and captured a few pictures of the sunset. I closed the zipper of my bag and smiled when I caught a glance of the blue butterfly brooch pin that's displayed on the upper left side of my tote. It has been almost 4 years eversince we broke up and this was the last gift that I have received from her. I'm still keeping it with me as it strangely brings me comfort whenever I'm having a hard time so don't get me wrong... I don't miss her at all, okay? I don't.

I wore the handle of my bag on my right shoulder and fixed my beige coat; preparing to leave on the next station. The train stopped and I gave way for the people to go first. I also took my step out of the train after a few seconds and proceeded to walk in a fast manner while putting my phone in the right pocket of my pants for me to tie my hair while letting my bangs loose.

"Oh , I'm sorry!" I apologized while catching my breath as I bumped into a woman with a long black hair. The collision made her stuff fall onto the ground so I immediately helped her pick her things up. I still have lots of paperwork to do at home that's why I'm very eager to get this done. Being a lawyer is nuts. Remind me why I chose to pursue this career again, please?

"I'm so sorry." I apologized once again while the both of us are busy picking and organizing her papers and binders from the ground while we're both squatting.

"No, no it's fine—oh ." She exclaimed under her breath as she immediately checked her middle and index finger, it turns out that she accidentally grazed her fingers against the ground while we're picking her things up.

"Oh god, are you okay?" I held her hand to check it, it's bleeding a little. I lifted my head up to meet her eyes to—what the ...?

My eyes widened and it made me sit on the ground completely when I saw her face. It's as if I just saw a goddamn ghost right in front of me. We locked eyes for quite a while and I... I honestly don't know what to do. My eyes began to scan her face and what she's wearing. She picked a black leather jacket, a plain white shirt, and black pants for today. My eyes went back to her face and I felt my heart jump a little when I saw her mole under her right brow. It's one of her features that I love the most. I used to kiss it when we're still—

"Are YOU okay? It seems like you just witnessed the ressurection of Jesus or something." She asked while chuckling. She's kneeling with her right knee in front of me, her hand still holding her binders and papers while the other is still holding... mine. I blinked a few times to get a hold of myself and gave her the papers that I have picked up earlier. Come on, Whee. You're better than this. 

"H-how's your hand? Does it hurt?" Motherer. You never stuttered like that in court no matter how hard the case was. Out of nervousness and longing, I gently ran my thumb above her wound as she writhed a little. I was about to let go of her hand but she stood and pulled me up unexpectedly. This woman never fails to surprise me with her unanticipated gestures, even up to this date.

"Hmm... It hurts a little. Why? Would you treat it?" She said in a joking manner.

"Yeah, I mean my place is just a few meters away from here so..." Oh my ing god. I turned my face away from her and bit my lower lip as I closed my eyes shut when I realized what I just said. I turned my face back to her while scratching my neck. I was never this careless with my words but there's no going back, I guess...

"Only if you want to..." I added. 

Yong and I broke up when we were still in college. We have been together for 2 years and our relationship was my first one. It was very healthy, we never had an argument, let alone fought with each other. But as the years went by, I just realized how often we failed to communicate with one another. We never had those petty fights that most couples have because the both of us tend to just bottle things up. Even after we have broken up, everything about it was just so chill. It's as if we're just there for each other for the sake of convenience, for the sake of not being alone.

Of course, we're not oblivious to all these and that's why we have decided to part our ways along with the reason of pursuing our careers would be much easier if we'll do it separately. Yongsun believed that our relationship will just bear fruits of toxicity which will then hinder the both of us from growing individually. I actually believed that too that's why I agreed to break up with her. There was no bad blood between us after that but I refused to get in touch with her because... I don't know... I was hurt, I guess. She tried to reach out to me but I never replied to her during those past four years, not even once. I was never vocal about what I feel when we were still together because all that matters to me is to see her happy and I think that's what broke me. Based on her posts after we broke up, she was living her best damn life. Drinking with her friends, clubbing, making out with a woman or two. It's as if we never happened at all. While here I was, left with bottles of soju, a few packs of cigarettes, and tons of books and readings related to law. But thanks to her and all that, I am now an exhausted and frustrated lawyer. And judging on her papers earlier, it seems like she became an architect just like what she dreamed to be. I'm extremely proud of her, really.

Before we knew it, we're already inside my apartment. I invited her to sit on the couch while I go and fetch the first aid kit. I sprayed my hands with alcohol first and proceeded to clean her wound with a cotton ball that was damp with alcohol as well. She winced a little so I stopped for a bit.

"It's been a while, no?" I asked just to kill the silence between the two of us. I slowly applied ointment to her fingers and patched it with a band aid.

"Thanks and yeah, seems like we're both living our dreams now." She responded. We both smiled softly. I organized the first aid kit and stood up to put it back in one of the drawers of my kitchen just a few meters away from the living room. I took my pack of cigarettes near the drawer and got one stick which I immediately put in my mouth. I reached for the lighter inside the back pocket of my pants but when I turned around, I saw her watching me and that's when I remembered how much she hates the smell of cigs. I shoved the stick back in the pack after missing its hole twice and that's when she spoke again.

"I'm sorry, I think I... should go." She said while still smiling. Knowing her, I know she's worried that she's making me feel restricted that's why I refused to smoke. I wanted to stop her as she organized her things but my body can't seem to move.

And well, the both of us giggled when we heard the sudden violent raindrops against the roof. Thank the heavens, literally. I went to my room to get some clothes and a towel then I went out to give it to her.

"Here, seems like you have to spend the night in my humble abode." We smiled to each other as I gave her my blue sweater and white pajama. She loved to borrow these from me before. This brings back a lot of memories.

"I can just sleep here in the couch, you can use my room if you'd like." I offered. 

"No, no. I'll sleep here instead." She insisted and I nodded.

"Alright, just call me if you need something." I smiled once again before going back to my room. I opened a bottle of soju and lit a cigarette up. There's a small terrace outside my room, just a few steps away from my bed and here's where I spend some time by myself mostly, especially when I am occupied with my thoughts. 

My cig was almost half and I didn't even notice that I have finished my first bottle. I grabbed another soju on the table beside my bed and opened it, walked a little, sat at the edge of my bed and stared at the ceiling. My room was lit up by nothing but the full moon tonight. I brought my right hand up to my lips for me to get a taste of my deadly stick once again but to my surprise, Yong was in front of me already. She took the cigarette and sat on my lap as I watched her smoke on top of me.

She inhaled, letting the smoke wrap around her lungs. Then, she released the smoke in my face, through her slightly opened mouth.

Holy ... I just had one bottle and yet I'm already seeing things. Am I seeing things? Is she really smoking on top of me? The last time I checked, she hated cigarettes with her whole chest... What is going on...

I closed my eyes as I inhaled the vapor from her. It feels like it's wafting around my soul. Just with that small gesture from her, it feels like she's picking up the pieces of me which she have broken before.

Why do I feel like I have already been mended just because she gave me a second hand smoke? Goddamn.

Yongsun knows how much I hate it when people barge into my room without knocking. Normally I'll feel mad when she does it but I don't feel that way right now... Maybe it's because of the alcohol and how I almost ended up inhaling the whole bottle in just a few minutes but hell... I'm at loss for words I mean how can you even form a coherent thought with this woman on top of you. 

All of these happened in less than a day because I bumped into her at the train station and I know a thing for sure. 

I want her. I want more of her. 

Oh God, I think I'm starting to love the theory of coincidence.

---------

Finally, we're together again, Whee. This is not a coincidence at all, none of these were. Eversince the day that we broke up, I tried to still be in touch with you because I just can't seem to let you go. I've been watching you, Wheein. I've seen you cry alone in your room after we have decided to end things, I've seen you struggle with your readings, I've seen your paintings out of frustration, I've seen you shed tears out of joy and relief when you passed your bar exam, I've seen your victory with the cases that you've handled at the court, I've seen you celebrate your wins and grieve for your losses. I always see you, Whee. I was always behind you when you're taking your walks as I was always one of the people that you pass by at the train station. I know too well that if I decide to bump onto you, you'll invite me to your apartment, whether if I was injured or not. I know you so, so well, sweetheart. You might seem cold most of the time but you're a softie.

I moved my face closer to hers and threw the cigarette on the terrace. We're just a few inches away from making out and I'm loving the tension between us. Let's make this work again, my love. I don't want to slide my knife against your throat if things won't turn the way that I wanted them to be.

"I love you." I stated under my breath. I locked eyes with her while anxiously waiting for her answer. I cupped her cheek with my left hand as the other made its way on my back, preparing myself to take the sharp object out in case that she won't reciprocate.

"I still love you, too." I smiled as I let go of the knife that was tucked under the white pajama that I love the most. I cupped her face with both of my hands as I kissed her softly. 

You're mine, Wheein. If this went sideways and I can't have you, then no one should.