"Breathe in. Second time. Third. It seems there is just not enough strength to do the fourth. Goosebumps spreading all over my body. The light is apparently no longer visible. There is only a gray haze in front of my eyes. I'm falling. Does it hurt? Insanely. My heart decided to beat like crazy. The sound of a falling tear on the floor echoed and resonated all over my head. I'm getting Lost. Painfully. It hurts."

Nothing will change now probably if I approach him. Really? Nothing's gonna happen. So what? What's wrong? Just pull yourself together, okay? It's just a man. Nothing supernatural. The human being as you.

Scream

I heard a scream. What's it? I didn't let it out so languidly and lingeringly, did I? Not me, right? I'm running. Running even faster. Shamefully running out of here. Why are there so many questions in my head? I'm tired. Stop this. I don't want to think about anything so tense. How can I stop?

How?

My name is Choi Yeonjun. And I'm afraid to live. I really want to, but I'm afraid. I have "Panophobia". Since childhood, my mother have brought me to various doctors: psychologists, psychotherapists, neurologists. They said I was just paranoid. But paranoids can live, can't they? With some  difficulties, but they can. But I can't. I'm just insanely scared to do anything. Creepy, isn't it? I'm only 21 years old, but I'm afraid to leave the house extra times. Eat something extra. It's killing me. And perhaps any "smart guy" will say: "It's better not to live than live like that." But no. I won't die so early. I try to take antidepressants to forget myself. But their effectiveness is so-so.
You think someone can deal with it. But remember one tiny detail -

I can't fall in love. Because I'm scared of meeting people. I've never had . Haha...Not an regular kiss. None of it.

And someone will can say: "It's all right, people live as s somehow." But I don't want to. I want to be cured to fall in love. It doesn't matter with who. I don't care about the gender: man or woman. Just to fall in love. And to be loved. Right. This is what I need.

In fact, the worst thing about all this is that I can't control it. There are always thoughts in my head that I hear clearly and I can't forget about it. It's as if you heard your voice as well as your friend's or brother's.... or someone's else. Just imagine how terrible is it.Imagine and become horrified. I live like that every single day. And it's just driving me crazy.

Today I seem to have decided to take the first step to become "normal".