Close to You.

By abbyeepinkish11 | shabbypinkish13

 

Chapter One.

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I opened my eyes upon realizing my alarm clock ringing. I was never irritated of waking up early in the morning. Strangely, I find it refreshing unlike my sister who'd always complain how bad the day was when she had just waken up. Sadly, even if she had three alarm clocks by her bedside table plus her cellphone, I would always find her hiding under her pillow and blanket. I wouldn't want to complain how lazy she is, and how she still manages to arrive on time at her school, which is a train's ride away from our place.

 

As my daily routine, I would go to my bathroom and take a bath; dress up in my blue coat and skirt uniform with knee-cut socks; since the weather that day was colder than the days before, I wore a light pink wool jacket; and lastly, decide on how to tie my hair in a bun or a ponytail. After fixing my hair meticulously in a ponytail in front of my mirror, I stood up and got my bag, inserted my arms through its clasps and headed straight outside the door.

 

Going downstairs, I stopped by the end and looked at the calendar hanging on the wall by the stairs. I crinkled my eyebrows—was it really October 1? And a Friday? And I'm already in my senior year. Just a few more months before I graduate... and I haven't exactly chosen the right school yet.

 

My stomach growled all of the sudden, and that's where I realized the smell of mother's jjampong noodles permeated throughout the room. I held my tummy as I pursed my lips, tilting my head and furrowing my eyebrows. “Eomma's cooking never fails to make me hungry.”

 

When I entered the kitchen, I saw my mother washing the dishes already, the bowl of jjampong on the table with a set of chopsticks laid beside it. I smiled, walking inside the kitchen and greeting my mother cheerfully. “Good morning eomma!! Thank you for breakfast!” I exclaimed, pulling the chair and sitting down, ready to eat.

 

I was about to take a bite until I heard my mom nonchalantly utter. “You better do so.”

 

I took my mother's words as a compliment. She was often like this towards me.

 

I was once again about to take a bite when I heard someone yawn. “Good morning, eomma.” I turned my head and saw my sister, walking in her pajamas with her messy hair as she entered the room.

 

Our mother immediately turned around upon hearing eonni yawn. She was annoyed with eonni's yawning in the morning, but I know mother doted on her more than she would ever do so to me.

 

“Aigoo, Yoonhye-a! Why are you like that!?” she went towards her direction, holding her shoulder as she led her to the kitchen and pulled her a chair for her to sit on. “Yawning in the morning? You're never getting younger everyday and yet you act like a six year old.”

 

I continue to eat my jjamppong, and eonni was able to see what I was eating. Her eyes widened all of the sudden as she leaned towards my direction. “Omo, jjampong! I wanna eat!”

 

“Aniyo, don't eat that.” we heard our mother speak as she puts a bowl of kimchi fried rice with egg on the side. “I already prepared you some kimchi fried rice to eat.”

 

“Eh eomma! You always let me eat kimchi fried rice! I'm tired of eating the same thing everyday. I want some jjampong too you know?” my sister demanded.

 

“Ah, is that so?” our mother said, feeling sheepish of her deed. She then turns to me and points a finger, “Ya, Yoona! Give the jjampong to your older sister.”

 

I widened my eyes, surprised. “Eh!? Eomma, I already ate from here.”

 

“And so what? Your sister wants jjampong, so she gets jjampong. She's already in college and she has a better chance in finding a job. Don't complain on what you're eating. Come on, switch plates.” my mother followed her words with a clap, reprimanding me to give the bowl of jjampong to my older sister.

 

I can somehow see from my older sister's eyes that she was feeling sorry for me. She had another idea in mind, however it wasn't how our mother wanted it to be.

 

“Eomma, stop scolding Yoona. I only wanted instant jjampong noodles, not stealing Yoona's breakfast.” Eonni seemed to be pissed off from her tone. Here comes our mother displaying her favoritism once again in front of us. I'm aware of the fact that my older sister feels sorry for me. Almost everyday, our mother would care more for her rather than me.

 

My older sister stood up from her chair, rolling her eyes as she headed to one of the cabinets. “Sorry, Yoona. I'll just make my own instant jjampong noodles.”

 

I lifted my head, watching my mother extending her eyes as far as she could upon hearing eonni's remark. She turns around, “Yoonhye-a, it's okay,” she touches her shoulders, “I'll be cooking for you instead. Don't worry!”

 

My mother was always like this when it comes to me. In fact, when she had me inside her womb, she was expecting for a baby boy. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out to be, and ever since then, she couldn't give birth anymore due to health problems after giving birth to me. She would often show how disappointed she was towards me by treating Yoonhye-eonni like a princess, while she treats me like I'm the daughter of her sister... or maybe like, a non-relative.

 

While my mother was like that, my father would always stand up to her. Unlike mom, appa was very caring towards me and he would always calm down the hurt inside me. He was always there for me until he had to leave for business. He barely comes home now, since he's based at Busan while we're at Seoul. I became sad upon hearing the news, since I was aware of my mother's attitude towards me.

 

After eating my jjamppong noodles, I couldn't be more disappointed. I kept on telling myself to smile, to show them that I wasn't unfazed towards my mother's actions, but a curve just couldn't dawn upon my lip.

 

“I'll be going to school now.” I announced, pushing the chair backwards as I lifted my bag that I laid on the floor and inserted my arms through its clasps. I bowed to my mother before heading to the front door, hoping that she would respond however she was completely focused on eonni.

 

Upon lifting my head, I averted my gaze to the side, hiding the gazed look I held. Turning around, I sighed as I headed to the door, opening it and making my way out of the house.

 

As I got out of the house, I took a deep breath in. The air was quite crisp on the first day of October. Moreover, autumn has started—the color of the leaves has changed, the weather has changed, and my mood would always go up whenever I smell the fresh autumn air. Apparently, it was my favorite season of the year. Not only because of the impact that it has brought upon me, but because it was also the time when I first saw Donghae.

 

I take the train in going to school, and on exactly 7:10 AM, I would find him by a tree nearby, admiring the river beyond the rows of trees in front of him. I would always find him there, but never by the river. Almost everyday, I'd wonder why he kept on standing by that same tree throughout his high school life... like, there never was a time when he didn't pass by there unless he was sick.

 

And there he was, wearing a black beanie along with a mocha colored trench coat. I stand a few meters away from him, watching him close his eyes and breathe in deeply, his hands buried deep inside his pockets, facing the tree. A curve dawned upon his lip, and somehow, it made me smile. I couldn't explain the quaint feeling that I felt whenever I'd lay my eyes on him.

 

The way his hair flipped as the wind blew towards his direction was definitely breath-taking. His fine face that could be compared to that of a god—his smile emphasized it more. I wouldn't want to see anything else more than him merely smiling, and I've always hated myself for dazing at him almost everyday.

 

“Im Yoona, you know you shouldn't do this.” I told to myself these words as I gulped.

 

He turns his head towards my direction, and I find myself widening my eyes, caught in the act until...

 

“Donghae!”

 

She ran, hugging him from behind. Feeling the set of arms wrapped around him, his lips brought out a smile as he held her arms, sliding them off him and facing her.

 

One couldn't really define how I felt that very moment—the picture where he smiles at the woman he loves and she smiles back, and the awkward feeling that I'm just a pest who's watching them from afar. I didn't feel merely awkward that moment, but there was also a hint of bitterness present that made me ask myself... why am I even feeling this way?

 

I recalled asking Yoonhye-eonni on how it feels to be in love. She then gave me a lecture, “Love is merely a feeling triggered by hormones. I'm sorry if I'm being rude or anything, but there's no such thing as love. You'll experience mood swings; sudden changes in your system could be the reason why you can't sleep nor eat properly. In the end, you'll just say to yourself that everything about love is only in the mind, and even if you feel your heartbeat getting faster or about to stop, it's called high-blood pressure. It happens when you don't breathe after glancing at him for a long time.”

 

I must admit—what she said was the truth itself. But I was wrong in asking her that question. In the end, it just depends on us. Love will only come to people who believe in it, and will go away from the people who had closed their hearts up and opened them to a new world called brutal reality.

 

I feel like I'm in a fantasy novel or something. And the best part is that it's reality... and as what people would always say, “Love would always make reality seem like fantasy”.

 

In the end, still, what am I? I'm just an ant, watching him from afar with no plans of ever talking to him because of my low self-esteem. What to expect from the two of them? The kingka and queenka of the school, Donghae and Jessica, dating... what seems to be the problem? Nothing, but the unnecessary feeling coming from my chest.

 

I didn't know that I was staring blankly at them as I thought to myself. When I had finally recovered from my daze, I watched them closely as they raised their voices at each other angrily. She was groaning, yelling at him as he tries to talk but he ends up stuttering. They exchanged insults until Jessica called it quits by shoving him, running away immediately afterward.

 

Donghae averted his gaze from Jessica as he leaned on the tree where Jessica pushed him at. He carried a pissed look, his lips with his tongue as he yelled, “Aish!” out loud that it caught the attention of the people who were walking by.

 

I widened my eyes. I had never seen Donghae this mad before. He would get angry at Jessica occasionally, but it seemed like this was serious from their tone. And how his mood changed when he first saw her and to the part where they shouted at each other.

 

Donghae walked away afterward, heading to school. I furrowed my eyebrows in curiosity; I started trotting however something stopped me.

 

My eyes followed him up to the point wherein he passed by a few people, and I wasn't able to see him clearly anymore.

 

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I arrived at Paran high, the rather famous school for its dancers, martial artists and of course, pretty boys. But I'm not one to comment about it—I thought that Paran was like any other school filled with stereotypes, jocks, cheerleaders, musicians, geeks, and all other sorts of cliques.

 

Upon arriving at my classroom, I saw my friends Yuri and Sooyoung waving at me with a smile. Yuri was on her seat with a book on top of her table while Sooyoung just pulled out a chair and sneaked a peek on whatever Yuri was reading.

 

“Yoona!” Yuri called me, her waving hand later flipping her long, wavy hair before she leaned her head on her hand, reading the book.

 

“Did you do the assignment yesterday?” Sooyoung asked, her eyes glued to the book as she copied Yuri's pose.

 

I sit in front of Yuri, and the chair that Sooyoung was sitting on was mine. I don't bother her sitting on it for a while though. Laying my bags on the floor, I sighed, putting my hands on my waist while observing the book they were reading. “What are you guys doing?” I asked, moving towards their direction.

 

“Studying for a quiz. It's World History about Alexander the Great.” Sooyoung calmly stated. Her irony gets on my nerves at some point. She remains calm while I go frantic over the quiz I didn't study for. Plus, I hated History.

 

“What!? I thought that was by Monday!” I exclaimed.

 

Yuri lifted her head all of the sudden, looking at me in a puzzled manner. She raised her eyebrow, trying to recall something. “Didn't you hear what I said yesterday? I told you that we were gonna have the quiz by today.” She then shrugged her shoulders, looking away. “Hmm, perhaps you were too distracted over prince charming huh?”

 

“Oh~ I hate it when you say that!” I complained while Yuri continued studying. “I can't believe that you'll use him against me! I forget things easily now.” I added a hint of sheepishness towards my tone, for what Yuri said was half-meant for me.

 

Sooyoung chuckled, facing her head at me while smiling. “Well, almost everyday, you've been gazing at him for no reason at all. We wouldn't think that such glances would lead to blooming love.”

 

“What about that nonsense? Love?” I repeated the last word Sooyoung uttered as she smirked at me, replying, “Come on Yoona! It's been two years since you've 'observed' him. You can't deny the fact that you're becoming more and more infatuated towards him everyday. But there had never come a time when you actually tried talking to him. You even avoid physical contact in school—the thought of you bumping him is far from your imagination, and you'd often become paranoid when we talk about him.”

 

Soon, Yuri smirked at me as well. “Sooyoung's right. If you really like the guy, then try talking to him at least. Who knows... one day, he'll just be there. The next thing you know, he might disappear before you. It's not like everyday, you get to fall in love with another guy. It doesn't work that way.”

 

This time, I thought of a way to get back to Yuri. “And how many guys have you given your heart to everyday?” I grinned at her, showing my mischievous side.

 

Yuri treated it like my question didn't matter. “Oh, that's nothing.” she waved her hand in the air, a gesture that seems to resemble that he was shooing people. Her attention was once again focused on the book. “It's true that I fall in love, but never had I once met my true love from one of them.”

 

“What? True love?” Sooyoung seemed surprised. “As if you'd find your true love right now. Usually, you'd find it around your late-twenties or so.”

 

“Eh, Sooyoung, so what if your parents got married at 40 and you were a menopausal baby huh? That doesn't mean that you can find true love when you get older.” Yuri said in a joking yet sarcastic manner. “Anyway, as long as you're still alive, you can still find your own prince charming!” she then joined her two hands together in a clap, looking beyond Sooyoung as she said those words.

 

I would sometimes ask myself why Yuri would often change from one mood to the other, being sarcastic at first then she'd be all jolly.

 

Sooyoung raised her eyebrow out of peculiarity at Yuri before she returned to studying. “Keep dreaming, Kwon Yuri.” she shook her head afterward.

 

“Yah, Sooyoung. I'm not dreaming! And it's possible for Yoona to find her true love too. Who knows, but it might be “ya-donghae”.” [[*Yadonghae – watching ]] Yuri whispered.

 

My ears didn't deceive me alright. “Yah, Yuri! Don't make fun of his name! He doesn't watch !!” I widened my eyes, urging her to stop.

 

In the end, the bell rang and we had to go back to our respective seats. Class drifted away like a cloud in a few hours. I decided to go home alone since I wasn't feeling well all of the sudden. It must have been because I've exposed myself in the cold after taking off my PE attire after running laps during PE class. Yuri and Sooyoung was able to shower first before me, and I forgot my towel that time so my dirty clothes were already inside a plastic while I waited for the two of them to finish while I was in my undergarments.

 

While walking, I touched my forehead to see if I was getting a slight fever somehow. I would already shiver from the gentle blow of the wind, and as the orange leaves blew past my shoes, I was getting colder and colder. My pink jacket was of little help to me.

 

Strangely, while walking this path, I realized that Donghae wasn't anywhere to be seen. He'd usually stand by one of the trees here, but he wasn't there.

 

Definitely, it was serious. The place where I'd always see him... here, by the tree... it was somehow his happy place where he'd feel enlightened. Maybe the tree couldn't relieve his problems right now. He wouldn't find a reason to excuse himself from passing by the tree.

 

I looked around, checking if he was anywhere. I even turned my head in a 360 Degrees manner just to check if he was anywhere. But to my surprise, I didn't have to look far from what's a few meters away from me now.

 

When I turned my head to my left, looking beyond the trees that create a barrier between the road and the lake, he was there; the man whom I was looking for.

 

From his hand, he threw a few stones at the lake. He seems to be troubled, seeing that he couldn't skip stones on the lake. Though I could only see his backside, I felt different by the way I see him.

 

Should I take the chance to walk to him and ask him what his problem was? I clenched my fists upon thinking about it. Never had I imagined myself, not even two meters close with Lee Donghae. To me, it was like a child being hesitant whether he should hand over his lollipop to another kid. The feeling... it's just nerve-wrecking.

 

“Come on Yoona! It's been two years since you've 'observed' him. You can't deny the fact that you're becoming more and more infatuated towards him everyday. But there had never come a time when you actually tried talking to him.” Sooyoung's words has definitely made an impact towards me.

 

“If you really like the guy, then try talking to him at least. Who knows... one day, he'll just be there. The next thing you know, he might disappear before you.” Even Yuri's.

 

As I stared at him, feeling hesitant towards my decision, I gulped.

 

It won't hurt a bit if I'd walk to him and teach him how to skip stones, would it?