She came again.

I don’t know why, but I’m happy that she does.

Everything feels and looks a little brighter when she’s around.

“What?”

She her head to one side and stares at me curiously.

I mimic her gesture and smiles.

“What?”

She rolls her eyes and lets out a frustrated puff.

“You know what,” she crosses her arms and glares at me, “you’ve been silent the whole time. Were you even listening?”

“Yes. You were talking about how work has been awful lately.”

She looks at me in horror.

“Why did you just summarize my mysteriously taken sandwich story like that!”

A chuckle escapes my lips.

I couldn’t help it – she’s too adorable.

“How can I forget about the sandwich? Forgive me?”

She rolls her eyes again, but her lips curls into a smirk.

“Fine. But dinner’s on you.”

I laugh, thoroughly enjoying our banter.

“I can live with that.”

“Seriously though,” she has that serious look on her face now, her eyes studying me closely, closer than I’m comfortable with, “where did you go just now?”

I hesitate for a moment.

It’s not the first time my mind wanders when I’m with her and we have known each other for a while now. I think it’s time I tell her the truth.

Not the whole truth of course. I don’t want her to run for the hills, after all.

I look into her eyes, letting myself drown in them as the words slowly tumble out of my mouth.

“Whenever i look at you,” my hand instinctively reach out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and I let my fingers linger against her soft cheek, “I’m reminded of someone I once loved and lost.”

“Oh. Were they ill?”

“No,” I shake my head, withdrawing my hand from her face, “I...chose to let them go.”

“So you didn’t lose them. You left them.”

I scoff in disbelief – she likes to go straight into the heart of the matter. I don’t dislike it, but it makes me a little uncomfortable how close she is to the truth. The truth that I didn’t want her to find out. Not yet at least.

“Yes, I did. I left them. It still feels like a loss, you know…because I couldn’t find them again.”

She scrunches her eyebrows, obviously confused by my statement.

I meant it to be confusing. How else can I tell a non-truth without spinning a few words here and there?

“What does that mean?”

I give her a long, meaningful look.

“It means that wherever they are, I can never reach out to them. Ever again.”

“That’s…sad.”

“It is.”

She shakes her head vigorously.

“I don’t mean it’s sad that you can’t reach them. I meant that it’s sad that you’re stuck and can’t move on.”

I have to admit that I’m a little stunned at her words.

Goddess, how I adore this woman.

A dry chuckle escapes me.

“I guess you’re right. I can never move on,” I give her a sad look, but my tone is a little playful, “what should I do then?”

But she doesn’t realize it and is seriously considering my question.

I can’t help but stare at her adorable, pensive face.

“I think you shouldn’t force yourself to forget them,” she says, and I can see that she’s slowly and carefully choosing her words for me, “just…live. Find something that makes you want to live each day. I’m sure that’s what that person wants you to do.”

“I see. I’ll give it a try then.”

“Today?”

I shake my head and smile.

“No, tomorrow. Today I need to psych myself up for tomorrow. Yes,” I laugh when she gives me an incredulous look, “it will take a whole day.”

She gives me one of her adorable pouts.

“Does that mean we can’t have dinner together?”

Seriously, this woman.

How much more should I adore you?

I let out a soft chuckle.

“Of course we can have dinner together. That’s about all I look forward to each day.”

“That can’t be the only thing.”

“It’s something.”

“I’ll help you find something else to add to it,” she glances at me hesitantly, “um, if you want.”

“I…yeah, actually I would like that,” I smile, the most genuine smile I have for the day, “thank you.”

She beams at me and I can’t help but fall for her charms all over again.

“No problem! See you tonight?”

“Yeah. Text me what you wanna eat, okay? I’ll…cook, I guess.”

She puts out a hand to stop me.

“Uh, no. I’ll cook. You can help,” she gets up and reaches for her bag, “I’ll text you what to buy. See ya!”

I see her to the door.

My silent gaze watches her retreating back.

I can almost hear my heart cracking with each step she takes away from me.

‘Don’t go.’ ‘Stay.’

Those are the words left unsaid.

My hands want to reach out to her, but they’re frozen in place.

A heavy sigh escapes my lips and my shoulders suddenly goes limp with sadness.

“It’s okay. We’ll see each other at dinner. It’ll be fine.”

The words of comfort I keep saying to myself when she’s no longer here and everything that is once bright becomes bleak again.

The words are lacking in confidence and filled with anxiety.

But it’s all that I can utter to calm myself.

“It’ll be fine…”

I close the door and walk down the hall, taking out an old locket from my pants pocket.

Inside the locket is a picture of my beloved – the one I had loved and lost.

Once again, I find myself uttering the same words I said to her.

“Whenever I look at you, I’m reminded of what I loved and lost.”

I smile, a little sad and lonely.

I close my eyes and imagine my beloved whispering in my ear, reprimanding me for my sorrowful words.

“Yes, I know. I know that you’re still here, my love. We’re going to have dinner later in fact. But your memories of me are lost somewhere that can never be found again. It feels like I had lost you after I foolishly let you go. Please forgive me, love. I will make amends to you however I can. I just want a second chance…”

I open my eyes, wet with tears now.

I place a lingering kiss on the picture and a new drop of tear slide down my cheek.

I hide the locket deep into my pocket again – just like how I hide my past beloved deep inside the heart.

“Tonight, yes, tonight we will meet again. My beloved, wait for me.”