Author's Note: Hello, all! I hope you're having an awesome Thursday :-)

It's loadshedding here, so I'm doing random things to pass the time till the power comes back on. Thank God the wifi is still on, otherwise I'd go completely insane. 

Trust me, no one wants to see that happen :-S 

A new update for you lovely folk, which will hopefully reveal a little more in this unusual story. Enjoy!

It had finally happened.

Seulgi’s apartment was finally free of strangers claiming to be romantically involved with her. No more impromptu dinners, days out or clubbing till the early hours of the morning.

No more complaining in her diary about a relationship she couldn’t even remember.

It was all over, and she could finally breathe again.

Maybe this was all for the best. It was all a dream anyway, right? She’d finally wake up and get on with her life, same as always. Dream or no dream, Juhyun wouldn’t be hers. It would be as if she stopped loving her, or worse still - never cared about her to begin with.

Seulgi flung her diary as hard as she could at her bedroom wall, watching as it bounced off the paint and skidded across the carpeted floor.

The action sent pain radiating down her whole left arm.

No.

I don’t want Juhyun to move on from me - ever.

I can’t lose her.

I won’t.

Even if this is just a dream, I still want it all, even the messy and confusing parts.

Seulgi had never felt more miserable in her entire life, and she hadn’t seen it coming.

She grinned sadistically, squeezing her tennis elbow between her fingers as hard as she could, till the inflamed muscle and joints retracted in intense agony.

Good.

I can deal with this hurt.

It’s easy and familiar.

The pain manifesting in her chest was an entirely different beast. This was a hurt she instinctively knew she wouldn’t recover from so easily.

She wanted it to end - all of it.

“Irona! Wake up, dammit!”

Seulgi punctuated every anguished mantra with a heavy punch to her tennis elbow.

After the 10th time, everything was just as it was, except that she hurt more all over now that Juhyun was gone.

“!”

Seulgi collapsed onto her bed and started screaming into her pillow.

Which didn’t help, because it smelt like Juhyun. Come to think of it, every inch of her apartment smelt like her too.

What the hell do they put in perfume nowadays? I thought the scent of that water-based crap disappears after like five seconds…

Fresh tears appeared in Seulgi’s eyes as she thought about Juhyun lying beneath her sheets just hours before.

How does someone look that good while they’re sleeping??? And she was too, which is already perfection in my eyes.

Then Seulgi started weeping at the thought that she might never get to see Juhyun or her rocking body ever again.

Fate was a cruel mistress indeed.

Seulgi sat up again and huffed in defeat.

This is no good. I’ve been single for all of 5 minutes and I ing hate it!

“That does it! I’m getting her back!” Seulgi shouted at the ceiling.

Her disgruntled upstairs neighbour Sehun thumped hard on his floor. “Yah, Kang Seulgi - dakcho! I’m in the middle of a Duolingo lesson!”

“Mianhe, Sehun-oppa! And don’t worry, you’ll finally get past level one of your English lessons!”

Seulgi hopped off her bed and grabbed her smartphone amidst the sounds of Sehun sobbing loudly above her head about his failed English lessons.

As it turned out, the ‘getting Juhyun back’ part ended up taking more than a few hours. That confusing Sunday stretched into a manic Monday where Seulgi could barely sit at her desk without getting up and pacing her living room incessantly.

She finally got into her car and drove to an elementary school hidden amongst massive skyscrapers in Gangnam. As far as she knew, she hadn’t ever set foot in the grounds before. But just like with Juhyun’s complex, the security guard tipped his cap to her and let her past the boom without so much as a protest.

Seulgi felt the need to walk stealthily through the cool, quiet hallway on the first floor. She heard the murmur of voices and chairs scraping against linoleum floors with every classroom she passed till she finally reached the Science block at the end of the passageway.

She heard her voice before seeing her. She sounded different at work - her voice had a deeper tenor and was far more controlled than when they were alone together.

Seulgi took to watching Juhyun interact with her students for a few minutes longer. She was clearly in her element and looked perfectly at ease instructing the children how to safely conduct their experiments.

She looked different too - her long hair tied into a bun, a pair of chique tortoiseshell spectacles perched on her nose while gazing down at the tiny heads of her students with a mesh of impatience and fondness. Seulgi found it faintly amusing that Juhyun wasn’t wearing high heels in the Science classroom. Possibly because it was a tripping hazard amidst all those fragile beakers and flammable liquids. Still, her more sensible and pointier, beige coloured flats were fashionably paired with her grey skirt and blue blouse ensemble.

She looks like a teacher.

A smoking hot teacher I really want to piss off now just so she’ll punish me for being bad…

Seulgi blushed faintly, wishing she weren’t having such lusty thoughts about her girlfriend (was she her ex now?) in a building filled with impressionable children at every turn. She couldn’t help it - one weekend spent with Juhyun had changed everything for her, including the way she viewed her now.

She had somehow gone from not knowing Juhyun existed to desperately hoping she’d never disappear from her existence.

One of the girls finally noticed Seulgi standing outside the classroom and began whispering animatedly in her partner’s ear. Seulgi blushed just a little when both girls turned to face her, giggling adorably at the bouquet she clutched tightly in her hands.

It was all the kooky editor could do to smile weakly and wave back at the students.

“Bora and Garam, what is so funny?” Juhyun demanded impatiently.

“Mianheyo, Bae Seongsaengnim.” The offending girls giggled some more and pointed outside the classroom.

Juhyun frowned and turned to see what (or who) was distracting her students. She scowled even harder when she spotted the culprit.

Seulgi smiled and waved yet again, but Juhyun ignored her and instructed her students to continue making observations in their notebooks.

The lesson continued for another 10 minutes before the bell mercifully rang for break time. After cleaning up their workstations, the students milled excitedly out of the classroom. Bora and Garam passed Seulgi and giggled some more.

Seulgi took a deep breath and knocked politely on the partially open door.

Juhyun continued making notes in her attendance book as Seulgi cautiously stepped inside the classroom.

“You really shouldn’t distract my students like that,” Juhyun piped up unexpectedly, her eyes still on her paper. “They’re at an impressionable age where they already think that explosions are cool. Combine that with their natural curiosity in Science class and —”

“The school goes ‘kaboom’ and you get sued by angry parents?” Seulgi supplied helpfully.

Juhyun finally looked up, her eyes flickering towards the sumptuous bouquet of sunflowers (her favourites) in Seulgi’s hands. “Did you rob a bodega?”

“Worse: a cemetery.”

Seulgi panicked inwardly when Juhyun didn’t crack a smile at her bad joke.

“Mwuh hae, Seulgi-ah?”

Seulgi sighed heavily and laid the flowers carefully atop Juhyun’s desk. Then she purposely took a seat next to her - in a chair designed for tiny children.

That brought out the tiniest flicker of a smile on Juhyun’s face before it quickly dimmed again.

“You didn’t answer my calls and texts yesterday. I even left you voice mails.”

Juhyun frowned at this. “My phone still gets voice mails? Like the rest of the world, I haven’t checked voice mails since 2003.”

“You ignored all my Kakaotalk stickers too,” Seulgi added with a hint of irony. “ So…I came in person to apologise.”

“And what exactly are you apologising for?”

“I’ve been a complete to you all weekend, and then I wrote about it in my diary like a tool. I’m really sorry, Juhyun-ah.”

“I accept your apology - I shouldn’t have read your diary in the first place. But what about that stuff you said about not being able to remember our relationship? How am I supposed to get past that?”

Seulgi looked down at her lap. “Mullae, Bae. I still can’t explain any of that.”

Juhyun felt her heart constrict painfully in her chest.

“I didn’t expect any of this to happen. You just barged into my life and took over my flat, my TV, my clothes.”

Juhyun blushed just a little at the mention of clothes. She wasn’t quite sure how to tell Seulgi that she was wearing one of her Spao blouses to work right now.

“You got me out of my head and took me way out of my comfort zone. I couldn’t figure out how someone as incredible as you wanted to even date someone as dorky and neurotic as me. And I finally realised that - I’m sorry, could you take off your glasses?”

“Mwuh?”

“Your glasses. Get rid of them.”

“Yah, wae?”

“Because I really want to say some heart-felt things to you, and they’re distracting me.”

Juhyun scoffed in disbelief. “Are my glasses too ugly for you?”

“No, your glasses are cool, and you look even hotter with them on.” Seulgi explained in a matter-of-fact way.

Juhyun swooned inwardly at the unexpected compliment. But she was still incredibly mad at Seulgi and felt the need to be petty. “These aren’t coming off.”

Seulgi cursed under her breath and pinched her thigh to focus her thoughts. “I’m done with my doubts and self-sabotage. I don’t care whether we’ve been dating for 2 days or a whole year. I’m ok with not knowing everything about you, Bae Juhyun. What I know so far only makes me want to be with you forever so I can figure out the rest.”

Juhyun raised a hand to her chest, looking like she was about to faint. “I can’t feel my legs…”

Seulgi left her seat and knelt in front of her girlfriend. “I haven’t been fair to you at all. Truthfully, I haven’t been fair to anyone since my dad died two years ago. It didn’t help that my ex-girlfriend So-yeon dumped me shortly afterwards because she didn’t want to stay with me out of pity. I’ve been angry, hurt, and downright confused for so long now. And then…you happened, and suddenly, I started feeling good things again. But I messed up and took you for granted. When you left my apartment yesterday…I was devastated, I didn’t realise just how much I want you, how much I need you, until now. Please give me another chance, Juhyun-ah - I’ll do whatever it takes to show you how much you and your sugar walls mean to me.”

Juhyun frowned quizzically. “Sugar walls?”

“It’s from a song I once heard. About, you know…” Seulgi gazed meaningfully between Juhyun’s long legs.

The Science teacher blushed furiously at the mention of walls, sugar-coated or otherwise. “Byuntae! Are you seriously quoting erted English songs right now?!”

Seulgi couldn’t resist smiling just a little. “It’s perfectly apt for describing the things you do to me and all the ways you make me feel.”

Juhyun didn’t know what to say to that, so she went with “You’re gonna hurt your knees,” instead.

“Then, I hurt my knees. I’m not getting up till you take me back.”

Juhyun was positively mortified. “Seulgi-ah, please get up. You look like you’re about to propose.”

Seulgi relented and stood up.

“I’ll propose if it proves to you how much I want to be with you.”

“I don’t want you to propose!” Juhyun fumed, getting up too. “All I wanted was for you to be honest with me and let me know how you felt.”

“I can, and I will,” Seulgi declared in a flash. “Bae Juhyun, I’m crazy about you. I know that I messed up badly, but I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right between us again. I’m going to be more honest with you, even when it’s hard, starting right now.”

Juhyun sighed and extended a finger towards Seulgi. “Do you swear?”

“You’re basing the future of our relationship on a pinkie swear?”

Juhyun didn’t waver in her stance. “Do you swear that you’re ready to commit to me fully and engage in open and honest communication with me for however long we date?”

Seulgi furrowed her thick eyebrows and sighed heavily. And yet, she looped her pinkie finger tightly around Juhyun’s without any more hesitation. “I swear.”

After that, it was easy for Juhyun to fall straight into Seulgi’s arms. It felt good to let herself be held by someone she loved. It was surprising that it turned out to be Kang Seulgi of all people that she loved, but she wasn’t complaining.

Juhyun’s heart skipped a beat when Seulgi hugged her hard and rested her head on her shoulder, not looking like she was going to let go any time.

She swooned hard when Seulgi mumbled ‘Don’t ever let me go, baby,’ into her dark hair.

Juhyun dropped a tender kiss on top of Seulgi’s head. “I won’t.”

She finally extricated herself from her girlfriend’s tight embrace, growing concerned when Seulgi stared hard at the ground.

“Hey.” She caressed Seulgi’s cheek lightly, trying to gauge her mood. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

Seulgi finally met her gaze, looking like she was close to tears. “Are we ok now? I won’t be able to take it if I say or do anything that messes this up again.”

“Jagiyah,” Juhyun crooned, drawing Seulgi in for another hug. “We’re good, I promise. Let’s put the weekend behind us now, ok?”

Seulgi felt a million years of relief wash over her in that moment. “Ok.”

A comfortable silence ensued for several seconds before Seulgi thought of something else. “Was this the worst fight we’ve ever had?”

Sadness flitted across Juhyun’s lovely face for the briefest moment. “Yeah, it was. All our fights before this were about us not knowing what food to order from Yogiyo.”

That final quip made Seulgi burst into unexpected laughter till it hurt in her belly. Juhyun grinned at her girlfriend, happy that her well-timed joke had erased the sombre mood between them.

Juhyun looked at Seulgi for a long time after that. “It’s ok if you don’t remember us, Seulgi-ah. Whatever’s going on with you, we’ll figure it out somehow.”

Seulgi took Juhyun’s hands and kissed each one lovingly. “Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Anything.”

“When did you know…that you loved me?”

Juhyun smiled slowly and leant against her desk. “That’s easy. I was grading some student reports at my apartment, and you were there editing an article for your client. I couldn’t decide on what grade to give one of my students. He’s very bright but loses focus easily. He’s had a tough year with his parents divorcing and it’s showing in his grades. In the end, I just followed my gut and graded his paper honestly, knowing some difficult conversations with my student and their parents would follow. When I told you that, you looked up from your laptop and…you just said it. Then and there.”

A smile quirked on Seulgi’s face. “Just like that? While you were grading a child harshly?”

Juhyun pinched Seulgi’s good arm in retaliation. “You elaborated by saying that you loved how much I cared about my students and other people. I always felt comfortable showing you every part of me. I feel more like my true self whenever we’re together. In that moment, I just knew…I loved you too.”

Seulgi wished with all her heart that she could remember such an important moment with Juhyun. But knowing that they’re shared something so special was enough for now. From now on, she’d work hard to re-learn all she could about Juhyun and how much she loved her.

Because she did know that much - she loved Bae Juhyun. Her confident personality, her devil-may-care attitude, the way she challenged Seulgi to do more and be better somehow.

Her love of books–

“You love books!” Seulgi proclaimed out of the blue.

“Yes, I do…” Juhyun didn’t know where her girlfriend was going with her bizarre utterance.

Seulgi smiled so widely it began to hurt the corners of just a little. “We met in a bookstore, Juhyun! I recommended a book to you…for your friend!”

Juhyun’s eyes lit up and she gripped Seulgi’s waist. “You remember when we first met???”

“I do! It just came to me out of nowhere!”

“What else do you remember?”

Seulgi hit her forehead with her closed fist in frustration. “Urgh, that’s it! But it’s something, right?”

Juhyun’s brown eyes glistened with tears, which Seulgi hated to see. But she was smiling, so maybe that was good.

“Yeah, it’s something…”

“What about our first date? How was that?”

“Hmm, awkward in parts, but fun overall.”

Seulgi shuffled her left foot tentatively from side to side. “Did we, um…kiss after that first date?”

Juhyun chuckled nostalgically. “Anni. But you did offer me a sensual…handshake.”

“Mwuh?! What the hell is a sensual handshake???”

“You tell me - it’s a year later and I still don’t know!”

Even through her confusion, Seulgi couldn’t help laughing at the visual. “So, when I said ‘sensual’, I actually meant–”

“Really drawn out, making the moment weird for no reason. Yip, that’s what you meant.”

Seulgi nodded, running her tongue self-consciously over her front teeth. “Arasseo. In my defence, I get really nervous around beautiful women.”

Juhyun smiled slowly. “Ara. That’s why I salvaged the night and secured you a second date by giving you a long and intimate hug afterwards.”

“You’re a queen-ka amongst peasants.” Seulgi praised, which made Juhyun giggle.

Juhyun gazed pensively around her classroom for a while after that. “We’ve shared so much after all this time. It’s funny to think that we even got through a whole year together.”

“Juhyun-ah…” Seulgi moved well into Juhyun’s personal space and clasped her hand tightly. “I don’t want just one year together. After this one…I want them all with you.”

Juhyun chuckled appreciatively. “You’ve been listening to that Blue Girl again.”

“Pabo, it’s Girl in Red.”

“Yah!”

A tickling fight ensued between the two lovers which lasted for several seconds.

“I’m a pabo too,” Seulgi backpedalled, which made her girlfriend laugh even more. “Also: I love you.”

“Nado saranghae.”

It was heaven when their lips reunited after 24 hours of what had felt like hell for Seulgi. For reasons she couldn’t fully comprehend, she was certain she never wanted to be parted from Juhyun.

It brought back vivid memories of Saturday night and everything they’d shared. It had been so much more than Seulgi could’ve ever hoped for, and she needed every bit of that feeling with Juhyun.

Juhyun whimpered in a mesh of surprise and pleasure when Seulgi pushed her forcefully against her desk, wrapping her arms tightly around her shoulders while they kissed passionately.

Their mutual friends often made fun of Seulgi for being too intense to function (she once sent Netflix a long and angry email about cancelling ‘The Babysitters Club’). Juhyun, however didn’t mind that much, especially with the way that Seulgi seemed to pour every angsty feeling she possessed into her kisses.

Juhyun answered in kind, pouring every ounce of love into her kisses while running long manicured fingers over Seulgi’s hips. These were rare glimpses into Seulgi’s soul, and Juhyun was never one for wasting opportunities.

Juhyun bit her bottom lip when Seulgi trailed her lips over a particularly sensitive spot on her neck. “Ok, you have to go now.”

Seulgi grinned wickedly and continued her assault on Juhyun’s collarbone. “Mmm, but I love learning too, Bae Seongsaengnim.”

“Pabo,” Juhyun quipped in-between whimpering in pleasure. “Kumanhe, you’re going to get me fired. You know I’m pushing for tenure so that never happens.”

Seulgi begrudgingly moved away from Juhyun and tried to cool her raging hormones down. “Arasseo but let the record show that I’m extremely disappointed.”

“Poor thing,” Juhyun teased dryly. “I really rocked your world on Saturday night, huh?”

Seulgi let out a pained groan, pressing a hand to her chest. “And then some. Baby…you ing sent me into orbit around the moon.”

So, so many times…

How was I able to breathe, much less walk and talk, after that performance???

Bae Joohyun is a goddess.

Juhyun laughed at her girlfriend’s goofiness. “Thanks for the 5-star review. I’ll make it up to you later,” she murmured before pressing her lips to Seulgi’s cheek.

“I like the sound of that. How about I come over and make you some dinner?” Seulgi suggested.

Juhyun’s brown eyes sparkled. “Will you make me French fries?”

“That’s not dinner, jagiyah.”

“But you make them crunchy just the way I like them!”

“Alright, alright!” Seulgi groaned when Juhyun started pleading like a crazed child.

“Bring your cute over at 19:00! I’ll pick up some frozen chips and bulgogi sauce on my way home.”

For whatever reason, Juhyun liked dipping French fries in bulgogi sauce, yet didn’t like eating bulgogi on its own. She was delightfully weird and Seulgi loved it.

Something else occurred to Seulgi a moment later. “Shibal, I don’t know where you live!”

“Yes, you do. You dropped me at home on Friday night.”

“I know, but I don’t know your actual address.”

Juhyun blinked in understanding. “Omo, because of your weird memory loss stuff! Still, weren’t you paying attention to the street signs while driving?”

Seulgi waved off the question. “Of course not! I was shuffling manually through a Spotify playlist at the time.”

Despite her efforts to be patient, Juhyun couldn’t help rolling her eyes. “And here I thought you were distracted that night because you were thinking about how beautiful I am and how much you love me…”

Seulgi blushed rouge at her faux pas. “Uh, of course I was, babe! That’s why I was shuffling through Spotify - to find the right playlist to express all my… feelings of love for you.”

“Get out of here before you find a way to cancel our romantic plans tonight.” Juhyun made a show of pushing Seulgi comically out of her classroom to teach her a lesson for being such a pabo.

Juhyun was surprised when her girlfriend popped her head back in seconds later with an impish grin on her face. “Hey.”

“Forget something?”

“Yeah. That I love you.”

Juhyun did an inner dance of happiness. “I love you too.”

Seulgi blew her kiss, then finally departed. Juhyun sat on her desk and schmooshed her bouquet against her chest, breathing in the scent of fresh sunflowers.

Seulgi whistled merrily down the hallway, then jumped sideways in the air, clicking her heels together like a leprechaun on acid.

I’m a lovesick dork and I don’t care!

Seulgi woke with a quiet sense of purpose. A smile filled her whole face before she could even properly process it.

She reached automatically to her right and stopped short.

There was no one beside her.

Puzzled, Seulgi scrambled quickly towards the other end of the bed, her hand encountering empty space on the pedestal drawer too.

There was supposed to be a framed picture there, of her and —

A name teetered on Seulgi’s lips, threatening to disappear just as quickly as it came.

But she snatched it back, pressing the syllables firmly to her lips.

Juhyun.

She remembered it all.

Her long, raven black hair, the way her chocolate brown eyes glittered when she laughed, her much-too-tall stilettos that she wore whenever she could.

Her girlfriend.

It had been a dream, every wonderful second of it.

It had felt so real, from every thought to every kiss they’d shared.

Even the picture of her and Juhyun she expected to find on her pedestal wasn’t real. In the dream, it had been taken at an LGBTQ rally in Itaewon during their very first Pride Month as a couple.

Every memory, verbal and tangible, had been fabricated.

Even Juhyun’s scent, which had been so vivid in Seulgi’s dream, was gone. Only her mind and her heart remembered now.

She hated being right.

That was the thing with dreams. The sweeter the dream, the harder it was to wake up from. It ached more than her stiff tennis elbow.

Seulgi felt morbid relief when the tears finally came. They were a bitter reminder of the love that might’ve been, but never would now. She hugged herself tightly, wishing against all hope they were Juhyun’s arms instead.

Author's Note: I know, I'm officially the worst person ever to end the chapter there :'-/

In my defence, it was either ending it this way for this week or leaving you all on a happy note just to rip your hearts out next week. I'm just not that cruel. 

And now, the fruit tossing can begin *shields my face with a dustbin lid* 

Here are a few more Korean words and phrases I used throughout the chapter:

1) 'Irona' is Korean for 'wake up'. 

2) 'Oppa' is Korean for 'older brother'. Girls and women call men this who are their actual older brothers or an older boy or man who is like an brother or older close friend to them. 

3) 'Seongsaengnim' is the Korean title for addressing a teacher which usually comes after their first name or surname. 

4) 'Kakaotalk' is a popular Instant Messaging app in South Korea, much like WhatsApp. 

5) 'Mullae' is short for 'Mullayo', which is Korean for 'I don't know'. 

6) 'Spao' is a famous clothing brand in South Korea.

7) 'So-yeon' is Jeon So-yeon, a member of the K-pop girl group (G)I-DLE. She and Seulgi also appeared together on the SM production of 'Wow Thing'. Damn, that chick can rap like it's nobody's business. 

8) 'Sugar Walls' is the title of a song by Sheena Easton. It's very erted when you read between the lines ;-)

9) 'Yogiyo' is a popular food delivery app in South Korea. 

10) 'Anni' is short for 'Anniyo', which is Korean for 'no'. 

11) 'Nado saranghae' is Korean for 'I love you too'. 

12) 'Kumanhe' is Korean for 'stop it'. 

Weird. I didn't know I'd made so many Korean references in this chapter *taps my chin thoughtfully* Not the point right now. I hope you'll all leave me some comments (even if they're angry ones) on this chapter, I'd love to know your thoughts. 

See you all again for a new update next week. I promise it won't be so depressing *Scout's Honour* Take care of yourselves and stay safe <3