1. Welcome to Enbizaka
Enbizaka
In the corner of Enbizaka, is where my tailor shop resided. Small, but comfy. It had this small table by the side, where I work on the clothes. All my scissors, sewing needles, bundles of strings are messily placed upon the table that I dearly love. Until a clothe that needed repairing came into my hands, all this items would be swept into the basket.
I know it’s weird for a boy to taking up sewing. But I like it, I didn’t care who made fun of me, or teased me for having such a girls’ job. And it never mattered to me, because he was alright with my job. As long as he approved of anything, I would be fine with it.
He, being my husband. I didn’t know why he rarely came home. The last time he came was when he needed me to repair the sleeve of a pink jeogori that had a wide tear. I didn’t ask him anything because, I know he must have a very good reason for not coming home. Instead, I just smiled at him. After that day, never came home again.
What didn’t he like about our home? We had a small television by the side and our mattresses were neatly folded up and placed in the small closet. The kitchen was small, but very homely. I always made dinner enough for two, although knowing that he would never come back.
It hurt my feelings to see how he rarely came home. I loved him so much and yet, he never told me once that he loved me. Usually, the husband makes the move first, right? So I decided to keep silent, and wait. I waited for you, no matter how long it took.
The street was crowded. But I always tried my best to get whatever I could for you, because, I knew you would be tired after whole day of working, right? I wish one day, you would come to the market with me. You could talk to those ahjummas, they wanted to see you so badly. Although some of them just shot me disgusted looks.
It pained me. Was it really so wrong to love you, Minho ah?
There were other boys and girls, around the same age as me too. I think, some of them knew you. All they did was stalk off and mutter crazy things like “he doesn’t have a wife”. What are they talking about? Minho, you ought to tell them the truth! How dare they say that, in front of me?
The girls, I bet they were insanely jealous of me. So I forgive them. The boys were disgusted too. They told me how gross it was to have such a relationship and they called me names that I never want to mention. A few of them, were however, extremely nice to me. Nicer than anyone had been to me before.
But you know, no one can take your place right?
My heart, it belongs to you only.
But you never came home to me. I loved you with all my heart and you actually decided to ignore it? Unless, you have a woman… Have you finally come to realized that you lost your feelings for me and cheated on me? That’s cruel, Minho. But I would not make assumptions until I saw it for myself.
Minho, can’t you see, how understanding I’m trying to be? Although your actions have stabbed my heart a thousand times. No physical pain can be compared to this. I wish you would come home. I would shower you with all the love I have in my heart and give you the sweetest kisses no one can ever possess.
After all, I love you the most.
“Taemin ah.”
There, one of those boys who treated me like a person. I smiled back, hopefully not looking too disappointed. Because I always hoped that it was you. “Good morning, Jinki sshi.”
“How are you?” He jogged up to me with the brightest grin. His smile was contagious. That was why I could not help but return a genuine smile this time.
“I’m fine, thank you. How about you?” I bowed slightly.
“I’m fine too,” He laughed, rubbing his stomach playfully. “I just had a wonderful meal of steamed chicken. I love my mother.”
“Wow, it sounds delicious,” I said faintly, struggling a little with the bags in my hand. The groceries were a little heavy today. And I did it all for you, Minho. Jinki helped me with the bags and grinned.
“Yeah, it tasted great. If you needed help you could ask me, Taemin ah.”
“Thank you,” I panted slightly.
“Aren’t you living alone?” He asked me quietly. I gulped, rubbing my hands together. I was once, not alone. I had you. But I nodded by head. “Then why…” He lifted the bags up a little.
I bit my lower lip. “I…”
“You’re waiting for him, aren’t you?” Jinki sounded upset. “Taemin, I don’t think he would…”
“No, he will,” I swallowed the lump down my throat and repeated the words with determination. “He will.”
We walked on to my house, just down the street. We greeted a few of the ahjummas we knew who were on their way to the market. I looked at the opposite shop that had bright lanterns hung by the sign. I froze in the middle of the street and Jinki too, stopped.
“Taemin, what’s going on?” He asked me worriedly.
What were you doing with that girl? Who in the world is she anyway? She was laughing and holding hands. With you. I wished I was her. So I was right, you were cheating on me. Why, Minho, why? I tried to be the best wife that you could ever have and this, this was how you repaid me? I purposely walked a little closer, while Jinki hurried behind me. I knew his mind was bombarded with questions, but now was not the time to answer them.
“Minho oppa, thank you, thank you so much for this!” She gushed, clutching onto the red scarf that had delicate designs on it. “I knew it cost you quite some money…”
Her voice was sickly sweet to the point where I felt like puking. Instead, your voice was heard next and my mind, was instantly cleared. My ears felt like it was hearing the sweetest music. “You’re welcome, Yoona. But it’s alright.”
She continued to bring the scarf to , covering her giggles. You brought it down with a gentle smile and kissed her forehead. “It’s because I love you.”
I gasped. Because… You loved her? I didn’t need anymore proof now, did I? You said it. And I heard it all. You two walked away slowly, having the time of your lives while I was left to crumble into pieces right here. I wouldn’t let it be this way, so I snatched the bags away from Jinki and sped down the main street, back home where I could cry my heart out.
It’s too much. I knew you saw me. Why wouldn’t you even defend yourself? I wish you would, knowing that maybe, you still wanted me by your side. Still sobbing, I grasped the scissors tightly in my hand, doing all the work that I could to make sure, I wouldn’t feel as sad as before.
I made sure, you would one day, become mine once again.
So I took the red scarf in my hand, and went home again, satisfied with today’s work. What a tiring day it had been for me. More tiring than the rest of the days. The scarf was just dirty. All I needed to do was just wash it. And wash it. And wash it thoroughly so that it would be clean for me to wear it.
What was going on? The atmosphere in Enbizaka was slightly tense as I walked through the main street. The ahjummas were whispering ever so quietly. One of them glanced at me and pulled me towards her small gathering. I bowed at her politely. “Ahjumma, what’s happening? Aren’t you supposed to be opening your stall my now?”
She shook her head, her eyes wide with terror. “No, go back home, Taemin ah. You’re a kid, he could come any moment now.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked quietly, my eyes not leaving hers.
“The girl from the rich house at the other end of the street has been killed,” she said in hushed tones, like everyone else. I nodded my head in understanding. A murderer. That was what she was trying to tell me.
But why so secretive? It’s the topic of the town. No point hiding things anymore, right? Despite the ahjumma’s advice for me to go home, I turned away from the small alley, which lead to my home from the main street.
I went for a short walk, to take my mind off things. I knew this place where the people would go to feed a few ducks in the pond. I loved that place and often, I saw you there. I would be watching you for a while until I realize that you wouldn’t even talk to me. So I left.
I sat on a lone bench, swaying my legs blankly. A few people waved to me, with a bright smile. They seemed to not know of the crime that broke out. Until a noona ran over and whispered into their ears. They gasped and hurried on, probably back home. The noona, with her eyes, told me to go home too and she left with quick steps.
But no, I was not going home. She walked across the bridge, patted some stranger with his girlfriend and told them something. They just nodded and left the girl to go home, a little unsatisfied that she wasn’t of much help. I hopped off the bench and went to the bridge.
Then, there you were. With another girl this time. I almost screamed in fury. Why are you doing this? Wasn’t Yoona enough for you? And, am I not enough for you? I’d be willing to give you anything!
But I didn’t scream. I saw your depressed face and I held back all my anger, so as not to make you more upset. You were leaning against a girl with brown hair, tied neatly into a bun. She was patting your back so lovingly that I could go right up to her and push her down the river. And let her drown for all I care.
I tried my best to hide myself and at the same time, listen to your conversation. All you did was mumble incoherent words. All I made out was, “she’s gone, gone”. The girl seemed to hiccup and returned to patting your back, to comfort you.
Minho, why won’t you let me comfort you? I can do so much better than her. And, whose gone? Do you miss her? It’s alright, you’ll get over it.
“Yuri,” you croaked, finally standing up. She cupped your cheek and gave a small peck on your lips. I gritted my teeth together. How dare she even claim those lips that were mine? I resisted the temptation of walking over to the couple, and kill the girl in an instant.
“It’s alright,” she cooed, and she wiped her own tears away. Minho nodded wordlessly and pulled out something from his pocket. He held it out with a small smile and she took it gleefully. I wonder what it was. Why do you give the girls gifts, while I have none?
It was clear, what she was holding. A light pink paint for the lips. I scoffed to myself, thinking why in the world would you give this to her. From the packaging, it looked expensive. You would do anything for them, and nothing for me. Not even a visit. Even if you didn’t love me anymore, I was hoping you would still want be by your side. Stop making me feel unwanted, Minho.
I rubbed my eyes continuously because of the unstoppable flow of my tears. You were so cruel to me. This was all your fault.
Everything was your fault.
I ran back home and held the scissors in my hand tightly. Yes, I will continue with my work. I would stop at nothing. You, Minho, you won’t stop me, because, you can’t. Nobody can’t.
The moonlight shone on me, and I let out a sigh after a tiring day of work. I have cried enough, and crying wouldn’t help me get you back. The tear stained scissors dropped to the floor with a deafening clatter compared to the silence. I fumbled around for the drawer and threw the lip paint into it, along with the mended scarf.
I shut it with a good amount of satisfaction.
In the darkness of my home, I could still see the scissors, half opened on the floor. I blinked for a moment, a little clueless. My memory was vague, I didn’t know why though.
Was my scissors always this color?
The next morning seemed better. I washed my hands for one hour, getting rid of the dirty stains that I did not want to see. My hand kept flashing red at me, so I had to wash it away before I turn crazy.
I rubbed my stomach, to only find how hungry I was. I went into the kitchen and prepared something for myself, to satisfy my hunger. I brought out the frozen chicken that Jinki had given to me some days back and fried it.
I bit into the meat and let out a hum of appreciation. Good, I needed something to fill my stomach after two days of tiring work. I finished the chicken up quickly and took a shower. The water flowed down my body, soothing every inch of my warm skin. I washed the sweat away and in a few minutes, I got ready to go to the market.
This time, the moment I stepped out of my house, and into the main street, all I saw was just dust. There was no one around this time. Only when I went further, was there people. They were not acting normal. They were running about, hysterical about something.
One of the only calm people, was someone I knew. He came up to me with his sharp eyes that darted across one end of the street to another. I bowed to him and he did the same. He held out a paper bag and I took it, looking inside.
“W-what’s this?” I managed to ask with a forced grin. Kibum sighed and handed me some money.
“It’s the dead girl’s jeogori. Her brother had paid quite an amount for this and he wished to mend it once more. I recommended you, again, seeing that you did quality work,” Kibum said a little flatly. “Anyway, it meant a lot to his dead sister and him.”
I recognized this. That Yuri girl wore it yesterday… I took the money. “Oh, thanks?”
“You should be thankful,” Kibum huffed. “At least, you have a job to keep.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Some others are closing down their shops for a while because of the murders that were happening. Two days straight,” Kibum explained. “I mean, they can’t do anything but fear their butts out. No money, no food. No food, that meant starving.”
Hmmm, that was quite an explanation. We stood in silence, exchanging a few glances.
“He’s a poor thing,” Kibum said, almost sadly.
“Who is?”
“The girl’s brother,” he replied. “He really loves her.”
Oh, thanks for that information, that never mattered to me once. Why would I care if he loved her? For all I knew, I only love Minho, and that’s that. “I see.”
“Anyway,” Kibum said, his eyes capturing every detail on my body. I quivered a little. “Take care, and don’t forget to clean your stained nails. I won’t say anything though.”
He walked away and I took a moment to register what he had just told me. My stained nails? I looked at them in horror. Inside my nails were bits of dark red, and I cleaned them furiously. Get off, get off! I felt like crying.
And, how did Kibum know? Why did he not want to say anything? Kibum was my good friend, until I told him that I was with Minho. He started talking to me less often but he took care of me, from the shadows which he hid himself in. I wonder why.
The market stalls were again, not opened. So I left for home, with a piece of work that I needed to complete in my hands. I stopped by a few shops that were lighted up for some materials.
The hairpin shop was my last stop. I touched the golden, flower hairpin in fascination, wondering how did they make such beautiful items. My thoughts were cut off immediately when I saw you standing with a girl.
Another girl.
She bore the same resemblance with the other girls- brown hair and eyes. You had a tired look but the way you stared at her so lovingly was enough to make me want to kill you. And her. But I would probably only kill her.
How heartless of you. While I stand here, looking longingly at the hairpin that I cannot afford, you had the very same hairpin in your hands and you paid for it. And then, you handed it over to that girl.
I clenched my hands around my pants as I looked at your, laughing with her when she made up some joke. I’m simply amazed by your ignorance. While I have been waiting and wanting you for so long, you’re off cheating on me. You’re really wonderful.
This is the third day that you’re making cry. But I held back my tears, I tried to be strong, because I had enough of this. Like I said, it was always your fault. You should blame yourself the sadness you’re causing. You’re bringing these fates to yourself. You could have changed it, but you’re so determined to stay with those girls. Fine, have it your way. I dropped the pin back onto the table and stormed back to the house where I huddled in one corner.
My lips stretch into a smile when I saw the scissors, on the table, with its stains. Yes, I shouldn’t be hiding my tears in the corner of my house. I should be continuing with my work. It’s important, and I remembered, nothing can stop me. Minho, you remember this.
It was always your fault from the start.
My shaking hands grabbed the scissors, my eyes wide and alert. I went off with my work, the scissors still tightly held on. I gave one last finishing touch and grinned. Yes, it’s better this way. I earned something from my hard work: the hairpin which I desired to have.
Carelessly, I tossed it back into the drawer when I was back at home. Another tiring, but satisfying day of work. Minho did not like me enough. You like all those girls, so I shall be them, to satisfy you. To please you. The night passed quickly as I excitedly wait for the day to arrive.
I cleaned the golden hairpin with a cloth and clipped it onto my blonde hair. I put on the scarf, and painted my lips light pink. Today, was the day, when you would return to me. I scanned my appearance through the mirror and smiled.
You would like it, right? I have put all three together, to perhaps, get an image of the girl you might like.
But I’m a boy. You wouldn’t mind, I know. After all, I’m your wife.
I walked into the main street where people were cautious of each other. I saw Minho, leaning against a pole and sighing to himself. Why do you look so down?
I walked up to him and gave my best smile. “Minho ah…”
He looked up and rose an eyebrow. He bowed at me. What’s with the formalities? I tried my best not to pounce on him and hug him with all my might. I missed you, why won’t you let me hear your voice? Finally, he opened his mouth and I was relieved. “Hello… How do you know my name?”
I was startled. Were you trying to play a prank on me? Of course I know your name, I’m your wife. “I-I…”
“I guess, you’ve heard about the deaths and you’re here to talk to me?” He assumed with a withering smile. I bit my lower lip in disappointment. No, that’s not it.
“N-No.”
“Then?”
“I-I… I’m Taemin, don’t you know?” I tried to smile, but I couldn’t. The tears built up in my eyes involuntarily. My heart broke. How, how could you not know me? Are you lying?
“I’m sorry, but I don’t know you,” He said, bowing apologetically. I stared at him for what seemed like eternity and he uttered the words, “nice to meet you” before walking away with a small limp.
H-how could you do this? I cried to myself in the middle of the street, embarrassing myself. I shunned away from all my friends and went back into my house without a word being said.
He was so cruel, he… He pretended like we’ve never met after he cheated on me. That bastard. After all that I’ve done for him. I took the scissors that was hidden underneath my pockets and I took a deep breath.
“Yes… it was your fault.”
From the start, you have brought this upon yourself.
Nothing would stop me from doing my work. I narrowed my eyes, looking at you with hatred. Nothing.
I held the scissors tightly in my hand and smirked. “Hello, my love.”
The market was in an uproar. Indifferently, I walked up to one of the stalls there were opened and asked for some fresh fish. One would do, one. The ahjumma shot me a questioning look, “you always bought two.”
“The other is not here anymore,” I muttered softly as I paid for the fish. She stared at me weirdly and I walked off. I rested right outside the market and sat on an empty bench, beside a lamp post. A group of ladies were in a circle, talking among themselves.
Of course I overheard them.
“… Even he died.”
“I wonder why.”
“Who was that girl… Seohyun? And his other sister…”
“Ah, they were all murdered. In four days!”
I rolled my eyes. Sisters. They were not sisters. He was cheating on me. I walked away with a small huff and bumped into Jinki.
“Hey, Taemin.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What?”
“Nothing!” He held his hands up defensively and I walked on, ignoring his calls behind me. I never intended to ignore Jinki. It's just that... You changed me. That's just so like you: cruel.
I reached home to see my scissors lying on the table. For four days it had been in my hands. Today, it was free from me. I held it up and tested it out a few times. Snap, snap, snap.
“Why is it red in color?”
It was your fault.
Right, reposted this. Done.
It's on tumblr too, ^^ xiaotofuuu.tumblr.com
-Haru
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