I trudged to school with a heavy heart.

It was the release of my results that day and my main source of strength, Jaejoong, was still in bed.

At least he was getting some sleep. I wanted to sneak in to see how he was doing but his door was locked.

His behaviour these few days were erratic. He would be the one who prepares breakfast for everyone but a few days ago, he burnt the toasts, added salt into Pa’s coffee instead of sugar and over spilled the milk when pouring it into a glass for Ma.

I caught him laughing to himself while watching a sad MV where there’s a scene in which the girl gets knocked down by a car. It was horrifying, really, and I’m talking about my brother’s reaction here.

At dinner last night, he poked the piece of meat on his plate with the knife like as if he was stabbing someone (most probably me) and when Ma asked him to stop, he flashed her a killer glare that scared the crap out of her and the family remained silent throughout the rest of the meal.

I mustered enough courage to knock on my parent’s bedroom door to tell them to send Jaejoong to the doctor to check on his mental health. They shrugged it off, stating that university life must have been taking a toll on him and that it was normal.

Normal!?

Are they that deluded!?

I was angry but I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t want to ruin my fragile relationship with my parents so I simply nodded and retired back into my bedroom.

‘Yoochun!’ my classmate nudged me, awaking me from my troubled thoughts, ‘it’s your turn to get the results.’

I wiped my sweaty palms on my trousers and stood up and went to the table at the front of the school hall where my homeroom teacher was.

His face was blank, so I had absolutely no clues on how I fared for my CSAT.

‘Yoochun, I can’t believe you could produce such results,’ his face was still unreadable.

He handed the slip of paper to me.

‘Your brother would be so proud of you,’ my teacher gave me a warm smile.

I practically snatched the paper from his hands and scanned though it quickly.

My eyes went wide in utter shock.

‘You’re fifth in rank for this exam in our school. Congrat-’

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‘Jaejoong!’ I screamed after slamming the front door shut.

I didn’t care about not having been talking to my brother for the past month.

No answer.

‘Jaejoong?’ I walked up the stairs and knocked on his bedroom door.

Still no response.

I knocked harder.

I sighed and opened the door.

‘!’ I scrambled into the bedroom and scooped the lifeless Jaejoong into my arms.

He was out cold.

How long had he been like this!?

As I made a call for the ambulance, I caught sight of a fallen bottle of pills. I ended the phone call and read the label on the bottle.

Jaejoong had bought over-the-counter sleeping pills.

I was sure he wasn’t trying to kill himself, but then again, he hadn’t been exactly sane these past few weeks…

Apparently, Jaejoong had an overdose of the pills and finally, the doctors told my parents that he was suffering from Insomnia.

My Ma broke down and my Pa hugged her as he reassured that Jaejoong was going to be strong enough to pull through this ordeal.

After Jaejoong’s condition was stable, which was a week later, I visited him alone.

I sat on the bed beside him and said, ‘Hey, if you don’t wake up, I’m not going to tell you my results.’

I must have been hallucinating, because I swore I saw Jaejoong’s eyes flutter.

‘Fine, be that way,’ I left the room quietly.

, just how childish can you get, Yoochun?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up to the faint smell of vomit and saliva.

I opened my eyes slowly as my eyes took time to adjust to the lighting in the room. I then saw Yoochunnie asleep in a chair beside my hospital bed.

‘Were you the one who found me?’ I smiled.

Yoochunnie must have heard my voice and immediately jolted up from his sleep.

‘Jaejoong!’ he launched forward to give me a bone-crushing hug.

‘Ouch, you’re tugging at the tubes stuck everywhere on my body,’ I groaned in pain.

‘I’m sorry,’ Yoochunnie looked at me sheepishly.

‘I’m sorry too, for saying what I said after you slapped me,’ I closed my eyes, trying my best to force my tears back.

‘I shouldn’t have done that, please forgive me, Jaejoong!’ Yoochunnie immediately got on his knees to beg for my forgiveness.

‘Get up! Get up quickly!’ I panicked and tried to get up myself, only to be stopped by the pain all over my body.

I groaned.

Yoochunnie got up and helped pressed a button with a control that raised the bed so I could sit upright and face him.

‘Jaejoong, did you mean what you said? About me being a burden…that I prevented you from living your life and having to always worry about my wellbeing.’

‘I don’t know why I said that, but Yoochunnie, I didn’t mean those hurtful words. I swear, I didn’t mean them!’ I leaned forward slightly as I was agitated and looked Yoochunnie in the eyes.

‘Okay, relax!’ Yoochunnie made me lie back on the bed, ‘I thought you had finally given up on me.’

‘I will never give up on you. And I’m sorry for avoiding you this past month.’

‘You’re just stressed, that’s all.’

I kept quiet.

‘The doctor said that you’re going for psychiatric help after you’re discharged from here.’

I just nodded.

‘And about my results, I did better than I expected.’

‘I knew you could do it,’ I playfully messed up his hair.

‘But…’

‘You want to study Visual Arts right?’

‘You read me like a book, don’t you.’

‘I don’t have to read you, I know you by heart.’

‘Have I ever told you how much I love you?’ Yoochunnie grinned.

‘I don’t know about that… but it might refresh my memory if you did it once more,’ I smirked.

‘What benefits would I get in return if I do so?’

‘I can picture you happily schooling in KNUA (Korea National University of Arts), painting freely…’ I tempted.

‘I LOVE YOU MORE THAN MY ENTIRE ING LIFE! I CAN’T DO WITHOUT YOU!’ Yoochunnie cut in and screamed with his eyes shining with glee.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Yoochun, which universities are you looking at?’ Pa asked during dinner on the day Jaejoong was discharged from the hospital.

‘Erm…’ I struggled.

‘He is going to KNUA, end of story,’ Jaejoong said with a serious tone.

‘What!? An Arts school!? Are you out of your mind!?’ Pa spat at me.

‘Yoochun, you can easily get into one of the top 10 universities in our country, why that college though?’ Ma stopped eating.

‘I will walk out of this house if Yoochunnie doesn’t get into that school,’ Jaejoong stood up.

I tried to speak but no words came out of my mouth.

‘What nonsense, Jae dear! Calm down and think rationally!’ Ma tried to get Jaejoong to sit down but to no avail.

‘Jaejoong, stop this nonsense right now!’ Pa warned.

‘You both should be the ones stopping your nonsense! Yoochunnie loves art, is good at it and should be working on his passion and honing his skills in it! Forcing a career path on him isn’t going to work out because he would only drop out!’ Jaejoong reasoned.

Ma and Pa shut up.

‘But…’ Pa began.

‘I won’t take no for an answer,’ Jaejoong stated matter-of-factly.

I was cold sweating in my seat. It was strange that Jaejoong and my parents were the ones fighting and arguing over my future.

‘Fine, Yoochun can go study in KN-whatever that school’s called,’ Pa was pissed off at his lack of options.

Ma just nodded dumbly.

‘Thank you, Ma, Pa. Such good parents you are,’ Jaejoong’s (evil) smile and (menacing) glint in his eyes made them squirm uncomfortably in their seats.

Jaejoong seriously knows which buttons to push…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~