the championship wasn’t exactly theirs. they lost in the finals, but they had gotten far nonetheless. runner up isn’t so bad. with that marking the end of their season, sooyoung’s team hosts a little house party. it’s the first time sooyoung has seen seungwan dolled up since high school graduation, (which actually wasn’t even six months prior). and she guesses there isn’t a good end to the night for her when she receives an image from seungwan.

it’s just a picture of seungwan’s look for the night. she worries it’s too formal for a house party, and even if it is, she is painfully, (literally), gorgeous. sooyoung tells her that. these parts of seungwan were always nice. the little snippets just for sooyoung, snippets sooyoung could be selfish with.

she and seungwan are standing by the counter with piles of bottles too close for comfort. someone bumps them into each other, and seungwan wordlessly intertwines their fingers when their arms brush. sooyoung’s body reaction immediately. she tastes the blood and smells the flower before anything, and her smile drops as she excuses herself from the conversation.

sooyoung barely slips away. she barely makes it, curling over a bin when three full petals soaked in blood make their way up . part of her is relieved she didn’t drip any blood stains to worry over. the door opens, and sooyoung wonders which drunk has decided to stumble up the stairs and into her room of all places. she’s already planning how she’ll chew this loser out.

“sooyoung.”

sooyoung freezes. it’s seungwan. all of sooyoung’s sharp, maliced scolding falls to the back of as she coughs up petals again. think. she just needs to think of something to say, and seungwan can go back to the party while sooyoung deals with this.

too many ideas run through her head. she could lie about who it is? or she could tell the truth and say it’s not so bad? that’s still lying. she’ll get over it? yeah. yeah that’s the one. tell the truth, admit the severity, but verbally acknowledge that she is attempting to get over it. maybe that’s what she needs to do to really get over it.

seungwan sits next to her. sooyoung looks for a moment. maybe she’ll get lucky, and seungwan won’t even ask. then she won’t even have to speak.

but then seungwan combs her fingers through sooyoung’s hair. and she tucks the front pieces behind sooyoung’s ears while looking at every feature on sooyoung’s face.

sooyoung smiles weakly. hiding has been hard. volleyball has been hard. and she can’t even care about anything else when she’s dying over her best friend.

so she closes her eyes, letting her head lull into seungwan’s hand even just for a moment of rest.

she’s at her mercy anyway.

the moment of rest ends when, for an instant, seungwan presses her forehead against sooyoung’s. sooyoung doesn't have the energy to be shocked at their proximity, but she tries to open her eyes. her eyelids are heavy, and she can’t make out the words to ask what they're doing. so she keeps them closed, allowing the tears to run down her cheeks and onto seungwan’s hands.

“can i,” seungwan whispers, hovering against sooyoung’s lips. her question goes unasked, but not unanswered.

at first, seungwan tastes like jello and vodka and a little bit of a truly they were sharing. she’s gentle, like sooyoung could take this kiss back. her hand falls to sooyoung’s neck, and she stiffens for an instant when sooyoung’s hand meets her waist. sooyoung begins to taste the heavy tang of blood and an earthy floral taste on seungwan’s tongue.

then she feels a cough coming. she pulls away, and seungwan lets out a noise that could’ve been a whine, chasing after sooyoung’s warmth.

she stops when a petal falls from sooyoung’s lips. sooyoung is surprised at its lack of blood. she watches is it float over a deep red bloodied mess. the only petal without a drop of her blood.

“why didn’t you tell me?” there it is. and sooyoung forgets all her other planned answers.

“i didn’t know how to.”

“yeah,” seungwan takes to playing with her own fingers. her cuticles suddenly captivated her. “me neither.”

sooyoung is about to ask what she means. she turns to see seungwan eyeing the ground between them. then sooyoung sees unfamiliar half bloodied petals next to her.

“i ran up to check on you, and i coughed it up before i opened the door.” seungwan swipes her fingers under her eyes, now damp mascara staining her knuckles black.

sooyoung doesn’t really know what to say. so she thumbs at seungwan’s tears till seungwan laughs at how quick sooyoung is to catch any tears from their freefall.

“why the crying?” sooyoung is only half joking when she asks. it’s meant to cheer seungwan up, like a theoretical question. but seungwan turns her back to sooyoung to lays down in sooyoung’s arms like she belongs there. she traces the hand that lands over stomach if only to keep sooyoung close.

“because i’m overwhelmed. i ran up here to see my best friend, whom i am in love with, spitting bloodied petals into a bin. i sat down to hold you and be your best friend, then i succumbed to my very selfish desire to kiss you and ease my own ache, only to find out you are in love with me too. that’s a lot, isn’t it?” mascara left for dead, seungwan answers with a soft smile gracing her lips. the only sniffles leftover from the tears that didn’t fall.

“yeah it is. i think you’re pretty even when you cry.” sooyoung stands up, carrying seungwan up to her feet with her. “and i think you’re even prettier asleep.”

the smile sooyoung receives is bright and tired. and her chest tightens around the urge to kiss her again. seungwan seems to notice the way sooyoung glances at her lips when they’ve reached sooyoung’s closet. despite all the clothes seungwan had left in there, she picks out sooyoung’s comfiest pajamas, smiling when she sees sooyoung has protests on her lips.

“you’re allowed to kiss me, you know” she teases. “maybe i’ll give your clothes back.”

“no you won’t.” sooyoung scoffs before kissing seungwan’s knowing smile away, closing the door behind her.

she sleeps soundly that night. after seungwan slapped her silly when she sporadically started taking her clothes off, (she was only changing! they’ve changed together before). and she can’t even hear her own thoughts when the music downstairs gets loud, but seungwan scooches closer at every beat drop. then the citrus tang of her shampoo and the steady motion of her breathing lulls sooyoung to sleep without another word.