it begins at the first volleyball game sooyoung is starting in. she looks up in the stands to see her best friend whooping and clapping, clad in school pride, and she has to hold a petal in till she gets subbed out.

the occurrence isn’t unexpected. just, inconvenient? she thinks that it was probably inevitable with how she and seungwan were, (always just a little too close). besides, this is an after-the-game priority. she’s got a game to win.

sooyoung even forgets about it till coach kwon grabs her arm on her way off the court and whispers, “stay after the game.” presumably, she saw how sooyoung threw the petal away before the timeout huddle. she can’t really tell what coach thinks about it. hopefully, she’s a little sympathetic.

perhaps, she just wasn’t inconspicuous. she threw the first one away. the others were stuffed into her sleeve to deal with after. despite all her attempts at seeming normal, her entire team shoots her worried glances as they leave the locker room. team captain tells her to text them when and if she can come out for dinner. sooyoung agrees to come knowing she’ll probably pass on it tonight. she doesn’t exactly want dinner with an extra serving of, “sooyoung are you okay?”

“it’s your friend seungwan. right?” coach has her arms crossed as she leans against the wall in the locker room. she knew her girls. even if sooyoung was new to the team, coach was observant, (you’d have to be blind to miss seungwan and sooyoung anyway). when sooyoung mumbles an affirmative response, she doesn’t expect a firm grip on her shoulder. and she doesn’t expect to look up to her coach tearing up through her own glassy eyes.

“we are going to help you out through this.” it’s exactly what sooyoung needs to hear. she doesn’t want to go over it or get around it or go under it. she wants to let it pass it’s course, (hopefully without killing her).

sooyoung doesn’t know when the first tear fell. it’s warranted though. the beginning of her college volleyball career is the same day flowers blossom in her chest.

flowers are the invader here. they’ve been part of her for three hours, and yet they’ve already become the central topic of her thoughts. everything else is extraneous information.

and she doesn’t know what she’s going to do, how she’s going to move forward. she knows she needs to, but for now, she clings to the warmth of her coach’s hug, crying into the embroidery of their school logo.

“i’m so proud of you!” seungwan stands up from her seat by the locker room door. their hug knocks the air out of sooyoung. like her lungs were trying to push up against her chest cavity. like the flowers were moving towards their sun.

“coach wanted to congratulate me.” sooyoung says through a tired smile. it’s still clear as day that she was sobbing in there.

“the others invited us to dinner if you’d like to go?”

of course they did because they’re all too sweet to exclude their biggest fan. and sooyoung thinks seungwan is too sweet to say no to.

no one speaks about it for the entirety of dinner. her captain shoots her a text about how they’ll do everything they can to help her, but they all know they can’t do much. sooyoung appreciates it anyway. the best they can do is pretend it isn’t happening.

and they’re perfect at it.