Donghae joins SM Entertainment in 2001, a young boy filled with the dreams of his father to become a singer and dancer. He enters the towering building, with its intimidating officials and imposing celebrities, carrying his heart in hand and optimism in mind. He is awed by the view and quickly jumps into the stream of becoming a star. Lessons in singing, acting, dancing, variety, languages, the list goes on and on and he tackles them all with a fervor that surprises even himself.

Donghae watches from afar as he sees a trainee the same age as him, yearning for the same spotlight. They are so young when they meet, trainees in the same company, nothing more than small kids with big hopes. He remembers when he first met him in the cafeteria, but wasn’t quite able to catch his name for one reason or another. He remembers the sudden swell, the desire to become friends, but immediately squashed the idea - after all, there is no room for friendship in this cutthroat industry. Running tirelessly towards the same goal, it’s a race for who is the next to be chosen. Everyone is vying for the chance to sing, to shine, to debut. Every trainee in the company that dances better, that looks better, that just is better in any way could be the one that takes away your spot in a future group. 

Donghae and the boy can see how the other is competition, the late nights practicing and stumbling upon the other dancing in a studio, scrutinizing each other and sizing the other up as ‘is he the one they’ll replace me with?’ Regardless, they practice for what they’re worth and then some, working away for the day that will change their lives from struggling ordinary teenagers to mature idols that are looked up to and praised, loved and adored by all. 

Donghae side eyes the boy; always looking at his moves, his improvements as his dancing becomes better and sharper, comparing them to himself as he struggles to learn the moves as well. He’s frustrated, but can’t help himself in his admiration of the boy. Donghae finds the boy with the bright smile and cheeky remarks fascinating. He has stars in his eyes and dreams to work toward as he runs top speed at them, and Donghae finds strength from this to keep going on, even if he does stumble while running along the way.

One day, he learns that the boy he calls his competition is actually named Hyukjae. Once again it’s late and he finds himself in one of the practice rooms, only to see it taken by the boy. Except… this time, it’s different. He walks in and the boy is sprawled out on the floor, music still blaring in a strange contrast between the heavy bass and the silent boy.

He turns to go, only to be stopped by a voice. He sounds… tired. Worn out, maybe? “Hey. What’s your name?” Donghae hesitates, his hand already on the door knob. He swallows heavily before turning around. “Donghae. My name is Donghae.” The boy has his arm covering his eyes, blocking out the bright light overhead, perhaps. He peeks one eye out from under his arm, staring at him. He cracks a small smile before motioning with his other hand. “Come here. Sit down with me.”

He can hear it now. The rough, raspy edges and small breaks in his voice. He looks up to make sure but he’s still covering his eyes, and so instead he plops down and stares at his lap, fiddling with his fingers. Donghae is a bit nervous but the boy is great at jokes and making conversation, and before he knows it they’re both enthralled with talking for what seems like hours. They talk about everything under the sun, and even beyond it as Donghae tells him about his conspiracy on aliens and how the world is actually ruled by them and we just don’t know it. The room is filled with laughter for once, instead of the heavy beat of music and the scuffle of shoes. Donghae finds that he likes it. 

Donghae looks at the time and realizes that it is actually incredibly late, and he was here probably for far longer than he should have been. He still has to get home and he’ll be dead in the morning when he has to crawl out of bed for school. He tells this to the other boy and he laughs, the sound light and amusing. “I’ll see you another time then?” The question hangs in the air for a beat and Donghae finds himself nodding genuinely as he gets up to leave.

Just as Donghae’s about to leave, the boy stops him once more. “By the way, my name is Hyukjae.” His arm is gone and he can see it, the tinge of redness in his eyes that tells of tears and pain. Donghae watches him while rolling the name around on his tongue. “Hyukjae.” Donghae says, sounding it out. “Hyukjae,” he says once more before he sees the once nameless boy give him a hopeful smile and a nod. “Yeah, that’s me. Nice meeting you.” 

He realizes that all of them are running along the same path. He knew this. Really, he did. But now he fully sees that all of them are fragile and cradling their dreams in their arms, nurturing them and putting just as much effort and heartache into their dreams as he has been doing. Just hoping, wishing, waiting. All just like him. It seems like such a simple thing, but it’s such a revelation to him that it shakes him. He shares something with all these people. Something in him changes that day, when he meets Hyukjae with his bright smile and boundless energy.

He also learns that maybe they’re taking everything way too seriously, and serious was never Donghae’s forte. That maybe, instead of thinking of everyone as rivals, he should see them as potential band mates. Friends. It certainly would make his life much easier and more enjoyable. They may be working hard towards a seemingly endless goal, but they’re still young with a lifetime ahead of them. So, he learns to enjoy the company of others, learns to laugh again wholeheartedly and lean on people when he needs to. It’s amazing; rather than envying them, he finds that he can now appreciate their talents and how every single one of them are beautiful in their own way. He loves them all dearly, like family. 

Although all of SM is his family, he finds that Hyukjae is special. Hyukjae just… understands him. They get along perfectly and the pieces just seem to fall in place.  He’s not sure how to describe Hyukjae, but he knows that he has now become an essential part of his life.

They’re leaning against a wall, taking a break after practicing together for what seems like ages. “I have a nickname for you, actually.” Hyukjae turns towards him, question evident in his eyes. Donghae gives a goofy smile, a little embarrassed for admitting such a thing. “Dancing Machine. I think it suits you well.” Hyukjae laughs abruptly, loudly at Donghae’s confession. 

It’s there again, the radiant smile that’s contagious, making Donghae smile until he can’t take it anymore and starts laughing with Hyukjae as well. Their joyful sounds fill the studio, erasing their fears and worries about whether their dreams really will come true one day, if only temporarily. The studio, once a place of constant practice and diligent hard work, has turned into a place where he can have fun and be himself. He feels lighter, the two of them quieting but still sharing their silly smiles. Light enough to fly, he thinks, as he stares at the clouds on the opposite wall. 

Donghae has had a question lingering in the back of his mind for a long time now, always just shy of asking. He is quiet for a moment before finally blurting it out. “What made you ask me to sit with you that day in the practice room?” Hyukjae smiles softly, remembering the moment. “You looked like you needed a friend. God knows I needed one too. Fate, maybe?” Donghae laughs and switches the topic, but not before whispering a quiet thanks to the universe for deciding that Hyukjae belonged in his life.

And so Hyukjae holds out his hand towards Donghae, eyes bright as he tells him they’ll run forward together. Donghae’s smile is too big, too eager (but really is there such a thing?) as he grabs hold of Hyukjae’s hand and they run head on without looking back. 

-

They’ve made it.

The lights were burning and the outfits were tight and the makeup sat oddly on their faces. But they did it. Cameras showing them on TV to people all over Korea and fans screaming their names and adrenaline still humming through their veins. They’re backstage and they’re yelling and crying, realizations that they’re finally here and it’s happening and all that hard work has paid off at last. Their smiles are wider than their face can allow, happiness bubbling over as the music still echoes in their head. 

Donghae and Hyukjae- no, Eunhyuk (he’ll need to roll his tongue around on that name for a while) are hugging each other tightly and sobbing as they remember the nights spent memorizing last minute choreography and the last second doubts and anxiety that crashed wave after wave upon them. The tears and the laughter, the passion and the drive to continue on, all coming together for this moment right here, right now. The beginning of forever.

-

It’s harder than he’d thought it’d be. Somehow, the hours and training have gotten even longer and there’s less time for even the small things he used to do for himself. Sometimes he’d look in the mirror and forget that it’s himself he’s looking at, the way his face seems to have changed and the way his hair has become the canvas of the stylists. 

“Hey, you alright?” Slumped over the sink, Donghae turns around to see Hyukjae-no, Eunhyuk leaning on the door frame. His hair is a bright yellow, eyes heavily accented and screaming ‘look at me’. He already has his makeup done, masking imperfections and emphasizing his features. His smile is still the same though; the one that picked him up on gloomy days and made him laugh harder than he knew was possible. Donghae nods, turning back towards the mirror above the sink. “Yeah, I was just splashing some cold water on my face first before getting my makeup done.” 

Eunhyuk stares at him, before standing upright and stepping closer. “You know I’m here for you, right?” He looks worried for his friend, best of friends really, as he says this. “Yeah, I know. You’re always there.” It’s Hyukjae that smiles and Donghae feels better, knows that things will be alright. He can feel it in his core before dragging Hyukjae out the door with a new lively smile on his face, ready to take on the world once more.

It gets better, really it does. The hours are still long and the work still exhausting, but he feels blessed to even be given this opportunity and receive the neverending love of so many. Life couldn’t get better, just like their song says.

-

Seventeen years and he’s still going strong. The members give him strength to get up in the morning, teasing each other that they’re getting old as they get together for the coming schedules. ELF encourages him when he’s tired during the day as he hears them chanting and cheering them on, their love supporting them as they promise forever. It’s Eunhyuk’s-no, Hyukjae’s smile though, that keeps him going at the end of the day. It always will be. It’s the most important thing to him, he’s learned. If Super Junior and ELF are the food and water he needs to live, Hyukjae is the air he breathes every day to survive.

It's weird, he thinks, how he accidently found what was most important to him after chasing his lifelong dream.

Hyukjae grumbles as he feels the bed sheets lifting and the poke of cold toes and warm arms. “…mmmph. Really? Stop breaking into my place. Can’t you ever sleep on your own? I’m not a human pillow, you know.” Donghae doesn’t listen and wraps himself around Hyukjae, nestling his head in and laughing when Hyukjae smacks his grabby hands.”Noooo! How could I live without you Hyukkie? I don’t need anything else!” He hears Hyukjae scoff and can practically hear the flush rising in his face. “Shut up. It`s been how long now? 23 years? And you still can't be on your own.” Donghae sticks out his tongue, pouting at Hyukjae’s cruel words.

“You’ll always be here, right?” he mumbles later, his voice muffled by Hyukjae’s shirt. Hyukjae is quiet for a moment, so long that Donghae lifts his head up to look at him indignantly, a complaint already on his lips. That smile… of course it’s there, and he’s smiling down at Donghae, eyes sparkling with mischief, knowing that he would look up eventually and start whining. He silences his worries quietly, “How could you doubt me? Of course..” His arms tighten softly around Donghae as the latter’s eyes droop and his breathing evens out. “Always…” Hyukjae whispers as he closes his eyes too.

-

Donghae’s found what he’s been looking for all along, and he’s never letting go.