Jihyo could still vividly remember the day her old self died.

It started with a thought. Something was wrong– going to be wrong. That was the start.

But then she realized it was. It really was. 

Life was passing by at high speed. One moment she was twenty, young and free. Her feet up, rejecting change, allowing the freedom of being young, sank in. Shrugging off anything that threatened to have any meaning.

“I need endings,” Jihyo would claim. In her mind, she always reasoned that endings happened because we fought with the questions of what if’s. We got answers because we seek for one. We womaned-up. We fought.

So once when the door for constant change appears…

She walked in.

All the fame, all the consistent mission for growth, heartbreaks, and sleepless nights, she thought she had already learned the techniques of life. She thought nothing— no one— could hurt her. She had fought bravely with hundreds of what if’s, what else could’ve hurt her?

Not until when she turned thirty.

What kind of life was she leading? Jihyo had started to become static, standing on the platform of confusion, watching time after time go by, wishing she knew what would happen next so she didn’t have to be surprised by another disappointment deferring for her.

But then, she met them.

She met him.

Her interest even now more pigging. He is capable. Often being too gentlemanly— far from her liking but constantly yearn his presence everywhere. They laughed together, swooned, wiped happy tears from each other’s faces for years…

Then she fell in love.

—But not mutually.

Once Jihyo had realized she was fallen to Jongkook’s charm and caring nature, it was too late. There was no turning back once you saw how deep you had already sow for your own grave—her heart's grave.

Sweet thing was sweet, seeing him glazing at her when worried. His touch affectionate, his words nothing but endearing. It was hard to see the beauty of the world without him. Even though he was such a pain to be around for all the constant nagging, Jihyo loved seeing his shining smiles and good-humoured face.

All the good and bad times they shared, Jihyo had thought she should hold her eyes up and tell Jongkook what he needed to hear, what she wanted to say. 

On the third week of December, a few days before Christmas, She womaned up and texted Jongkook to meet her under the sycamore tree in his village playground. Rehearsing silly lines of confession and hope. 

Finally, she was brave enough.

Jihyo waited for an hour or so, standing in that vast area all alone. Her watch ticked loudly under the silent night, freezing, nose runny as she waited and waited and waited for him to finally arrive.

Once her gaze saw Jongkook crossing the street about a block away from her spot, her heart started beating loudly. Her palm began to sweat furiously as if it was not twenty-eight degrees celsius that night. 

But once she had seen a woman emerging from his back, eyes smiling, hands clasping, Jihyo, to her surprise, burst into silent tears. Her huge enthusiasm dropped at a sudden turn, and like the old times, the world has already turned black and white.

The way Jongkook had slipped his arms around that woman for a hug, or the way he dragged his lips over her soft cheek and forehead, it all burned the picture of a perfect night Jihyo thought she could have with Jongkook. 

The certainty she should not expect. All the months of failed attempts for confession. A huge gust of wind shook her senses, disappointment enveloping her mind, and her heart shattered into a million pieces— her love for Jongkook will never be reciprocated the way she wants it to be.

When Jongkook and his woman were a few meters away, Jihyo subdued herself, trying so hard to blink the painful set of tears— once again womaned up and wore her fakest smile. Jongkook was happy. At least, either one of them had finally become the receiving end of a mutual love— one that she could no longer have for Jongkook already belonged to someone else.

“This is Jihyo, one of my closest friends. I’m sure you know her.”

Hyojung. Her beauty painstakingly intimidating. Big eyes, tanned skin, and a petite figure, Jihyo had quite understood why he had fallen for her. “Hello, Jihyo-ssi. I have heard so much about you. Nice meeting you.” 

“I’m sorry it takes too much time, but I have long planned to introduce Hyojung to you but I couldn’t get the best opportunity until this day,” Jongkook explained after, h