Part 1: Smells Like Green Apples

If there’s one thing you are known for, aside from being the daughter of a well-known businessman, and the heiress of your family’s overseas company, it is that you’re a runner. Everyone in your previous school knows you as the star member of the track team, even now that you are in university, people still know you as Ahn Yujin, the charming track team member and still the star athlete. If you are being honest don't actually know what to feel about it, especially the charming part. Because for you, what is the point of being labeled as ‘charming’ if that so-called ‘charm’ isn’t working on the only girl you like, right?

They are, however, right about your love for running. You run when you are stressed out or when you need to think. Nothing compares to the runner’s high you get when you run. That sudden rush, the elation you feel, the feeling of being limitless and in control. When you run, nothing seems to matter anymore, you feel relaxed, and every obsessive thinking of everything that’s bothering you just stops. You just get so lost in it, all that you are aware of is your heartbeat, and your shoes hitting the pavement, and all your thoughts just dissipate into the air. It’s almost out of body experience, just like meditating.

That is how running works for you, and how you wish you could make your father understand. But then he’s the reason why you started to run, why you discovered how great it feels to run. Him and his suffocating expectations. You’re a runner, you so love to run. You are a certified runner, literally and well, maybe figuratively. But just like any other coping mechanism, running doesn’t always work. Just like tonight, running isn’t enough to shut down your mind and stop thinking about what your father told you during dinner.

+++

“This is your last year in university, correct?” Your father started out of the blue, causing you to momentarily stop chewing your food.

You are having your usual dinner in silence, your father may be busy with the company but he is somehow committed to his routine of having dinner with you at least once a week, and tonight is one of those nights. It is only once a week yet you never look forward to it, you dread it. Your father allotting a night of his busy week just so he can remind you of things that are expected of you. You hate it cause that is not how a family dinner should be, right? You never had a proper family dinner so you are not sure if you’re right.

Your father’s question is so simple yet you already know where this conversation is going. So, you released a sigh before saying, “Yes, that’s right”

“You should focus on your academics this year, you can’t slack off right now that you are already graduating,” He said, you looked up and his eyes were already on you. Those stern and calculating eyes never fail to make you feel so small despite being 5 ft 8.

“I never slack when it comes to my studies,” how can you slack if he’s reminding you every week how you should perform well in your studies as if that’s the only way for him to acknowledge you as his daughter?

He only nodded at what you said and went back to his food. While you watch him, wondering. You released another deep breath and reached out for your drink when he spoke again, his next words causing you to nearly drop the glass you are holding.

“You should quit the track team so that you can focus more on your studies”

It was a command, not a suggestion. You turned your eyes back to him, your eyes wide and your mouth slightly agape, you already anticipated for this dinner to be dreadful but you didn’t see this coming, you didn’t expect him to say those words.

“You don’t want to?” He asked when he saw your reaction, his brow slightly raising. He has this expression on his face as if he is wondering why you reacted like that. As if it is wrong for you to react like that.

“It’s…” you started your voice trembling, not because you are terrified of your own father but because you are upset. You dragged your eyes away from his scrutinizing eyes and swallowed the lump in your throat. “It’s not like that, father. I just…”

“Just what?” He asked impatiently, one thing about your father, he is extremely impatient. He has no time for people who like to beat under the bush.

“I just don’t understand why I have to quit the team,” You said, your hands clenching the napkin on your lap “I never slacked on my studies, father” You added, looking up at him again

“What part of you need to focus on your studies this year, that you don’t understand?” he replied, crossing his arm in front of his chest as he leans back in his chair “You will be leading the company one day, and won’t be using your running skills in managing the company, Yujin. You need to grow up and stop focusing on things that don’t even matter” he added

How about my well-being? Does my happiness don't matter? Running and being part of the team is the one thing that makes me happy.

You bit the inside of your cheeks to stop yourself from talking back and saying those words. You know your father, your thoughts don’t matter to him. He doesn’t care about what you have to say, all that matters to him is for you to follow his orders.

“You would quit the track team and focus on your studies. You will also spend one day of your week with me in the company, to familiarize yourself with how our company works” He said with finality in his words. It’s always his way or the highway, “Do you understand that now?”

“Understood, Sir” you weakly answered, biting your lower lip to prevent yourself from crying.

+++

Your dear father wants you to focus on your studies. But if you are being honest, your program drains you. It’s just the first month of the semester and you already want to quit the program. Your freeloading block mates annoy you, your program requirements are too much and your inability to write frustrates you to the core but all those things are incomparable to the stress and frustration your own father causes you. His expectations towards you, the responsibilities he’s giving you. It’s just so exhausting. And now he wants you to quit something that makes you happy and relaxed.

So yeah, to say that you had a bad day is an understatement. Your day is awful, terrible, and overall just stressful. You just want to quit, stop. After all, what's the point of all these? You don’t even know what the hell you are doing or what the hell you really want with your life. It seems like you are having a midlife crisis at 22.

Your thoughts are starting to overwhelm you, so you take a deep breath and focus your eyes on the building in front of you. There’s a digital clock on top of the building, saying it’s already half past nine in the evening and you’ve been standing here since eight pm. It’s been over an hour and up until now, you can’t decide whether you’ll cross or not. You can already feel your feet aching from standing still for too long. It was only recently that you found out that aside from running and writing, there’s another way to calm your nerves, it’s watching. That is the reason why you are here, standing at the side of the road at this hour trying to convince yourself that this is enough while knowing full well that it isn’t.

With another deep breath, you decided to cross the street and walked towards the cafe but stopped short just right in front of the entrance. From here you can already see her behind the counter, with her head down. It seems she’s writing something, she’s just there minding her own business and you can feel the tense muscle in your body start to relax. You smiled to yourself, pulling the door open and walking straight to where she is. You stood in front of the counter waiting for her to look up, which she didn’t do because she seemed so lost in her own world. For the second time tonight, you smiled again, she has always been like that.

After a few moments, you cleared your throat causing her to look up. Your eyes meet hers and you fight the urge to smile. No, you shouldn’t do that. You two are not on that level.

“What can I get you?” She said and you can hear the lack of enthusiasm in her voice. You got to admit that it affects your mood but instead of saying anything, you focus your eye on the menu board just above her head pretending like you’re having a hard time choosing what to order. You aren’t actually here to buy drinks or eat something, you just had your dinner at your house before coming here.

“One burger and Hazelnut Latte, please,” you said after a few minutes. You brought your eyes back to her and she’s… staring at you, which made you self-conscious because you have no idea why Minjoo would stare at you like this is the first time she ever saw you.

After a few seconds, she blinked before scribbling down your order and her brows furrowed. You can’t help but think that maybe she’s judging you for ordering coffee and a burger together. Those two don't go well with each other. The only reason you ordered them together is simply that it would take a longer time to prepare them. And you would do anything just to spend some time close to this clueless girl right here.

“Onions?”

“Yes please,” you said, tapping your fingers on the granite countertop. You can’t help but feel just how awkward and uncomfortable this exchange is. So you did what you’re good at, “On the latte” you continued which earned a glare from her.

There it is, her signature glare. Her reaction is just so satisfying that you can’t help but laugh as you pay for your order. You are still laughing as you make your way to the table in the corner of the cafe. You just sit there and watch as she prepares your order. This is the only reason why you came here, your conversation with your father during dinner stressed the hell out of you that you need to leave the house and breathe.

And Minjoo? Well, she’s like a breath of fresh air. Seeing her or just simply being near her, being in her presence is enough to ease all the tension in your body. Staring at someone can be considered rude and weird, you know that but as much as you want to stop yourself, you can't help it, it's like your attention is being pulled to focus only on Minjoo, it is as if nothing else exists around you when your eyes are on her. The very same pull that you've been resisting since the very first time you saw her at the university. But that wasn’t the first you saw her.

It was four years ago. just a few days before the official start of the academic year. You were an incoming freshman, and you were both excited and terrified of starting another journey in your life. Being your father’s daughter you hate failing and making a fool out of yourself. Hence, as a countermeasure, you decided to visit a bookstore and buy some books for engineering that will help you get a head start. That’s when you saw her in the fiction section, busy browsing books. It’s her hair that got you; it’s hard not to notice her hot pink hair pulled into a messy ponytail. Strands of it fall freely to the side of her face. You thought of how weird her hair color is, but it suits her well, and it highlights her white complexion.

She’s… pretty.

Those are the words that keep on repeating inside your head, as you stood there at the end of the aisle, staring shamelessly at her. You don’t know how long you’ve been standing in there, completely lost at the sight of this girl with hot pink hair reading a book. You can’t understand why, but she looks so attractive just by doing that. You were brought back to your senses when someone bumped into you.

“I’m sorry,” you said out of reflex as you turned your head to the person. The said person just smiled and went on to where they were heading to. So you brought your eyes back to where you were looking, but the girl was gone. She’s not in there anymore.

You crane your neck looking for the hot pink-haired girl, and there you saw her walking towards the exit already. You contemplated whether you would go after her or not, but then you ask yourself, what will you say if you approach her? Your introverted self will just embarrass yourself. So you just watch as she exits the bookstore; there’s a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.

She was already out of sight when you decided to check what book she was reading. You caught a glimpse of the cover, so it wasn’t really hard for you to find it. You pulled out the book with a blue cover and smiled when you read the title.

“The Phantom Tollbooth,” you said, smiling to yourself. “What an interesting taste in books,”

That day you went home with a children’s literature novel in your hand instead of an engineering principles book.

You’d be lying if you’d said that you weren’t mesmerized by her beauty that day. It’s really her pink hair that got you, her hair at that time was hard to miss. Not everyone looks good with that hair color yet that day, Kim Minjoo looks ethereal. Like an angel who decided to descend on earth to grace humans with her beauty and her kindness. Maybe it’s the writer in you that got you talking like this, like a head-over-heels idiot.

But then according to your friend Yena, you indeed act like a fool when it comes to Minjoo. You have a crush on her, yeah it started as a little crush but right now, you know yourself it isn’t just a crush. You admire her, you like her, or maybe a bit more than that, whatever it is after like. All you know is that seeing her makes breathing easy, seeing her is like having a runner’s high. Maybe she’s indeed an angel.

Having feelings for Minjoo is something you never foresaw, it just happened. Your friend Yena can attest to how confident you are that you’re not going to have a crush on her, in the end, you ate your own words. Maybe your curiosity is to blame for that.

+++

Sakura, your cousin would always tell stories about her university days, she would always say how fun it is attending university. But then a month has passed since you started attending university and somehow you think college isn’t that fun. Honestly, it’s… borin