I always believe that

every man is actually born with invisible wings.

They take us fly high towards the blue sky,

being embraced by the wind,

indulging in the warmth sunlight

as we soar across the vast, seemingly endless horizon.

[Kwangmin’s POV]

I heard Jeongmin groaned in frustration as our teacher handed last week’s test results. He mumbled something about studying all night long and I pitied the boy for once again failing the subject. My other classmates also either cursed under their breath or sighed in depression while some yelled out in victory. I only glanced at the paper in my hand for a brief moment before shoving it randomly inside my rucksack, not even bothered by the red mark on the right corner.

“Those who failed have to take remedial class after school,” the teacher announced loudly in front of the class. The bell rang shortly after, signaling the end of the class and the beginning of another torturous hour for almost half of the people in the room.

I quickly put my things together and began heading to the door, but was stopped abruptly by a hand on my shoulder. “Kwangmin, where are you going? Shouldn’t you stay for the remedial class?” asked my best friend.

“I’m sorry, Jeongmin, but I have to go now,” I said in a rush.

“Youngmin?” he guessed. I nodded in response. Jeongmin took a deep breath and looked into my eyes; his face suddenly became serious. “…I’m sorry for telling you this, but I have to.”

I didn’t say a thing as I waited for him to speak. Jeongmin seemed hesitant for a second before carried on, “You’ve changed so much, Kwangmin. You don’t act like yourself lately. Failing math is… so not you, you know. You’ve also been skipping classes a lot and I start to get worried. It’s our senior year, so shouldn’t we be more serious about school? You might not even pass the final exams at this rate.”

His eyes were filled with concern as he spoke to me. I could only smile sheepishly in reply, not knowing what to say. All the things he stated were true. “…I know.”

Jeongmin sighed and patted my shoulder gently. “I know that this must be hard for you… But you aren’t alone, Kwangmin. I’m just merely disappointed because you’ve been keeping things to yourself lately and it worries me. You have to remember that I’ll always be there for you and help you through things.”

I lifted my head to meet my once group mate’s gaze and smiled. “Thank you, Jeongmin. But I’m fine,” I said reassuringly. “Anyway, I should get going now. See you later, okay?”

Jeongmin nodded in understanding as I made my way out of the classroom. I didn’t even bother to go home and head to that place straight from school. I wanted to get there as soon as possible since someone was waiting for me. And with that thought in my mind, I kept pacing through the streets, feeling the oxygen being taken out from my lungs as the speed of my legs increased.

~~~

I finally arrived at the destined place. Strong smell of disinfectant soon greeted me as I walked through the automatic door. Somehow, this place had become so familiar for me. I saw some men and women dressed in white walked by and slightly bowed at them. Somehow, it had also become a usual sight for me. After taking a lift that led me to the fifth floor, I got out and turned left at the second corridor which I had memorized so well now. My pace hastened as I thought how close I already was to him. 

Room 537.

I didn’t bother to give a knock since I knew that no one would open the door anyway. I slide the door open and the first thing that came into view was my twin brother laying motionlessly on the bed covered by white sheet. His fair complexion looked even paler under the light blue hospital gown; various medical equipments were attached to different parts of his body.

I sat on the chair next to the bed and grabbed his hand that felt as cold as ice. “Good afternoon, Hyung,” I said in a low tone. “How are you today?”

Hearing no reply from him, I spoke again, “…You know, I failed another test today. I’m such a dolt, aren’t I? I know… I’m sorry for disappointing you. But I really can’t do it without you, Hyung. I did study the night before, but I still couldn’t master the subject, no matter how hard I try. I guess I can never beat you in math.”

I remembered how Youngmin Hyung used to teach me every night before our test. “Stupid! This isn’t how you do it,” he would always say whenever I can’t solve an equation. Even though I was offended by his remark, I didn’t actually get mad because I knew that he didn’t really mean it. And no matter how many times he teased me for having lower intelligence than him, Youngmin Hyung would always teach me all over again until I was able to get it right. I really missed those moments.

I bit my lip hard, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. Suddenly the door cracked open, causing me to turn at the voice. There Donghyun Hyung was, standing by the door as we exchanged glance. Donghyun Hyung was our group’s leader and a regular visitor like me. I averted my eyes back to my twin as the older man walked across the room and stood behind me. I could tell that he was also looking sadly at the blonde without even turning around. There reigned a long silence in the room.

“…It’s been more than a year, Kwangmin. It’s time to let go,” he finally said.

Donghyun Hyung’s word caught me completely off guard and I turned around to meet his eyes. To my surprise, he was looking at me firmly and somewhat pitying as well. We kept staring into each other’s eyes for a moment; me trying to grasp the meaning behind his words and Hyung to convince me with that serious look he had.

I looked at the ground and said, “…Sorry Hyung, but I can’t.”

Donghyun Hyung didn’t seem so surprised. “But, Kwangmin, you can’t live like this forever! You have to move on with your life an—”

“I don’t care,” I cut him off before the former leader got to continue any further. I lifted my head to face him and he was taken aback to see a tear slipped past my defense and now dangled on my chin.  “…What life, Hyung? My life has ended more than a year ago, when that deadly accident took Youngmin Hyung away from me,” I said matter-of-factly.

Donghyun Hyung’s body stiffened and he gritted his teeth out of reflex at the thought of that horrible accident. It was something that neither of us wanted to mention nor remember again. I had also set aside that memory somewhere in my mind and refused to ever recall it ever again. But I knew that no matter how hard we try to forget it, it was there. It had always been there; buried deep inside our head, ready to haunt us anytime.

The painful memory of a year and a half ago gradually resurfaced. I would never forget the fateful night when I saw my twin smiling for the last time. We were practicing in our usual practice room for Boyfriend’s upcoming comeback when we suddenly felt hungry. It had passed midnight and the 24-hour convenient store was quite far from Starship Entertainment, so the manager offered to drive us there. Too lazy to leave, we all ended up playing rock-paper-scissor to decide who should go. Minwoo and I lost the game.

“Ugh… Why do I keep losing this game?” I muttered to myself in annoyance.

Youngmin Hyung chuckled and said, “If you’re too lazy to go, I can go instead.”

My eyes widened in delight—what a nice twin I’ve got! “Really? Gomawo, Hyung… Saranghae!” I squealed before pulling him into a tight hug. Everyone in the group already knew that we were dating, so it wasn’t a big deal to say something like that in front of them. However, Youngmin Hyung being the shy boy he was, still blushed from such a public display of affection.

The manager kept blowing his horn, asking the boys to hurry and get inside the vehicle. After placing a quick peck on Donghyun Hyung’s lips, Minwoo quickly disappeared into the front seat next to the driver.

I leaned forward to give my twin a peck as well. But to my surprise, Youngmin Hyung refused to let go and cupped my face to hold me still. He slowly ran his tongue across my lower lip, asking for entrance. I was shocked but granted it anyway. He quickly shoved his tongue inside my mouth and I moaned at the kiss. We stayed like that for a while as our tongues fought for dominance. When both of us were running out of air, Youngmin Hyung finally pulled away and smiled at me whose face was now as red as beet.

“W-what was that for?” I asked, stuttering, not being able to look at him in the eyes. I must admit that it was so unusual for him to do something as bold as that. I had always been the one to initiate things and Youngmin Hyung as the submissive one. But tonight was different. I could feel urgency as well as deep passion in his kiss, as if he was trying to tell me how much he loved me. I wondered where that guts came from and it scared me a little as Hyung rarely made such an aggressive move.

“Nothing,” he giggled awkwardly, probably embarrassed of what he had done. The blonde caressed my cheek with the back of his palm as he said, “I love you, Kwangmin.”

I couldn’t help but smiling. Those words never failed to cause a tingling sensation in my stomach and make my heart did a little tap dance, no matter how many times I had heard it before. I took his hand and kissed it gently, causing a light blush to spread across the blonde’s cheek. “I love you, too, Hyung.”

That romantic moment was interrupted by another ear-piercing sound of the honk. Youngmin Hyung glanced at the car before turning back at me. “I’ll be back soon,” he said with a smile that was more beautiful that anything in this world. My heart quickly melted at the sight.

“Yes. Please come back soon, Hyung!” I said before letting his hand slip away from mine. Minwoo rolled down the window and began yelling my twin’s name. I watched as he ran towards to car to join the maknae. Our manager started the engine and pulled away from the driveway.

I waved to them enthusiastically like what I would always do. After they disappeared from my sight, I touched my lips and smiled involuntarily. The warmth and softness of his lips still lingered there. Youngmin Hyung’s kiss always tasted slightly sweet, leaving me craving for more. But little did I know, that was going to be our last kiss.

We were so worried because they didn’t come back even though it had been three hours since they left. Just when I was about to call my twin, Donghyun Hyung’s phone rang. What we heard next hit us like an abrupt strike of thunder. A man said that our manager’s car got into a collision and the three of them were immediately admitted to the hospital.

We headed there in a rush. I remembered how hard my heart pounded inside my chest, as if it almost jumped out from the ribs. I kept praying on our way there, hoping that they were all safe. Hyunseong Hyung, who sat beside me, kept trying to calm me down but to no avail.

At first, I refused to believe what the doctor told me; that Youngmin Hyung’s head was badly injured and he was put in a coma. His condition was so critical that no one knew when he would gain consciousness. I felt as if the world was crashing down on me. A wave of guilt swept over me in an instance. I should be the one in coma and not Youngmin Hyung. Why did I let him replace me in the first place?

Donghyun Hyung was also dumbstruck when he heard the worst news ever. Yes, Minwoo couldn’t be saved and passed away not long after the operation was done. The doctors had tried their best, but there was nothing they could do to save the life of the poor maknae. Compared to the other two, our manager was surprisingly the luckiest one to survive.

The incident that night had left nothing but tremor and deep trauma for the rest of us. It felt surreal. I would think of it as a nightmare if it wasn’t for the aftermath. The whole company was put into deep condolence upon the deadly, unexpected tragedy. Due to the condition at that moment, Starship decided to disband Boyfriend and that was the end of our career which finished as soon as it started. It was a heartbreaking news for our fans and I felt truly sorry for them, but I knew that I couldn’t keep up without Youngmin Hyung.

Ever since that day, I had always been by Youngmin Hyung’s side. I spent the past a year and a half visiting him every day in this very same room, savoring his presence despite the fact that he wasn’t even awake. His steady breathing was the only sign of his subsistence, but that, too, sounded very weak as if the breath could be snatched away from the blonde anytime. My poor twin who had saved my life but sacrificed his own in return.

I would help the nurse to clean his body and keep an eye on him, just in case he woke up, even though I wasn’t sure when that would happen or if it would happen at all. I simply wanted to be the first person Hyung saw when he opened his eyes again.

After the break up, Jeongmin and I decided to focus on school instead. Hyunseong Hyung, being the great singer that he was, was soon recruited by another talent agency while Donghyun Hyung settled on the path of acting. Everyone lived their own separate life and was pursuing their own career now. Everyone, but me.

Speaking of Donghyun Hyung, yes, he had also been through a hard time after Minwoo left. Usually, he was the tough, cool leader whom everyone wished to be like. He had hardly ever shown his weak side to us, let alone crying. But pride didn’t matter anymore when you lost the love of your life. And there he was, crying his heart out on the night of the accident in such a miserable way that no one even dared to say a word to console him. But we all understood. Even without a word, we understood.

Catching a glimpse of Hyung’s sorrowful eyes, I felt guilty for suddenly bringing the taboo topic up. But I couldn’t help it after what he said to me. I knew that Hyung meant nothing bad by it; he was only sad to see me in my current condition and wanted me to get a life. He told me to move on, like what he did. I wondered why he couldn’t just leave me alone. But it didn’t take long for me to figure it out: seeing me like this probably reminded Donghyun Hyung of himself in the past and he couldn’t stand it.

 “You’re always stronger than me, Hyung. You handled it better than I did. You’ve moved on while I’m still grieving over the past,” I said cynically, not meaning to offend him but to pity myself instead.

The older man let out an exasperated sigh. “…That’s not completely true, Kwangmin,” he said between gritted teeth, probably trying to restrain the emotions that were threatening to take over.

‘But it’s partly correct, Hyung,’ I snapped back in my head. Well, Donghyun Hyung might haven’t succeeded to fully move on, but at least he made a real progress. At least he had taken a step forward instead of dwelling in the same dark, bottomless spot like I did. People would think that it should be easier for me since Youngmin Hyung could still be considered alive, while Minwoo had gone forever from this world. It should be Donghyun Hyung who found it harder to move on instead of me.

But try to be in my shoes and you would find out why.

Wasn’t it harder to accept the fact that your beloved one was actually still alive, but never gained consciousness? Didn’t it hurt more to think that your dearest one might never opened his eyes again? Trust me, it’d be so much easier to let go of someone who had already gone, instead of the one who had not. It was a hundred times more painful to think that he might wake up one day, but then again, he might not. It was as if you were deceived by the hope that a miracle might really occur when you truly believed—like what they always said—but none ever took place during my 18 months of waiting.

But then again, you didn’t want to give up. When everybody else started to lose their hope, you would be the one to hold on until the end. “…He’ll wake up one day, Hyung,” I murmured softly as I stared at my other half, desperately trying to convince myself. Moisture began piling up at the rim of my eyes.

Donghyun Hyung came closer and gave me soft pat on the back. “I know he will,” he sighed.

~~~

It was really late when I finally got home. I always lost track of time whenever I was with him. Yeah, be it in the past or even now when he was in a coma, Youngmin Hyung could always keep me occupied, simply because I always wanted to stay by his side. Of course, it’d be so much better if he could speak and laugh instead of me sitting next to a soundless sleeping body that could barely move.

My chest tightened at the thought of my twin sleeping alone in a dark and cold room with no one beside him. I wished he didn’t wake up now, though, because I couldn’t imagine how terrified he would be. I’d rather see him opening his eyes tomorrow afternoon when I came to visit him and see that beautiful smile painted his angelic face once again.

‘Geez… Why does school even exist?’ I cursed under my breath, starting to hate the idea of having to go to school every single day. For other boys in my age, it was a normal thing to do. However, for me whose time would be more wisely spent at the hospital, going to school was such a pain in the . I even thought of confronting my parents and asked them to let me quit school to take care of Youngmin Hyung, but casted it right away since I could predict their answer already.

I thought I had successfully sneaked in to my room without waking my parents up when a voice behind the door startled me. “…Kwangmin? I know you are there. Can I come in?”

I sighed and replied lazily, “Sure, Umma.”

My mother, already dressed in her night gown, walked to my bed and sat next to me. She kept eyeing me intensely, making me feel uncomfortable and squirm at my seat. “Kwangmin, we have a serious talking to do…” She paused for a while to see my response.

“Can’t it wait until tomorrow? I’m so tired now,” I made up an excuse which was partly true. My back was so sore for sitting on the same chair for hours.

“No, it’s very important,” my mother insisted. “It’s about your twin.”

My ears perked up at the mention of Youngmin Hyung and reluctantly turned to meet her eyes. “…Yes?”

My mother took a deep sigh as she ran her palm on my arm, rubbing it softly as if trying to examine it. She didn’t seem to like what she found and I could tell there was something wrong when she frowned and her expression grew darker.

“I know that you care so much about Youngmin, but you can’t keep going like this… I bet you’ve lost a few pounds and not even noticing it. And look at those dark circles under you eyes! I don’t know how many nights you’ve spent staying up, but you’ll get sick like this,” she said in a caring tone; her voice laced with worry. “You’ve also been skipping classes and your grades are gradually falling. What’s wrong with you, Kwangmin?”

I shook my head and forced a fake smile. “Nothing. I’m fine, Umma,” I said, trying to sound like everything was really okay, but she didn’t seem convinced by my poor acting.

“Stop lying, Kwangmin,” she scolded me in a rather harsh tone that I had never heard before. “Every time we ask what’s wrong with you, you always say that you are okay while we know that you’re only pretending to be. Seriously, Kwangmin, no one would be okay after such a horrible accident.”

I bit my lip in both embarrassment and guilt but said nothing. I remained still as my mother gently pulled me into her embrace. “…This must be hard for you,” she said between her sobs—I didn’t even know when she started crying—knowing exactly how close Youngmin and I were. “I’ve always known that you two really love and care about each other, but I never knew that losing Youngmin will turn you into a lifeless man like this.”

‘A lifeless man? Is that what I am now?’ a voice inside my head said.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, trying to soothe her down. “It’s okay, Umma. Youngmin Hyung will awake soon. Everything will be alright.”

“…B-but, Kwangmin,” she managed to say while choking lightly. “M-maybe it’s about the time to let go.”

Oh no. Not again. Not even my mother.

I pulled away and starred disbelievingly at her teary eyes. “What do you mean by ‘letting go’, Umma? You believe that Youngmin Hyung will never open his eyes again?” I hissed.

“No, of course not!” Umma snapped quickly. “I know that my son is still alive and we’re all waiting for poor Youngmin to finally regain his consciousness. But you heard what the doctor said, Kwangmin. It might take years. And it’s been more than a year already, for crying out loud! It’s not that I’m suggesting you to stop visiting him or something, but you can’t stop seeing your friends or ditching classes just because of what happened to your brother…”

I suddenly felt dizzy and sick of people trying to tell me to stop from doing what I was doing now. What? There was nothing wrong with it. I was just simply waiting for him. Patiently waiting for the blonde copy of myself to open his eyes and smile to me again. And I knew that he would, sooner or later. I believed that he would. So why did these people keep annoying the hell out of me? It was clear that they didn’t understand a thing about me, or how strong the bond between me and my twin was.

Their words were so cruel. They were so cruel. It was as if they didn’t even believe that my brother would ever wake up again. It seemed to me that they were tired of waiting and decided to stop, and therefore, asked me to stop as well. But I couldn’t do as they wished. I just couldn’t.

I let another teardrop roll down my cheek. “…But, Umma, aren’t you the one who told me that we can’t fly and live on without each other?”

My mother was clearly taken aback by my accusing words. She remained silent for a while before reaching out a hand to wipe away my tears. “I’m sorry, Kwangmin. I didn’t mean it that way. I’m just—”

“Enough, Umma,” I said coldly before averting my gaze to other direction. “…Could you please leave me alone now?”

My mother sighed again and murmured another “Sorry” before closing the door behind her back. I laid down on my back and let the tears stream down on my face.

Appa always told us that a man shouldn’t cry. But sometimes the pain was so intolerable that you had no way but crying to express it.

~~~

“Kwangmin, Kwangmin!” Youngmin was tugging on my shirt while jumping excitedly. We were having a picnic by the lake with Umma when he found something interesting. He pointed at a pair of doves that were resting on a branch of a huge tree and said, “Look at the birds over there! Maybe if we quietly sneak behind them and jump a little, we will be able to catch them!”

“Huh?” Truthfully speaking, I wasn’t so sure of my slightly older brother’s plan. But being the naïve child that I was, I decided to go along. “Okay, Hyung… I’ll catch the one on the left and you catch the other one!”

Youngmin Hyung nodded in agreement and put a finger on his lips, telling me not to make any noise as we approached them carefully step by step. My heart beat in excitement as I thought about the new pair of birds that we were going to have soon. When he thought that we were close enough, Youngmin Hyung held out three of his fingers and we began a silent countdown for the big jump. When it came to one, we both jumped with full force towards the branch that was hanging low above the ground.

But, of course, the birds flew away and disappeared before our eyes even before we landed on the ground.

“Aww… What a pity!” Youngmin Hyung pouted, clearly disappointed that we failed our mission today.

I, feeling as disappointed as he was, added, “Yeah, we were so close, Hyung…! Too bad they are faster than us.”

My twin sighed before pulling me to sit with him on the grass and said, “…If only we had wings!”

My mother giggled from afar as she heard her son’s silly wish. Apparently, she had been watching us the whole time. She came to pull both of us into a hug and made a surprising statement. “…Youngmin, Kwangmin, you dohave wings, you know.”

“Huh?” Both Youngmin’s and my eyes went wide in disbelief and we turned to face her to see if she was being serious. At the age of five, you would expect your mother to tell you those kinds of thing and said that when the time was right, you’d really grow them right on your back.

“Well, the wings are invisible, though,” she added quickly, much to our dismay.

“Umma is lying!” Youngmin pouted even more and turned his back against her.

“I never lie to my sons,” Umma said. She then changed into a more comfortable sitting position and soon we found ourselves resting our head on her lap. Our mother our hair gently before starting her story.

“Every man is actually born with invisible wings. They take us fly high towards the blue sky, being embraced by the wind, indulging in the warmth sunlight as we soar across the vast, seemingly endless horizon. They take us to a place where our dreams are.” The things mentioned in her story were so cool that we soon were so immersed in it. “Normal people are usually born with a pair of wings. But as for twins, they only get one wing each.”

I frowned and blurted out, “But that’s not fair!”

My mother let out another giggle as she carried on. “Well, do you want to know why?”

Youngmin Hyung and I nodded eagerly, encouraging her to tell us the reason.

Umma smiled and firmly said, “…It is so that the twins will always support each other. A bird cannot fly unless it has both of its wings, and so are people who are born as twins.” She used her finger to draw an imaginary wing on our back and said, “Youngmin has one of the wings and Kwangmin owns the other one. Both of you won’t be able to fly unless you join the wings together. One wing alone isn’t complete; it won’t take you anywhere. But with two wings, you can fly as far and as high as you want and soar into the sky. Isn’t that amazing?”

“Whoa… Cool!” we agreed. I could picture it already: Youngmin and I flying freely across the blue sky, hand-in-hand; even though that wasn’t what my mother exactly meant at that time.

I exchanged a meaningful glance with Youngmin Hyung and that was when we made our silent promise that we would always be there for each other.

And one day, we were going to fly across that unreachable vast blue sky, together.

~~~

I opened my eyes and stared the plain ceiling of my bedroom—well, it was once used to be our bedroom—and realized that I dreamt about our childhood again. I had been dreaming about it for the past three days and it started bugging me. Why? Why I kept having the same dream over and over again? Did I miss Youngmin Hyung too much that I started to unconsciously reminisce our sweet, childhood memory that was buried deep inside my heart?

I sat on the edge of the king-sized bed that felt too big for me to occupy alone and rubbed my eyes sleepily. I glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand and found out that it was already 6.30 a.m. in the morning. Might as well just get up and get dressed for school.

Just when I was about to get up, my eyes landed on the blue photo frame that held a picture of two young boys dressed in black-and-white-stripes soccer jerseys. I took the frame and stared at a certain blonde who was grinning widely at the camera. He looked slightly younger in the picture, but still as stunning as ever.

The picture was taken during our first soccer game in junior high. Youngmin and I finally made it into the team and played in a local soccer competition. It was our first game and we won it. Umma and Appa also came to support us and Umma was the one who took this picture, saying how cool her boys were.

My heart began aching as I spent more time looking at the picture. It was still so early in the morning and there was barely any sound in the house. There was no vehicle passing by the streets either. It was awfully quiet, almost eerie. The only audible sound was the weak ticking of the Pikachu clock that was hanging on the wall. For a brief moment, I sat there on my bed, so engrossed in the silent that I didn’t even bother to move. Everything seemed still and I found some kind of peace in the quietness.

Some kind of peace… as if all the pains I had been bearing for the past a year and a half disappeared into ashes.

No, maybe they didn’t. Maybe it was just me who was turning numb, because I could feel that there was a big hole in my chest, as if something had been removed from there. Something was clearly missing, but I couldn’t care less at this rate. Because the pain had, somehow, turned into an utter numbness that was nothing but a compilation of ticking sound on the wall and a soft breeze of chilly morning air. But the ticks also get further and further apart until there was no ticking at all… And then, silent.

There, under the dim glow of dawn that managed to pierce through the slits of the blind, I started to think for the first time. The thought was so horrible that I feared myself for even letting it cross my mind. No, it actually had been crossing my mind several times before, but it was just until today that I even considered it seriously.

I had always felt lonely since he left, so lonely that I didn’t even allow anyone to touch my ice-cold heart because of how fragile it was. I had always been so lonely that I refused to get along with other people and only stayed by his side.

But what if… what if I could finally get rid of this loneliness and find his warm smile again?

This whole time, I had been holding onto my hopes to see Youngmin Hyung open his eyes again, even though the probability was small. I kept holding onto my belief that he would never leave my side because of the promise that we had made. I decided to believe in the doctor’s words who said that my twin was in a long, deep sleep now and will wake up eventually. I survived until today because of these things that I had been holding on.

I could picture myself as a 5-year-old Kwangmin who was holding colorful balloons. Maybe there were about ten balloons or more; I didn’t know. Each represented my hope, my dream, my wish. I had been holding them for what seemed like forever, refused to let go simply because I was afraid. Of what? I was afraid that I would lose all the reasons of my existence if they, too, were taken away from me. The tiny ray of hope that kept me alive until today.

But I had been holding them for way too long. Perhaps I had reached my limit, too.

And slowly, I let go of the balloons, watching as the strings slipped away from my grip and the balloons float up into space one by one.

Jo Kwangmin has had enough.

~~~

I decided to be a nice boy today. I woke up earlier than usual and went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

“Good morning, Umma, Appa!” I greeted them cheerfully as my parents entered the dining room. Their eyes went wide at what they saw. I could see Appa raised one of his eyebrows in confusion. Umma, too, was also confused by my change of behavior, but the corner of her lips soon curled up into a knowing smile, thinking that maybe her admonishment last night had finally shown its effect on me. I said nothing and decided to let her have all the satisfaction.

“I’m leaving,” I told them as I put on my sneakers hastily.

“Be careful,” Appa told me.

“Study well at school, okay?” Umma said.

I flashed my signature smile and replied, “I will.”

~~~

As promised, I acted like a good student that I used to be during the whole classes. I listened to the teacher’s explanation and even seriously took note. I had lunch and play soccer with my friends during break time and laughed and had a lot of fun. Jeongmin noticed the sudden change and asked me what happened. Well, nothing had actually happen and that’s what I told him. He smelled something unusual about me but decided to shrug it off, since I was being a really good company.

I was no longer the gloomy, introvert Jo Kwangmin. At least for today, I would try not to be one.

~~~

I smiled when I caught the figures of two older men sitting face-to-face at a small table in a cozy coffee shop the six of us used to go together. This place was our favorite spot to hang out and even a lot of time had passed, sometimes we still came here to have a chat or just to chill down after a long, tiring day.

I waved to Donghyun Hyung and Hyunseong Hyung and they both smiled at me. “Sorry I’m late,” I said apologetically.

“It’s okay, we’ve just arrived as well,” said Donghyun Hyung.

“So, why did you suddenly call us to meet up here? Is something the matter?” asked Hyunseong Hyung.

“Huh? Nothing…” I quickly said. “It’s been a while since the four of us hang out together, so I’m kind of missing you guys.”

Hyunseong Hyung let out a low chuckle and said, “Yeah… Me, too. By the way, where is Jeongmin? He isn’t coming today?”

“No, he has a club meeting so he stays at school.” After flipping the first few pages of the menu, I decided to order a caramel macchiato and a cheesecake. I turned to Donghyun Hyung and Hyunseong Hyung. “What do you guys want to order? It’s my treat today.”

They looked at me disbelievingly but I just laughed it off as if it was something I had always done before. Just for today, I wanted to see everyone smile.

~~~

I finally made it to the hospital before it got dark. Clenching my grip tightly on the plastic bag I had been carrying all the way here, I opened the door of Room 537 and stepped inside. Usually, my heart would ache at the view of my weak and pale twin brother. However, today was different. The pain was no longer there and replaced by a surge of happiness instead. In fact, I felt relieved to finally see his face again. I could feel the inside of my body jumping in excitement as I thought of my plan.

I sat on the usual chair and reached out my hand to touch Youngmin Hyung’s pale face, feeling his cold skin under my warm touch, and smiled. I gently tucked away a strand of hair that was blocking his closed eyes and stared at him as if he was the most beautiful thing I had ever discovered. Even in his current state, Youngmin Hyung still looked perfectly gorgeous like a painting. Soon, I knew the reason why I fell so easily for him. The blonde was simply irresistible.

And I was going to be with this stunning, lovely boy soon.

I leaned down to place a chaste kiss on his forehead and softly whispered to his ear, “Hyung, I love you…”

“I love you, too, Kwangmin.” I could hear the voice coming from the back of my head. That deep, velvety voice that only belonged to my twin brother. Oh, how much I missed his voice. It felt so amazing to finally hear it again. I loved the sensation it caused, so much that I didn’t even care if it was only my delusion.

Screw my poor imagination. I was going to meet him soon and I couldn’t wait.

Hastily, I dug in the plastic bag and took out a bottle full of sleeping pills that I bought from the drug store on the way here. I opened the cap and poured out some white pills—about 20 or more—and stared at them for a while. There was a slight fear tugging inside me as I took in the excessive amount of tablets, but I quickly casted it away.

Oh, come on… Don’t be a coward, Jo Kwangmin! What were you afraid of? You just need to swallow them all and let the medicine slowly work through your system. And when you woke up later, you would find yourself surrounded by a mist of serenity… and unprecedented joy… and moreover, Jo Youngmin.

Without having a second thought, I put all the pills inside my mouth and took a long gulp of water, trying to swallow one by one. It did take some time but I managed to get them inside my body eventually. And there I sat, by my twin’s side, waiting.

Once second had passed.

And two.

And then three.

By that time, my head was spinning and my vision was blurring. Everything around me swirled and made me feel extremely dizzy. Within the next few seconds, I was not able to tell which side was up or down. My head fell to the empty space on the white mattress and I shut my eyes tightly, feeling the weird sensation running through my whole body. My heart beat started slowing and I could tell that my time was close—very close. Death appeared imminent and my life flashed before my eyes—all the moments from when I were born into this world with Youngmin Hyung and every sweet events that followed after—and I smiled, knowing that they were my most precious treasure.

‘…I’m going to fly to your place now, Hyung,’ I thought to myself.

No, I wasn’t giving up my fight. I did this, not because I was tired of believing nor waiting for him. Even though it took a thousand years, I would still wait for him until he opened his eyes again.

But now that I had finally found an easier and faster way to be with him again, why wouldn’t I? Although this path I took was considered wrong and volatile, I couldn’t care less at this rate. My heart was yearning for him; to see his face again, to hear his voice, and to feel his touch one more time. Every single cell in my body was yearning for him.

So why wouldn’t I?   

Death was slowly inching closer. But there was no fear, much to my surprise. There was no pain. No burning sensation or aching feeling. Just a weird sensation that I had never experienced before, slowly consuming my consciousness and smoothly me in. I knew that it was almost the end. A few more steps and everything will be over.

Feeling my heartbeat reducing by each second, I lifted my head to see Youngmin Hyung’s angelic sleeping face. I used whatever energy remained inside this weak and fragile form to intertwine my fingers with his. I reached out my other hand to touch his face and said, “Wait for me, Hyung… I’ll be there soon. It’s only a matter of time until we are reunited again.” My voice came out as nothing but a weak, inaudible murmur but I knew that he was able to hear me.

I closed my eyes and imagined his smiling face. And that’s how I let go.

‘I’ll be there soon, Hyung…’ I said in my head. ‘I’ll go to the place where our dreams are. But as for now, please lend me your wing. And then, let’s fly together and find a world of eternity where our love will last forever.’

[3^rd Person’s POV]

Donghyun slide open the door and stepped into the now silent room. His eyes roamed around and landed on the figures of two identical-looking boys laying next to each other. At first, he thought that Kwangmin had fallen asleep beside his twin. His heart melted a bit as he thought about how strong their love for each other was. The twins were still so young, and yet, they were so devoted to each other.

Donghyun walked closer to put his jacket on Kwangmin’s back. He didn’t want the brunette to catch a cold. But when he discovered the sleeping pills left on the nightstand, his eyes went wide in horror. Realization of what was happening hit him in an abrupt strike, causing him to tremble in panic. Donghyun was about to call for the emergency help when he witnessed something even more terrifying.

The twins’ fingers that were intertwined with each other’s were weakly moving. He shifted his gaze from the linked hands to the figures that were both laying motionlessly in silent and back to the hands. No, that hand didn’t belong to Jo Kwangmin.

It was Jo Youngmin’s.

I really shouldn't write another story at the moment but I just couldn't resist the urge to do so... >,<

Actually I've been thinking to write a sad, emotional story like this since a long time ago.

I  don't know whether it's good or not because it's kinda different from the stories I've written so far.

I hope this isn't that much of a failure~ *sigh nervously*

Comment, please? ^^;