Yoohyeon was nervous. Nervous was actually an understatement. With every step she took on the cold street of the city, she slowly but surely wondered if she didn’t mess up. It’s not like Minji could be mad at her, but she wasn’t sure if it had been a good idea. Look, the thing is : it’s Valentine’s Day, okay? Of course she wanted to buy her girlfriend flowers! Not only that, but her girlfriend actually loves flowers. The only problem was that the moment she entered another flower shop, it almost felt like she was cheating. That little crippling feeling of uneasiness and forced smiles, when one knows they’re not supposed to do something or be somewhere, that’s all Yoohyeon had been fueled on.

Yoohyeon had been meaning to offer Minji flowers for so long, she had gone deep into her research to pick a flower she would be so sure about. And she did. Even if Minji reassured her before about any kind of sweet intention would be more than perfect. Nonetheless, Yoohyeon wanted to do something special. For a special someone. On a special day. Flowers have a whole language and Yoohyeon had so many things to say. 

With another unsure gaze thrown at the pale pink color and those symmetrical petals - so perfect it could remind everyone how beautiful nature is - Yoohyeon felt a bit better. Yoohyeon was proud of her pick. Camellias : a winter flower that meant longevity and fidelity as well as happiness. 

Yoohyeon chose it because it had such a powerful meaning about time. She had been thinking about that for so long. How essential time is. How the world revolves around it but also cursed at it. How it seemed like the worst thing at her job at the office but it’s the most wonderful thing outside. Maybe she started thinking about it because of Minji’s affection for nature. Something so beautifully ruled by time. She wasn’t sure, but it made her perceive a few things differently.

Ever since, Yoohyeon had noticed people tend to say those sentences about time : they ‘need time’ or maybe they want to ‘take their time’. Sometimes they ‘make time’ and others don’t even ‘have the time’. One conversation with her sister and she notices it depends on relationships. Some seemed doomed because they lack it. Others aren’t that focused on it, being washed over with ‘we’ll see when we get there’. Yet Yoohyeon didn’t relate to any of the two. 

It got her wondering if humanity had this precious time stolen at some point. If it means they need to enjoy it more and harder because of its haste, then time earned a new definition far from its lasting and long one. That’s when she understood how nerve wracking and anxious that thought was. 

She looked again at the camellias in her hands. One simple look and she was reminded that nature can’t be rushed. Nothing good can be rushed, really. When people say they want to take their time, it’s always out of love. It’s because they know that deep down, just like those flowers, they need to grow strong in order to bloom in the cold season. Bathed in weak low sunlight yet strong enough to be. It’s not that someone giving time is a must, it’s when two people take their time, it’s already established that it is a gentle and growing relationship. With patience and kindness as rules. 

That’s exactly what she wanted to say to Minji tonight. Yoohyeon wanted to thank her for being who she is, her bright and smiley self, but also her calm and accepting side. It seemed important to mark something on that bigger day for lovers. She wanted to thank her for not adding pressure and expectations to them. Yoohyeon was glad that she never rushed things with Minji. She did that out of anxiety before and it was never good. With Minji, it was easy to take the time. That’s exactly what she wanted to say with the camellias : thank you for the time and I hope there will be more. But it wasn’t out of fear nor greediness. It was just a silent “I love you”. 

After that same conversation she had with her sister, Yoohyeon realized something else. Time had never been an issue with Minji. Never did they let out frustration because they couldn’t see each other more. Never did they blame anyone or anything because it stopped them from spending more time together. They never said they were spending too much time together either. Because time had never been an issue.

No stress about being too far apart, or too clingy. They both had jobs and lives and yet they really enjoyed the things they did together. Sharing time was good and they loved it. Yoohyeon never felt like she needed to do that all the time to seek some sort of comfort. In so many ways, it was a new situation for her. There weren't insecurities that took control of it all. She was already comfortable with how things were. Which meant, she realized after, taking their time. When she explained that to her sister, it almost came as a struggle to make the other understand it didn’t mean they were lazy or unserious about the relationship. 

Somehow Yoohyeon thought it was because she never doubted Minji’s intentions (she also never showed her she should). She never got expectations about anything with Minji, sure she hoped her feelings were reciprocated but at the same time, it was only fear of rejection and she knew that. Because at the end of the day, Minji had been pretty honest with her feelings and intentions. Yoohyeon was not saying it has been all easy and simple! In time, late at night or on weird mood days, when she looked back at her old previous relationships, what she saw like the elephant in the room was that : Minji respected her. She cared for her. She was interested in her and listened. Minji was happy about her and with her (she said that so Yoohyeon once again didn’t doubt that). Minji gave her affection, she gave her wonder. 

And that was not about how good it feels. It wasn’t the reason Yoohyeon loved her. It was about how right it felt. Yoohyeon no longer thought that she hit the jackpot with Minji. Honestly speaking, love has nothing to do with luck. It shouldn’t be about how that other person brings value to the other. Love is not an investment. It’s not something you give but hope for a certain amount of things in return. No. 

For Yoohyeon, anything about Minji is all about love. Not about feeling loved. It’s about loving. With Minji, Yoohyeon felt in a good place, not trying to prove herself. 

What her conversation with her sister really made her wonder was if maybe she just had a different kind of relationship with Minji than others. Maybe that’s it. Maybe they weren’t like other couples.

Whatever it was, Yoohyeon was plainly happy. It was the first relationship she had been in, in which no doubts were strong enough to not end up in self sabotage. She never felt rushed nor hurt. Confused? Sure, maybe but a talk can solve that. She just had always been herself and she wanted Minji to feel the same. Which in that case meant, good about where they were at and in phase with who she was. 

Without noticing it, Yoohyeon was standing in front of Minji’s flower shop. She looked at her watch hitting 9pm. Later than usual because naturally Minji had more work on Valentine’s Day. Anyway, they both agreed on a late simple dinner at Minji’s apartment after her shift. She promised she would be done at 9pm and be ready to go home.

That’s exactly what happened. She stepped out of the shop with a big and tired smile almost hidden behind her fluffy scarf. “Hey honey.” She walked towards Yoohyeon until she could remove a bit of her scarf and kiss her lips. 

As a simple answer, Yoohyeon closed her eyes and sighed. “Hello to you too.” She blushed. “You look a bit exhausted.” She said as she caressed her cheek, tenderly.

Minji nodded, still smiling. Yes, she looked exhausted but also satisfied and that’s all Yoohyeon needed to know at that moment. “Let’s get you home, then.” Before that, she had something to do. She had to take her arms from behind her back and simply hand the girl the flowers she bought.

“What is it, Yooh?” Minji could see the hesitation on her face.

She sighed again and decided to just do it. No time to overthink it, anyway. She turned the bunch up and offered the camellias to Minji. 

Her whole face shone with such a delighted glow that it washed all the worry away. 

“Camellias…” Minji whispered under her breath. She took the bunch delicately in her hands. “They’re beautiful.” She marveled at the flowers in front of her for a little more until she returned her gaze to Yoohyeon. “Thank you.”

Yoohyeon nodded timidly and almost shuffled on her feet. 

“You’re so cute.” Minji added. “We really need to get back home, now.” Of course, the camellias had been out of the water for maybe too long. 

Minji linked her arm around Yoohyeon and leaned until she could whisper in her ear “I have to thank you for that properly and the street wouldn't be a very appropriate place, I’m afraid.” Yoohyeon's eyes shot wide open and she looked at Minji in shock. “Unless you don’t want that.”

“Oh no no. I do. I do want that. Even if I don’t really know what you have in mind. I won’t be opposed to it, I’m sure.” Yoohyeon relaxed beside her.

Minji laughed out loud. “I’m glad to hear that.” A smirk appeared on her lips and Yoohyeon wanted to kiss it off.

The walk back at the apartment happened to be more peaceful than promised. Which wasn’t a problem at all. They slowly moved, all tangled up in sidehugs, hand holding and scarf sharing. It offered them the time to talk about their day. Of course Minji had been so busy and she admitted she was so grateful she could have afford to hire another help with the sails for the day. Clearly, she couldn’t have handled it on her own. The shop was growing everyday so it made sense that it would have so much activity for Valentine’s Day. 

Yoohyeon had previously offered to help her for the day but somehow Minji didn’t want to put any more pressure from her work on top of Yoohyeon’s shoulders. It didn’t take a lot of convincing, Yoohyeon understood and accepted that time for herself. 

It also gave her the opportunity to go buy those long awaited camellias. Without fail, as soon as they reached the apartment and took off their shoes and coats, Minji went to the kitchen to take care of the flowers and put them in one of the vast collections of vases she owned. Somehow the raw brown ceramic texture of the vase flattered the pastel color of the flowers. The whole composition was perfect.

With a satisfied grin, Minji proudly put them on the living room table. Then happily she declared while taking in the beauty of the scene : “I love them so much.” It had been spoken so softly as Yoohyeon joined her side. 

“I’m glad because to be honest I was a bit stressed about it all…” Yoohyeon admitted.

“Why? I thought I reassured you about that matter? You should have told me if it was still a source of stress.” Minji started to worry over Yoohyeon’s uncomfort.

“It’s okay, it’s not really that. I just wanted to choose the right flower to express what I wanted to say to you, I guess?” Yoohyeon admitted while looking at the new spot for her gift.

“So it’s not really about the flower in itself.” Minji inquired, gently.

Yoohyeon shook her head no and turned to face Minji.

“It’s more about the meaning and what importance it holds to me?” She explained.

Minji’s eyes opened softly and a curious yet accepting look destined to Yoohyeon only, painted her beautiful brown irises. “Do you want to explain more? I would love to hear why you picked camellias.”

They both slowly moved to the couch and with a natural swift movement of limbs they cuddled in the comfort of pillows and soft warmth. “So… camellias. The flower of adoration, of expressing any kind of love but also a wish for happiness. It’s also important in samurai culture but I don’t think that’s the reason you offered me some.” Minji chuckled and Yoohyeon could feel the vibration against her body. 

“No.” She joined Minji in her laughter. “It’s not about the samurai thing.” 

They let the joke pass a little and the mood went back to its soft silence. With only a single light in the apartment, the only other source of light being lamp posts on the street and random cars passing by, it strangely helped switch the rhythm.

“Happiness, yes.” She added in a whisper. “And yes to all the other things you said. If you helped me realize something about flowers is that their origins and the maintenance always tells something more to its meaning. So… it’s a winter flower, it’s an evergreen” Yoohyeon began to explain. “And somehow I thought it must be a very strong plant.” 

“They can be quite robust in the right environment, indeed.” Minji smiled.

“Yes, but they can grow indoors or outdoors, they’re okay with cold and mild weather. I mean that’s what I read at least.”

Minji found it so adorably cute that Yoohyeon did her research about them, it really meant a lot to her. “You’re right. The only things they don’t like are violent winds and overstimulation.”

Yoohyeon frowned at the last word. “Once you plant them, they need their time. They don’t adjust well if you keep on changing pots or soil all the time.”

“Time…” Yoohyeon smiled, looking a bit far from reality.

Minji nodded and waited for the other girl to come back to her.

“That’s exactly why I chose it.” Her eyes focused on Minji again. “I’ve read it meant longevity because of its nature of having a rather long blooming reason and being out when nothing much makes colors.”

“I can see why it means longevity.” Minji agreed.

Then Yoohyeon gulped. She had so much more to say. But something in her made her ask : “Could you tell me more about camellias?”

Minji was a bit surprised by the question, but gathered all her knowledge about it and spoke softly. “Late frost can damage its buds, so you have to still be careful at the end of winter.” Almost like any kind of plant she wanted to add. “It’s a plant that brings the satisfaction of being rewarded with the beautiful and thick petals, though. It doesn’t need much because it likes its time. It’s not high maintenance at all.”

Yoohyeon listened carefully. She knew she had a good feeling about that pick. “I think that’s perfect. It resumes everything I had been thinking about lately.” Yoohyeon looked up into Minji’s eyes again. “I had a conversation with my little sister a few weeks ago, she needed to talk about her couple and a few struggles she encountered with her boyfriend. One thing led to another and I talked about us. You and me.” Yoohyeon slowly moved her away from Minji so they could talk face to face. “How we work well and how we don’t seem to have the same problems as they have. But then she kinda suggested that we had a weird way of being together.”

Minji frowned a little but said nothing. 

“Not in a bad way! I mean, I don’t think she had any ill intentions. She was just genuinely confused about our pace, I guess? The fact that we don’t see each other every day, we don’t always want to do what others do, it’s often just a walk home and not partying until the end of the night, or I don’t know. Anyway, it got me thinking. About us.”

Minji hummed and looked sweetly at Yoohyeon. She raised her hand to comb the blond’s hair and brought her head closer to her. 

“Do you want to explain more? Or can I share my thoughts.”

“Please, do.” Yoohyeon closed her eyes when her nose hit the crook of her girlfriend’s neck. 

“If I understand everything you said correctly, you realized that we don’t have a typical relationship because we aren’t attached by the hip?” She felt a nod. “Is that a source of concern for you?” Minji asked very softly.

Then Yoohyeon shot her eyes open but didn’t move brusquely so as to not break the smoothness of the moment. “I should have started with that, sorry. But no, it’s not a source of concern. It just got me wondering why is everyone so obsessed with time? I mean, in the fact that we always have to be together. Not that I’m against it but in a way it bothers me that people can judge our relationship based on that.”

“What bothers you, and me as well to be honest, is that some people tend to quantify a relationship. And sadly, it’s not always done about time.”

“It often is.” Yoohyeon sighed.

“You’re right. But look, it also can be about love languages, about how many gifts they offer, how much effort they are willing to make, it’s about listing everything they do wrong. It’s sometimes also about the intensity of the feelings…” Minji made a point.

“That’s not what a relationship is about.” Yoohyeon argued.

“It can be.” Minji grimaced sadly even if Yoohyeon couldn't see it. 

“But none of them are good reasons to be with someone.” Yoohyeon explained more. “At least to me.”

“I’m glad you think that too.” It meant that they were on the same page. Minji agreed on that and it didn’t surprise Yoohyeon in the first place.

“Everything has to be a matter of numbers. And I think we often mistake time as the hours you see on your watch” Minji tapped on Yoohyeon’s wrist gently. “And time as a concept, almost.”

“That’s what I was thinking.” Yoohyeon nodded again, deep in thought. “It doesn’t mean the same when someone says ‘take your time’ and ‘I’ll make the time’. When you take your time it’s indefinite, you can take as long as you want, and it can stretch so far in the future. While when you make the time, it’s clearly just thirty minutes that they swoop in your schedule.”

“I totally agree with that.” Minji said. 

“But I don’t want to be in a relationship in which I have to count the hours we spend together. It doesn’t seem right. Yet, I don’t like the fact that others think it’s because we lack interest.” Yoohyeon added while thinking about her conversation with her sister that sparked it all.

“You know what? I also think that after all, it just brings us to one thing : comparing our relationships. As if it was some kind of competition.” 

Yoohyeon hummed. Minji wasn’t wrong.

“In a way it’s similar to milestones. You know, how a couple should have certain steps and gain in stability or power, I don’t even know, as they collect them. That’s everything but love.” Minji was deep in thought. ““That’s definitely not what I want with you. Love is organic, I think? I’m not saying we don’t have to put effort into a relationship! But I want to make something with you, not with the rules of others. Because that won’t work on us.” It’s true that she always hated how much pressure it added to a couple to have the dates, the official asking out, the apartment, the car, the share account, the marriage, the kids then the dog and the house for everyone. That’s not what a relationship is. That’s a shopping list. That’s not about how you feel about someone and how you trust them with your life. It’s not for the right reasons, like Yoohyeon said. 

Yoohyeon. That’s when she realized that she was very silent beside her. “Yooh?” She asked with all the care she could gather.

“Yes?” She answered a bit out of it.

“Are you alright?” Minji softly kissed her cheek before searching for her eyes. “Did I say something wrong?”

“I…” Yoohyeon tried but then closed . She sighed and smiled. “You said love.”

“Well… yes. Of course.” Her smile was so big.

Yoohyeon smiled bigger than before, too. 

“Of course I love you, Yoohyeon. Wasn’t it obvious?” Minji joked. 

“It was… but I’m not one to make assumptions about someone’s feelings.” Yoohyeon never lost her smile. There wasn’t tension in the conversation. It wasn’t frenetic nor full of emotions. It wasn’t a big event nor a big revelation. It was nothing close to confessions you see in movies. In so many ways, it made so much sense for them. It was comfortable and soothing. There was never doubt about their hearts and trust. 

“You’re right.” Minji nodded gently while Yoohyeon’s cheek. “I also feel the need to add that it’s not only a feeling. Of course I feel love for you but I really love you. I keep loving you everyday and it’s as much in the present that it will be in the future.” 

Yoohyeon somehow was a bit out of breath, maybe it was because Minji’s lips were closing the distance with hers. Maybe because the whole soft ambiance about that conversation made her heart calm down as it never experienced. It was so peaceful. Maybe it was because Minji’s words were close to a promise. A promise Yoohyeon had no reason to doubt. She was committed to it all just like her girlfriend was. In that moment, no fear could shake that trust.

“Because we’re taking our time.” Yoohyeon said before finally their lips crashed. As she closed her eyes, she felt Minji’s fingers back to her nape in a gentle attempt to draw her closer. The intimacy they shared, the soft breaths they let out and the way their whole bodies moved on their own to seek better closeness, everything felt so right. 

“We are.” Minji answered so huskily that Yoohyeon sensed a double meaning. Something so contradictory to what she just said. Something out of her wildest and most inappropriate dreams. Not so inappropriate because Minji was her girlfriend. They had talked about it. They had shared more than just a kiss but somehow things were either not in the right time at the right place or it got shortened. Since they weren’t in a hurry and never been the kind to plan for this, it never really happened. 

And it was fine because nothing was missing. Even if they had been dating for a few months, the fact that they never rushed anything and never felt out of place, it was already a lot for both of them.

When Minji slowly broke the kiss and put her forehead on Yoohyeon’s, a bit out of breath she whispered “You know what we skipped?” She let the silence linger on purpose. “Dinner…” She ended.

“We said nothing fancy.” Yoohyeon reminded her.

“Oh I know.” Minji opened her eyes. “I was just thinking about pasta and maybe opening a bottle of wine.” She said while slowly rising to her feet. “I’m afraid my body needs some food, though.”

Yoohyeon nodded and blushed. She got distracted and it was fine. Minji wasn’t blaming her for that, at all. “Let’s go then. Pasta for the most beautiful woman on earth.” She flirted back. 

Minji laughed out loud, in the happiest mood. “You’re a charmer.” She whispered too close to her when she stood up.

Yoohyeon only shrugged and made her way to the kitchen as if it didn’t affected her. 

It was a simple dish, indeed : just some vegetables with sauce while the pasta was cooking. They poured some red wine and exchanged a few flirty looks. Minji sometimes winked at Yoohyeon and it made her be more adventurous and loop her arms around the brunette’s waist while she was stirring the dish. 

At some point Minji put on a lid and turned off the heat. It was ready but the pasta still needed some time to cook. 

While Yoohyeon took a sip of wine, Minji’s mind was back on their conversation. 

“You know, I think I’ve realized something.”

Yoohyeon’s attention was back on her in a matter of seconds. 

“They can’t ‘make time’ for each other.” The other couples, Yoohyeon guessed. “Because time can’t be added. They can only clear a schedule and sometimes when they do that it’s for alone time. Something that we made acceptable to ask for. As if the norm was to always be clingy and then when it’s too much, then you ask to be alone. Something that, from experience, people tend to not take well… Anyway, I think I’m slowly starting to realize that with you, I don’t have to ask for that specific kind of time. I also don’t have to ask for time to spend with you and we don’t gravitate around the ‘I miss you’ narrative. We don’t see each other because there’s a lack of time spent together, but only because we want to.”

“That’s what it should be.” Yoohyeon said.

“It should. But like I said, not every couple works like that.”

Yoohyeon nodded and let her continue. 

“It’s not that we make time for each other, it’s that we make room for each other. We let the person linger around because we like being together, but no, it’s not a competition and we don’t gain anything from being fusional all the time.” Minji said softly.

“That’s kind of what I felt from the discussion with my sister. And then I had a talk with a coworker that kept complaining about her boyfriend not answering for a few hours, and that she missed him so much because she wasn’t able to see him the day before. I mean… I don’t mean to be rude but I don’t want something like that.”

“Could you explain more?” Minji put her glass on the table before taking care of the pasta and putting the sauce in after draining the water out. 

“I… I feel like I’m insulting you if I say that, but that’s sheerily because society told me it wasn’t a good thing.” Yoohyeon looked down. 

Once Minji was done with dinner, she came back to Yoohyeon and took her in her arms. “Tell me, honey. You know it’s fine with me. I won’t take it personally and we will talk through it if it ever is a concern, okay?”

“I just… I don’t miss you. Not in the sense my coworker was talking about her partner, at least. Of course I’m excited to meet with you at the end of the day or do something with you. But I don’t miss you in the sense that I don’t feel pressured to be with you when I’m not. I do have times when I miss having you by my side but it doesn’t do much to my day, to be honest.”

Minji smiled and pecked her lips, almost like she was thanking her. “And I’m beyond glad.” Minji accepted that.

“I think I don’t like the representation of a couple not being whole if they’re apart. Like I said, I do realize that we have the peaceful vibe, you are accepting of me and you listen to me. When I have a bad day, I’m more than thankful to have you to talk to. When I feel down, I feel so much care from you when you lift me up.”

Minji looked at her with the most beautiful loving eyes. “But you are fine on your own.” Minji explained with a bright smile.

“I think I am. I wasn’t always like this. But there’s something when we don’t spend time with you that doesn’t hold me in choke like other relationships I was in. I’m not afraid of being apart because I know we are good? I think I’m fine. And also, in a weird way, the time we spent apart, always gave me time to realize how beautiful and strong our relationship was.” Yoohyeon repeated Minji’s words. 

“I humbly think that it frees our relationships from a lot of things. I want you to know you can count on me, at any time, in any kind of situation. I will have your back.” Minji wanted to make that clear.

“I know. It’s the same for you.”

“And I know that too, babe.” Minji smiled and sighed in content. She loved Yoohyeon so much.

Then she suddenly remembered about the pasta turning cold on the table. “All I’m saying, before we finally go eat dinner, is that I think we might be different from other couples because we make our own rules and it’s tailored made for us. The point is to feel good, free and loved, in the right place, at a nice pace. I want to keep loving you and I think we’re both doing a wonderful job with our relationship at the moment. So let’s take our time and remove all the pressure society can put on our shoulders.” Minji gave her hand to Yoohyeon who gladly took it.

With that Yoohyeon couldn’t agree more. “I love you.”

Minji smiled and stole one last kiss before rushing to the table and saying it back with a wink.