Author’s note: *bouncing on the balls of my feet* RED VELVET COMEBACK IN NOVEMBER! MY BIRTHDAY MONTH! AHHHHH FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MANY YEARS GOOD THINGS ARE STARTING TO HAPPEN IN NOVEMBER KYYYAHHHHHH SO EXCITED!!!

 

… …

 

Sorry. On with the story.

 

Once again, inspired by true events that happened to me recently. I initially wanted to write a songfic, but I don’t want to force the content to fit the song. The song turns out to be a lot more positive than I thought it was because it sounded so sad. Storyline is half true (to me not RV), half fictitious, with Red Velvet as a medium to express my thoughts. Do let me know what you think about the story. Thank you.

 

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Bold words are song lyrics, italics are flashbacks, Normal words are the present.

 

It was just a random Sunday. Irene finally willed herself to get out of the house to get some coffee and some fresh air instead of cooping herself at home and moping on her sad life. She took a stroll to a nearby neighborhood cafe that’s quiet and ordered a coffee, finding an isolated spot to sit down and stare into space. As her mind started to blank out, she sighed as the negative emotions started to fill her heart once again.

 

*3 Months Ago*

“Why can’t you just wait a few hours before letting me know more bad news? You know I am currently in a bad situation, waiting for my dad to come back after escaping the ER. I’ve been texting you since I called the ambulance for him. Are you not sensitive to my feelings at all?! You really make me consider if breaking up with you is for the best…” Irene angrily typed on her chat with her girlfriend, Seulgi. They were taking a break in their relationship to sort themselves out, but Irene hasn’t been willing to let go. Seulgi went back to her own hometown after quitting her job for a vacation, only to panic and tell her that she has lost her job opportunity back in Seoul and asked Irene if she could send her a copy of her resume to ask some acquaintances to apply for other job opportunities for her.

Unfortunately for Seulgi, it is very bad timing because just a few hours ago, Irene rushed home from work because her neighbors called her to tell her that her father is not in a normal state, with slurred speech and hard breathing there is a risk of septic shock relapse. She called an ambulance and her aunt followed the ambulance since she had to stay behind to take care of her grandmother. A few hours later her aunt called her to tell her that her father had escaped from the hospital once again, leaving Irene frustrated to no end.

It was then when she received the bad news of Seulgi’s loss of job opportunity as Irene scrambled around, only having her mobile with her, to search and see if she could extract a copy of Seulgi’s resume for her. Administration has been Seulgi’s weak point and Irene had taken initiative over the years they were together to keep things organized for her girlfriend. After solving all the urgent issues at hand and sending Seulgi a copy of her resume, Irene was left fuming with rage, She agitatedly typed that long message to Seulgi and tapped send, only to regret it when she woke up the next morning, with Seulgi apologizing for texting her in the middle of the night.

It wasn’t until the next week when Seulgi texted Irene out of the blue after a few days of losing contact to tell her that they were officially breaking up, and that she was back in town and paid a last visit to Irene’s grandma to pass her some foodstuff she brought back from her hometown. It was then that Irene’s heart, which was put back together by Seulgi over the years, shattered into a million pieces once again.

 

*2 Months Ago*

Irene walked quickly towards the bank. She was supposed to meet Seulgi there to close their joint bank account, but woke up a few minutes late. She received a text from Seulgi, right at the timing that they agreed on, that she was already in the bank and had taken a queue number. When Irene walked into the bank and saw Seulgi seated in the waiting area, her heart seemed to skip a beat. She started spacing out and almost didn’t catch when Seulgi muttered a greeting to her. But she didn’t reply as she was trying to control her mixed emotions, happy to see Seulgi, but still upset at her for giving up on their relationship after all that they have been through together. She looked down at her own finger that was missing their couple ring and felt empty, and felt her heart break once again when she looked at Seulgi’s finger to find its missing presence as well, feeling everything settle in.

When they were done with the administrative stuff, Seulgi walked ahead and left without saying anything more. Looking at her slumped posture as she walked, Irene felt hurt once again. ‘Walk with your head held high, Seulgi. Don’t let anyone see your weaknesses. You deserve more than me.’

 

I don't know why you're so far away

But I know that this much is true

We'll make it through

And I hope you are the one I share my life with

And I wish that you could be the one I die with

And I'm prayin' you're the one I build my home with

I hope I love you all my life

 

Irene sat up straighter after remembering what happened the very last time she saw Seulgi, her heart clenched with agony as she remembered the last time they went out, happy. It was the last valentine’s day they spent together earlier this year. Irene planned a day out for them because she knew that her dumb bear can never plan a day out due to her spontaneous personality. Remembering how much fun they had when they went for a carnival in the afternoon, walking hand in hand, Irene reminisced on how their hands fit together perfectly as they strolled around, looking at things they found interesting and excitedly spending the day together. No matter how much they fought, she felt so much security with Seulgi, telling herself that they will spend the rest of their lives together,

After reaching this point, Irene felt really drained by all her thoughts. It seems like the day out didn’t help any more than staying indoors. Musing that she should have stayed indoors and nursed a cup of tea with a book instead, she decided to head back home to take a nap, to run away from all her thoughts and ultimately, reality.

 

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand

If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?

Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?

If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?

If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?

If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

 

Irene woke up from another nightmare. It seems to be a norm nowadays. Dreaming that Seulgi was still lying next to her in bed, engulfing her in the biggest hugs that never failed to warm her heart. The reason why she felt that she could never give up on Seulgi was how different she was being treated, almost like a princess, a gem carefully held in the hands of Kang Seulgi. Gone were the days where her bear would spoon her from behind, rubbing her stomach because she knew that Irene always had a bloated stomach, hoping to help ease the discomfort, even just a little. Sweet gestures like remembering all of Irene’s dietary preferences, not being shy of showing affection in front of others, the rare aegyo that is only shown to Irene, made her feel so, so special. The lack of Seulgi’s presence made her heart feel so cold. And once again, she cried in bed, not knowing if wishing she had never met Seulgi was better, or wishing she never lost her was better.

 

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand

If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?

Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

 

Irene knows that the relationship falling apart has faults on both ends. Seulgi has always been the type to not like to fight, staying goofy and happy go lucky but never actually opened up to Irene on what is bothering her, while Irene may have been too harsh on her, trying to build a future together. Both their mental health were deteriorating in the relationship and Seulgi had made the hard decision to call it off. This was the 4th time out of the 3 years that they’ve been together that Seulgi has brought up a breakup, and Irene just didn’t have the energy to fight for their relationship anymore, with everything that is going on in her family adding on to her emotional burden as well. After reality sunk in for Irene that it is no longer salvageable, she started missing Seulgi so much, crying in bed whenever her heart just couldn’t take it anymore. However, always being the strong one, Irene got out of bed everyday to live her routined life with smiles on her face to not let her mother worry, although her mom was very upset at Seulgi. After much thinking, she decided that Seulgi and herself are good people, just that they were not good for each other.

 

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away

And I breathe you into my heart and

Pray for the strength to stand today

'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right

And though I can't be with you tonight

You know my heart is by your side

 

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Author’s note - Done! It’s all over the place, So have my thoughts and emotions the past few months. More than a fic, I think it turned out to be more of a rant. I’m sorry for the lack of storyline and stuff, but I think that is just how my mind is at the moment. Don’t hesitate to leave a comment, even if it’s negative. It's grammar checked, but not proofread. Just hope that you’ll be less harsh on me. Thank you.