Seungwan used to love weekends more. Like most other adults working a corporate job, weekends were meant to signify a well-deserved break to recharge before foraying back into the fray.

But now, as her corporate phone buzzes frantically with her boss’s name glaring on the display while she was mid-motion of taking her first bite of the fluffy pancakes Joohyun had specifically ordered for her in this quaint new cafe near their home, Seungwan wonders when the significance of weekends had first been chipped away at and eroded into yet another stressful day of catering to her boss’s whims. 

“Do you want to pick that up?”

Her girlfriend’s voice snaps her out of her sour thoughts, concerned eyes taking in what Seungwan was sure was a scowl on her face. Giving a final glance at the incessant buzzing, she lets out a defeated sigh.

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” She grumbles, sinking a little further into the ever-welcoming plush seats; she really doesn’t want to have to leave this cafe in favour of battling the constant jibes from an unreasonable superior.

“You do,” Joohyun gently smiles, placing a soft hand on hers across the table. “It’s just not an easy one to make, and definitely not one you have to think about right now if you don’t want to.”

And despite the tiness of it all, Joohyun just makes everything better with her gentle words and supportive actions. Even with the solidifying prospect of a gruelling day ahead, Seungwan feels her heart swell and eyes well up at her girlfriend’s understanding reassurance. She mutters a quick, quiet, but sincere ‘thank you’ and watches Joohyun’s eyes shine a little brighter, before drawing in a steadying breath.

Then, she picks up the phone and readies herself to put out metaphorical fires once more.

“Ah Wendy, finally! You sure took a long breakfast, huh? Pretty sure I called you slightly before 9 and it’s already almost 10. Anyway, I have to leave in a few so let me just brief you on what you need to do by today. So I was thinking through the proposal we had for Mr Kim and I think you’ll need to change up the presentation…”

She barely manages to send out the revised materials before the sky turns completely dark. Stretching her stiff muscles from hours of a sedentary position, Seungwan almost misses the buzzing of her phone. Thankfully, the name which flashes on her display is one which doesn’t fill her with dread - quite the contrary, actually.

“Hey Hyun. Are you a psychic, how did you know I was just done?” Seungwan chuckles despite her weary state. 

“I don’t have a cheesy comeback to that - that’s your specialty, after all. I do have some home cooked dinner just a car ride away waiting for you though, so come down when you’re ready, yeah?” Joohyun’s sweet voice flows straight through the raucous traffic noises and seeps into Seungwan’s heart.

Really, her girlfriend was just so warm. Seungwan packs her belongings with renewed vigour and a spring to her actions.

“Bae Joohyun, you truly are the greatest woman of this generation.”

The next day, Seungwan is rudely awakened from Joohyun’s soothing embrace by her buzzing work phone once more. It turns out their client prefers her older version instead; all of her Saturday’s work is scrapped within a one minute call. Joohyun holds her a little tighter after she exclaims in frustration once her boss hangs up - it soothes the bubbling pit in her chest, just a little.

Seungwan vaguely wonders how everyone else goes about their day with such weariness lacing their bones. Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like a layer around her insides, but rather are her insides - like she’s just made of grey and wisps and she’s so tired. She knows Joohyun worries; it’s never verbally expressed for fear of piling on further onto Seungwan’s shoulders, but she sees it in her eyes, her touches, her actions. But despite her greatest efforts, Seungwan just can’t muster enough energy within herself to wash those worries away.

Sometimes, she feels like she’s irreparably changed - beaten down and washed out to nothing but a smooth shell of her former self. And then sometimes, the smallest thing will trigger a spike to jut out, hurting her loved ones who come too close.

Tonight was unfortunately one of such times. 

“Wow, you look like . We’re all ears if you want to talk about it,” Sooyoung’s voice greeted her from the dining room once Seungwan stepped past the door. 

It was a rare Friday night where her boss hadn’t thrown a curveball or ten her way, thankfully allowing her time to catch up with her friends over dinner at hers and Joohyun’s place. Seungwan had been looking forward to it all week, honestly, but something about Sooyoung’s mixed teasing and concerned tone severed the last few frayed threads keeping her composure intact. 

She really hadn’t meant to snap.

But it just tumbled out of her, spikes uncontrollably shooting out.

“Gee thanks, Sooyoung. I feel like too, good to know it shows really well! How nice of you to point it out. In fact, it probably shows well enough for all of you to tell what it’s about right? Obviously it’s about work. That’s all that ever goes on in my life these days. Can’t even catch a break from it in my own home. Exactly how I wanted to end my Friday, great!”

The silence that follows is fragile yet thick. Her eyes widened in realisation, soaking in everyone’s reactions - Seulgi’s disbelief, Yerim’s horror, Sooyoung’s hurt and Joohyun’s… Seungwan doesn’t think there’s a word which can fully encapsulate the brew of emotions Joohyun’s eyes held at that moment. The guilt washes over her, pushing out every last bit of irrational rage and she stumbles into the shared bedroom with a broken apology.

It was a rare Friday night she had looked forward to so much, and she had just completely ruined it by being an absolute jerk. 

Running on autopilot, she grabs her towel and a fresh set of clothes, robotically heading to the ensuite bathroom as she tries not to give in to the overwhelming noise lashing out in her mind. At some point, she finds herself staring into the mirror, water raining down from the shower where she stands under but unable to wash away any of the guilt, horror, disgust and more coating her frame.

Sooyoung was right, she thinks as she registers the sight of her reflection. She does look like . She is . She can barely even recognise herself now. 

The dam breaks and warring noises creep into her ears, exponentially drowning out the sounds of running water with the roaring and screeching. A bass kicks in, rapidly picking up speed, and her breaths match in pace. Static follows, and then a ringing white noise, all with her heavy pants and the incessant heavy thumping resounding in the mix. It’s too noisy, too confusing, too much and she just needs it to stop-

And then she registers an inkling of a warm ripple, washing away just a corner of the persistent grease covering her. It ebbs and flows, spreading a millimetre, a centimetre further, till it cleanses enough of the noise for her to register the softest arms around her. A few beats later and the noise dissolves enough for her to hear the quiet assurances in the warmest voice - scared, terrified, but so very brave and strong. 

At some point, she had crouched down in the shower and Joohyun had found her there, wrapping her in a tight yet gentle hug. Or perhaps it was the other way around; Seungwan wasn’t sure of the order in which things had happened, only that now, the mess in her head has ebbed away and been replaced with peaceful lavender. She listens to Joohyun’s soothing voice, that her friends are okay. Her friendships are okay. They’re okay. The night will be okay. She will be okay. Things will be okay.

Things will be okay.

Seungwan believes it and closes her eyes, just for a moment. 

It will be okay.

“Hyun, your clothes…”

Joohyun’s gentle towelling of her hair interrupts any further words she has; Seungwan just wants to bask in the warmth and love her girlfriend provides, even as she’s sopping wet. 

Right, Joohyun is still in wet clothes. 

“It’s alright, I was going to do the laundry tomorrow anyway, and these were definitely going in,” she chuckles while waving a hand dismissively.

“But still, you’re going to fall sick at this rate,” Seungwan subconsciously pouts as her eyebrows furrow in concern.

She feels a finger prod at the junction between her eyebrows, easing the wrinkled skin there. A cheeky smile flashed at her, warming her insides.

“Son Seungwan, is this your way of getting me out of my clothes?” Joohyun’s eyebrow raises suggestively and Seugnwan feels the warmth spreading rapidly through her body in waves.

“N-no! I’m just worried, that’s not- You know!”

The boisterous laughter ringing out almost washes away the embarrassment she feels and she can’t help but giggle along as well. Really, Joohyun just knows the best ways to assuage all her worries.

“I know,” her girlfriend’s smile turns warm and Seungwan knows she’s referring to a lot more than just the teasing a while ago.

She returns a grateful smile of her own and they fall into comfortable silence, Joohyun pampering Seungwan and Seungwan easing into Joohyun’s soothing ministrations.

Until the niggling worry worms its way back and Seungwan can’t help but sigh and vocalise it before they all invade her senses once more.

“So… How’s Sooyoung and the others…?”

Joohyun drapes the fluffy towel over her shoulders and then hugs her from behind. Seungwan’s thoughts can’t help but lapse to gush over how thoughtful Joohyun is to ensure her wet clothes don’t come into contact with Seungwan’s fresh ones.

“Initially, she was hurt; I think they all were. But they also understood and more than anything, they’re concerned for you. I think they’re still hurting, but because you’re hurting.” 

Seungwan can’t help but choke up a little at that. Her friends - while oftentimes the personifications of demons, bar Seulgi - were so great to her. They really didn’t deserve all her harsh words earlier. No one did.

As if sensing her building worries once more, Joohyun combs her fingers through Seungwan’s freshly dried hair, gently unfurling tangles in both her hair and heart in one action.

“Sooyoung isn’t upset with you for what you said. They just went back because we all figured you might want a quiet night instead. We can do dinner tomorrow if you feel up for it,” a gentle kiss meets her temple and Seungwan eases further into the embrace. “Though Yerim insists that it has to be at hers and Seulgi’s place since she doesn’t want to make the 10 minute drive.”

Light laughter flits out from her at that; how very Yerim that truly is.

“Sounds like a plan. Now change up for real and let’s get some dinner? I’m starving.”

Seungwan tilts her head a little to the right, lips meeting Joohyun’s halfway for a chaste kiss.

“Sounds like a plan.”

It’s just after they turn the lights out and are snuggled in each others’ arms that Seungwan finds herself comfortable enough to brave the waters.

“Hey, Hyun?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember that time at the cafe when you said I do have a choice, to all this?”

“Mhm, you do.”

“Well… How do I know if it’s the right choice? What if I make the wrong one and ruin everything?”

“...”

“...”

“I don’t think you’ll ever know for sure what the right choice is. I don’t know if there really is a right or wrong choice in life per se, honestly.

“The reality of our lives now is that there’s always bound to be dissatisfaction stemming from our careers at times. But there’s a certain point where past that, it doesn’t become worth it. Your job shouldn’t be affecting your health - physically, mentally and emotionally. Only you can decide where that balance lies, and if the scales have been tipped too far to one side.

“It’s not an easy distinction to make, and it’s a much harder choice to make. But just know that whatever you decide, the people who love you will be with you every step of the way. If you choose to continue with your current job, that’s okay; for every moment that you’re still fighting there, I’ll be here for you to fall back on during the bad days, listening to your rants or giving you a hug. And if you choose to pause for a while and part ways with your current job, that’s also okay; I’ll be here to support you both materially and immaterially. We have enough savings to last for a year and there’s always our parents who are more than willing to help out.”

“...But is that fair to them, to you? For me to just bum around doing nothing?”

“You won’t be bumming around, Wan. Everyone needs time to heal, and that’s what you’ll be doing. Everyone deserves a break and only they can determine how long and what that break really constitutes.”

“But then I’ll just be increasing the burden on you and potentially our parents and friends too. What if I can’t find a new job fast enough?”

“You were the one who taught me that it’s okay to receive help. That it’s okay for people to help you, because they love and care for you, and they just want to do their best for you so that you can be better. So you can take as long as you need, when the time comes. We’ll all be there for you. I’ll always be here for you.”

And perhaps Joohyun hadn’t towel-dried the water off her enough after their shower, because Seungwan can feel her heart swell and her aches soothe as the warmth spreads throughout her, flowing and ebbing with gentle swishes but leaving a permanent balm to ease her worries. The tears track down her cheeks and she buries herself further into Joohyun’s embrace, the latter not minding the wet spots on her shirt. 

Everything will be okay.

“Great, finally, you’ve come in, Wendy! God, you take such a long time to get here after my calls these days. So S Corp just agreed to our terms yesterday and I promised them a full proposal and presentation by tomorrow.”

“But tomorrow’s Sunday.”

“Yes, and the sky is blue. Do you think I don’t know my days of the week? Now hurry up, I have to go to the gym so let me just brief you real quick.”

“No, you know what? You may know the days of the week, but I don’t think you know anything about time and boundaries. Who the heck promises a client output by the weekend? It’s never your time that gets impacted - it’s always mine. And recently, I’ve learned to respect my own time and boundaries. So, I’m done. Good luck following through on the unreasonable promises you’ve made to all our clients and stakeholders, because now you’re going to have to go through all the that I had to for you.”

“...”

“...”

“Wendy, you don’t know what you’re doing-”

“Oh I do, very much. I’ll be out in 10 minutes after packing my things. All the best, you’ll need it.”

Seungwan rides the high of the adrenaline coursing through her veins for all of 30 minutes before the worries come crashing down on her, hard. One moment, she’s kissing Joohyun deeply, barely able to maintain it for seconds before they break into wide grins, and the next, she’s breathing heavily and grasping at the sofa for all the wrong reasons. 

“Oh god, I quit my job. I really did it. What am I going to do now, Joohyun? Maybe if I go back now, they’ll still take me back.”

“Seungwan, breathe slowly. In,” Joohyun repositions herself beside Seungwan to slowly rub her back. “And out.”

It takes a few more moments of regulating her breathing before Seungwan feels calm enough to continue the conversation. She can feel the cacophony in her head closing in, crashing cymbals and scratchy static looming. Joohyun’s embrace washes some of it away. 

“What do I do now, Joohyun?” Seungwan wrings her hands, fingers fidgety. “I know you said I could take the time to rest but… I’m so worried. I keep feeling like I need to find something else now, how could I have left without a backup plan?”

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. How about I take the coming week off and we can spend some time together? To ease into this new change,” Joohyun places a soft kiss on her forehead, hands gently holding Seungwan’s frantic ones. “We can think about it more during then, or we can also do things which you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t had the time nor capacity to do so for a while now. Whatever helps; we can take one step at a time, yeah?”

Seungwan feels the tension ebb away and she draws in a deep breath. Exhaling, she sighs out her agreement. 

“Yeah. That… That sounds good. Will you be able to take a break on such short notice, though?”

“Sure. Yongsun owes me for covering her last month, plus I’ve already prepared most of the material other than the daily news. As for my radio show, we can just get some guest DJs. I’m sure Yerim would gladly jump on this chance.”

Seungwan stares at Joohyun as she takes this in; her brilliant girlfriend really has everything planned out. What felt like such daunting worries earlier now feel like they were just huge sandcastles being swept away by the waves of Joohyun’s assurances and actions, dissolved into lumps and evening out to clear the horizon.

“You are the best girlfriend anyone could ever have,” Seungwan peppers Joohyun with kisses all over her face, leaving the other woman in a giggling fit. “Thank you so much.”

They stare into each others eyes for a moment, then two, sincerity pouring out, before a glint sparks into Joohyun’s eyes and-

Seungwan knows this look.

“How about you thank me by continuing where we left off earlier, hm?” Joohyun loops her arms around Seungwan’s neck, drawing her in closer till her lips are just beside her ears. “What is it that you want to do now?”

A shiver trickles down Seungwan’s spine at Joohyun’s whisper, warm breath ghosting over the shell of her ear. She barely gasps out her answer.

“You.”

Later, Seungwan thinks that maybe she’s also just a sandcastle dissolving and breaking down in Joohyun’s waves, mercy to the ministrations of her girlfriend.

Seungwan later relays her thoughts about sand and waves to Joohyun. They decide to go to the beach shortly after, walking along the shore on a Sunday morning admiring their beloved against the background of the sunrise.

Joohyun compares them to mermaids swimming freely in the ocean of love that they provide to each other instead; Seungwan decides she prefers this analogy.

To say Seungwan was nervous was a huge understatement. Honestly, she doesn’t even know why she’s this jittery. She’s baked for her girlfriend thousands of times before. She’s been to the broadcasting station dozens of times before. She’s brought baked treats to said broadcasting station a couple of times before.

So why is bringing Joohyun and her colleagues a fresh batch from this morning’s baking spree such a nerve-wracking event?

Seungwan has the answer within her, but her shaky arms wish she would just stop thinking about it so she’d be able to get them to stabilise and not potentially drop hours of hard work onto the concrete floor.

She stands by the edge of the set after politely greeting the staff that pass by, opting to secretly watch Joohyun in her element. Seeing her girlfriend in formal wear with her air of professionalism steadily relaying the news just never gets old, much more so when she can admire the scene live. 

After what feels like short minutes, they call it a wrap and the lights dim to a more bearable luminosity. Seungwan watches as Joohyun gathers her papers and takes this as her cue to make her presence known, taking a couple of steps towards the announcer. It doesn't take long before her girlfriend looks up, eyes catching on her own and Seungwan feels her breath hitch from the surprised glee in Joohyun’s eyes. 

“Wannie, what are you doing here?” 

They share a quick peck; it’s still a professional setting after all, even if Joohyun is adored by the staff and they’re all discreetly packing up to give the couple some privacy.

“I just came to drop off some baked treats for you and everyone. They’re by the pantry.”

Seungwan watches as the excitement washes into her girlfriend, lighting up the room brighter than the spotlights did earlier. 

“Did you make cookies? I love your cookies, we’ve got to get there before Byulyi and the others steal them all!”

Joohyun almost dashes off, but not before Seungwan catches her in a light grip around her wrist. She’s met with a questioning gaze and a slight pout; Seungwan melts at the sheer cuteness the other woman displays.

“I did, but of course I have a separate batch saved for you at home,” she laughs as Joohyun gives a small cheer and happy dance. “I also made you something else.”

And then the nerves are back in full force, as she shyly hands over the white box to her girlfriend. Now with her attention fully undivided, Joohyun curiously takes the box and opens it.

A soft gasp slips out and when she chances a look at Joohyun’s face, her eyes are b with pride and adoration. Seungwan draws in a shaky breath, attempting to quell the rumble of emotions swimming around inside.

“It’s not final yet, but I’ve been thinking about opening a bakery and maybe taking some official classes to perhaps conduct some classes of my own in future. There’s an empty lot just across the street from our apartment and it’s already half furnished which will save on some costs, so…”

The carrot cake with an elegant cursive ‘Seungwan’s Bakery’ penned in cream cheese is set down by the side as Joohyun engulfs her in a tight hug. 

“Wan, I’m so proud of you. You’ll do amazingly, I just know it. You love baking, and everyone we know already loves whatever you make; they’ll definitely be frequent customers, not to mention everyone else who has yet to discover your pastries.”

And the conviction at which Joohyun says all this blows all of Seungwan’s doubts out of the water. She hugs her back just as tightly, before Joohyun seemingly can’t contain her bubbling excitement any longer and breaks their embrace in favour of dragging Seungwan to the pantry.

“We’ve got to tell everyone; Yongsun will be so excited to know that she can now get your brownies on a regular basis!”

“Wait, Joohyun, we don’t even know the name of the bakery yet! Nothing’s confirmed!”

Laughter flows out from Seungwan, light and free, as she lets herself get led into the throng of broadcasting staff, Joohyun’s hand firmly gripping hers, and Joohyun’s carrot cake in the other. And even though nothing’s set in stone, Seungwan wants to believe that everything will be okay, even as she lives life like flowing water, letting the current guide her along as she takes each step in stride.

Because with each she swims, she knows Joohyun is there beside her, with their love flowing freely to help them rise from any situation. 

A/N

This is an entirely self-indulgent piece as I struggle with corporate life and expectations. Part of it stems from what has happened to me, while part of it stems from what I wish would happen to me. Most of it stems from my imagination though.

In the same way that Seungwan has found her reprieve in this story, I hope that everyone going through something similar can find some comfort in these words as well. I can't promise to everyone that everything will be okay, but like Seungwan here, I'll choose to believe that one day, things will be okay.

And maybe one day, things will be okay.