The blonde woman's long fingers trace the cracks in the dusty white wall. With every inch her shaky finger moved she could feel the hidden emotions pour out of it as if opening a wound. Her heart hurt. was bone dry. It was memories that started the butterflies in her stomach. Memories of someone she hasn't seen in 5 years. Siyeon knew she shouldn't be sitting here and thinking about the past. After all she made a promise to herself not to dwell on the what if's and what could have been but taking her usual late night walk she found herself here. Under this big oak tree that she was sure had been standing there even before she was born. No cars and no humans walked by. The only thing that made sound was the crickets and the low humming of lamp posts. The moon's light illuminated the old paint on the wall. The breeze was humid, enough for Siyeon to only wear loose linen pants and an oversized t-shirt. It was nights like these that she loved. It was these nights where she could see her old lover even if it only was memories.

Time felt endless here, at least according to Siyeon. She didn't have to think about the responsibilites of tomorrow or yesterday. She didn't have to answer her phone since she left it at home. Here she could be herself without a care in the world of what someone else thinks of her. Surrounded by the dark night, the earthy smell from the oak tree and the crickets. She didn't plan to go back for the night.

Especially not when another presence made itself clear. A short woman with long dark brown hair that shifted between chocolate color and chestnut. Her face was small with a noticable jawline, a pointy nose, graceful lips and eyes like a cat hunting in the dark. A small mole beside her right eye added the to the fine beauty of this woman. Suddenly the crickets died out, the tension that wasn't even there in the beginning began to thicken. The air was fresh all of a sudden. Siyeon glanced at the shorter woman, how her small frame leaned agaisnt the wall with her hands in the pockets of her jeans and the beige crop top showing some skin.

They had agreed on meeting up after the accident. Siyeon wasn't exactly the happiest about this. Both of them 5 years later by the wall again but this time it wasn't love in the air. There was something else. Something that had both of them in a tight grip around their throats and as if one more squeeze the air would be knocked out of them. Everything they kept in the dark laid on display in front of their feet, glowing like the remaining embers from a huge fire but no one dared to touch it because no one wanted to get burned.

Yet her ex lover's presence made the blonde calm down. It settled the oceans inside her soul and the constant running in her mind. Siyeon had missed her. She had tried to push down every memory of the brown haired woman since their depature and it had worked but the wall to the dam was going to break at some point. Cracks had formed during the years, greenery had made the wall their new home and eventually it would break.

 

No one knew what to say so Siyeon cleared , deciding to take the initiative to get them talking. ''So we're both here again huh.'' She started, cursing herself for not being good at small talk.

 

''You really at small talk, Siyeon.'' The brunette scoffed, crossing her arms and still not facing Siyeon. But to get her talking was small victory for the blonde, now it was only to hold the conversation that would decide their fate.

 

''I was never much for talking and you know that, Bora.'' The blonde acknowledged, shifting in her seat before continuing to trace the cracks.

 

''You didn't seem to have a problem with talking last Friday.'' And without a warning the brunette turned to her, a frown controlling her eyebrows. ''What the were you thinking?'' Instead of sounding angry like Siyeon thought she would, the disappointment in Bora's tone hit different. She wasn't yelling at Siyeon, she was purely disappointed in the taller woman.

 

The blonde knew she had to pick her words carefully. She could feel that both of them had reached their limits and were steps away from breaking. Steps away from saying words that they would never be able to take back if they were spilled. But somewhere deep inside her soul, she needed that break. She needed to just let the dam flow to water the dry crops that had been dehydrated for years. Yet she didn't want to ruin what was left of her and Bora.

 

''I...'' She started, trying to find the right words so to not piss off the brunette. ''I don't want this to sound like an excuse but it was too much. It was too much seeing you back in town and with someone else. Besides he doesn't care for you, Bora.''

 

She saw something crack in the porcelain eyes of the shorter one. If Siyeon only pushed a little more, Bora would probably give in. Everything she held inside of her for so long would break along with Siyeon's. The blonde knew they needed it.

 

''Then why did you come to the party? You knew I was going to be back and you know me, Siyeon. You know how much I love attention from others and if you can't handle that, then why did you show up? We're not together anymore.'' Bora disputed and it felt like a cold wind had just hit Siyeon, soaring through her soul and heart.

 

Siyeon nodded. ''Nevermind then.'' The blonde swallowed the lump in . ''It was a mistake to try to fix this. Go back, Bora, do what you want because we're not together anymore.''

 

And for the first time in years, Siyeon felt the stinging and burning behind her eyes from tears that she had held inside to not seem weak. She didn't want to cry over Bora, she had promised herself not to. Siyeon didn't know what she was thinking when contacting the burnette. Nothing would turn out like she wanted it to. They wouldn't miraculously get back together and live happily ever after. It doesn't work like that and Siyeon knew that but there was a part of her wishing that it would happen.

 

''No no, Siyeon we are going to talk about this.'' Bora stated and took a hold of Siyeon's wrist. ''Remember how you always said when we first got together that we should have great communication even if we broke up. You wanted no misunderstandings but what you're doing now is breaking what you said.''

 

She had always said that communication is key in a relationship or friendship. Even as two complete strangers it is key to start talking.

 

''What is hurting you, Siyeon?''

 

It was a question she had asked herself for years without finding an answer. She had slept with other women, traveled around the world and met new people from everywhere in search for the answer of what's hurting her but she found nothing. No one had an answer to the thorn that's poking her heart. But Siyeon knew that she wasn't the only one hurting. Bora had always been the strong one in the relationship, always the one who didn't cry when things got hard but Siyeon knew the brunette was hurting.

 

The blonde opened to find the words but nothing came out. She was so close to finally breaking that wall but she needed a push. A push from Bora to help her release what she had locked up inside. She needed help to release the wolf from its shackels.

 

''You are hurting me.'' She made sure the words came out as friendly and peacefully as possible to not make Bora get the wrong idea. But she finally said them. Finally admitted to something she had kept hidden for years but the pain didn't subside. It didn't diseappear like she thought it would.

 

Siyeon met the brunette's wide open eyes. She could see the memories flashing back to Bora like a train had just hit her. Everything all at once came down on her. It was too much to admit what had been a part of hurting her to her former lover but she knew she had to say it even if it wasn't right. After all they're not together. They won't be walking home to each other at the end of the day and cuddle. They will part ways and probably never see each other again so why should she care right?

 

Bora sighed and took a seat next to Siyeon, watching the abandoned school ground. ''Remember when you told me that you were always on the look for something.'' And she glanced at Siyeon before continuing, ''Always searching for a home in someone. But even as we got together I could see you drifting away to some place else. You weren't there with me when I wanted you to. It's like your body was there but not you. You gave me gifts and spoiled me with love but looking into your eyes you were floating somewhere else.'' Bora addressed. ''You were in pain and I knew I wouldn't be able to heal you. I wouldn't be able to love you in that way.''

 

The blonde bit her tongue and nodded. She felt guilty for blaming Bora for being the thorn during all these years. But if it wasn't her that was the problem then what was it?

 

''Then who is able to love me?'' Siyeon glanced at the brunette, how her face was illuminated by a distant lamp post.

 

''I don't know but it's not me.'' The brunette sighed and looked forward, feeling the light breeze of the wind before jumping to her feet. Before walking away she turned to Siyeon with a small smile. ''Maybe it's not someone else who has to love you. You're looking for love in the wrong places, Siyeon. Start looking,'' Bora paused, hitting Siyeon's chest just above her heart with the tip of her finger. ''In here.''