Jiyeon closed the door a little too forcefully, standing by the bookshelves instead of sitting on her comfortable armchair as she usually did when she came to her office. But she wasn’t there to work today, she was just trying to avoid the very observant caramel eyes that were following her ever since she arrived home – no words needed, Luda always seemed to know something was off with a single look.

It was cowardly, and not very like her, yet Jiyeon decided to hide instead of dealing with the question in her wife’s eyes. Maybe because she hated the answer so much.

Life wasn’t perfect, she had to work long hours and accept to defend people she despised just to make sure they could pay the bills; once in a while they would argue as well, both having words too sharp for their own good; sometimes Jiyeon felt annoyed and irritated for no reason. Still, she wouldn’t change this life for anything.

It wasn’t perfect, but she was happy.

She was following her dreams and someday she would be able to become a prosecutor and money wouldn’t be an issue; arguing with Luda hurt her heart, but making up with her made it grow two times the size with love; coming back home to hug her wife after a long day was enough to dissipate any negative feelings.

Not perfect, but definitely happy.

The familiar number calling her now, though, brought many feelings but none pleasant.

She held the phone with embarrassingly shaking hands, her finger hovering over the screen as she tried to decide whether or not to pick up the call – or just blocking that number for good, deep down she knew it would be the best for her and for Luda as well. Nothing good could come from that call.

Nonetheless, her finger slid to the green icon and soon a painfully familiar voice sounded. “What took you so long to pick up? I called you three times.”

Pursing her lips into a tight line, Jiyeon pressed the phone to her ear, pacing back and forth through the small office. “What can I help you with, Yeonhee-ssi?” Bona managed to ask, her voice steady, hiding her nerves well.

“Ssi? Is that how you speak to your mother?!” Of course, Jeon Yeonhee was as fierce as ever – and there was not even a hint of softness in her tone as she continued to speak, her words sounding more like orders than questions. “You heard about your dad, didn’t you? Why didn’t you come by the hospital yet? He wants to see you.”

“You told me to not call you like that anymore.” Jiyeon held the phone a little tighter, glancing at the closed doors to make sure Luda couldn’t listen to it – she didn’t want to listen either, and she felt even sillier now for accepting the call when she knew well where it would lead. It’s been over three years since she left Kim's house and was relinquished as persona non grata. “I heard he had surgery to fix a minor heart issue…I hope he is doing well, but I didn’t think he would like to see me. Gyehoon can fill in my spot just fine.” She replied honestly, mentioning her older brother who was now her parents’ favorite – and only – child.

Her dad, a man that was a perfect mirror of his wife – intelligent, calculistic and with an ego way too big –, was one of the directors of an important company and of course anything related to him was news worth, making it impossible for her to not know; even if she avoided reading the news, well intentioned friends, or not so much, insisted on bombarding her with information about her family.

“He is fine, but still needs the family support. Also, it doesn’t look good for us if people notice our only daughter hasn’t even stopped by once.” The impatience in her tone made it all too obvious the real reason why Yeonhee was calling – it was ironic, so much that Bona almost let out a sarcastic laugh.

They had pretty much kicked her out of the house for her ‘embarrassing inappropriate behavior’ – which was the simple fact that she admitted she would no longer try going on blind dates with men, because she wasn’t interested in men in general –, and now they wanted her back because not having her around didn’t look good.

“So, you want me to come over now just so we can look like a perfect family?” She asked again, dumbfounded with how her mother could change her ways whenever it was of her interest.

“As his daughter it’s the least you could do. He is kind enough to let you come back after everything, so don’t waste the chance.” Yeonhee ordered once more, the same way she had done to Jiyeon nearly her whole life – and for most of it, Jiyeon didn’t hesitate in obeying, the silly part of her wanting to get her mother's approval.

She was past that stage though. “Visit him…But just as long as I don’t bring anyone, right?”

“Kim Jiyeon, don’t you dare bring that woman here! We are doing our best to accept you, but-” Of course, her mother hadn’t changed a thing since their last unfortunate conversation – back then Jiyeon wasn’t even dating Luda, yet just the idea of her dating any woman had made her parents flip.

Her mother probably had thrown a tantrum when she heard about her moving in with a girl.

“Accepting me, but not as I am.” Letting out a humorless chuckle, Jiyeon fidgeted with her wedding ring, using it to get strength. “Doesn’t sound like you are trying at all.”

Yeonhee ruffed in annoyance, her voice sounding full of air as she spoke. “Can’t you act normal for a day? Is it that much to ask?”

“I acted normal for over twenty-two years and it still wasn’t enough for you.” Jiyeon replied right back, her tone cold as she prepared herself to put an end to this call – she knew she shouldn’t have picked it up to begin with. “Send him my well wishes, but I’m not going there. I’m not a doll you guys can use to put on a show.”

“Jiyeon! I swear this is the last-”

“Call me when you can accept me as I am, or just don’t call me anymore.” Not hesitating this time, she ended the call before her mother could say anything else. Putting the phone down, with even shakier hands now, she grabbed onto the bookshelf for support, blinking away the tears that burned her eyes.

It was stupid, she knew how they felt about it – about her. But it still hurt just as much, even more now that she allowed their presence to invade the safety of her happy life with Luda.

A gentle knock on the door made her sigh to herself, pondering whether or not she should try to put a smile on her face and try to brush everything under the rug for everyone’s sake.

“Jiyeon…” Luda opened the door slowly, only enough to poke her head through the gap and give Jiyeon a concerned look. “Babe, is something wrong? I’ve been calling you for dinner for a while now…” It wasn’t common for Luda to call her like that, the softness in her tone was also laced by the same concern Bona could see in her eyes.

Of course, she wouldn’t be able to hide it from her wife.

Giving her a weak smile, Jiyeon gestured for her to come in as she took a seat on the armchair. “My mother called. She wanted me to pay them a visit, but just to put up a show.” With a humorless chuckle as a poor attempt at hiding the pain, she opened her arms in a request for the younger woman. “She is probably never calling again. So I guess I shouldn’t care.”

It was Luda’s turn to give her a sad smile, her intelligent eyes now shaded by the pain of seeing someone she loves suffering. “Oh, babe…I’m so sorry.” She came over to hug Jiyeon tightly, bringing her inside her arms so she could rest her head on her chest. Lee hugged her with one hand, using the other to gently comb Jiyeon’s hair. “They don’t deserve you.” Leaving a kiss on top of her head, the shorter woman kept her close, bringing comfort with her presence.

Closing her eyes, Bona allowed herself to surrender to her wife’s care. Lee was all warmth and gentleness, all light touches and kind words, all love and protection – Luda was her home.

The steady beats of Luda’s heart, just like her words, were enough to make Jiyeon remember why she decided to be true to herself even if it meant going against her family – this warmth that illuminated her path could only be brought by true love, something that only Luda could bring to her.

“I know. They never did.” But admitting it didn’t make it hurt any less – the pain was sent to a far place in the back of her head now, though, replaced by Luda’s familiar presence that filled her mind with the same light she spread through her heart. Pulling her closer, she made Lee take a seat on her lap, cuddling her wife as if she was holding her whole world between her arms – perhaps she was. “But I got you now and that’s more than I deserve.” She said more like a whisper, her lips against Luda’s ear.

Lee’s small, reliable, hands touched her face, cupping it so she could bring it closer to hers. Luda sealed their lips in a kiss that was equal parts affection and reassurance. “It’s exactly what you deserve. What we deserve.” The words filled with honesty matched perfectly the emotion in her eyes. Her face was so close now that Luda could rest her forehead on Bona’s, drawing her back from inside the gray ocean of her mind and back to Luda’s sunlight. “Someday we will have a family of our own. One born out of love.”

The idea of it was enough to make the corners of Jiyeon’s lip go up, a wishful smile that revealed the same emotion of her eyes – she could picture it, a scenario where the rejection of her family would no longer matter, because she had a new family that loved her unconditionally.

Looking into the caramel pools of Luda’s eyes, full of love and affection, she knew she had already found it. “I think I already have it.” Kissing her wife once more, she felt her heart light again, with a new found sense of belongness.

 

 

Caramel eyes glanced from the board game to the child that slowly moved a plastic piece through the board – Chaewon was starting to get the hang of it after a week of playing with Luda as one of their learning activities. The therapist had thought hard about how to make Chaewon comfortable and open to learning. It turns out that the kid was pretty cooperative and eager to learn – albeit she didn’t seem very comfortable speaking just yet, she had no problem picking up sign language.

With a month of classes and consistent conversations that were a mix of sign language and spoken dialogue – on Luda’s part –, Lee was very pleased with the results so far.

“What do you think about the game?” She asked once Chaewon’s turn was over and the kid looked back at her. As usual, Luda made sure to do every gesture slowly, matching the words her lips said perfectly – she also had learned that Chaewon could read lips quite well, albeit her hearing was still a problem, she could understand her relatively well, as long as Luda used simple words and kept eye contact, the little girl was able to understand almost everything she said.

The girl fixed her posture before using her hands to say, slowly, but perfectly, “Fun. But I’m not good.”

Luda chuckled softly, shaking her head slowly. The game wasn’t really something to be won, but a way to teach the kids a new sign with each different ‘house’ reached or challenge made – like most things Lee used to help the kids, it was simple, but effective. “No, you are actually much better than I was when I started playing it.”

“Really?” Chaewon had a hint of excitement in her eyes, making the chestnut a little brighter – it was becoming something more and more common as their sessions progressed and the child started to open up to her. It made Luda just as relieved as she was happy.

Nodding, she reassured the girl. “Really. You are very smart.”

With a moment of hesitation, the kid gave her a tentative smile, before articulating a simple sentence – her first not prompted by Luda’s orientations during therapy. “Thank you.” It sounded a little shaky, too low as if Chae was still trying to find her voice – it was completely expected, talking without being able to hear yourself was no small feat and Chaewon didn’t have any kind of hearing aid to help her correct it, making the task even harder.

Pleasantly surprised, the adult smiled at Chaewon with a new sense of pride – it was a small step, but a very important one. It would take time, but if she could get Chaewon to get used to communicating verbally more often, it would improve her chances of adoption and leading a normal life greatly. “It’s my pleasure to have such a good student.”

Without thinking much, Lee reached out to ruffle Chaewon’s soft brown hair, something most kids didn’t mind – Chaewon wasn’t like the other children though.

The child flinched as if she was about to be hit, shrinking in her seat as she avoided Luda’s hand and her previous relaxed expression gave place to a frail and defensive one. Luda was quick to pull her hand back, blinking in surprise for receiving such a strong reaction over something so trivial – only then it occured her that she had never touched Chaewon before, she had thought they were close enough now for the kid to not be afraid of her.

Clearly, she was wrong.

Luda opened to apologize, but it was Chaewon who spoke first, lowering her head and pressing her tiny hands together. “Sorry.”

Hearing a new word from the kid didn’t make Luda happy this time, but made her sigh and feel guilty for acting so carelessly. She should’ve known better than assuming Chaewon was okay with having her personal space invaded, when clearly the child wasn’t used to be around other people – the orphanage was clean and gave the kids what they needed to survive, but it wasn’t like a normal household where the kids would receive affection daily and learn to think about it as a positive thing.

In fact, she didn’t even know what kind of household Chaewon had come from, yet she doubted it was a loving one.

Standing up from her seat, she approached Chaewon with slow steps, kneeling in front of her so she could get her attention. It took the child a moment, before she braved up to lift her eyes and meet Lee’s – finding only concern and honest regret in the caramel ones. “No. I’m the one who is sorry.” Luda made sure Chae knew it wasn’t her fault, putting her sincerity in her words and gestures. “I will be more mindful from now on.”

Nodding slowly, the kid imitated her gestures, trying to repeat a certain word, “Mindful?”

“Mindful.” Luda did the sign again, slowly so Chaewon could learn all the motions. “It means I will consider your feelings and think before doing something that may upset you.”

Chaewon observed her with wide eyes, paying her attention, before nodding again without uttering a word.

Standing up once more to take her place by the desk in front of the girl, Luda suggested. “Let’s start today’s lesson. I will teach you more words today.”

 

 

About an hour later, checking her wristwatch, Luda confirmed it was time to finish her session with Kim Chaewon and prepare to head back to the office where she would be assigned her next task for the day. Giving the kid a smile, she informed her that it would be all for the day and started to pick up the flashcards she had been using to teach – Chaewon helped her to organize things as usual; she always offered her help, acting more like an adult than a child.

This time, however, Chaewon did something unusual – a small hand coming to gently pull on the sleeve of Luda’s blue sweater, demanding her attention as she looked at her with big chestnut eyes and a nervous expression.

Luda’s smile grew smaller, fonder as she gently encouraged her to talk. “Yes, Chaewon?”

The little girl took in a deep breath, taking her time before she could speak with the words Luda had been teaching her. “You don’t need to be…” She hesitated a moment, trying to get the sign correctly. “Mindful.”

Lee once more took a place in front of Chaewon, her expression soft, but attentive as she asked, “Why not?”

“That…” Chaewon touched her own head, just like Luda had tried to do early, using it to explain what her limited sign language skills couldn’t say. “It’s okay.”

Her skills weren’t perfect yet, but it was enough to allow Lee to understand what she meant and the older woman felt her chest growing heavy – Chaewon was trying her best, not only in learning, but also in letting her in. She was a brave child and it was hard to resist the urge of giving her a hug and tell her how proud she was of her.

“You are such a good kid, Chae. One of the smartest I’ve ever met.” She said honestly, this time waiting for Chae’s positive nod before caressing her hair with light fingers. Chaewon gave her a timid smile which she returned, giving her a final pat in the head. “Practice what we did today, I will be back tomorrow.”

Luda never thought about herself as the maternal type, but Chaewon had a special way to get to her.

Maybe it was in this moment that she understood that Kim Chaewon would always be one of a kind to her.

 

 

Back at the office, Luda didn’t have any visits left for the day, instead she was in charge of a bunch of boring paperwork. Leaving her to work through it for the whole afternoon, Sojung, her supervisor, took a seat across from her to take care of her own pile of documents.

“Unnie…I know it’s not the usual procedure, but can’t you tell me more about the girl I’m working with, Kim Chaewon?” She asked after a while, taking the opportunity given by Sojung’s weak attempt at small talk– the woman was her senior back in college and they were fairly close, so she didn’t even try to be subtle. “I feel like I’m walking on eggshells sometimes because even the smallest things seem to affect her.”

The older woman made a face, taking a sip of her coffee before answering. “You know I can’t tell you. I’m glad you are helping her and gods know she needs it, but rules are rules.” She tried to shrug it off by going back to her work, but they both knew how stubborn Lee Luda could be.

Pushing aside some of the files that were obstructing her view of her boss, the younger woman insisted. “I don’t have that much time to help her, just a couple of months. I would be able to help her a lot more if I knew her story and what may trigger her.”

“I told you, I can’t give you this kind of information.” Sojung said with a sigh, she was never good at saying ‘no’, which made her a rather easy target for Luda’s curiosity. Massaging the bridge of her nose, she took a moment to contemplate what to do next. “But nothing stops you from finding out on your own.” Cho gave in, letting her body rest against her office chair as she threw Luda a look. “You know the date she arrived at the orphanage, don’t you? So, if you happen to find something, I didn’t tell you anything, you found it all on your own!”

“You mean I could just look it up…” A smile spread through Luda’s face as she beamed at her senior, recharged with new energy. “Thank you, unnie!”

“Don’t ‘unnie’ me, Lee Luda. You have a bunch of files to read before you can go snooping around.”

 

 

What Luda found a few hours later, however, didn’t make her feel happy.

“Alcoholic single mother arrested for beating up deaf daughter.”

Was the title of the news she found after looking through several news reports published around the time Chaewon was sent to the orphanage.

There were no names, the mother only addressed as ‘Ms. K’ but it didn’t take a genius to put the pieces together and understand it was about Chaewon – and it only made her feel frustrated and sad that the same adorable kid with whom she bonded so easily could have gone through such horrendous things in life already.

Working with Chaewon just became much more important and difficult.

 

 

Jiyeon balanced the two ice cream cones in one hand as she sat beside Luda underneath the shade of a tree. It was a hot day and a park date sounded like the perfect choice.

It had been at first, as the two of them walked around and appreciated the beauty of the place, Luda tried to convince Jiyeon to ride a bike – the most she could do was getting them one of those bicycles with two seats where Jiyeon could just stay on the back as Luda safely guided them –, they took a bunch of cute pictures that would make Luda’s parents would spam their social media with comments how adorable they were and their friends would tease them about being so cheesy.

But now, after they took a break and Bona went to grab them some ice cream while Luda found them a nice place to rest, the younger woman didn’t seem to be enjoying the moment. Luda had her eyes on the river in the distance and her lips let out a soft sigh, one that Jiyeon knew all too well.

“You are sighing.” She pointed out the obvious, getting Luda’s attention so she could give her the ice cream before it started to melt. “Is my choice of date that boring?”

Blinking, the younger brunette gave her wife an apologetic smile, she hadn't even realized Jiyeon was back so quickly. “No, of course not. Thank you.” She thanked, accepting the ice cream and reaching out to give her wife a quick kiss on the cheek. “Sorry, I was just thinking about work. My internship will be over soon and I have a few offers already, but…”

Giving her a knowing look, the older woman hugged her wife by the shoulders. “Let me guess, you are wondering what will happen to your favorite patient once you are away?” Luda was very easy to read – at least to Jiyeon who knew her so well – and her affection for the little girl she was working with was evident, making it easy to tell she would miss the kid once their time together was over. It was a little surprising as well, after all Lee was the diligent and professional type, not someone that struggles to separate work from their personal life. “Chaewon, right?”

Letting out a soft chuckle, Luda rested her head on Jiyeon’s shoulder. Of course, she could never hide anything from her smart-pants wife. “Chaewon is a very special kid. She has improved her sign language skills so much and she is even brighter now, but still no one has shown any interest in her.”

It was hard to not sigh again, frustration evident as she thought back about the last event at the orphanage in which she volunteered to help Chaewon to interact with people interested in adopting – needless to say, she started the day with high hopes and ended it with a broken heart. She could only imagine how it felt for Chaewon who had tried so hard to force a smile and communicate with people in her own way, only to be judged for it. “It’s always the same, they think she is a cute and well-behaved child, but the moment they learn about her disability, they just turn around as if she was nothing…They don’t even try getting to know her.”

No wonder Luda was sighing, Jiyeon could feel the frustration and sadness in her words and she didn’t even need to know the kid to feel bad for her.

Life wasn’t easy and finding good parents, be it by being lucky enough to be born in a good family or to be accepted by a new loving one, wasn’t something easy – Luda, however, wouldn’t know, considering she had come from a loving and caring family who was nothing but supportive and accepting. Jiyeon, having her own bad experiences, could understand it a little better.

“Most people want to be parents, but they have envisioned a certain type of kid to have, even if it’s not realistic or fair to the said kid.” She spoke after a while, caressing Luda’s arm with the tips of her fingers as her eyes wandered around the place, noticing the many families there, all looking happy and lively – she knew not everything was as it seems. “It’s hard for older kids to get adopted, and one with a disability…Not everyone is ready or willing to handle the responsibility…Some, maybe, just feel like they wouldn’t be able to communicate well with her and it would make it really hard to create a bond…” She tried to rationalize it, putting herself in the place of those people – she still couldn’t really empathize with them, but she could understand the worries some may have. “It’s not her fault, nor it’s yours, it’s just an unfortunate situation. But she will find someone, eventually.”

Luda took a bite on her strawberry ice cream, trying to find some comfort in the familiar flavor.

“I know, I know…I just feel bad leaving her behind when I know she will probably get stuck in her development since she won’t have anyone to teach her or help her to practice.” Lee tried to reason, putting aside her personal feelings, to focus on the more practical aspects of the problem. “She is very smart and learns quickly. She is also not completely deaf, if she receives the right treatment, she may be able to improve the way she communicates and maybe even live a normal life.”

“But, as you said, she has already improved a lot and if she gets adopted, they can probably help her to get the treatment and help her to learn more. You helped her to give the first step already, this is good! So, why is your expression still like this?” Jiyeon asked albeit she could already infer the answer; she pressed her thumb on Luda’s forehead to undo the small frown there.

“Because the chances of adoption are very low. And treatments are expensive, just like good hearing aids.” Luda responded as if it was obvious, eating her strawberry ice cream wasn’t really having the expected effect of making her calmer. Maybe it was because she had to control herself yesterday and not shout at the idiots that just turned their backs on Chaewon. “I tried talking with the staff back at the orphanage, but I don’t think they plan on getting her any more help. If I wasn’t working there as an intern, she wouldn’t have anyone accompanying her.”

her own ice cream before it melted all over her hand, Jiyeon gave Luda a chocolate-flavored kiss before replying. “You look extra cute when you talk so passionately about things like this!” Stealing another kiss before the other woman could protest – it was a little too much PDA for them, especially when they were talking about a serious topic. “Technically, the government is supposed to cover any healthcare related issues regarding the minors kept under its tutelage.” It was Bona’s turn to use her professional tone, albeit her cases didn’t usually involve minors and family affairs, she still had enough knowledge about the general laws about such matters. “But things never quite work as they should…Still, the kids are allowed to receive gifts, am I correct?”

Pushing Jiyeon lightly, more to get her mind clear than for minding the passerby's looks, Lee tried to understand what the woman meant. “Gifts? Well, yes, but…”

“And they can’t reject a free offer from a good doctor who just wants to help.” Jiyeon completed, a smirk on her face as if she had just found the perfect argument to win a case – winning her wife’s favors was much better than getting some drunkard out of jail anyway. “Call Dawon and ask for a favor, I’m sure she won’t hesitate to help.”

“Well, I could just pay for the service and ask Dawon to say it was for free…Or she would even volunteer to help, knowing her…” Luda spoke more to herself than Bona, her eyes growing wide with the realization. She should have thought about it long ago, but her mind had been so full of worries that she missed the more obvious solution. “Kim Jiyeon, I love you!” Forgetting about the half-melt ice cream on her hand and the eyes of the curious people on them, she hugged Jiyeon tightly, a big smile on her face.

The older woman’s grin only grew as she hugged the brunette back, trying to not laugh as she demanded, “Then thank me with a kiss!”

And ignoring her usual discreet self, Luda kissed her wife without any reservations, too glad to care about what anyone other than Jiyeon could think.

 

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A/N: There will be 4, not 3 chapters.