Giving his bear another whack, Sungjong threw his favorite stuff animal off his bunk, letting it hit the hard floor. He let out another sigh before crawling back under his blanket, having enough of whatever it was that was bothering him and just wanted to sleep. He’s been so angry lately, he couldn’t even understand why. All of his frustration wanted to just pour out all at once. He just wanted to snap. He wanted to beat more than just his bear but in the end he couldn’t. Sungjong hated how much anger he had stored up in him over something so small.

He let the other go, so why was he hurting so much inside? He couldn’t understand these feelings at all. Myungsoo seemed so unhappy around him, not like before when they were together. He could feel it, even though the other showed otherwise. He knew Myungsoo wouldn’t be happy without having Sungyeol and that… that irked the makane so bad. Burying his face against his pillow, he let out a shaky breath before his frustration poured out in tears. He couldn’t stop it, no matter how hard he tried. Chocking back a sob, Sungjong couldn’t help but cough a bit before crying more. He felt pathetic. Hurt. Angry. Betrayed.

“I’m don’t need him to be happy, I just need you.”

Memories came rushing back so fast, it gave him a headache as he tried to shake them all away. He didn’t want to remember any of this, not a bit of it. He said he didn’t, but in Sungjong’s heart, he knew he did. He would remember how Myungsoo’s smile would grow more when the other male was around. When the topic about him came up, how interested he would be. Even when they were picking partners for anything, how much Myungsoo died to call out Sungyeol even though he knew he shouldn’t.

“I’d pick you over him any day, Jongie”

And how much of a lie that was. Even though Myungsoo didn’t speak of the older male around Sungjong, he knew. Despite changing the name of the number, he knew. Every little thing Myungsoo did to hide the fact that he was talking to Sungyeol, Sungjong already knew. He never even wanted to know. The texting, he found out since they both had Sungyeol’s number. When the number popped up on the screen, he already knew who it was. Those secret letters they would write, he knew who it was for. He didn’t have to ask, he didn’t even need to make sure. He already knew once Myungsoo’s silly grin appeared on his face. He was hurt that they were talking to eachother, but he was more so hurt that the other did everything he could to hide it from him.

“I love you,”

Love, Sungjong hated that word so much. Every time he hear it, his mind goes back to the music sheets. Those music sheets he found around Valentine’s Day under Myungsoo’s things, they weren’t for him.  He didn’t even mean to stumble upon them when he fell over the mess pile of clothes in the other’s room. Myungsoo never made anything for him despite how much he told him that he loves him. Despite how much Myungsoo did to show that he cared for Sungjong, he never written him anything. Seeing the lyrics on the music sheets, he knew it was for the other male. Part of him wanted to just rip it up, throw it away, burn it, get rid of it. In the end, all he could do was leave the room. His love only came in small hugs and meaningless kisses.

“I need you, “

He needed Sungyeol. There was no hiding it. He could only wonder why. Sungyeol never treated him the same, in fact Sungyeol treated him so much worse. All of that abuse, cursing, blaming, black mailing. Yet, he needed Sungyeol. Of course Sungyeol showed the other he cared, sweet talked him to death, gave him what he needed and when he needed. Though in the end Sungjong knew Sungyeol could’ve cared less. Sungjong knew the other male just wanted things he can’t have, and Myungsoo just wanted because he couldn’t let go. They broke up because Sungyeol was caught cheating, yet… Myungsoo still wanted to give him another chance. Myungsoo still just wanted to shower the other with gifts, with love, support their pairing to the end.

“Sarangehae”

He knew… he knew those were words spoken out of guilt. Sungjong knew the other said it because he felt bad, not because he meant it. His head ached so bad knowing all of this, yet never doing anything of it. All he could do was meekly reply back in the end as they hugged and shared a meaningless kiss. All of this that he wish he could erase.

“I’ll be fine… Just go”

Sungjong never thought he himself would say those words. He just couldn’t stand it anymore. Couldn’t stand having to see his own boyfriend wanting something, hoping for something, but not going for it because of him. He knew the other would be much happier without him, despite whatever may happen, yet… how come he felt so betrayed. He let the male go, yet he felt like he’s been deserted. He tried so hard to give Myungsoo his heart, but the other didn’t want it. Everything he needed was in something Sungjong refuse to see. He tried so hard, and for so long, to show the other how happy people can be in love. Yet in the end all he received was “I feel miserable without him..” Those words echoed in his mind as he felt himself sobbing more, weeping against his pillow for someone to stop his heartache. But he knew no one could.

“We can still be best friends”

Waking up in the middle of the night, Sungjong couldn’t help but wonder when he even fell asleep. Shaking that off, he gently rubbed his head, finding a terrible headache forming as he sniffled to himself. His mood was dropping by the second as he rubbed his eyes. He thought he was done with crying, but clearly he wasn’t as another tear threatened to fall. Shaking his head, he climbed down his bunk and made his way quietly out of the room. Walking in to the bathroom, he the light and whinced from the brightness before he began washing his face. The amount of scrubbing he did still wouldn’t drive away the tear stains that remained on his cheeks. Opening up the medicine cabinet, Sungjong’s eyes caught another letter. Glancing at the name on it, it was for Sungyeol, yet again.

Slamming the cabinet shut, he turned off the lights and went off to the kitchen. All of the things Myungsoo never did for him, he does for someone that doesn’t even deserve it. He felt more tears threatening to fall as he let out a shaky breath and tried hard to keep his mind off of his ripping heart. Why did this affect him so much, he doesn’t even know. They’re over now. Sungyeol and Myungsoo are over too, or so he thought. Clearly no matter how over they are one would try to keep in contact with the other.

Opening up the fridge, he pulled out a box of ice cream only to see a letter was on there, with Myungsoo’s name written on it. His appetite for comfort food was instantly lost as he dropped the bucket back into the freezer and slammed it shut again. At a time like this, what could he do? Read the notes? … He already knew what they contained without reading them. Sappy words from Sungyeol to Myungsoo, Myungsoo trying hard to tell Sungyeol he’s over him only to be pulled in once again.

Walking off to the living room, he lied down on the floor and covered his face with his hands. He prayed so hard to have something just end him right then and there. Hearing the front door opening, his mind went off to thinking maybe this really is going to end him. A burglar coming into their apartment this late at night will kill him. His heart raced as he temporarily forgot about everything that happened, breathing heavily as he anticipated his death before he felt a hand on his fore head and heard a soft voice.

“Yah, if you sleep here you’ll get sick.”

Blinking a few times, he pulled his hands away from his face to come in contact with Dongwoo. He found this awkward, the rapper seeing him in this state. Despite being in the same group, he didn’t communicate much with the other. Turning away, he sighed out and shrugged. “Leave me alone”

Suddenly, he felt himself being pulled up and away into the bathroom once again. “Aish, look at you Jongie. You’re such a mess.” He heard the faucet being before the other started wiping the tears away from his face, rubbing a bit hard to take the tear stains away before taking a towel and drying it. “You’re supposed to be our pretty member with the y S-line that seduces the male. How do you expect to do that with a face that looks like it’s been doing nothing but sobbing?”

“Y-yah! I’m not in the mood for you” Sungjong spoke with irritation as he turned to leave, only to be held back by the other’s hand.

“Arra ~ No joking anymore. How about we eat? … You didn’t eat anything at all during dinner yesterday… and its practically 5am . I bought you some food.” Sungjong blinked a bit, wondering why the hell did the other member went out so late, just to buy him food. Pursing his lips, Sungjong sighed and nodded before pulling his hand away and walking back to the living room and sitting down on the floor.

He could feel Dongwoo’s happiness as the male followed after him before sitting in front of him with the bag of food. “It’s pretty lonely without DuNuCo huh? They were such jumpy kids~” the rapper spoke with a big grin. Sungjong could only nod at that as the other took out a to-go box of fried rice and bringing a spoonful to his lips. “Say Ah Jongie~”

Sungjong rolled his eyes and sighed at the other before parting his lips without the ah. When the other gave him a pout he ended up Ahhing just so he could be fed. Chewing and swallowing, his stomach felt a bit better from being in starve mode all day. “I could feed myself—“

“Say Ahh Jongie . I’m not letting you feed yourself” Dongwoo told him as he brought up another spoonful of rice. Sungjong could only mumbled in annoyance before letting the other feed him once again. This whole ordeal went on until the box was completely empty. Sungjong had to admit that he felt a bit better now, but he was still in a foul mood. “… So… You’re… somewhat okay now?” Dongwoo’s voice had cautiousness laced all over it as he pursed his own lips. He knew the other worried about bringing up the topic and all he could do was give a small nod.

“I-… I guess…I’ll get over it eventually…” He sniffled a bit, remembering everything again. His headache came back as his heart was silently ripping apart. All Sungjong could do was bite on his bottom lip to hold back his sobs. Soon, he felt two arms around him  and a hand softly his hair. “H-Hyung..”

“Jongie… I’m here, arrasso? …He didn’t deserve you anyways..” The makane could hear the bitterness in the other’s voice. He could feel how annoyed he was as the arm around his waist tightened and pulled him closer. Sungjong was dumbfounded for a moment as he let out a shaky sigh, pressing his face against the other’s shoulder.

“B-but…. I … I really…l-” He felt his face being pressed against the other’s shoulder due to the rapper’s hand and couldn’t help but puff his cheeks. Pushing himself away from the other, he shot him a nasty glare. “Y-Yah! What was that for!”

“Don’t say it!” He could see a frown evident on the other’s face as he pursed his lips. Soon, Sungjong got the message and couldn’t help but stifle a small laugh.

“You’re so childish hyung..”

“You fall for sweet talking too easily Jongie.” Blinking a few times, he glanced at the ground. The other was right, he really did fall for it so easily. He was just like Myungsoo, expect he was strong enough to cut his lost and be done with it… despite how painful it is. “But you’re cute that way.”

Sungjong felt his cheeks flush. Was the older flirting with him? What was he supposed to say? “D-Dongwoo Hyung! … quit joking..”

He heart a heartfelt laughter pass the other’s lips. That laugh that would get anyone else to laugh with him, despite whatever mood they’re in. It cause him to give a small fit of laughter too before he felt the other ruffle up his hair. “Mian. . . Let me take care of you Jongie.  “

The maknae felt the air tense up as he thought a bit. Was the other trying to imply something? Giving it some thought he nodded his head. “arrasso, if you’re taking care of me… You’re going to be in for a lot.” He couldn’t help but grin.

Hearing another laugh erupt from Dongwoo, the other male nodded and pinched his cheeks. “Arrasso! If you fall for me, just let me know. Okay, Jongie?”

Sungjong could only try to puff his cheeks as the other continued his jokes. If he fell for the other…. Smiling, he knew he was already falling as his heart started to skip a beat.