“I’m home.”

Jinsol’s voice echoes through the empty entryway of her own apartment, trying to keep herself conscious as she pushes her hand on a wall, removing her shoes hastily while she unknowingly ruins the indoor slippers resting neatly by the gutter, organized by the hallway.

Jinsol knows she should have removed the habit of disturbing the shadows living in her empty apartment by informing them of her arrival but it was the only memory and routine she had ever left. Everything else? She already let it slip right through her fingers.

The breeze inside of her apartment had gotten colder too. More time Jinsol spends outside, there’s one less of a body to spread warmth in her own apartment. It was already long gone, anyway. She just still hasn't gotten used to how cold the floor feels on her soles.

It has been two years. Jinsol should’ve gotten used to it already.

Jinsol drags herself to her room while she groans, feeling her head pound in the most unpleasant way possible, but this was the one thing she already grew accustomed with. 

It was one of the nights she smelled like rounds of jack and cola, one of the nights Jinsol almost misses her stop in the subway because there was no one to wake her alcohol-ridden system, then comes a massive headache the following morning.

Jinsol throws herself on her bed, fishing her phone out of the pocket of her worn-out slacks, then through her phone screen, it reads:

[Soo (Dumb)]:

Text me when you’re home? 

[ Soo (Dumb)]:

Jiwoo has been giving me an earful whenever I leave you alone to go home. 

Jinsol chuckles and tries her best to tap every letter with her lone thumb.

[Sol (Dumber)]:

i’m hpmr. yhsnk yoi, spo. 

Jinsol closes her eyes to make the sight of her cream colored ceiling stop spinning. She didn’t even bother to change her clothes before she passed out, though she reeked of alcohol that would surely rub on her bed. If that’s what it takes to make the familiar scent imprinted even at the back of her mind go away, so be it.

It has been two years. Jinsol still hasn't gotten used to living with the remnants of her that made residence in her apartment, the remnants Jungeun had left.

----------------------------------------------------

A massive headache and a ringing doorbell.

That’s the first thing Jinsol has processed since she gained consciousness.

Except the massive headache was more of an internal struggle, but then it heightened her sense of hearing, the doorbell painfully ringing through her ear as it rang twice, making her head ache even more than it did already.

Jinsol rips her white polo from last night apart and changes her clothes in an instant, slipping on the nearest hoodie she could grab, and much to her luck, it was Jungeun’s college hoodie, the one that kept her warm the other night when she was having one of her episodes again and god knows how much tears it soaked up. (Jinsol considered getting it cleaned with the rest of her laundry, but she was too busy making a living to even send her clothes to the laundromat, not that she was just preserving Jungeun’s own scent on it.)

Not wanting to let the person, or perhaps the kids playing ding-dong ditch, wait any longer by the door, Jinsol walks quickly to her door, tying her hair in a suspectedly presentable look while she winces in pain as the doorbell rings once more.

(Jinsol knows it’s Jiwoo or Sooyoung, or both. They come in a package of two these days, anyway. Jinsol knew something was happening between the two of them.)

Jinsol was already preparing to tell them off and visit some other day, leave her alone, go on and disturb someone else, but all the words got shoved down when she saw a familiar woman standing by the door post.

“Hey, Jinsol.”

If Jinsol could turn back time right from that moment, she would have worn anything besides the hoodie she was currently wearing, now that the owner of it was right in front of her, a whole three feet away from her with a small smile on her face.

“Jungeun.” Jinsol’s headache suddenly gets worse at the sight of Jungeun, her hair now far more different and healthier than the blonde she sported the last time she walked out where they were standing.

Jinsol sees Jungeun’s eyes flicker from her eyes to the hoodie she was wearing, catching her attention for a moment, making Jinsol slightly fold and subtly cover it with her arm.

Jinsol was embarrassed, not because she reeked of alcohol and currently in a massive hangover, but because of how different they both were, standing by the line dividing two different sides of the door.

Jungeun looked much like she had her life all figured out for the past years, more poised than the college girl she was the first time Jinsol had met her. And there Jinsol lies at the other side, miserable, as crestfallen as Jungeun had left her, seemingly unable to move forward with her own life, barely coping up.

It’s not like Jinsol had no reason to be who she is, at the moment. She had every reason why she was someone who still blames herself for absolutely no concrete reason.

Jungeun left her without a word, left her without saying why she just stepped out of the door, and left her questioning where she went wrong.

Jinsol feels way more lightheaded all of the sudden, like it wasn’t any physical pain anymore, but her heart suddenly skips a beat, not the kind she felt when Jungeun smiled, but when she saw Jungeun was stepping out her door, the very door she was standing at. It was an emotional kind of pain she was busy burying in the back of her mind.

“What brings you here?” Jinsol asks immediately, knowing she’s way too hungover for formalities.

“I— uhh, I just wanted to invite you to Yerim’s graduation party this coming weekend.” Jungeun scratches her nape. “It’s kind of a surprise thing I organized with a friend and I thought you might want to go with Jiwoo and Sooyoung unnie, since Yerim misses all of you. A lot.”

The rollercoaster of emotions she felt when Jungeun appeared in front of her after two ing years was all for a party invitation?

However, Jinsol knows the rift they both have caused to their friends, how it divided them but not because they were taking sides, but because one is just closer to the other.

Jinsol has Sooyoung, Sooyoung is Jiwoo’s roommate, Jiwoo is Jungeun’s childhood friend, then Yerim is Jungeun’s beloved junior.

To think of it, they aren’t really that divided, but Jinsol notices how different their friends move around them, and how they treat Jinsol differently than Jungeun, both still in a good way.

Yerim was the one Jinsol never really got to see after Jungeun had left. Yerim does talk to Jinsol from time to time but it never went beyond video calls and random motivational quotes Yerim loved to send and Jinsol surprisingly loved receiving.

Yerim was Jinsol’s beloved junior too. Jinsol felt bad about the sudden rift, because she knew it meant being away from Yerim, considering how Yerim always sticks with Jungeun.

“Oh.” Jinsol runs her hand through her hair, noticing how she hasn't even checked if her hair was presentable at least. “Alright. I’ll tell them.”

“Great!” Jungeun jumps, seemingly surprised by Jinsol's acceptance of her invitation.

Then a beat of silence follows, their eyes darting everywhere but to each other. Why was Jungeun still standing on the threshold? Should she just slam the door right on the face that took years for Jinsol to get over?

“Is there anything—”

“You should drink water. Lots of it.” Jungeun suddenly speaks, reaching for something out of the tote bag she was carrying. “And here, ibuprofen. It’ll help with the headache.”

Was Jinsol obviously that hungover that Jungeun had noticed? Was it the way Jinsol’s eyes squint from the bright lights every once in a while? The way Jinsol left strands of her hair behind when she tied her hair up? The way Jinsol was groggy? The way Jinsol was pale but blushing at the same time?

After all these years, maybe Jungeun still knows Jinsol like the back of her hand.

“Thanks. I’ll… drink this after breakfast.” Jinsol reaches to grab the medicine from Jungeun, careful not to even slightly graze any of her own fingers through Jungeun’s.

“Great. I, Uhh, should get going.” Jungeun nods politely before stepping back carefully away from the door. “I hope to see you there.”

“Sure.”

Jinsol sees Jungeun wave once with her sweater paw before taking a turn and disappearing from Jinsol’s sight, then Jinsol finally closes the door shut.

Jinsol stares at the ibuprofen on her hand while she leans on her door for support, her head throbbing in pain while numerous questions continuously emerge in her mind and just make her headache even worse.

What should one feel if, after two years of trying to forget a person, on a peaceful Tuesday morning, they suddenly pop three feet in front of your door and give you a pill that could cure the headache that was caused by a hangover from drinking too much the night before because you were trying to forget that person?

Well, needless to say, Jinsol feels like  .

What the  did just happen?

It took Jinsol a whole five minutes to even remember she has to go to work three hours from now and her stomach was basically empty, which she deems the reason why her mind went blank all of the sudden.

“Breakfast! Of course, breakfast!”

Jinsol quickly reheats the tomato soup she had for breakfast the day before, and just tosses and makes two quick bootleg grilled cheese sandwiches on the toaster, eager to cure the headache she was doing a good job enduring.

The warmth of the soup at least relieves the throbbing pain a bit, and Jinsol suddenly feels her own two feet flat on Earth again.

After she filled her stomach, in a natural motion, Jinsol pops the ibuprofen on her tongue and drinks it in an instant, until she remembers that it came from Jungeun, then she becomes confused again.

Before she could delve right in her own pool of problems once more, her phone rings inside the pocket of Jungeun’s hoodie, a detail Jinsol just tries to set aside, considering how her phone was ringing the specific ringtone she set for Sooyoung.

“Hey, Sooyoung.”

“ Sol! ” Jinsol winces at Sooyoung's scream in the early morning. “ How are you? Are you going to work? ” Right. Work. 

“I’m fine. I just,” Jinsol exhales as she gives it a thought. Maybe she should tell her later. “I’ll be going to work. I promise.”

“ Is something the matter? ” Sooyoung might have been too much of an empath to pick up on the fall in Jinsol’s tone.

“Maybe later, I’ll tell you. See you at the studio before I go to work?”

“ Alright. Better be here in one whole piece. ”

Jinsol really isn’t sure if she could arrive in one whole piece , wanting to leave her messed up mind at home.

It doesn’t take long for Jinsol to arrive at work, clad in a fresh oxford polo and blazer, far different than the crumpled and alcohol-scented ones she had worn to sleep before all of the unforeseen events that had happened the morning earlier.

Jinsol felt a lot better than she did, sporting a warm smile to greet a couple of people along the way. She finally arrives at the dance studio where Sooyoung works, blocks away from her office building. She sees her sitting by the swivel chair that was seemingly out of place in a dance studio, and she was busy taking small whiffs from her thermos that surely contained chamomile.

“I would like some of that too, please.”

“Oh, please. You don’t deserve this after pulling me to get -faced on a work night, Sol! On a work night!”

As much as Jinsol wanted to apologize, it’s just that drinking with a friend just helps her be entertained and distracted from the episodes she had been having these past days. 

Jinsol doesn’t really have a lot of friends besides Sooyoung, and Sooyoung? She doesn’t dare to say no to Jinsol.

“What happened to you earlier, anyway?” Sooyoung asks, before she takes a sip from her thermos.

Jinsol didn’t even hesitate. “Jungeun was at my doorstep a while ago, inviting me to a party.”

The warm liquid suddenly lodges Sooyoung's throat.

“Wrong pipe, wrong pipe!” Sooyoung coughs violently while she holds on for her dear life. “A what now?”

“Keep it down, Soo.” Jinsol massages her temple, too much information and events draining her even more.  “It’s Yerim’s graduation party. She said it was a surprise and she organized it and stuff. It’s not a big deal to us , at least.”

“Not a big deal? She just waltzes back to your apartment just to tell you she’s inviting you to a party she could've just told Jiwoo. Oh, she’s a menace, alright!”

Jinsol sighs. “Again, it has nothing to do with the both of us. She didn’t say anything about it.”

“Jinsol, you’ve spent— what? two years— trying to forget and to pop up just like that?” Sooyoung snaps her fingers. “Without even explaining properly why she had left? Wouldn’t it be hard on your part, at least?”

Oh, trust me. I have been thinking about it since this morning. “She’s just there for Yerim, okay? It’s her special day. We wouldn’t dare ruin it for her.” 

Sooyoung stays silent, with an empathetic look in her eyes. Jinsol, too, stays silent, not wanting to mention how it made her feel weak in the scrutiny of those kinds of looks that pity her.

“Will you go?” Jinsol asks, after finally being able to compose herself.

Will you stay by my side? 

“We will. Jiwoo and I will, of course.”

Without Sooyoung, Jinsol would have been long gone. She’s sure of that.

“Don’t worry about me, okay? This is just a one time thing.” Jinsol grasps Sooyoung’s hand with a grateful smile.

Sooyoung huffs and crosses her arms. “How could I not worry about you when you text me in alien language whenever you’re drunk? I mean, who the is spo ?” 

“You’re good at deciphering, anyway.” Jinsol giggles.

This is just a one time thing. For Yerim. All casual. No involved. Jinsol repeats in her head whenever she remembers how Jungeun stood in front of her door.

As long as Jinsol keeps her feelings locked in a safe far away from Jungeun’s proximity, all will be alright. What’s the worst that could happen?

----------------------------------------------------

In a blink of an eye, it was already Friday.

Jinsol was too busy to even notice the time quickly passing by, and much to her trying too hard to shove back the idea of Jungeun at the back of her mind, she forgets to buy Yerim a gift.

Jinsol abruptly decided to go with Jiwoo and Sooyoung. Jinsol knows she should’ve just let them be and went alone, but it was one of those rare days when Jinsol wanted to tag along with the duo, no matter how much she would feel like a third wheel, if it actually meant getting Yerim a gift for her graduation. Besides, Jinsol just didn’t want to be alone in her apartment for now.

Jinsol thinks that the universe does not want her to move on.

Because if it does, she wouldn’t be standing with Sooyoung in front of Jiwoo who was talking to Jungeun at a ceramic making studio.

If it does, Sooyoung wouldn’t have been shooting her an apologetic look for unintentionally making their paths meet, as Jinsol could have avoided it if she just waited for Sooyoung and Jiwoo somewhere else while they go inside.

If it does, just as they arrive at the second storey of the building, Jungeun wouldn’t be looking in their direction just as startled as her, but still greets them with a warm smile while her hands are messy, her hair tied up high, while she sports an apron stained with ceramic clay and paint.

“Hey, you guys are finally here!” Jiwoo chuckles flatly, knowing how awkward the situation had become. “Turns out Jungeun is the owner of this studio.”

Owner? 

Jinsol vividly remembers how she had this phase in her college years when she dreamt about Jungeun and her attending one of the expensive marbling classes just because of how satisfying it was to see how a simple ceramic clay could be molded into something slightly indiscernible at first, but when it gets heated up in the kiln, it becomes something magical.

(Maybe because she saw Ghost that one movie night with Jungeun: Jungeun fell in love with that one scene where Patrick Swayze crept up behind Demi Moore while they let their hands run through the clay pot; Jinsol even for being too romantic before she imitated Swayze’s back hug on Jungeun for the rest of the movie.)

Aside from the lack of time and money to attend because she just lived off of college allowance, she also just doesn't want to attend alone . The fear of getting all too sentimental and teary-eyed under the eyes of a ceramic studio instructor is too much to begin with, anyway.

“Ah, no. My friend owns it.” Jungeun’s eyes look into Jinsol’s for a brief moment before she continues, “I’m just a shareholder.”

“How come you didn’t tell me? So much for being your best friend.” Jiwoo scowls then Jungeun just chuckles.

“It just recently opened and I was going to invite you soon. I’m glad you even found the place.”

Jinsol takes her time to scan the place, how it has a homey feel with the wooden walls and foundation. Different sizes of shelves stand erect either at the corner, in the middle, against the wall, with different ceramic plates and figurines. Everything was different but beautifully pieced together. It was everything Jinsol had hoped to see when she once looked through the window of another studio, while she remembered how Jungeun held her, how she kissed her like Patrick Swayze did.

“Jinsol?”

Jinsol’s head snapped at the voice more familiar to her heart than ever, and saw Jungeun with the soft smile she always wears, her eyes glimmering with something she can’t decipher.

It struck a chord with Jinsol. Jungeun suddenly became this stranger she once knew better than anyone else. She was still the same Jungeun, but very different . However, despite the unknowing and mysterious facade Jungeun had been putting up like she always does, almost unreadable especially now, she doesn’t know why Jinsol can’t stop herself from looking immediately, or even simply can’t teach her heart how to look the other way when that voice calls for her name.

“Do you want to look around?” Jungeun asks.

Before she even knew it, Sooyoung and Jiwoo were walking away from the both of them, guided to a room by a lady wearing the same stained apron Jungeun had been wearing.

Jinsol could only watch them, and with the same empty eyes she holds, she answers, 

“Sure.”

Next thing she knows is they were alone together, like it was Tuesday morning all over again. However, Jinsol prefers herself this way than the previous version of her the last time she had come face to face with Jungeun.

Regardless of how Jungeun had asked her if she wanted to look around, Jinsol led their way nonetheless. Jinsol tread smoothly between the shelves in the middle, where ceramic figurines of different sizes stood tall and waited to be purchased.

At the back of her head, Jungeun’s presence makes itself known, tracing Jinsol’s steps from behind while keeping a safe distance for her to follow. It helped Jinsol to let loose the tension on her shoulders somehow. The studio was indeed a sight to see, it makes her enveloped in a brief moment of serenity.

Whenever Jinsol stopped to admire a thing or two, Jungeun stood still with the same calm smile on her face, with her hands on her back, seemingly ready to answer whatever question Jinsol was going to ask.

Though Jinsol had many questions about how things work out around the place, she chooses to keep mum, afraid how the conversation could lead to embarrassing moments that had been happening since she had last seen Jungeun in front of her door.

“Jungeun?”

“Yes?” Jungeun answers more quickly than Jinsol had anticipated, her eyebrows lifting in curiosity.

“Did you,” Jinsol points at one of the figurines she was looking at previously. “Did you make these?”

“Well, some of the basic ones like the plates, I did, because I don’t really have the talent for it. But most of it was made by my friend Heejin, the owner.” Jungeun takes a figurine of a dove from the shelf then hands it to Jinsol, pulling her hand slightly, avoiding to let the latter feel the slightest touch from her.

“Heejin made this and,” Jungeun hands her a slightly larger figurine of what seemed to be a deer. “this one, and—”

Jinsol’s eyes suddenly darted on the figurine behind where the deer stood. It was an owl, an animal Jinsol had always associated Jungeun with. (Jinsol had always been vocal about how Jungeun was wise and full of knowledge, like how owls are supposed to be, as she saw that one night when they cuddled and watched Animal Planet.)

“What about that?” Jinsol points at the owl, staring at the both of them with its wide eyes. Jungeun then grabs it with much delicate touch, like it was the most fragile thing made to exist.

“This is… the first one I made here.” Jungeun this time cradles it with her hands with much prudence.

Jinsol was taken aback by it, and it was not certainly helping how Jungeun was basically staring at it with much admiration in her eyes and delicacy in her hands, like she was proud of how it came to be.

Jinsol’s breathing becomes heavy all of the sudden, getting reminded how comfortable she shouldn’t be getting around Jungeun’s presence, her wounds of the past suddenly aching much worse, the more she looks at Jungeun, cradling the owl in the same hands that cradled her.

“I, uhh… I’m gonna look around some more.” Jinsol carefully places down the figurines she was holding back to the shelf, then she sees Jungeun follow and place the owl back to where it belonged.

Now, Jungeun trails from behind again, while Jinsol tries her best to keep her heart at bay.

So much for being a one time thing.

----------------------------------------------------

Jinsol was basically treated like a princess in her family. It was all thanks to her parents that she got to attend the university she had been dreaming of going to.

When Jinsol had met Jungeun in her sophomore year, Jungeun was living off a diet of one meal to survive a week of fixed allowance. It became the motivation for Jinsol to never forget to pack lunch for three, to cook dinner for two. One for Jinsol, and the rest for Jungeun to let her go by.

Despite that, she was envious of Jungeun. Jungeun always had the enthusiasm and courage to work hard every single day for her future, whilst the thought of future to Jinsol just appears to be blank in her mind. She didn’t really know what she wanted in life, she really didn’t know if she was working hard like Jungeun was.

Though, it wasn’t the bad kind of envy. It was the type that’s more of a pride for Jungeun. She was proud of how far Jungeun had become, how she had even invested her earnings she could have probably made up for the times she skipped meals, into helping a friend into making their dream a reality. Jungeun always puts everyone else first before herself.

It turns out, the café named Dal Segno, just a floor below the lovely ceramic studio that Heejin owns, is owned by Jungeun. (Jinsol had found out through the gossiping staff who handled the counter who received her order of diabetes-inducing chocolate milkshake which they surprisingly have, after Jinsol started a conversation with them about how modern it looked rather than rustic.)

Jungeun had been vocal in the past about dreaming to own a café, serving all their favorite pastries and drinks, a turntable at the corner of the room with rows of vinyl to choose from and Jinsol never thought twice in believing how Jungeun could achieve everything she had wished for.

To Jinsol, if there’s someone who deserves to have their dreams come true, it would be Jungeun.

Jinsol became tired an hour into looking around, but she needed to wait for Jiwoo and Sooyoung to finish. Jinsol’s plan to tag along may have been too abrupt because Jiwoo only booked a class for two, because the first time she asked Jinsol to join them, she declined. The second time? Declined again. Jinsol doesn’t really blame Sooyoung for not letting Jiwoo ask her the third time.

So here she was, waiting at a table with a tall glass of melting milkshake in front of her. The only difference was, Jungeun, now free from her stained apron, was sitting across from her in the same stiff manner as her, with their eyes both looking anywhere but each other, their hands on their lap like they were on a blind date.

“You can go upstairs now, Jungeun.” Jinsol decides to speak first. “Don’t worry, I can wait for them here alone.”

“Oh, no. I don’t mind. I’m much more of a help here than upstairs.” Jungeun titters. “I have to observe the café, anyway.”

Then, a beat of silence follows again, while Jinsol takes a sip of her own chocolate milkshake, observing how the café was not that crowded, but still enough to conclude that it was still indeed thriving.

Many questions still linger in Jinsol's mind, about Jungeun’s café business, her share with the ceramic studio above them, her life in general. However, Jinsol thinks those questions are way too comfortable for their own liking. It may be crossing the fine line between failed lovers and friends, and it just so happens that they are nowhere near the line. So Jinsol just goes for the safest conversation starter.

“I still haven’t got Yerim anything. Not yet, at least.”

“You’re going?” Jungeun beams. (Jinsol hated how it tugged something inside her.)

Jinsol nodded as she drew circles around her tall glass. “It’s been a while since I saw Yerim, don’t you think?

“I’m sure she’ll appreciate anything from you just fine.” Jungeun hums. “She always talks about you, so it’s safe to say you’re her favorite.”

Jinsol scoffs sarcastically. “Such a hypocrite, not returning my kissy emojis.”

A beat of silence follows again after their giggles fade. However, the air around them was more breathable and less tense than it was earlier. It surprises Jinsol how she could get used to not having needles poking her heart.

Even in the past, Jinsol and Jungeun had been good with silence, only their actions reflecting how much they love to spend time with each other.

Maybe comfortable silences do remind Jinsol of Jungeun, but it hurts less, nonetheless.

“Jinsol, about last time,” It was Jungeun’s turn to break the silence, and Jinsol’s stomach tied a knot.

“I’m sorry if I…” Jinsol senses a moment of reluctance before Jungeun continues. “If I came too early in the morning…”

Jinsol doesn’t know why Jungeun even apologized, when she knows how Jinsol likes to get up as soon as the sun shines through her curtains. Maybe, Jungeun had already forgotten, given how two years could be enough time to put that all in the past.

(Jinsol also remembered how Jungeun looked at her when she saw Jinsol wear her hoodie, but it seems like Jungeun doesn’t really care about that. Maybe Jinsol should think about returning it.)

“It’s alright. I should be the one saying sorry, if I had known you were at the door, I could’ve taken a shower first.”

“Did you take ibuprofen?” Jungeun asks almost immediately, the tone of her voice laced with worry.

“I did. Thank you. It’s a saving grace.” Jinsol presses her lips into a thin line, then takes a sip out of her now-melted milkshake, easing the weight on her shoulders because she did not expect Jungeun to talk about the last time she saw her suffering from a hangover.

“It’s nothing. I just remembered how it cures most of your headaches.”

Before Jinsol could respond, she sees Jiwoo at her line of sight, waving to her excitedly while Sooyoung and the lady whom Jinsol saw escorting them a while ago, stands behind her.

The trio finally approaches them, Jiwoo’s optimism replacing the awkward air in the room, making Jinsol finally breathe much better around Jungeun.

“Hi, Jinsol. Have you waited long?”  Jiwoo takes the seat across from Jungeun, while Sooyoung takes the seat beside her, while the familiar lady just remains standing beside Jungeun.

The lady was very, very pretty, to begin with. Slightly smaller than her, sporting semi-huge round spectacles that accentuated the bridge of her nose, and very classy, considering how she’s wearing a Cartier bracelet despite how messy it would be for her hands.

The lady looked amazingly pretty beside Jungeun, especially when Jungeun looked back at her too, gentle as ever.

Maybe Jinsol was being too observant for her liking. The lady was everything Jinsol had wished she could be, after all. It would be no surprise if something more than actual business is happening between them, not that Jinsol actually cared, not that she should care.

“I’m Heejin. I’ve heard so much about you from—” Jinsol hears a thud under the table then Heejin curses under her breath before she forces a smile evidently in pain. “From Yerim. Of course. Yerim talks a lot about you.” Now, it’s Jinsol’s turn to doubt.

“Hello, Heejin. I love your studio, by the way. Your works are amazing.” Jinsol stands up and offers a hand to shake, bowing her head in respect.

“Thank you! It needs more work, but thank you.” Heejin smiles warmly as she shakes her hand then adjusts her glasses more fittingly.

Moments after, Jiwoo finally forces Heejin to sit, which means more time to get to know Heejin up-close.

Heejin says, after Jiwoo had asked how they both met, that Jungeun and her had met shortly after graduation, when Heejin was looking for an inspiration for her own ceramic studio.

Heejin had met Jungeun looking through the frosted glass of a ceramic studio down at Hongdae, the studio Jinsol was very familiar with, because it was the only studio Jinsol always took a peek at with Jungeun, while they only can dream of making their own plates and figurines inside.

Jinsol sees Jungeun tense up as their story gets told, her eyes now darted straight to the ground, her calm look now replaced with gloom, like it brought back such a bitter time in her life, which was unfortunately met by an enthusiastic Heejin who was just innocently strolling down the sidewalk, carrying her dream with her.

Jinsol can't blame Heejin. Meeting someone who took part in making her dream come true would be a memory worth sharing, and it’s not like Heejin knew about why Jungeun was gloomily looking through the window of a mere ceramic studio.

If there was one thing Jungeun was bad at, she’s bad at lying.

This was the first time since then that Jungeun had bore herself invulnerable for her to notice, but not too obvious for everyone to see.

Jinsol knew something that could potentially bring the weight back to her shoulders was slowly creeping up again, but no matter how the weight made her feel, she realized she wasn’t alone, that Jungeun was also trying her best to be okay.

After all, Jinsol knows no matter how gentle Jungeun is with her, Jungeun is still much more vulnerable than her.

It seems like no matter how hard Jinsol tried considering Jungeun as the ghost of her past, Jinsol’s heart still knew her, when she etched Jungeun’s name on it as soon as she knew that damn name, and it's still there buried beneath the make-believe ideas that everything about Jungeun was already forgotten.

Jungeun and Jinsol survived through the rest of the time they spent killing, with different topics here and there. It was mainly because Jiwoo and Sooyoung were too invested with Heejin’s life and Jungeun and Jinsol took the chance to just stay mum the whole time, Jungeun adding a few details seldomly, but then they remained silent most of the time, like they were strangers than the friends they were just a long while ago when Jinsol’s milkshake was still far from melted.

When Jiwoo asked to return to the studio at the floor above to check on a few things, the trio politely takes their leave, with Sooyoung not forgetting to shoot a concerned look at Jinsol, who in return shoots a calm and reassuring glance at her. Sooyoung knows what it meant, so she lets herself lax in the company of Jiwoo and Heejin, all without worrying about Jinsol.

Jinsol then turns to Jungeun, who was still as deflated as a while ago, as she was reminded of how she had met Heejin in her little gloomy bubble in front of a window of the studio Jinsol always had dreamt of going to. Jinsol isn’t familiar with how heavy it must have been for Jungeun to remember Heejin’s memory of first meeting her that way.

Jinsol remembers how she was still looking for a gift to give Yerim. Considering how awkward the air had become for the both of them, Jinsol thinks it may be best for the both of them to get some fresh air.

“Jungeun, do you want to help me choose a gift for Yerim?” Jinsol smiles softly, pointing at the ceiling with her thumb. Then, she finally sees Jungeun smile brightly.

“Sure. I would love to.”

----------------------------------------------------

Past.

Jinsol wanted to know the magic behind her increasing school works, because what the  , how is it increasing five more everytime she manages to finish one scientific paper?

Jinsol finds it ridiculous how these papers strip her off her privilege, that she should be hanging out with Sooyoung, that she should have been spending her weekend burying her head in a piping hot bowl of pasta in that cute Italian restaurant across the university, and not buried in her whirring laptop that had already overheated from being open for too long.

“Stupid laptop—”

“Woah there, miss. If the laptop could fight back, it would have bitten you.” Jungeun speaks from behind then Jinsol glances quickly at her, freshly out of the shower, her hair still wet enough to have droplets of water drip to her blue spotted pajamas.

“How would it fight back when it can’t fight for its life? Look at how it sounds like a stupid airplane engine.” Jinsol groans as she turns off her laptop, the last resort she could do to make it cool down and rest for her sure all-nighter later. Jinsol should have bought a new laptop when she had the money to do so.

Jungeun chuckles as she runs her fingers through the hot battery of her laptop. “Let’s cook eggs on this, unnie. I’m kind of hungry.”

“I hate you.” Jinsol rolls her eyes then closes it and pouts, leaning against her ergonomic chair, finally feeling the big headache she had been ignoring since this morning.

However, she feels her chair spin and move for a moment, and Jinsol, who couldn’t be bothered to open her eyes, was already too tired and dizzy to look at the -eating grin Jungeun was surely wearing, possibly annoying the life out of her by spinning her chair again like she always does whenever she feels needy of Jinsol’s attention.

“Jeong Jinsol, look at me.”

Jinsol still wouldn’t budge. “Stop annoying me.”

“I’m not going to. Just look at me.” Jungeun sounded more serious.

Jinsol takes it as a signal to open her eyes and observe her surroundings, and much to her surprise, Jungeun had rolled her near the foot of her own bed.

Still sitting on her study chair, she sees droplets of water from Jungeun’s hair hit the towel she had finally placed on her shoulders, knowing how she hates it when water hits her dry clothes. It was about time when Jinsol also noticed how Jungeun was kneeling before her, not even a teasing grin on her face but rather a warm smile that skyrocketed Jinsol’s heart in seconds.

It was the first time Jinsol had seen Jungeun this close, the fruity scent of her shampoo stimulating her senses to the point that even the slightest noise could cut the attention she was currently giving Jungeun.

Jinsol never appreciated Jungeun’s beauty greatly until now , when she's wearing the pajamas she bought with Jinsol the other day, when she’s not wearing even the littlest of makeup she puts great effort on, when everything about Jungeun was raw and beautiful.

Jungeun had always been beautiful in Jinsol’s eyes. But this time was different with how it takes Jinsol’s beats-per-minute to new heights as she catches her breath to keep up with her heart.

Jungeun is ethereal.

It didn’t help Jinsol’s heart when Jungeun reached for Jinsol’s glasses, removing it then folding it carefully before handing it back to Jinsol. Jinsol still sees how beautiful Jungeun was, despite how worse her astigmatism could be.

“Take a break, unnie. Your papers can wait.” Jungeun then reaches for the hood of Jinsol’s sweater and places it over Jinsol’s head, a thing she does when she takes a nap that makes her feel like someone was hugging her to sleep.

Jinsol suddenly yawns and pouts. “Why are you always against me?”

“I’m not.” Jungeun chuckles. “You’ve finished— what? Dozens of papers already. You’re too focused on how much you have left to even appreciate how much you have accomplished.”

Jinsol couldn’t think how it is scientifically possible for Jungeun to think of the words that could make her feel better, that could relieve the stress she had been suffering from for months. Jungeun was always a bigger fan of hers than herself. She knew Jinsol better, ever since the morning when she sat beside her at the bleachers by the field where the sophomore Jinsol had found a friend in Jungeun.

So far, it was a day Jinsol deemed worth remembering, because Jungeun wouldn’t be here in her very room, freshly showered despite not being a permanent resident in her apartment, making Jinsol feel appreciated in every way she can.

Though not a permanent resident in the apartment, it is safe to say that Jungeun made a home in Jinsol’s heart. Built it there and found solace with no intention to move out.

Jungeun offers a hand, still kneeling in front of a grumpy Jinsol. “Come on. My knees are killing me.”

Jinsol presses her lips into a thin line, trying to suppress her smile, but finally gives in and takes Jungeun’s hand. “Who even told you to kneel?”

Jungeun kisses the back of her hand before she stands up, Jinsol’s heart stills, “Worth the drama, hot head. Now, let’s cook eggs on that head of yours. I’m seriously famished.” Jungeun naturally leads Jinsol out of her room, like she got it mapped in her mind already, despite how she lives far from Jinsol’s apartment.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Okay, fine. I don’t.”

It’s safe to say that Jungeun is Jinsol’s most favorite person in the world, and she could only express it in words of I hate yous rather than admit directly how Jungeun gives her a feeling of warmth she had never felt before.

And Jungeun? She could express it with her greatly seasoned steamed eggs cooked on a pan rather than her ill-tempered head, with a couple of teasing and banters and two cups of coffee on the side.

----------------------------------------------------

Present.

Nervousness was nothing new in Jinsol’s vocabulary. Though she was already used to attention, being one of the perks of always being the vocal team leader everyone loves at work, Jinsol would never get used to the attention she always gets from her friends.

Attention from strangers is far more different than those who really knew Jinsol. Her workmates aren’t the one who witnessed the rift she unknowingly created when she isolated herself, her workmates weren’t the one who got afflicted by the wrong decisions she had made. It was none other than the friends she was to meet tonight, and it pains Jinsol so much to appear before them like she never pushed them away in the first place.

Running away was one of Jinsol’s regrets. It was a fault that she shouldn't have done in the first place, because the rift should have been between Jungeun and her only, their friends, including Yerim, had nothing to do with it. However, Jinsol just couldn’t bear standing in the same room as the people who made Jungeun and her feel loved and accepted. It seemed so unfair for them, when she didn’t even fight for Jungeun and just watched her walk out of the door. So she ran away, pushed them away, until she had not heard from them, ever since.

Two years. Jinsol should have enough courage to face them now, because it was bound to happen anytime sooner, anyway.

Standing in front of an unfamiliar door, Jinsol wonders if she was at the right address Jiwoo had given her. Who was she to doubt when Jiwoo was the person who always knew Jungeun’s whereabouts?

Just by the look of the door positioned at the end of a broad hallway, Jinsol knows how big it must be inside. Jungeun must have been working so hard to get where she is now, a condominium unit only for her to find a home in.

Jinsol breathes deeply before she rings the automated doorbell, and in just a fraction of a second, it opens immediately, revealing a face she hasn’t seen in a while, a very familiar one.

“Haseul?”

“Oh my god, Jinsol!” The voice Jinsol loves fills the hallway, then she attacks Jinsol with a hug. (Something she rarely received from Haseul even when she consoled her for struggling with a mere Math problem while Jungeun tries (but fails) to solve it at the back of her muffled cries on Jinsol’s shoulder.)

Needless to say, she definitely missed Haseul. Haseul was a godsent angel, looks and even attitude wise.

Sooyoung, being the one Jinsol plays and goofs around with, Haseul, on the other hand, was easily the one who can pull a whole different side of her. She was someone Jinsol could easily lure out to watch romcom movies with, she was someone Jinsol could talk about how much she loved Jungeun over building legos and gundams.

(Haseul was the first one to express her full support for both of them, even smacking her shoulder a couple of times out of excitement when Jinsol revealed how she had finally kissed Jungeun for the first time.)

“I’m so glad to see you!”

“Me too!” Jinsol pushes Haseul gently through the door, not wanting the younger one to get cold when all she was wearing was just a thin woolen sweater. “How have you been?”

“I’m doing well. I'm a bit fatigued from moving my things in Vivi’s apartment, could use your good ‘ol massages.”

Jinsol gapes. “Vivi unnie?”

“I moved in with her.” Haseul chuckles as she helps Jinsol take off her fur lined leather jacket. “Do you need me to get into the juicy details?”

“Oh, spare me please.” Jinsol vividly remembers how Haseul would often spend time just staring into space, thinking how the hell did she fall in love with her best friend. “It worked out for you after all, huh?”

“It did. Turns out, I wasn’t alone in that pining. Do you still call that pining?” Haseul chuckles.

Jinsol finally takes the opportunity to scan the unit. It gave so much of a homey feel rather than a fancy one, wooden floors, cream-colored walls. It was still big just as she had expected.

“How about you, Sol? How have you been?” Haseul speaks from behind, then Jinsol looks at her direction, and she is met with Haseul’s curious eyes that were expecting a two-year worth story. Jinsol knows it wasn’t just any formality, it was Haseul asking what happened that made them the two strangers they are today.

Jinsol clears . Sensing how they are not under scrutiny of anyone else, Jinsol exhales deeply.

“I’m really sorry, Haseul. For what I did.” Jinsol manages to control the crack of her voice when her eyes meet with the floor. Jinsol was bracing for the worst but surprisingly feels a hand grip on her own.

“I was not asking for your apology.” Haseul chuckles. “I was asking about how you’ve been.”

Jinsol’s eyes rise from the floor to Haseul’s soft gaze. Jinsol was taken aback. She didn't expect Haseul to be this quick in understanding her. Not that Haseul wasn't, but Jinsol was waiting for Haseul to scream at her, ward her away, ignore her. Jinsol was right about Haseul literally being an angel.

“Look. I understand, don’t worry about it.” Haseul smiles widely.

Jinsol suddenly feels much lighter as she was before she had entered the apartment. One of the people she least expected to talk to her again made her feel the safest and accepted once more. And now, Jinsol swears on her own grave that she wouldn’t do anything that would hurt her ever again.

----------------------------------------------------

Many balloons and streamers hung on the ceiling after, people flock to Jungeun’s unit minute by minute and every time Jinsol hears the doorbell resonate across the hall, she grips for her own dear life and prays to god it wasn’t Jungeun yet.

Sure, meeting a new set of people, even with Heejin whom she just met, and memorizing their names in a jiffy was an experience she never thought she would do on a random Saturday, but it was still less heavy on the nerves compared to seeing Jungeun again after yesterday.

Jinsol then decides to focus on knowing the people that expanded Jungeun’s mini circle.

(Not that she had been wanting to make them like her.)

There is Chaewon, who brought cake for Hyeju, a friend of theirs that graduated with Yerim and organized the whole surprise party thing with Jungeun. Chaewon’s eyes were bright like Yerim’s: It was contagious that it made Jinsol smile easily in her presence.

Then there was Hyunjin who fetches Heejin at the door, shyly standing beside her, while her canines show as she laughs at something Heejin had said while they enter the room. (Jinsol was convinced that there’s something going on, considering how red Hyunjin’s ears are.)

Then there’s Vivi, who laughed at every single dad joke Haseul had been telling everyone, which Jinsol suspects she learned from Sooyoung because some of it she had already heard from the latter.

Then there is Yeojin, whose name Jinsol could recall from Yerim’s stories, who never forgets to include Yerim in every sentence she says and beams brightly everytime she successfully inflated a balloon, then shouts how Yerim would love it.

Of course, who could forget Jiwoo and Sooyoung who arrived with cases of beers and bottles of soju in the most fashionable way possible, arriving at the very last moment of putting up decorations and cut-outs of Yerim and Hyeju’s heads floating around the ceiling.

Jinsol was surprised at how their mini circle of seven already had extended into twelve. At the moment, there are nine girls whose dynamics fit like working cogs of a clock, even with Jinsol who was new to the group. Jinsol felt happy for the first time in a while. If anything, Jinsol didn’t feel awkward and tense, instead, she felt like she was home.

“Oh my god.” All heads turn to Jiwoo as she covers in shock with her phone on hand. “They’re on their way.”

Everyone gasps in shock except for Jinsol and Hyunjin, who just shrugs while looking at each other.

“Already?” Hyunjin glances at her watch. “I thought they wouldn’t be home until after dinner time?”

“Well,” Jiwoo looks at her phone once again. “Jungeun said Yerim wanted to go home already because someone was not replying to her texts.”

“Hey!” Yeojin suddenly pops out of nowhere in the living room. “It was to keep the element of surprise!”

“Oh, please. You could have replied to her texts without losing that element of surprise.” Haseul sticks her tongue out to Yeojin who in return pouts then checks her own phone with wide-eyes, maybe seeing Yerim’s never-ending messages flooding her notifications.

“Okay, enough. Let’s just get ready.”

Everyone scurries to the living room, Haseul and Hyunjin carrying the party poppers, Chaewon holding the cake she specially customized for Hyeju, then Yeojin carrying the cake she had brought for Yerim from Dal Segno, while the rest of them stood behind in anticipation.

Jinsol suddenly realizes how Yeojin evidently cares for Yerim, reminding her of how she had also cared for Yerim in the past. It was like Yerim never really needed Jinsol anymore since there was Yeojin to take care of her now, and Jinsol felt surprisingly happy with that rather than bitter. It was for their own happiness after all.

Just as Jinsol was settling in the corner beside Haseul, she sees Yeojin approach her while she cradles the cake on both hands then she hands it to Jinsol with a gentle smile.

“Here, Jinsol unnie. You should hold Yerim’s cake.” Yeojin smiles as Jinsol tries to hold the cake properly while she also tries her best not to melt with Yeojin’s energy-boosting smile.

“I would love to. Thank you, Yeojin.”

Now standing idly in the middle of the crowded dark room, Jinsol firmly holds the cake and holds her breath, curious and nervous about how things would go. However, the people around her were too kind to give her even the simplest tap of encouragement on the back, which helped her ease the tension on her shoulders by a mile.

Finally, they hear a few rustles at the other side of the door, and it finally gets opened, revealing the girl who Jinsol believed was Hyeju, with a surprised look on her face, then Yerim pops up from behind with a smile on her face.

“Congratulations!”

“Surprise!”

Both halves of the room exclaim happily at the same time. Right , they forgot to coordinate which greeting to use. Nevertheless, Yerim and Hyeju still looked happy and surprised with the party poppers and cutouts of their wacky and sleeping faces hanging by threads on the ceiling.

Jinsol finally meets Yerim’s gaze, lighting up even more. “Jinsol unnie?”

“Congratulations on surviving hell, Yerim.” Jinsol timidly reaches for Yerim to hold her own cake. “You did well.”

Instead, Yerim makes a beeline to the kitchen just to put the cake down as Jinsol follows her with her gaze, then she sees Yerim run back from the kitchen then pounce at her, hugging her tightly, like she hasn’t seen Jinsol in their occasional video calls. 

Regardless, Jinsol did once read about hugs stimulating happy hormones through the body, something she lacks thereof.

“Thank you, unnie. I missed you!”

“I missed you too, Yerim.”

Noise finally envelopes Jungeun’s peaceful apartment as they exchange greetings, Yerim not forgetting to jeer at Yeojin for not replying to her messages, Hyeju jumping up and down with a new console game Heejin just bought for her. Jinsol stands at the corner of the room and takes her time to observe how everyone was wearing their widest genuine smiles, the spectacular view of having friends you could call a family. Though Jinsol just met some of the people crowding in front of her, she was thankful that they accepted her immediately and treated her like they had known them already for years.

Looking around, her eyes catch Jungeun, still wearing a peacoat and her outside shoes, standing by the door with the same gaze looking over the people she had expected to come. Jungeun was looking at them with that soft smile of hers, and Jinsol knew what it meant, that Jungeun was at ease.

Before Jinsol could look away, Jungeun was already looking back at her, with the same warmth that she holds. Jinsol returns the smile, wanting Jungeun to know how glad she was right now that she had invited her, because it was the first time in a while her heart finally felt rather warm than frozen.

The night goes by, along with the pleasantries, exchange of names Jinsol did with the new set of people she was interested in getting to know more, and bottles of soju and cans of beer getting opened. The night was not getting any younger, and half of the room was not getting any sober.

Jinsol was surprised how Jungeun’s neighbors weren’t knocking on her door just yet because of how Yeojin and Yerim were basically screaming their lungs out across the room, belting one of their favorite Taeyeon songs, while Jiwoo and Heejin claps for them in an awestruck, half-drunk daze. At the other side, Haseul and Hyunjin are in the middle of a heated Jenga game with Hyeju and Chaewon, while Sooyoung and Vivi try to stay sober for them to at least have two people sane enough to drive them home.

Jinsol was at the middle of either side of the room, sitting comfortably on the loveseat while on her third glass of Yeojin’s soju concoction she does not really know the contents of, but it was delicious regardless of its weird color. Jinsol was still enjoying it.

Jinsol feels the other side of the loveseat dip, then she sees Jungeun sit right beside her in a safe distance, who was holding the same weird-looking drink, seemingly sober as Jinsol is.

“Having fun?”

“Yeah. I really find your friends… interesting.” Jinsol remarks, as they hear blocks of Jenga fall on Jungeun’s wooden floor. “They are amazing.”

“They are a handful sometimes but yeah, they are amazing.” Jungeun chuckles.

The non-exchange of words between them was more of an interlude of their conversation making way for the laughter erupting from the different sides of the room. Jinsol could never really get used to the sudden lack of words between them.

“Yerim looked so delighted to see you here.” It was Jungeun who cut off the silence.

“It was thanks to you. Thank you for inviting us.