Rosé’s POV

I have two best friends.

I met them when I was in my second year of high school. I clicked with one of them real quick when she overheard me say a dirty joke and she laughed. The other one hated me at first sight. It began in second grade, she hated me because there was this girl who’s pretty closed off to our classmates except me, she tailed me everywhere I go and called me her best friend. The one who hated me wanted to be friends with her but said girl wasn’t interested for another company. It was petty reason to hate me but I guess it was a big deal when we were kids. She keeps glaring at me and keeps chasing me away after the period which was pretty annoying because I didn’t understand why she did that when we never really talked in the first place.

Their names are Lisa, the girl who hated me and Jennie, the kid who laughed at my joke. They were friends first, classmates in their first years. I approached Jennie first but quickly backed away when Lisa protectively stood beside Jennie when I started talking to her. Jennie seemed oblivious to the tension between us but I decided it wasn’t worth it to argue with someone in the start of the school year.

I didn’t know exactly how we became close, we just ended up in the same group of friends but the two always seemed to have their own world while I was the social butterfly who keeps hanging out with different people in the group. I had enough of constantly fighting with Lisa that I confronted her why she hated me. Lisa told me she didn’t then I asked why she keeps glaring at me, she said she thought I hated her. We were both confused then laughed when she also admitted what happened in second grade.

After that we became close, but Jennie is still Lisa’s best friend. I felt like there’s more to it you know? Lisa treats Jennie more preciously and protectively. Delicate like Jennie is the most softest person and anything might break her. It was weird because I don’t do that to my closest friends. It became clearer after a few months when Lisa and I realized we find girls attractive and not in a very platonic way. I suspected Lisa having feelings for Jennie but decided not to ask her about it because I don’t even know if she’s aware.

Prom came and it was so funny seeing Lisa fuming silently, mumbling about beating the guy up when they asked Jennie for a dance. Lisa still hasn’t admitted her feelings, telling us she likes a different girl. Someone in the honor class. Someone prettier and smarter. So why can’t she take off her eyes on the dancing figure a few feet against us? Our other friends doesn’t seem to notice but I always tend to be the observant one.

I used to have a crush on this girl in our friend group for a while but she was straight and I wasn’t really expecting anything more to it. The only ones who knew was Lisa and Jennie. Lisa decided to be really funny and exposed my crush to the said girl. Casually might I add. Like she just dropped the bomb on her in the middle of the conversation. Lisa instantly regretted saying it and came to apologize to me. I was so ing frustrated because it wasn’t her business to tell. Lisa thought she could make it up to me by telling me Jennie had a crush on me for like two weeks in the beginning of our second year because she thought I was cool. I was shocked for a while because Jennie never really admitted her uality nor does she seem like she’s interested to have feelings for someone. I told Lisa that it doesn’t work like that— a secret for a secret. Jennie told Lisa in confidence but then spilled it to me to be even. Lisa apologized again and said she would keep shut starting that day.

Of course I wasn’t off the hook with the girl I used to have a crush with, she confronted to me about it but I told her not to worry about it. The girl asked me what if she actually liked me back but I told her my feelings for her are long gone, Lisa just thought it was okay to tell her about it because the feelings were in the past. We were okay after that, no awkwardness. Just glad not a friendship was ruined. Also, I was dating someone else at that time.

I have two best friends.

We’re in college now, Lisa and Jennie are both in the same university while I was in a different one in another city. I kept reminiscing about high school; how it was an emotional roller coaster and we cope by drinking alcohol in Jennie’s place because her parents are less stricter than ours. I thought we would grow apart with the distance and conflict of class schedules. We would also make different friends that have a much more in common with us.

In all honesty Jennie was the hardest to talk to during this time. She seldom textes or use social media. So Lisa and I became closer and spend our free days with each other. We want to invite Jennie of course but she’s often not available so sometimes we don’t invite her anymore. I remember a time I was drinking in a bar with mutual friends when I drunkenly called Lisa, asking her if she wants to hang and drink with us. Lisa was having her exams that time but instantly finished it to join us even if it was in a different city and a train ride away. Since that time, Lisa finally admitted to me that she had a crush on Jennie. I looked at her skeptically when she said “had” because when we hangout she always wishes Jennie was there or that she keeps talking about Jennie. Lisa actually told Jennie about her crush on her back in high school but Jennie told her she doesn’t like Lisa that way but they still continue to be best friends. So hearing Lisa rant about Jennie isn’t surprising to me anymore, I always expect it and only feel bad for her because obviously she isn’t over her yet but Lisa claims she only misses spending time with Jennie as a friend, not because of her feelings.

Jennie has a boyfriend. I visited the their university to borrow some books from their library for my thesis. I only texted Lisa about my visit when we both bumped into Jennie and her boyfriend whose classes just finished. It was coincidental but also a bit cruel as I glanced worriedly at Lisa but try to make the meeting less awkward by making conversation between the four of us. Funny enough, it was Jennie’s free period along with her boyfriend so hangout and got to know the guy. Mostly I’m the one who’s interacting with the guy since Lisa and Jennie were back in their own world. After that the couple needed to go and I was lucky enough to have Lisa who guided me through the library. Lisa didn’t talked about what happened and insisted to help me find the articles I need for my thesis.

I have two best friends.

It’s been two years after graduation, I found a job and Lisa did too. Jennie dropped out of college because of mental health issues. One day I invited the both of them to eat and drink somewhere. We ate at a korean restaurant and then drank in a rooftop bar. It’s been bugging me how I know little of Jennie so I confronted her about our friendship. We only hangout with Jennie at least once a year and we never talked about anything serious, we always schedule to have fun during those moments. I asked Jennie if our friendship was only for the good times and not the bad times because she rarely opens up and I don’t know if she trusts us with her problems. Jennie was shocked at the confrontation and Lisa immediately asked me to shut up and tries to salvage the situation when Jennie started trying. It was our first time seeing Jennie cry so it was something new. Lisa and I already know each other’s trauma and vulnerabilities, I saw Lisa cry a lot too but never Jennie. Lisa suddenly got really protective but I keep firing Jennie questions, just wanting to know an honest answer. Jennie finally opened up how she thinks she’s actually a burden to us and how she doesn’t deserve us. Jennie felt insecure about the friendship because she never contributes anything since Lisa was the funny one and I’m the sarcastic fun one who our other friends would prefer to spend time more. I told her that friendship isn’t a business deal where you have to feel like giving something just for them to stay. It was a really emotional night for Jennie and we tried to comfort and assure her in any way we can. After that night it was easier to chat and invite with Jennie.

Whenever one of the three of us have problems and just want the comfort of our friendship, Lisa and Jennie would always invite themselves in my house and we’d drink the night away. Usually at first we try to avoid talking about our problems by joking around and asking random for giggle but as the night went on, with the help of alcohol in our system we slowly approached the depression we were feeling. Jennie was still a bit stubborn with opening up but I keep insisting asking her problems because I know she just needed a little push for that which worked most of the time. I asked Jennie how come we never hangout with just two of us before, it’s either Lisa and Jennie, or Lisa and I. Jennis admitted she’s kind of scared of me because I make her vulnerable with my questions and that I seem to know what buttons to push. I pouted and sulked about it, Jennie pinched my ribs playfully and said that fine she’ll hangout with me alone in the future. After a few hours, I saw a questionnaire online for best friends. There’s a question that said, “Did you like me when you first met me?” Jennie and I immediately teased Lisa because Jennie actually find annoying Lisa at first. I told Lisa how we didn’t liked her but became best friends anyway in the future.

After that night, Lisa admitted how everything came back to her last night. How she realized how she is still ing in love with Jennie after all this time. She thought it was burried because of the lack of communication between Jennie. But now that Jennie is starting to hangout with us again, her hidden feelings came back without a warning. Lisa doesn’t know what to do with it, with all the love she has for her, she doesn’t know where to put it now she said. I could only sympathize with her but Lisa said that she’s just gonna have to deal with it because having Jennie back even only as friends is better than nothing at all.

I have two best friends.

It’s been a few years and all of us are single or so I think because Jennie is in an off and on relationship with her boyfriend for 8 years. Our high school friend group decided to book a hotel near a beach. We made a campfire in the sand and had six different bottle of alcohol later, everything was getting blurry and we’re all getting reckless. I remember pushing and carrying each other to the sea until everyone was wet from head to toe. I remember someone stripping and Lisa stopping them. I remember rolling on the sand, playfully fighting someone. I remember stumbling on our way up to our hotel rooms. I remember kissing someone and things got heated, wet clothes flew across the room and the sound of a bed creaking while room echoed with moans and whispers.

I have two best friends.

It was Jennie’s wedding day, same guy back in college. Lisa is one of the bridesmaids, I didn’t accept being one because I hate the attention of walking down the aisle and stand there throughout the wedding. Also because I believe I don’t deserve to be one. Lisa and I are wearing a suit, dresses aren’t really our thing. Lisa is wearing a beige suit since white is for the bride, meanwhile I was wearing a light grey suit. The wedding started and I sat in the second front row, behind Jennie’s family. I saw Lisa walked down the aisle and I smirked giving her a thumbs up. Jennie followed a few minutes later, standing next to the groom. I saw Lisa look down a few times but there’s still a smile on her face nonetheless. A sad smile that I know. I shifted on my sit as guilt rushes through me again.

When the preacher finally came to the part to speak now or forever hold your peace, the bride and groom were facing the audience. I saw Jennie and Lisa exchanged a quick glace since Lisa was a step below Jennie but then Jennie met my eyes. Flashbacks of the night in the hotel room rushes back through my mind. The morning after, I saw Jennie on the sheets of my bed. Her back facing me and I suddenly panicked and picked up my clothes from the floor then left the room. As I closed the room, I heard footsteps approaching and when I looked up I saw Lisa yawning and stretching her body. Lisa invited me to eat breakfast with her since the others weren’t awake yet. She seemed surprised seeing me up so early since I wasn’t a morning person. I glanced at my hotel room one more time before leaving with Lisa. After ordering, I excused myself from Lisa to smoke outside the hotel. When I got back our other friends seem to just arrive including Jennie who was wearing her clothes from last night. I quietly ate my breakfast, avoiding glancing at Jennie who seems to be trying to get my attention. After breakfast I rushed to my room but Jennie was quickly behind me. All the thoughts of me betraying Lisa was screaming in my mind and I feel angry at myself. It felt so wrong but at the same time it doesn’t. Jennie and I were in my room arguing about what happened last night. How I felt it was wrong. How she felt it was wrong because of her ex boyfriend. How it was a mistake. How it wasn’t really a mistake. How I felt like for this. How she said she some lingering feelings for me. That got me to shut up. Because I don’t want to think about this, to admit that the feelings might be mutual. That there can be something more for this. But I can’t. So I told Jennie to forget what had happened, that it’s better to be just friends than lose each other. Especially if things won’t work out in the end.

Jennie’s stare lingered, as if something might change my mind. Her gaze is the same as Lisa’s who looks at her like she’s her world. The situation is so cruel that it makes me want to laugh in anger. How the fates are so evil for this. The wedding ended but no one seemed to have a happy ever after.

I have two best friends and it’s better to stay that way.