The shrilling sound of the doorbell rang through the almost empty apartment three times before Han Dong finally decided that it was worth answering. She knew for a fact that it wasn’t someone she wanted to meet, because the only people she wanted to meet right now were having fun at a concert in the Tokyo Dome and they would know better than to ring that damn bell in the middle of the night when her phone was right there. 

The woman put on some loose pants, a shirt and a cardigan and went to answer the door. Even before she opened it her senses told her who was waiting behind and she did not like it. In fact, she had sworn that if that person ever tried to contact her again, she would take some really harsh measures against a certain werewolf pack. 

The door opened. A tall woman with jet black hair wearing a long coat going down to her ankles was waiting behind. The two stared at each other, and before Han Dong could close the door again the other forced the thing to stay open with just one hand. 

“Please, I just want to talk,” the woman said quietly.

“Get the out of my home,” Dong spat back at her. 

The other didn’t move. She knew how dangerous it was to mess with Han Dong’s kind. She had tried once. All she remembered was fire. Yet she stayed. Trying to see why she was receiving such animosity. She knew why the other woman didn’t like her, but it had been years and she had never gone against the arrangement. 

“Is she here?” she asked, unthreatened. It seemed to anger Han Dong even more. 

“No, she isn’t. And I won’t tell you where she lives.”

“If she isn’t here, can I come in? Please,” the woman asked again. 

She felt the resistance on the door weakening. Finally, her unwilling host was looking at her with slightly less anger in her eyes. 

“What do you want?”

The words were spoken so harshly, even when Han Dong had stopped resisting. The woman blew off some air. She wasn’t going to enter that damn house, was she? It wasn’t really that she needed to. Just that she could have used some privacy to talk and really collect her thoughts. Even she didn’t really know what exactly it was that she wanted from all this. So she just went by order of priorities. 

“I want to know how she is.”

“She’s fine,” the other answered, then added with a cruel spark: “I made sure she would never feel abandoned again.”

That answer stunned her unwanted guest. The woman's eyes went blank for a moment then focused back on the one in front of her with a fiercer glint. If she had been in her other form, she would be growling and showing her teeth. Instead, she in a deep breath. She couldn’t antagonize the woman in front of her even more than she already was if she wanted to do this right. 

“I know what you think of me. I have no excuse for what happened,” she began to say with a shaky breath. “But it’s been seventeen years. And I just… I just want to see her again.”

Han Dong glared at the woman on her doorstep staring at the ground with shiny eyes. She did have the posture of someone who was genuinely trying to accomplish something. Too bad that it was seventeen years too late. The host pondered. She would never forgive what that woman had done. However, it wasn’t exactly about her. 

“It should be her choice,” Dong stated in a calmer voice. 

The other raised her head to look at her with hopeful eyes. She did look like her when she did that. 

“You can come in,” the host sighed, “but not for too long.”

She stepped aside, inviting the outsider in. The woman smiled gratefully. She knew how lucky she was and she knew she couldn’t miss that chance. 

“Thank you,” she said as Dong closed the door behind them. 

***

Dong didn't talk about it right away. “There's no reason to” was what she told herself. That woman had waited seventeen years, she could wait another week. It wasn't like Han Dong was owing her anything. It was her mistake, really. 

Not too long after that unwanted visit, Siyeon and Minji came by. It was one of those spontaneous things that her daughter did when she had spent too long without seeing her family. 

“I hope we're not bothering you,” the young woman said with a sheepish smile when Dong opened the door.

“Of course not, Singnie,” her mother reassured. “Welcome home.”

The young woman entered, followed by her soulmate who also greeted Han Dong with a smile and gave her flowers. 

“Flowers from a dryad are always a blessing to a house,” their host mused. “Thank you, Minji.”

“I doubt a kitsune needs more blessings than that of the Moon,” the guest answered. “But I remembered Gahyeon likes them as well.”

“She does. She'll be happy to see them when she comes back from school. She shouldn't be long actually, do you want to wait for her?” 

Han Dong turned her attention to Siyeon for she knew how fond she was of the girl. Technically the two were sisters even though the only link between them was the woman who adopted them. Both arrived in the kitsune's life in unexpected ways. 

Siyeon first. A five-year old cub rejected by her werewolves pack. Han Dong raised her as her own and never regretted that decision. That girl was her daughter and would always be. 

Gahyeon came in later. And when she did she already had a mother. A vampire who had found a young kitsune in the streets of Paris. Bora had her own traumas to deal with when she arrived in Tokyo with a fox-spirit cub who refused to change to her human form. Han Dong had tried to not get attached. But how could she when that woman was so full of love to give? Since then the two had been part of her life. 

Bora had actually walked down stairs when she heard Siyeon and Minji and was about to greet them when her eyes rested on the werewolf and widened with incomprehension. 

“Siyeon, are you alright?” 

The young woman was frozen in place. She didn't know what was happening. All she did was walk in and then… and then she smelt it. A scent of danger so overpowering that it had numbed all her defense mechanisms. Someone in this room wanted her harm, all her senses were telling her that - were screaming her that. She barely remembered it. Her brain had repressed it but her body knew. 

Tears streamed on their own. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to contain her shudders. 

“I'm sorry,” Siyeon whimpered. “I'm sorry. Please.”

“She's panicking,” Bora called out. 

The vampire was as clueless as everyone else. Watching the young werewolf crumble in front of her, powerless. Han Dong was the only one who seemed to get a sense of what was happening. 

“Let's get her to our room,” the kitsune directed. 

Minji hadn't waited for the other to say anything to rush to her soulmate's side. Siyeon was shaking in her arms, blurting the same incoherent sentences. 

“I'm sorry. Please. I'll be a good girl. I won't shapeshift again. I promise. Please.”

The dryad kept her in her arms. Soothing her with a soft voice that was progressively tainted with fear when her lover’s sobs didn’t stop. 

“It's okay, baby. I'm here. I'm here, Siyeon. Please come back to me,” she pleaded, completely helpless. 

They had moved upstairs and sat on Han Dong and Bora's bed. Siyeon was still shaken up by her hiccups as she tried to calm down. Her head rested on Minji's shoulder close to her neck where her scent was stronger. She could smell her soulmate's fragrance covering everything. She was safe with her. Always would be. Her chest heaved and dropped more slowly. 

“I'm sorry,” the werewolf said with a hoarse voice. 

“It's okay,” her lover cooed while passing a hand through her Siyeon’s strands. “You're doing great, my love. You're doing really great.”

“Thank you.”

Minji tightened her hold and kissed her on the head. 

“I love you, Siyeon.” 

The hiccups stopped and the shivers faded. The exhaustion came in. Siyeon tried to fight it, tried to move and say something, but her mind was numb and her body was heavy. She closed her eyes and started to sleep in her lover’s arms. 

Minji barely had time to lay Siyeon more comfortably on the bed when she heard the sneaky click of the door knob behind her and Han Dong’s voice whispering: 

“Is she alright?”

“She just fell asleep,” the dryad answered while tucking her girlfriend in. 

Her eyes rested on the sleeping woman, still baffled at how sudden her panic attack had been and how the kitsune seemed to know exactly what had caused it. She turned her concerned gaze towards the woman who had just entered. 

“Dong, what is going on?” she asked in a deeper voice that contrasted greatly with the one she was using just minutes ago. 

Han Dong held her gaze. She knew she couldn’t pretend anymore. Minji never showed any disrespect towards her but if her soulmate was affected, it changed everything. 

“It’s better if we talk about it when she’s awake.”

The dryad looked disappointed but still nodded. “I’ll stay with her. You can go and try to fix whatever made her panic down there.”

The contempt was barely hidden, which meant Minji was particularly scared about the whole situation. She heard what Siyeon said, and despite the fact that her soulmate had never really talked about it much, she knew what she was referring to, what memories she was reliving. And if there was one thing she didn’t want the woman she loved to go back to, it was that moment. 

Han Dong walked back down stairs looking lost and exhausted. She heard without hearing Bora asking her if everything was okay and blurted half a sentence that meant yes while rummaging through some drawers to find incense sticks to burn in the living room. 

“Dongie?”

She should have done that sooner, she didn’t even know why she hadn’t thought of that. Of course Siyeon would recognise that scent. But Siyeon wasn’t supposed to come that day. She wasn’t supposed to learn it like that. 

“Dong!”

Bora’s hand gripped her arm to get her attention. The vampire’s brown eyes were peering into hers worriedly. The kitsune really was doing a poor job at keeping everyone calm. 

“You’re not okay,” her partner stated.

“I’m fine,” Dong breathed out  mechanically. 

Bora shook her head. She slowly guided her lover to rest against her, folded her arms around her and whispered:

“You felt it too, right?” 

The vampire was right. Kitsunes had the unique ability to empathize with the people they felt the closest to. Han Dong had felt Siyeon's panic through her body as if it had been her own. It made it even worse that it happened because of her own negligence. 

Bora heard a sniffle muffled against her. Then a quiet sob. She had almost never seen her lover cry, because Han Dong almost always had control over the situation. 

“It's going to be alright,” the vampire whispered, placing kisses in the other's hair. 

They heard the entrance door opening and closing in a hurry and shortly after Gahyeon's voice shouting: “I'm home!” before running in the living room. The young one was a kitsune too, who, for the sake of appearances, took the form of a regular sixteen-year-old student. She had felt something was happening which was why she had rushed back home. 

“ Okaa-san , what's going on?” 

The girl was looking at her two mothers with scared shiny eyes. Bora smiled at her, signaling her that everything was under control and reached out a hand to tell her daughter to come to them. 

Gahyeon obeyed. She hugged her two mothers, trapping Han Dong in the middle, with still zero idea of what was going on except that one of them was hurting and the other was healing. 

“Siyeon and Minji are here,” Bora explained. 

“ Onee-san? ” Gahyeon squeaked enthusiastically.

“She had a panic attack,” her mother added which toned down her daughter’s mood. 

The young one understood immediately what it implied for she had the same kind of link with Bora. Technically it formed with anyone they loved, but there were always some connections that were stronger than others, some that made them feel everything even when they didn’t want to. Gahyeon snuggled against Han Dong, resting her chin on the woman’s shoulder.

“It's okay. You’ll work this out,” she mumbled in the fox’s ear. 

It felt so freeing to be loved that way. If she wasn’t already crying of nervousness, the kitsune would cry out of joy. She freed herself from her partner’s hold and placed a peck on Bora’s lips and another on top of Gahyeon’s head. 

“Thank you. Both of you.”

Bora smiled and kissed her lover back. “We love you.”

Siyeon didn’t sleep very long. The images followed her in her dreams. She was so little, trapped in the dark with a giant monster with pointy teeth. She pleaded again and again, begged for the monster to let her live but it always came closer and closed its deadly jaw on her. 

When she snapped her eyes open, she was in Minji’s arms and the world around her was definitely less threatening. She thought for a moment that her lover was asleep, but then she met her eyes, studying her carefully. 

“Are you alright?” Minji spoke in a gentle voice. 

“Not really,” Siyeon chuckled, then her eyes got lost in front of her. “I don't know what happened,” she admitted, frightened by what her own mind was hiding from her. 

“It's ok. Your mom said she would talk to you when you woke up. Do you want me to call her now?” 

The young werewolf paused to think. She really didn't want to leave Minji's arms. But she knew she wouldn't escape that talk. And more importantly she needed it. 

“Please,” she whispered. 

Her soulmate kissed her temple and got out of the bed. “I'll be right back.”

When the door opened again, it was Han Dong alone who walked to sit next to her daughter on the edge of the bed. Siyeon knew more than anyone what her mother felt and didn’t feel. She had seen it multiple times when she was younger and didn’t know how to express all the emotions she kept inside. Dong always knew when she wasn’t fine, when it really hurt, when she pretended just because she didn’t want the adults to worry. This time again, Han Dong knew. 

“I’m so sorry Singnie,” the woman spoke in a fragile voice. “I didn’t think you would come this week, otherwise I would have made the scent go away. I should have been more careful.”

“So it really was her,” Siyeon stated dryly, visibly hurt by what her mother didn’t manage to hide from her.

“Yes,” Dong breathed out. 

“My mother was here and you didn’t tell me?” the werewolf said, making sure to pronounce each word as sharpened as a knife. 

“I didn’t know how to break it to you. I just wanted to take more time, just a few days. I thought it would be enough…”

“Why did you even let her in?” Siyeon rouse. “Did you also have a chat? Did you… Did you serve her tea while remembering the old times?” she let out a humorless chuckle. “Why? Why is her scent within the house?”

Han Dong closed her eyes while her daughter was spatting all her anger at her. She really was so tired of doing her best and not being enough. She never wanted to break Siyeon's trust. She never wanted to cause her pain. She simply sympathized with another mother's pain. Even though that woman only had that title because she gave birth to the cub, not because she had cared for her or raised her as Dong had done. 

“She knocked on the door one night when Bora and Gahyeon were out. I didn’t want to let her come in, but she just wanted to know how you were doing,” the kitsune explained very firmly. “She didn’t have ill intentions, otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to cross the threshold. You know that.” 

Siyeon gulped. She hated that Han Dong was right. Her instincts told her to look for anything that could justify her fear. 

“What if it was a ruse? What if the pack still wants to kill me?” 

“Our pact was overseen by the Master of the Lodge in person, they wouldn't dare,” the fox reasoned calmly.

The Folks might have been living among humans but their Law always prevailed even in this Age. Pacts were an ancient thing, one that couldn't be broken or else the guilty party would pay it with their blood and that of their descendants. 

When Han Dong had taken Siyeon in, to protect her, she had made a pact with the child's pack and asked the Lodge to be her witness. The werewolves agreed to let the cub live and in exchange, she would be completely erased from their pack. Siyeon's kin was no longer her kin, her actions were her own and her family no longer had any obligations towards her. 

It was for the best. However, for a wolf to be left alone like that, it was heart-wrecking. Siyeon's wound had never completely healed from that. So for her biological mother to reach out again, it just tortured her more. 

“I don't want to have anything to do with her,” the young wolf said between clenched teeth. 

“I know.”

“Then why did you even give her a chance?” 

Han Dong hesitated. She knew why, but saying it… saying it would mean admitting her own fear out loud. The one thing that kept her from telling Siyeon right away. 

“She's your mother,” she breathed out, defeated. 

“ You're my mother,” Siyeon corrected. 

Dong smiled and gently ruffled her daughter's hair. “And I'm so lucky for that,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away that she was trying to see you again. But I needed some time too.”

Her daughter hummed and snuggled against her, hugging her around the waist. “I’m sorry I lashed out at you. I love you, mom.”

The fox wrapped her arms around her daughter and rested her chin on top of her head to smell her scent. Han Dong liked that spot because it was the one that reminded her of Siyeon’s scent when she was a cub. She used to be so small in her arms. So frail. A lot had changed but when she hugged her daughter she would always remember her like this. 

“I love you too, silly child.”

“M’not a child,” Siyeon grumbled against her. 

“You’ll always be my child,” her mother while planting a kiss in her hair. 

The wolf scoffed and eased into the embrace. “Okay.”

***

Nothing had changed in the following days except for the fact that Siyeon had nightmares almost every night. Minji was always there to wake her up and calm her down, but in truth she was scared as well. Scared that this event had opened a crack in her soulmate's heart that couldn't be closed again. She had seen it many times. People who seemed fine but suddenly let themselves drown into despair. It happened suddenly and there was nothing to be done. 

So far, though, Siyeon's main symptoms were only her dreams. The problem was when said dreams even occupied her waking days. The wolf was absent a lot of the time. It wasn't something new, actually. Minji called her a wanderer for a reason. But in light of the circumstances it worried the dryad more than usual. 

“My Love?” 

Siyeon started, realizing she had been in her thoughts for quite a few minutes, still sitting at the table doing nothing except staring in front of her. 

“Yes?”

“Can you come here for a sec?”

Her soulmate tapped on the couch right next to her. The wolf knew what it meant. It was their thing, their ritual for when things weren’t fine. She approached the couch and sat next to Minji, waiting silently for the next bit. Her lover watched her tenderly but with concerned eyes, her thin lips pressed tightly. 

“There’s something on your mind,” she said, not wasting any time. “What is it?”

Siyeon sighed. She had been avoiding this for a reason and it was to not burden her soulmate with something that only affected her. She would deal with it on her own, no one else needed to share her fears. The wolf looked in her lover’s eyes but only saw love of the most disarming kind. She could never say no to that.  

“I was thinking about my mother. The one who gave me birth.”

Siyeon stopped to cast another glance at her soulmate. Not like she could exactly retract herself now, but she wanted to be sure. Minji hummed to let her go on. 

“Why does she want to see me now?”

The question had been eating at her mind for two weeks now. Of course, Minji already knew. The dryad had woken up too many times to the sight of Siyeon in tears, asking for forgiveness over something that wasn’t even her fault to not guess what was happening. But Siyeon was stubborn. She always refused to worry her. Even now, she was trying to run away from the conversation. 

“Has Han Dong said anything about that?” the dryad asked candidly. 

“She said it’s because she wanted to know how I was,” her soulmate pouted. 

Minji studied her. She could see Siyeon squirming under her gaze. If the werewolf was asking the question despite having an answer, it meant the real problem was something else. They both knew that. 

“And that is not what you wanted to hear,” Minji completed. 

“It can’t be just that!” Siyeon roused, making Minji recoil slightly as she wasn’t expecting her soulmate to act so angry. “She can’t just walk into my life again after seventeen years to see how I’m doing. I won’t accept that.”

“Alright,” Minji whispered, placing her hand on her lover’s knee and rubbing slowly to calm her. “Then what do you want to hear?”

Siyeon’s eyes were round and wide as she was actively trying to decipher all those knots of emotions swirling inside her. She hated her biological mother. She would never feel anything else towards her other than hate. But she was also aware that she had built her whole life around building a pack to compensate for the one she had lost. She needed that recognition. She needed to hear that it wasn’t her fault if she had been left behind and that she did great. She wanted to hear her mother say that she regretted what she had done.

“I want her to apologize,” the werewolf admitted. She felt tightening around her words and the tears ready to go out. “I want her to see everything I managed to accomplish on my own and regret everything she did to me.”

Minji saw the moment her lover broke. Her arms folded around Siyeon to keep her warm against her heart, soothing her with soft words, rocking slowly to lull her. 

“It’s completely understandable and you are right to want that, Singnie. Do you hear me?”

The dryad heard a whimper that was supposed to mean yes. She probably shouldn’t, but she scoffed at that sound that barely resembled a word. The weight resting against her ruffled to get out of her arms, letting two shiny eyes peeping out to glare at her. 

“Are you making fun of me?” Siyeon grunted. 

“I’m not,” Minji denied, trying to control her chuckles. She booped the wolf’s nose playfully. “I love you.”

Siyeon smiled her big wide smile that Minji loved, the one that made her crunch her cute little nose and close her eyes. 

“I love you too.”

***

They agreed to meet in a park instead of Siyeon’s or Han Dong’s place. The last thing the wolf wanted was for her birth mother to know where she lived. When she saw her already sitting on a bench, she couldn’t deny that they looked alike. It was all in the eyes, sincere and curious, so endearing. Supposedly. Right at that moment, her mother was looking at her with those eyes, but Siyeon couldn’t see it. Years had turned them cold. She was even surprised to see they were black like hers. In her dreams they were always red. 

The woman noticed her walking towards the bench. Her body initiated something, as if she wanted to greet Siyeon, maybe hug her? However, she fought this movement and stayed on the bench instead. Her daughter sat next to her. It was easier that way, she didn’t have to look at her when she spoke. 

“You took care of your scent,” Siyeon remarked coldly.

“Han Dong told me what happened, so I took blockers for today. I didn’t want to upset you.”

Her voice sounded more stretched than it used to. There was a tremor in it. Siyeon was sure she had heard her say soft things once, things a mother should say to her child, comforting, loving. It was all in the abyss now, repressed by her own mind with the rest. The only moments she remembered were monstrous. She didn’t care about upsetting her then, when she yelled at her own child that she was an abomination. 

“I’m grateful that you accepted to meet me, Siyeon,” the woman continued. “I didn’t think you would after what happened…” 

The young wolf could hear her awkward smile when she said that. It made Siyeon wince. This role didn’t suit the other woman one bit. The considerate mom, nice and shy. Please. It was sickening.  

“Stop,” Siyeon cut in. “There’s only one thing I want to hear from you and if it’s not the next thing you say, I’m gone.”

The woman closed . It took her a few seconds of reflection to get where she was supposed to go. 

“I’m sorry for everything. No child should have to go through what you went through. I lost my mind when I saw your wolf. I was indoctrinated by centuries of traditions and I couldn’t just accept that my own daughter was… that my daughter was…” Siyeon heard her swallowing her tears. “Nothing I can do will ever atone for what I did to you.”

Siyeon didn’t go away. Her chest was so tight all of a sudden, or was it her heart that had swelled too much? Her breathing was so deep even her mother could hear her. It was everything she ever wanted. The void in her heart that had always threatened to swallow her was now filled with the knowledge that her mother would forever live with the same pain. 

“Mom told me that when I was a cub I howled in the apartment,” the young one started to tell. “She said she was always afraid the neighbors would complain and get the police involved, but she couldn't stop me. Because I was trying to call my pack. I was so broken that I refused to believe you abandoned me. So I called you for months with my tiny howls. Despite what you did to me I wanted someone to howl back.”

It wasn’t just her pack that she had lost seventeen years ago, when she transformed for the first time and discovered she was a white wolf. The Folks believed she was cursed for wearing the color of the moon on her fur. Siyeon had spent her entire life thinking she didn’t have a place. 

“I found my new pack now and you will never be a part of it,” she continued with unhidden satisfaction. “And I don’t care about your traditions, because you could have had the most amazing daughter, but you acted like a coward instead. I went to school and I’m doing what I love. I have a new family and they’re all wonderful people. And I found my soulmate. She’s the most incredible person I’ve ever met. Her smile is like the Sun so when I’m feeling down she lights my way up. I’m happy. And you’ll never be part of that happiness.”

Siyeon didn’t care if what she said hurt the other woman. Actually, she hoped it did. It wasn’t the mature thing to do, but compared to what she had been through it was nothing. Her mother seemed to agree because she nodded silently. 

“You don’t have to believe me, but I’m glad you were able to grow into the woman you are today. And part of why I wanted to meet you was to make sure I didn’t ruin everything,” the woman admitted. “You’re strong, Siyeon. Believe in that strength, always.”

 “I will. Because not even you could destroy me, I’ll keep moving forward.”

Siyeon wanted to say that with the same hostility she had shown since the beginning but she felt the tears forming at the corner of her eyes, which meant it was her time to leave. 

“Goodbye. Don’t try to contact me again.”

Her mother watched her rise from the bench without looking back with an aching heart. She had no right to ask for more than that. She had seen what she wanted to see. Her daughter was doing fine, that was all that mattered. A few months ago when she realized it was Siyeon’s birthday, she suddenly became obsessed with that thought. 

She used to believe strongly in the clan’s teachings. She used to believe her daughter would grow up to be a pack murderer, pushed to insanity by the Moon’s curse. But Siyeon was kind and loving and as a mother she couldn’t be more proud and relieved that her madness hadn’t tainted that girl’s life. She watched her walking away to a future she would never get to see. Her heart ached more than she would have thought. 

“Farewell, my child.”

-----------------------------------------------------------

This fic is something I had in mind for a long time but I wasn't sure if I should post it or not since Siyeon's journey was more or less completed. But I did it anyway!

I hope you liked it. Leave a comment if you did, that would really make my day.