Mina woke up in a place that seems like a park where the grass is spread on the ground and there are trees everywhere.

She cannot sight any person in the place other than her and all she could hear is the birds chirping and nothing else. The sun is shining directly at her, yet it didn't give any irritation to her skin nor to her eyes.

The weather is just right for her, seems like a perfect day to have a picnic.

Just when she thought about that, she surprisingly saw a red and white patterned picnic blanket appeared in front of her, as well as a picnic basket.

She directly walked into it and sat.

It is a nice day for Mina as she relaxingly breathes out after breathing in the soothing fresh air.

"Hey there, gorgeous"

She paused adoring the place when she heard someone speaking that seems so familiar with her whole being, as if her soul can recognize who is that person even without turning her back and checking who could it be.

The last time she checked, she's the only person in the place and even if it is somehow weird for her, she didn't expect someone to be with her.

However, as she keeps insisting not to turn her back, tears already started falling from her eyes when the person puts her hand on her shoulder and it provides her favorite warmth. It is the presence she has been longing for.

"Hi, Mina"

She finally turned her back the same time the person mentioned her name and her heart couldn't be happier. The person is smiling brightly at her, absolutely shining brighter than the sun.

"My heart has been longing for you for 735 days already. We finally meet"

Tears of joy. Mina is sure that it is what she can describe the tears falling from their eyes because after two years, she finally saw her lover. They were reunited once again after how months and Mina has been waiting for this moment for a long time now.

"I miss you, Chaeyoung"

They didn't hesitate to embrace each other, totally filling all the missed days they didn't get to feel each other's warmth. Mina definitely missed her presence, she didn't expect to feel that after a long time and it is still feels so assuring more than ever.

"I brought your favorite flowers"

Chaeyoung smiled so genuinely at her as she shows the bouquet of red roses she have in hand. Mina will definitely admit that she misses that smile, her favorite that makes her go through her whole day because it gives a different kind of serenity that only Chaeyoung could bring in her whole being.

"You still remember"

"Of course, I remember. I always remember everything about you, including the fact that you're the only person I love to infinity"

"I can't believe you're here with me now"

Mina cried once again, adoring her lover in full flesh, literally sitting right in front of her.

Chaeyoung then put the bouquet at their side as she carefully put Mina's head on her shoulder and let her cry there as she pat her arm.

"If I need to comfort you all over again, I will. I'm with you now, Mina. I'm here"

Chaeyoung sings lullabies to Mina until the girl fell asleep in her arms. When she saw that the girl is not comfortable with her state, she carefully let Mina sleep in her lap as she looks after her, as if memorizing all the details in her face once again, no matter how heart already memorized the constellation since day one.

"You're still beautiful as ever. I really do not have any regrets when it comes to you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I want you to always remember that"

"It's already noted in my heart"

The younger smiled sweetly at the girl lying on her lap and noticed that she probably woke up because she's thinking out loud.

"Well, I'm glad to know that."

Mina stood up from lying then sat beside Chaeyoung again. She didn't know how long she was sleeping on her lover's lap already to the point that the colors of the sky is slowly turning orange and pink already. As far as she remembers, it is the most wonderful and peaceful sleep she ever had since that day.

She automatically put her head on Chaeyoung's shoulder as they intertwine their hands and Chaeyoung either play with her fingers or kisses the back of her hand when she has the chance to.

Silence is filling the atmosphere, but it is also filled with love and longing. It is already more than okay for the both of them even if they don't talk, as long as they have one another by their side.

As the sunset unveils in front of their very eyes, they continue to savor the moment with each other.

"Mina, I have to tell you something"

The girl hums, focused on the magnificent view in front of them.

"I'm already okay here"

Chaeyoung smiles and that made Mina sit up straight as she looks directly at her lover.

"I'm already okay here, so you don't have to worry about me. And if it's okay with you, I have requests. Can you keep listening to me?"

There's already tears on the side of Mina's eyes that wants to fall, yet she keeps on holding on to it, as she keeps holding Chaeyoung's hand tight. She nods and keeps listening, as her lover requests.

"I want you to be strong and I want you to live your life to the fullest again, Mina"

The girl just shakes her head, tears already falling because every single time she stares directly at Chaeyoung's eyes and see how genuine she is with her words, she cannot help but be emotional.

"No matter how hard it is, I want you to do that. Even if I'm not beside you physically, my support will keep reaching you. I will keep on rooting for you. Mina, you have me always, okay?"

She tucks her hair at the back of her ear and gently wipes her tears.

"Can you do that for me?"

"I'm sorry I'm always at my weakest when I'm with you. Until now, I'm still a crybaby and doesn't show any strength. I'm sorry I keep failing you. I'm sorry I'm not the person you expect me to be. I'm sorry you have to end up in that situation. I'm so sorry, Chaeyoung"

The girl was quick to shush Mina and hugs her as she pats her back gently.

"It's okay, Mina. It's okay. Your feelings are valid. It's okay, it's not your fault. You don't have to blame yourself and beat yourself up every single time that thought comes to mind. It's no one's fault, okay? If this is meant to happen, we just need to accept it. I'm already okay here, I can assure you that. And I want you to be okay also, would you do that? No matter how long it takes, I want you to be okay again"

"You're the only person my heart will choose to love until the end, Chaeyoung. I want you to know that you will always have my heart. I love you and I hope you're really happy and okay here"

"I am, Mina. I am"

Mina stops sobbing and they face each other again, Chaeyoung was smiling at her from eye to eye. The skies turned dark already, yet the place still looks beautiful as it is. The atmosphere already gives them a warm temperature and they just think it's now the time.

"Thank you for visiting me, Chaeyoung. It feels so real that I also just want to stay here"

"You have to go back. I am already looking forward to you living with your promise. You belong there"

"Can you hug me again?"

Chaeyoung sweetly nods and they hugged each other so tight, it feels like they don't want to let go of each other anymore and so Chaeyoung was already the one who broke it and stared lovingly at Mina's face for the last time.

"I love you forever and always, Mina"

 

 

It has been exactly 2 years, everything around Mina is moving like they usually are. Yet, 2 years ago, she thinks like she's not functioning and she doesn't have any purpose in life anymore.

Ever since that day, she never stopped crying, day or night. She doesn't even eat meals, just drink water when she feels like she's near choking herself from crying. Her friends and family members always come to her apartment to visit her and comfort her, yet the girl always requests for her privacy so they don't have any choice but to let the girl alone, yet always remind her that they're just one call away and they are all open ears and shoulders.

They also deliver food there daily, but Mina either barely touches it or just asks the driver to take it home with them because she really doesn't have an appetite to eat.

It goes on for the whole month until she realized.

"It has been a whole month not having you by my side, love"

She stays at the terrace while watching the night sky, as if talking to the stars above.

"You would've loved the twinkling stars tonight and say a random poem out of it. Oh, how I miss your randomness and silliness. Where are you now?"

She sadly sighed as she feels her heart aching once again.

"I miss your hugs, Chaeyoung. At times like this, you're already giving me a tight hug and giving me comforting words. Having your presence is already enough for me to be okay again"

A cold wind blows in her direction and it is enough for Mina to tear up because they're right, once you missed a person who passed away already, talk with them, and ask something, they will most likely respond through the wind.

"I miss you so much, Chaeyoung"

The way Mina process the grief she is feeling is similar to those usual people grieving for the people they love who already passed away.

She cries, tries so hard to be okay and smile at everyone, yet deep inside, she's broken more than anyone is expecting her to be.

For once, she's lost.

She suddenly don't know where to go as it feels like she lost everything.

Her world wants to shatter and just stop because what would be the reason to keep going when she lost her purpose already?

The dream of having her own mansion instead of just an apartment? The dream of travelling different countries? The dream of getting married and having kids?

All of those dreams shattered when she knew that the love of her life was dead.

She was just battling with her, holding her hand tightly, and never left her side since day one, yet fate was so cruel to take her away from her too early.

They are just getting there. They just became happy with their stable job, shared apartment, and respective cars. They are already saving for their future and the goals they set, but why does she need to be taken away from her that fast?

Mina wants to ask the Gods or to whoever up above who can answer all her questions. She's so confused. She's hurt by the fact that most kind people leaves the world first before anyone else.

She wants to know why does it have to happen to her, to them? Why does she need to experience that kind of extreme pain she never knew will experience in her whole life?

She keeps regretting. She keeps blaming herself. She keeps beating herself up.

She doesn't know why does she need to keep moving forward like everyone tells her to, when the sole reason why she choose to keep waking up every morning will not wake up at all?

She's the reason why her lover died. She was forcing her to take therapies and being taken to the operating room, even if Chaeyoung literally said no a thousand times already. She thought it would be for the better, but it became the worst choice she has ever done in her entire life.

She thought the Doctors could save her, but they were too late as the life line turned flat already way before they perform an emergency operation.

She was sleeping soundly when that happened because Chaeyoung requested her to go home for a while as she hasn't slept properly for 2 consecutive weeks already and she promised that she would be fine at the hospital alone as she has personal nurses their families hired for her.

It was a good sleep and she planned to have a good sip of hot coffee when she wakes up the next day, yet she was forced to wake up at 4 in the morning when she felt her phone vibrating and she immediately drove all the way to the hospital with her sleepwear and tries hard not to cry as she run to the emergency room.

"Chaeyoung, please stay with me. Fight for me, love"

No matter how hard they try to revive the girl's life, Chaeyoung was already the one who gave up.

Mina's chest feels so heavy. She cannot accept anything yet. She doesn't want to accept it ever.

Seeing the love of her life, lifeless already and on her death bed, is the view she doesn't want to see in her whole life.

The poor girl was still lying in the comfort of the hospital bed without knowing it's also her last moment on Earth.

"I'm sorry to the family of Ms. Son Chaeyoung who passed away 3rd of August 2022, 4:27AM.May her soul rest in peace"

She feels like she's out of breath and her sight seems to be unclear. She can feel she's moving her body as if she's about to pass out. She pinched her arm and in a blink of an eye, the death of her lover has already been confirmed.

It was hard. Heck, it is more than she can describe how she feels.

Thinking about how she will continue living without having someone by her side would be the worst feeling for her.

She was used to having someone by her side when she wakes up in the morning and before closing her eyes to sleep at night. She's already used to having a breakfast prepared already once she gets out of the bedroom. She's already used to having someone by her side to walk going to the parking lot and have a kiss before they respectively drive to their work. She's already used to eating dinners and getting messy when they're washing the dishes already. She's already used to having exercises in weekend mornings and dates in the afternoons. She's already used to having someone who calms her down when she's panicking, when she's breaking down, when she's lost about life. She's already used to having her own emotional support, the one who has always been there with her, through thick and thin, through good times and bad times.

She was used to having Chaeyoung for more than a decade already and she doesn't even know how to take a single step forward now that she suddenly have no one to hold her hand and assure her that the world is still a wonderful place to live in because her lover is not existing anymore.

She stared at the mirror in the bedroom.

She literally loses a lot of weight and her face and skin looks pale. Her hair is messy and always just takes a bath just so she can change clothes, but never do her skin care anymore, nor even just comb her hair and just let it dry.

She sleeps a lot because she believes she can escape reality by sleeping. But every time she sleeps, it's just blank, full of darkness. She cannot see anything as if it is now the world she will try to exist in because there's already no one to bring her light.

She keeps wishing and wishing that just once, even just once, Chaeyoung will at least visit her in her dreams because she misses her so badly.

Mina keeps longing for a home that no longer exists.

She already felt a lot of emotions as days weirdly passes by in just a blink. The time seems like flying in an instant ever since that day and she never noticed that it's already been a year.

A total of 365 days has passed and Mina still never understand the reason why Chaeyoung already left without even seeing her for the last time.

If only she insists on staying that night, if only she granted her request of eating her favorite food and drinking coffee, even if the doctors doesn't allow her, if only she sang her favorite song and didn't get shy when the girl requested her to, if only she holds her hand tighter that night and kissed her a lot before she go back to their apartment.

Will there ever be changes if that's the case? Mina thinks otherwise.

Maybe it's really destined to happen.

A year without Chaeyoung also made her realize a lot of things and learned a lot from it.

Even if it is so hard for her, it seems like Chaeyoung wants her to love herself more and the people around her, to give time to her loved ones and don't get too busy with work because at the end of the day, they will be the one who will be there for her, particularly in hard times.

She thought her to value time and have a strong bond so she won't be regretting at the end that she didn't spend some time with her loved ones and instead prioritize her work first and other unnecessary things. She also thought her to be vocal about her feelings and thoughts—whether it is a bad one or good, she should say it. She should let her know if she doesn't want that particular thing, if she's hurting, if she's irritated, if she suddenly just wants to disappear because of the cruel world, if she wants to get away from everything for a while.

Mina learned that she lose a lot of chances when she still has Chaeyoung physically by her side. She didn't even get to achieve any of their goals together and thinking how did she even survive that one whole year makes her be grateful to Chaeyoung because she knows she's been guiding her until she can fully let go.

Two years gone and it still feels the same except Mina eventually learned how to adjust her life knowing that Chaeyoung will never come back.

She slowly learned to go out of the bedroom and their shared apartment again, taking tiny steps and letting the sunlight touch her skin once again.

It is still hard knowing she survived a whole 735 days with the help of her family, friends, and herself to cope with everyday.

Sure, they still talk about her sometimes, remember her during daily conversations where they will suddenly think of her behavior or antics, but it is full of good memories they had with their beloved Chaeyoung who doesn't have anything but full of happy thoughts and memoirs.

Celebrating occasions and achievements still doesn't feel right and feels so empty, but Mina will always remind herself that Chaeyoung remains in her heart.

Whenever they celebrate holidays, thanksgiving, Mina's birthday, or Chaeyoung's birthday, she will force herself to be happy because she will long for Chaeyoung's sudden surprises or 'I don't need any gift because you're already enough for me' punch line.

She will definitely miss those Christmas mornings where Chaeyoung will give gifts to random street children and street vendors instead of celebrating it in their humble apartment because she believes sharing is caring, particularly during the Christmas season.

She will miss waiting for the new year to come and watching the fireworks with her overlooking in their own terrace and they don't need to go to the Han River anymore because they can already see it in their place and from there, they will keep on promising that they will love each other more that year and that they are thankful to spend another year with one another.

She will miss sudden dates after work promotions as their way of congratulating each other whenever they're successful in their projects, when their managers or colleagues praises them, or when they upgrade their position.

Yet Mina knows deep down that for all those occasions and achievements, Chaeyoung is happy for her and she will keep on rooting for her happiness and success.

Mina eventually realized that she is feeling better.

They say that a person grieves as fast as 6 months or it can be longer, for years as an example, but it has been just 2 years and Mina can say she is eventually going back to her usual self.

Her whole being seems to be light and bright again, even without the presence of Chaeyoung.

She keeps on learning to adjust her life without her and just always reminds herself that even if she's physically gone by her side, at least she knows that she's already doing fine, not feeling any pain, and having an eternal rest already. That's what she deserves after battling for a few months with no particular assurance.

The turning point was the dream.

The first time ever she dreamt of her lover, that's when she knew that she can finally let go of her because it is her only wish—Chaeyoung visiting her in her dreams to know that she's already in a better state.

The dream wasn't a long nor a short one. It's just right for her to know that Chaeyoung is happy and she doesn't have any regrets anymore, that she's already contented staying there, and she's just hoping for Mina to live her life to the fullest and be the stronger version of herself.

When she woke up from the dream and noticed how she's crying while she's asleep already tells her a lot.

She literally needs to move forward and live just like what Chaeyoung has said to her. There's no reason for her world to stop just because someone so dear to her left the world and left her.

It is already destined to happen and they just don't have any clue that it will happen any sooner because they don't expect at it all.

That incident alone made Mina a better person.

Up until that day, Chaeyoung is still teaching her life lessons that she never knew she needed, including the way she should accept things no matter how hard it is for her, and the way she should cope with melancholy, particularly because she's already alone and there's no one beside her to comfort her and wipe her tears away for her. She taught her that everything can take its time until it's fully healed and to never think that everything is a race that she should compete in.

That dream was actually a wonderful one for Mina.

After years of waiting, she finally dreamt of Chaeyoung and she even get to talk to her and even embrace her. It was a good place with just the two of them and they got to talk about the things they didn't get to talk about during Chaeyoung's last moment because she wasn't there by her side.

She told her to stop blaming herself and beating herself up because it is bound to happen, no matter how deeply sorry she was for that moment.

Chaeyoung literally showed her that she found eternal happiness and rest already because she doesn't want to go back anymore, and instead just wishes for her lover live without regret and pain.

Mina eventually realized that she should get better for herself and for her lover, even without her physical presence.

It is a Saturday and she doesn't any work (she chose not to have one), so she decided to drive at the seaside and spend some time with herself because it's been so long since she has seen the sea and have a time with herself as she's always occupied with the city life.

"How long has it been since I went here?"

She finally arrived at her destination after exactly 45 minutes of driving.

It was already near sunset as she chose to sleep more in the morning and enjoy her stay at home with home-cooked meal a while ago.

"Hi, love. Can you hear me?"

She's the only one in the area and she thinks it's just the perfect timing.

Mina stares from afar and adores the calm sea as it doesn't have any big waves and it's just a great sight for the sunset.

She imagines her lover is still there, standing beside her.

"It has been 2 years and a month, but I'm still missing you dearly. Yet, don't worry, I can manage already. You taught me how, right?"

Chaeyoung chuckles. She wants to express how proud she is of Mina's growth and she's happy for it.

"Our friends and family, and even your colleagues always takes care of me and messages me whenever they have the chance and they're glad to see me eventually smiling genuinely unlike the first few months when I lost you. They said I really had a big improvement and it's most likely thanks to them that I get to cope with every day that passes by"

Chaeyoung pats her head and Mina can feel it, even if it's just through the wind.

"Thank you, Chaeyoung. You've done a lot in your life, including the fact of inspiring me to have a better version of myself. Thank you for being the wonderful reason why I chose to wake up every morning knowing that I have you in my life. I couldn't express my gratefulness enough because you're such a great person and I'm just so glad you got to be my lover in this universe. And if I were to be given a chance, I will love you in every universe and I will keep on finding you because you're the only endgame I want. Thank you for always being there for me, love. You know that it means a lot to me when I have someone by my side who cheers for me and I hope I did the same to you"

The girl beside her consecutively nods, absolutely agreeing with her words.

"From the closest beating heart to the farthest shining star, you have me. Mina, you will always have me. Thank you for choosing to move forward and be happy instead of grieving all year long that will totally not make me leave"

"I realized how wasted I was during the first few months and how it can make you feel bad because you left me without any saying goodbye, but I understand now. I deeply understand because it's you that we're talking about here and no matter what happens, no matter how heavy it may be, I will always try to understand until I will eventually pass by it."

"That's good to know, Mina. I'm contented with it"

"I guess this is me saying that you will always be my home, my everything, my love. Son Chaeyoung, I am now letting you go."

Mina felt a strange cold wind wrapping around her whole being even if it's not windy and it made her tear up yet smile because she knows the reason for it. It's Chaeyoung.

"Rest well, my love. I'm setting you free and I'll see you soon. I love you until eternity"