—//—

 

“He's probably tired of making me feel better. I am such a loser!! I've lost him.” Heechul mumbled, pinching his palm as hard as he could.

 

His anxiety suddenly kicked in and now, he keeps thinking about Jungsoo. That man never said something to him instead, he would just stayed by his side and making him feel better.

 

He was a messed, he took leave for an entire week and wanted to spend his days, staying at home and get some fresh air because he felt exhausted.

 

Jungsoo has been working and they would just saw each when he came back from work. Which was okay with him because they still need to gain a money to buy what they need, pay bills and other expenses.

 

“What should i do? He's probably having a thought of breaking up with me. I'm useless and pathetic. Why would he want to stay with me? I am ed up and such a loser.” He whispered, as if it was on cue, the door suddenly opened and Jungsoo went in.

 

Their eyes met and he immediately averted his gaze, which Jungsoo immediately noticed. He frowned as he put down his belongings. His eyes were fixed at him and watched Heechul carefully.

 

Jungsoo walked towards him and sat down beside him, Heechul flinched.

 

“Hey, what happened?” He calmy asked, held his hand and caressed every fingers of Heechul's.

 

“N-nothing. Are you tired?” Heechul asked, trying to drop off the topic and smiled at Jungsoo.

 

“I was tired earlier but when i saw you, my tiredness disappeared. Well after all, you're the source of my strength.” Jungsoo proudly replied, which Heechul refused to believe.

 

“Wanna eat something? I'll reheat the food, if you want.” Heechul said, dropping off the topic for the second time.

 

He stood up from the sofa and went straight to the kitchen—He left Jungsoo alone.

 

Jungsoo on the other hand, followed the younger who was trying to ignore his presence. As he got closer to Heechul, Jungsoo s his arms around Heechul's waist.

 

“I'm not hungry. I already had a dinner. Didn't you received my message?” Jungsoo informed, nuzzling the back of Heechul's neck using his lips.

 

Heechul shivers as he felt the warmth of Jungsoo's breathe. He lost his composure for a moment and regained it immediately. Heechul turned around, then swiftly pushed Jungsoo and looked at him. 

 

“What's wrong? Why are you avoiding me? Did i do something wrong? Heechul, why are you ignoring me?! I am here but you're acting like my presence didn't exists here.” Jungsoo asked, felt annoyed and  looking at Heechul in disbelief. 

 

“I-i....I'm sorry.” Heechul said, avoiding Jungsoo's stare at him. 

 

“Hey, tell me. Are you upset? Please tell me.” Jungsoo asked, gave him a tight hugged.

 

“I'm.... I'm scared.” Heechul broke down. He sat down onto the floor and Jungsoo grabbed him quickly, helping him to stand up. 

 

Heechul suddenly cried and tightened his hold on Jungsoo's arm as if his life was depended on it. 

 

“Shhh. Calm dow, okay?” Jungsoo said, wiping his tears and showered him with a kisses all over his face.

 

They both sat down onto the floor and Heechul was burying his head on Jungsoo's neck while Jungsoo, held him so tight and kissed every part of his face.

 

Silence—the silence was calming and it helped him to calmed down himself, Jungsoo being there was also a big help.

 

“You okay? Do you want us to go to our room?” He asked softly, brushing off his hair and smiled at him; his dimple suddenly popped up into his face.

 

“Are you staying with me?” Heechul asked, voice trembling and looked up at him.

 

“Of course. Why would i leave you? I'm staying until you fall asleep, feel better and when you wake up, I'm still by your side.” Jungsoo replied, pinched his nose and gave him an unexpected kisses—which Heechul responded.

 

—//—

 

They were lying on the bed, facing each other and could feel their hot breathes. Jungsoo leaned his forehead against heechul's and looked straight into Heechul's eyes.

 

“What's bothering you? You've been avoiding me since  i came home. Well, you were so distant ever since you took a day off from your work. It bothers me a Iot. I couldn't even sleep at night because of that.” Jungsoo started, caressing his cheek and he knows, something was really off.

 

“I...” Heechul's words trailed off and couldn't find a good explanation to Jungsoo.

 

But then, Jungsoo waited for him; he waited again until he felt comfortable answering his questions. 

 

“I was scared. My anxiety got in to me and there were a lot of things I wanted to ask you.” Heechul explained, his voice was shaking and hands were trembling. 

 

Jungsoo noticed it and held his hand. Jungsoo knows him better; through his body and soul. 

 

“I'm not going to stop you. Ask me then.” Jungsoo softly said, calming his nerves and it works. Heechul avarted his gaze, looked down and bit his lower lip.

 

“Are you going to leave me or planning to break up with me?” Heechul asked, he took all his courage to asked that question because he wasn't prepared to Jungsoo's incoming answers. 

 

He was scared of losing Jungsoo because Jungsoo was the one who helped me—helped him to be a better person and stayed with him although he was difficult to deal with. 

 

“Why would you think that way? I'm not letting you go. I promised, right?” Jungsoo defended, grabbed him softly by the jaw, guided him to looked up again. 

 

Their eyes met, Heechul felt a sparks between their eyes. Jungsoo leaned forward and kissed him on forehead, giving him an assurance that Jungsoo would keep his words and promises. 

 

“B-but...I'm a mess... You're probably tired of taking care of me. When i can't sleep, you would stay awake to keep me in company. When i cry at night, you would stay by my side and do everything to make me feel better again. And when i was suffering, you would do the same—suffering along with me. I think you already reached your limit and finally—” Jungsoo swallowed Heechul's words by kissing him gentle on his lips 

 

His words where nowhere to be found and replaced by the sudden sounds of moans between their kisses. Heechul clutch his shirt to grip onto something as he desperately responds to Jungsoo's kisses. 

 

Until they ran out of breathe and needed air, they parted their lips and pressed their foreheads together. 

 

“You've been avoiding me and keeping all these thoughts all by yourself? Heechul, i will never stop loving you. If you can't sleep at night, let me stay by your side and cuddle you until you calm your nerves. If you want to cry, share your tears with me. I don't care if we're running out of tears. If you're suffering, let me know because I'm willing to suffer just for you. Heechul, in this relationship, you always have me and you're not alone. Everything you feel even pain, tears, or whatever you wanted to feel—you can share it with me. I'm not going to leave you and break up with you because before we stared this relationship, we both know the difficulties and challenges that we have to deal together.” Jungsoo explained, smiling from ear to ear and softly brushed off his hair that keeps falling into his face.

 

Heechul had been holding back his tears not until Jungsoo finished his words, his tears started to fall—nonstop.

 

“I don't deserve you... I can't—” Jungsoo cut him off and placed his index finger between his lips, Jungsoo didn't want to hear more, it hurts him too.

 

“Shake off your thoughts because i will never leave you. Don't be hard to yourself. You deserve this, you deserve me and you deserve everything.” Jungsoo paused, wiping his tears and showered him a lot of kisses in his wet cheeks.

 

Heechul didn't say anything instead he keeps looking at Jungsoo and observing him carefully; his words were true and you could tell it the way he handle him right now, the way he looked at him and the way he tried to ease his pain.

 

Jungsoo leaned forward and Heechul could feel his breathe against him “I love you” he whispered, too gentle and sweet enough to ease his pain as if he was in the cloud nine right now.

 

“I love you too.” Heechul said, shutting his eyes and let him feel the warmth of Jungsoo's.

 

Jungsoo and Heechul stayed in their current position until they fell asleep; unnoticed. 

 

—

 

Heechul woke up in the middle of the night. He felt something heavy around his waist as he turned around, he saw Jungsoo who was still beside him, it made him smile. 

 

He was sleeping soundly next to him and at the same time, he noticed that jungsoo was also tired but he chose to accompany him. He could easily take a rest and ignore him but no, it was his Jungsoo—the man who couldn't stand seeing him miserable and lost; as Jungsoo said, he always had him. 

 

Heechul got up slightly, using his elbow to support him and watched Jungsoo who was sound asleep. Heechul softly brushed Jungsoo's sweaty hair and he smiled. 

 

“You chose to accompany me than taking a rest. You're probably tired, I'm sorry...” He mumbled, leaning towards Jungsoo and saw some dark circles under his eyes.

 

“I'm sorry if I'm kind of messed up. Jungsoo, I'm trying to be a better person and trying to find myself again. I'm lost but here you are, guiding me again. I'm kind of selfish, right? I'm sorry if you feel that way.” Heechul started, pausing in the middle of his sentence because he felt guilty towards his lover. 

 

Jungsoo didn't deserve any of these; he deserves better. The guilt was overwhelming and it hurt him so much seeing how Jungsoo suffered along with him. 

 

“Promise, I'll do better and let's have a date, hmm? Let's hang out like we used to, let's take a break from our work and spend time together. Jungsoo, i miss you so much—i miss us, i miss being with you, not this Heechul but the old one—the real me. I'll make it up to you, i owe you a lot!” Heechul said, tracing every angle of Jungsoo's face while he still asleep” Heechul added, biting his lower lip to prevent himself from crying. 

 

A lone tear escaped from his eyes, reminiscing every moments he'd shared with Jungsoo—they were the happiest; Jungsoo fulfilled his promise to Heechul, to make him the happiest man and he really did.

 

“Jungsoo... I love you so much” Heechul leaned down and rested his head on Jungsoo's shoulder.

 

There was a pang inside of his heart because Heechul felt that he was unfair to him but he knows, these thoughts and everything he felt would disappear, not anytime sooner but he was working on it. He would never let Jungsoo to suffer too—he cherished him the most.

 

“T-thank you for saving me when i was about to die; probably drowning from sadness. Thank you for giving me a reason to live. You brought me back to my life and still fighting together with you. I just wanna spend the rest of my life with you and stay in this moment, without you, I'm nothing. I love you so much, Jungsoo.” He added, burying his face on Jungsoo's neck and hugging him tightly.

 

Heechul drifted into sleep again and found his peace; as always, as long as Jungsoo was with him.

 

On the other hand, Jungsoo's lips suddenly formed a smile and turning his head to see Heechul, already settled himself in the most comfortable position and using Jungsoo's arm as his pillow.

 

“I've heard that! I'll be waiting for you, Heechul.” Jungsoo whispered and giggled, He found it cute and calmed him down knowing that Heechul was trying to help himself too.

 

For the last time, he gave him a goodnight kissed as Jungsoo wrapped his other arm around Heechul's waist and gave him a peck on his lip. 

 

They finally fell asleep and lost in their dreamland— found their peace and lost in their own world, again.