Jang RiIn’s perspective

The room was still half occupied by students. Noises here and there filled the vase room easily. The lecturer was rather late today, everyone is still expecting him to pop out from the two large wooden doors any seconds. Yet it remained close. I was so bored that I almost fell asleep. Except my best friend’s tenor voice woke me up. I turned my drowsy head to him who sat next to me. He was looking down at his open notebook. “You know RiIn. I’ve been receiving lots of letters recently.” HanKyung confessed. His eyes were still down at a sheet, gazing at it meaningfully but in fact his mind was somewhere else. He seemed to revise the notes like any other good student. I always pressure him to join the drama club, I mean, why not? He looked pretty convincing staring at a blank page like he was studying. Plus he got the looks. His perfectly structure face never fails to impress any kind of women. Including me. Anyway I tried to focus on our conversation or he would sulk for an hour just because he thought I ignored him.

“What kind of letters?” I asked casually. I was a bit disappointed with my voice. It sounded so tired and flat. Well, I was falling asleep. Somehow I know where our chat is going. Therefore before he could even answer me, I answered myself. “Love ones right?” I grinned, knowing he would blush any seconds now. And his face did turned crimson. I could not help but laugh as he nodded shyly. It was one of the reasons why HanKyung is so popular with the women. He is just absolutely adorable. I have known him for eighteen years and he is a very polite bashful gentlemen. Afterward he pouted at me for laughing at him. I have to stop otherwise we were on not speaking term. I gathered back my thought and asked him what was the problem? I mean he is gorgeous. He was guaranteed to have these love notes sooner or later.

“Its just… Well, too early.” He explained. His eyes never ascended from the notebook. I could only kept silent for a few moments, as I understood what he was trying to say. HanKyung just broke up with YeonHee a few days ago and I am still amazed how fast gossips spread in this college. I looked at him and detected the sadness in his eyes. It was so obvious. My best friend is miserable. “There are only three letters so far. It’s from the same person, you want to look?” his eyes searched for mine as he asked. I gave him a force smile and simply nodded. Somehow I could not speak. I did not know such letters could make him upset. I studied his movement as he reached for the letters in his bag. His muscular arms seemed to have gotten bigger. I also noticed his face was thinner. I wonder he has been in the gym ever since YeonHee’s flight to Japan. Some people might get depress, some perhaps get drunk, some probably commit suicide if the love of their life leave them behind. However not HanKyung, he would go to the gym and exercise. An unusual way to distract yourself but at least he is not acting depress… Then again, he was such a realistic actor. That is why I, as his best friend must cheer him up.

“Do you feel… irritated receiving these letters?” I hesitated to find the suitable word. He finally pulled out three soft creamy green and black stripes envelopes and placed them in front of me. My heart suddenly thumped forcefully over and over. I know those letters, after all…

I wrote them.

I gulped as my fingers slowly reached for the top of the pile and slipped out the letter. It was definitely the letter that I sent since it was a scented letter; I bought it especially for him. Watermelon is his favorite fruit. As I waited for his respond, I read the love letter. “This heart beats for you.” It was simple message, clear and I worked hard on it.

“Actually, I felt a bit happy.” I was surprised to hear his voice. It has his smile in it. My eyes hunted for his face and saw he was beaming. I stared at him blankly. “Read the others, I wanted to laugh at the jokes and the simple love messages. It was very clear and simple. I like it.” I could not believe this. I actually cheered him up, that was his first smile after YeonHee’s departure. In fact I almost cry out of joy to see his blissful face. Perhaps seeing me rather frozen, he took one envelope and read it. “You are the one that make me sing, P.S. I’m not a great singer.” Just like that I heard his sweet honey laugh. He unfolded another letter and repeated after it. “Loving you day and night, never ending. It is forever or never.” His eyes were so soft then, gazing at the soft watermelon colored paper. His thumb brushed softly against the note. He really likes it.

“HanKyung…” I began, in a whisper. He looked up in respond. His eyes were still so vulnerable. I gulped and then proceeded to finish my question. “HanKyung, what do you think… of the… sender?” I choked out the words. He gave me a confuse expression afterward. Slightly twisting his head. Perhaps I should elaborate more. However, before I could voice out, he spoke.

“I don’t know,” he began, shrugging, “Melon is different. She is not like any other of my admires.” His vocal, I sense, has his smile in it once more. That made me so happy. “She’s really unique.” His sentence entered my head and my brain started processing. I just realize; he called ‘the sender/me’, Melon. I asked him why. He presented the most innocent boyish smile at me and I wanted to faint. Nevertheless I know he lied. His answered was because Melon uses watermelon sweet scented letters and the design even resembled a watermelon. As far I know, HanKyung is really obsessed with watermelon the fruit. He would never name it for anything. Unless. He really values it. “I really want to meet her.” His boyish smile still remained. It was very hard to look at him now. I want to look away or else I’ll faint but I want to stare at him for a long time. Then a thought crossed my mind. It was very sudden. Has he moved on? It seemed impossible after YeonHee. HanKyung really love her. She was his first admirer, his first crush, his first date and just everything. I could only hold the title as his first best friend. The thought of him moving on without her was ridiculous. Still I just have to ask him that question. When I did, his dark eyes slowly looked down. All of his face muscle appeared weak. It was terrifying to watch. A once happy-go-lucky person became like this. The innocent smile vanished, replaced by a horrible frown. I almost wanted to cry again, because that was the frown after YeonHee left. “I don’t know RiIn. I just don’t know.” His voice dropped so as my heart. He is still cheerless. My plan backfired. I honestly wanted to cry. Unexpectedly, HanKyung raised his face. The frown disappeared. A serious expression remained. I was not sure if it was unreal. Perhaps fake enough just to distract me. “One thing I really want is that Melon keeps writing those letters.” This is hard, very difficult.

Should I confess?

I hate lying to him. He’ll find out sooner or later, wouldn’t he? I’m not as great as him in acting. He would definitely notice it. I just did this to make him happy. The outcome of my actions really surprised me. If I admit, then ‘Melon’ will not write those letters again. That’ll make HanKyung depressed. He really likes receiving it. Yet, I’m scared. What would his reaction be? Will he be silence? Will he be angry?

Worst, will he hate me?

There is no way our friendship continues after I come clean. What happened to him then? He’ll probably become more miserable, with the thought of his best friend lying to him. Oh no, my chest began pounding. I should tell him. I will tell him. Breathe RiIn, in and out. Inhale and exhale. “HanKyung… I…”

Abruptly, the two white wooden doors burst open, revealing an old man in a suit breathing heavily. He is our late lecturer. “Sorry I’m behind schedule. The children held me back.” He smiled then, not a tired smile despite the torture of having four children under the age of ten. The opposite smile actually. It showed his love toward his family. It showed how much he cares for them. He was worn-out but never regret it. I wonder, if I could smile like that in front of everybody and of course, HanKyung. He’ll know how I really felt toward him. That’ll be nice, really nice. The lecturer settled his equipment and began the first lesson of the day.

I’ll tell him some other time then.

…

“RiIn!” I turned away from my locker and saw him running toward me. He held his right hand high up in the air. He was holding a green black stripes letter. I glanced at his face. The smile. The same smile every time he sees the love note. I still have not told him. It has been weeks now since I first placed the letter in his locker. Everyday, he would share the letters with me. I once asked him why he is sharing it. He replied because he wanted too. I am his best friend who he could trust. He reached my side and the sight of him was breath taking. He just had basketball practice with his teammates. The white and blue sleeveless and short trouser uniform on shining HanKyung, I just love basketball. His breath was sweet against my skin as his muscular chest moved up and down. I looked up at his silly grin and smelt his scent. I do not want anything to happen now. Just stand here with him is enough. Rapidly, HanKyung’s voice boomed. “You got to help me.” That caught me off guard. I gave him a blank expression and titled my head. He sighed and took a deep breath. “I’m going to China for a few days.”

“What?” My voice was barely above whisper. He seemed not to notice and continued to explain. He was going to China to visit his grandparents. Apparently they were sick and they missed their grandson. He continued to explain as though I’m dumb but I could already understand him. The thought of him going away was too impulsive though. Yet, I could pick out his points in his speech. “And you want me to collect the letters of Melon?” I finished his statement.

“Yes, please.” His silly grin was still plastered on his dazzling face. I bit my bottom lip and looked below. Of course I could gather my own love letters. Yet, how could I write them when he would even be able to read straight away? The whole point of this was to make him smile without any doubt. His large hands were placed on my shoulders and I knew he wanted me to look up. so I did. “I’ll be waiting for those letter in a week. Keep them safe.” There it was, once again, his smile of pure adoration. My spirit immediately soared. “I have to pack now. See you in the airport later RiIn.” Out of the blue, he leaned down to my right. I felt his soft lips on my cheek. It was brief but shocking. He flashed his smile again and rushed before I could say a word. In fact, he does not need to run. I do not think I could even breathe now. Let alone chasing him. Gosh, did that just happened? Did HanKyung… Kissed me? Oh gosh, I could not feel my leg. I need to hold on something. My fingers reached out for my locker but instead of feeling the cold metal. I felt something soft yet hard, it was warm and smooth as well. My eyes whizzed to see and it widen. I was holding a face, a cheek to be exact.

“Are you okay?” The guy asked. His voice was squeaky but strong. It was unique in his way. My eyes traced his gorgeous slightly square pale face, the small yet round flawless jaw, the softer curve of his thin pale red lips, the cute bubbly nose he had, the high yet sharp angle of his cheekbones and the smooth forehead covered by his dark brown shining hair. Then I stared at his eyes. The glittery almond shaped eyes. Those characteristics could only belong to him. I had a crush on him since he got transferred here. It was just a small crush. And it was easy to ignore. Yet again, my brain had fooled me. My heart was thumping at the sight of him, who was considered by everyone an angel.

JunSu Kim.

I gulped before answering him. Gosh, I was not prepared for these continuous events. “Yes. I’m fine.” My voice was unusually high. I mustered every inch of strength to my voice for it not to shake. I have to thanked HanKyung for that. He thought me how not to stammer. I swallowed again and somehow my breathing became uneven. It was rumored that JunSu have an aura to make anyone near him to be anxious. I believed in that story now. It was then I realized I was still touching his cheek. I let go immediately. “I have to go. See you around.” I forced out a charming smiled, the least I could do was not to let him think I was a freak. And turned around then started walking away. I could feel my own burning cheeks.

…

‘Promise you, loving you.’ And sign with a picture of a watermelon. I sighed and adjusted my glasses. This is Monday’s letter. I reread all the seven letters. Making sure each of them had Melon’s signature. Tuesday’s letter ‘Listen to my heart, it won’t change.’ Wednesday’s letter ‘I always believe it’s You’. Thursday’s letter ‘Never going to make you cry because I’ll cry too.’ Friday’s letter ‘You’re sweet as a lollipop.’ Saturday’s letters ‘Life couldn’t get better without you.’ And Sunday’s letter, he would demand for these as soon as he sees me, ‘It feels like heaven to see you everyday. Welcome back.’ And that’s week’s worth of love letters, I carefully pick them one by one and placed all in my drawer. I glanced at my bedroom clock and surprised on how long I have spent on writing. My body started to feel ache as I stood up form my study desk. Finally reaching my soft pink bed, I sat down. My eyes then gazed at a letter on my bedside table. It was a soft chocolate colored letter. I had the sudden craving of chocolate then. I received it today in my locker before accompanying HanKyung depart. Of course I did not show it to him. He might tease me then. I gradually reached for it and it before actually opening it.

‘My pounding heart knows you are the one. Love, J.’ I read it over and over again in its spirals writing. I think I know how HanKyung felt now, to receive these letters. It feels nice to know that someone out there likes you. However it is also annoying. It made me wonder who is J. I wonder HanKyung also wonder who is Melon. I yawned unexpectedly. I guessed I was more tried than I thought. I leaned forward to switch off my lamp and lied down. Good night HanKyung. And J. Whoever and wherever you are.

…

“Welcome back.” I greeted him. I could not speak to him at the airport since his flight back was at midnight last night. He was still a few meters away from me but I know he would hear me. He also had a smile on his face despite the little hours he had slept. I missed that grin of his. Usually I would be miserable if I did not see that smile. Somehow I managed to stay alive. Still, I could not have done it without J. He sent his love letters to me everyday and able to make me smile. He had sent seven chocolate colored letters in a week. And chose his word carefully, I think he know that I like HanKyung. I mean it was obvious, except to HanKyung of course. The way I always smile around him. The same goes to the way I speak. It was as if I was a different person. I myself did not even notice. J pointed it out. Tuesday’s note, ‘I love you for you. You cannot act in front of me.’ He knew my real personality, the one that HanKyung to spy to find out. Wednesday’s letter, ‘Nothing in the universe can change who you are and I admire it.’ No matter what I do, he would always adore me. I think that is sweet. Thursday’s message, ‘Anytime, any day with you, I learn more of you and my feeling grew.’ Spending time with me won’t be a waste, that I promise J. Friday’s letter, ‘Close to you, I cannot lie. So you will too.’ I felt so readable. Yet, an honest relationship is what I dream for HanKyung. Saturday’s note, ‘don’t runaway; I won’t hurt you for your secrets. I’ll be your knight and shining armor.’ He had been observing me. Maybe he knows me better than anyone else.

“Thanks RiIn. It’s good to see you.” It was right then, he bend down and embraced me. I’m in heaven, I’m sure of it. And HanKyung is my angel. All of my previous thoughts vanished. Still, the hug was brief but remarkable. I could smell the soap he manly uses this morning. His smile just completed my being. “How is Melon?” Somehow that statement pierced into me like a dagger. I do not know why. My lips forced a smile and my hands gave him the soft green and black stripes letters. He thanked me but his eyes never left the letters. I felt more daggers rushed into me. Just like that HanKyung was in his own world. He did not notice me anymore. Only Melon is now in his thoughts. What have I done? I did this also to let him know I love him. It was suppose to be like a game. He should make an effort to search for me, to know the truth.

Not waiting.

My brain wanted to tell. I am Melon. It wanted to shout. It was so desperate to have his attention. My mind thought of this ‘killing two birds with one stone’ plan. It also did not want to accept the truth that plan had fail, it had fail so great and it backfired. Now HanKyung would never acknowledge me as The One. It was not fair. He was my everything. My head also regretted to create Melon. HanKyung only have heart for the imaginary one, not the real one. He would never believe the reality. He’ll laugh like there is no yesterday and asked me to stop joking. Nevertheless, my heart wanted to be with J. Amazingly it actually paid attention to what is authentic. It knows J would never betray me. He had been watching me from afar. He knows little details that I’m embarrassed to have. However he still love me, for me. His letters had declared his feeling. He had put hours into one letter with only few meaningful sentences. I know this because in Sunday’s letter it read, ‘my tired heart is still fighting. It had been searching for you for so long. And now it is battling to win you. Like I said, I’ll be your knight and shining armor.’ Oh God, what should I do? I feel so confuse in a short time.

“HanKyung… I’m…” Without thinking, the words choked themselves out. Yet, HanKyung was still in his world. I spoke louder. Shouting even. It appeared my mind would win in this war. It did not care if others were staring. It was already so frantic to have HanKyung’s interest for all those years. “HanKyung… I’m Melon.” That caught HanKyung’s ears. He looked down at me with two dark glittering mystify eyes. At times like these I wished I were taller. Only, I didn’t. My heart did not pound anymore, like it used to do. I could not do this. It is too much. Who? Who deserve my love? The guy I had known for all my life or a stranger who had promised so many wonderful things.

“RiIn,” a voice interrupted our staring contest. I knew that voice well. It had earned a small place in my heart. And had once more made my heart raced. I turned to see a shaking JunSu. His face appeared to have mixed emotion, anxious, excitement, worried and determination. And in his hand was a chocolate colored enveloped.

Oh God, this is too much for me.