Of Spiritual Bells and What They Mean

Under the Neon Lights

“Siyeon? Are you all right?”

The werewolf slowly opened her eyes while the images of her dream were fading from her consciousness. She already couldn’t tell what it was about, but the lingering feeling of her heart being clenched told her it wasn’t pleasant.

Minji was looking worryingly at her, her messy hair was hanging above Siyeon, grazing her cheeks. The younger girl made an effort to smile.

“It’s okay it was just a bad dream. I already forgot what it was.”

“You were crying.”

The raven-haired woman brought her fingers to her cheek to feel the wetness of the tears that had dried there. That was weird, she hadn’t had a nightmare like that for a long time now. But then she guessed it still had to happen from time to time. The memories from her childhood were not so easily forgotten.

“I’m fine now, that’s all that matters.”

Minji pouted at the lack of concern Siyeon was showing. Unlike the werewolf, the red-head had been really worried. The younger one chuckled and put an arm around the older one’s waist to draw her closer and kissed her on the lips. Minji lost her pout and rested her head comfortably on Siyeon’s shoulder.

The younger girl stretched an arm to envelope her girlfriend's shoulders and stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, trying to get something out of her mind. Eventually she managed to formulate her thought.

“You know… if you ever feel alone, you’ll always have me right?”

Minji frowned at the unexpected remark, trying to understand where this was coming from.

“Thank you, that means a lot. But why are you saying that all of a sudden?”

“I don’t know, I just wanted to make sure you knew that.”

Her girlfriend rose her head and stared at her. Her brows slightly tilted in incomprehension and concern.

“Is it about your dream?”

“No… maybe. Listen, I just know that sometimes, even when you are surrounded by people you love, if one thing is missing you can’t help but feel alone and I just wanted to be sure you were not feeling like that. It’s silly, I know.”

The wolf turned her gaze away in embarrassment but Minji made her look at her by grazing her cheek with her fingertips.

“Siyeon, this isn’t silly. And if you’re feeling like that you know you’ll always have me too.”

“I’m not feeling like…” Siyeon met Minji’s scolding gaze, preventing her from keeping her lie. “All right, I think my dream had something to do with my parents and it made me sad. But you know it doesn’t help that you never talk about your family either. I’m genuinely worried about you too.” She tried to retaliate with a pout.

The red-head smiled sadly at the other’s inquiry. Siyeon had been very patient up until now, making sure to never cross a line and waiting until Minji would be ready to open up about herself. All of that was because she knew how some wounds can never truly heal, especially the ones made during childhood.

It would have been easy for the older girl to just tell the truth right there and then. But she had agreed with herself that she would let Siyeon be the first to reveal who she really was. So she half-lied.

“It’s because they’re not in Tokyo anymore. They left for a place far away from here.”

The way she had said it made it sound like they had died, but Siyeon couldn’t be too sure. Minji wasn’t the one to use metaphors when talking about serious matters.

“Did they abandon you?”

“No. I’m the one who chose to stay, I can’t put that on them. But it’s true that sometimes I felt lonely. I started to wonder if I had made the right choice, but I don’t think about that anymore.”

“How?”

“Because I have you.”

She bopped Siyeon’s nose with her finger making the other smile wholeheartedly with her eyes half closed in two semi-circles.

 

***

 

It was two hundred years ago. There were more trees back then, the city was smaller, everything was still kept at human size. Men hadn’t had the idea of reaching for the sky yet. Nonetheless, she and her sisters had sensed the wind of History coming their way. They knew their time was counted. Soon, the trees would be gone or imprisoned in concrete and wires. The city would grow and humans would stop caring about spirits of Nature. Their time had passed.

Her kind residing in the Tokyo area had gathered one last time at the foot of the mountains. They had decided to return to the earth where they would sleep forever while their souls would occupy the Spirit World with the firm intention of never coming back to the other side. But Minji didn’t want that. She had only acquired consciousness a hundred years from then, she wanted to experience more and she wasn’t afraid of the modern world. Nature always finds a way after all.

“Are you sure you want to stay here?”

“Yes, it’s going to be all right even if we’re not as many as we were before.”

“We’ll be waiting for you in the Spirit World whenever you decide to go.”

She didn’t know what it was back then, but something was calling Minji, urging her to stay. Only when she heard the distant ringing of the bells that one time when she was wandering under Tokyo’s neon lights did she understand why she had stayed so long.

 

***

 

“Say, do you believe in the supernatural?”

Minji put down the cup of coffee she was about to drink from and stared at Siyeon. There it was. The topic that she was waiting for but didn’t dare to bring up by herself. She looked at her girlfriend with a very serious gaze.

“Of course, there is no shame in admitting that some forces defy our understanding.”

The younger woman seemed taken aback by such a strong answer to her seemingly innocent question.

“And what would you say if – if I…”

“Siyeon, is that you?”

A tall young man, probably in his twenties, entered the café and immediately recognised the young woman sitting near the windows. At the sight of two heads turning to see the origin of the noise, he stopped in his track.

“Oh sorry, am I interrupting something?”

“No, don’t worry.”

“Yes”, Minji interrupted.

Siyeon was uncomfortable. It wasn’t just shyness that Minji saw in her body language. The werewolf felt threatened by the newcomer and that, the older girl couldn’t accept.

“Oh well, since I don’t know you I’m going to trust my dear friend on that one. Right Lee?”

The raven-haired girl’s gaze met Minji’s and she immediately understood that her girlfriend was not letting the young man have his way. So she decided to step up before the red-head could have a chance to snap at him.

“Actually Jinwoo, if it’s nothing important I’d rather have this moment with my girlfriend.”

“Seriously Lee? We both know this thing won’t last. Have you transformed in front of her yet?”

Siyeon rose from her chair and placed a hand on his mouth.

“Shut up, you idiot.”

The young man stayed dumbfounded for a second before realising what the werewolf was trying to say. He lifted the hand that was covering his mouth and whispered to the young woman.

“Oh so you’re trying it with ordinary people this time. Let’s hope this one won’t turn away like everyone else did.” He stepped back and said louder for Minji to hear. “Well in that case I’ll let you two have your moment. See you around Lee.”

Siyeon sat back at her chair. Her body was stiff and her gaze was running away from Minji who could barely contain her anger at Jinwoo’s audacity.

“I’m sorry about that”, the younger one blurted out, embarrassed.

“You have nothing to be sorry about. He was the jerk here”, Minji answered in a firm voice.

After that encounter, it was clear that Siyeon couldn’t bring herself to continue the conversation they were having. As she tried to bounce back with another light topic to change the mood, Minji decided to step up and derail from her original plan.

“The air is warm tonight. Do you want to go outside and enjoy the evening somewhere calm?”

Siyeon was surprised but, saw no reason not to comply. “Sure, where do you want to go?”

 

***

 

The distinctive scent of heat burning in the cold air of an evening in early Spring filled the werewolf’s nostrils as the couple sat on one of the benches of a forgotten square. She still had no idea why Minji had brought them here. She waited patiently for an explanation that came eventually.

“Siyeon, I know what you were trying to say earlier.”

“What?”

“About supernatural forces.”

“Oh.” Siyeon looked down embarrassed and wagged her hand to discard the topic. “No, that was just a silly thing, you don’t need to read too much into that.”

“I know”, Minji pursued, “because I’m part of that world too.” Two dumbfounded eyes stared at her in return. “I wanted you to be comfortable enough to talk about it, but that jerk ruined everything.”

“Minji, what are you talking about?”, Siyeon blurted in disbelief.

“You see that cherry-blossom tree in front of us?” The other one nodded. “It’s me. I’m one of the last dryads who chose to stay on this side.”

“No.” The younger one shook her head. “No, this can’t be happening.”

“What’s wrong?”

“We can’t be together, it’s too risky for you.”

“Because you’re a child of the Moon and I’m a child of the Sun? Come on Siyeon, those are just superstitions.”

“No, it’s not just that, it’s because I’m cursed.”

The emotional turmoil that was happening in Siyeon’s head was becoming too much to handle. She could hear the howling inside, the impulse to let it all out and free herself. The Moon was once again tempting her. Before Minji could try to calm her down, the young woman in front of her changed into a large wolf. But that wasn’t what surprised the dryad when the animal looked at her in fear. What surprised her was the colour of her fur.

“You’re a white wolf”, she whispered in amazement.

The young woman had only heard of them but she had never seen one. Mostly because the rare times a white wolf appeared, they were eliminated by their pack out of fear and superstition. But Siyeon was real and alive, standing in front of her with her ears flattened on her head.

“You’re beautiful…”

She extended a hand to pet the animal’s head but the young wolf retracted and just ran away without warning, leaving Minji alone and lost.

 

***

 

Han Dong had sensed Siyeon’s distress. Even if they were not related by blood, she had raised the cub as her own into the wolf that she was today and it had created another form of bound, the kind that can hardly be broken.

The fox followed the scent of the scared young adult into a dark alley of Tokyo’s suburb. She guessed the wolf had not realised how far she had gone until she was out of stamina. Siyeon’s ears perked up when she heard someone approaching her and instinctively growled at the not so stranger. Han Dong stopped in her track thinking back to the first time she had seen Siyeon like that.

 

***

 

“Siyeon, calm down!”

The fox was speaking in a low but firm voice so as not to scare the cub snarling at her. It had been a few weeks since she had taken her from the street and everything was going fine until the kid’s first tantrum that made her transform into a white wolf cub. Now she understood why the child had been abandoned.

White wolves were victims of many superstitions within the Folks. Some said they were too sensitive to the Moon’s power and couldn’t control their rage once they were transformed. They had been called “pack murderers” and “Moon fanatics”. Some even killed them as soon as they transformed for the first time. Siyeon was already a survivor.

“Siyeon, I promise everything is okay. I won’t hurt you.”

The cub was hidden under a desk, crouched against the wall, all teeth out, ready to bite Han Dong if she tried to approach her. “This is such a pain”, the orange-haired woman thought. She couldn’t care less about the superstitions. Her kind was above that. But the fact that Siyeon had reacted so violently as soon as she transformed confirmed her initial fear. Her pack had tried to kill her and she thought Han Dong was going to do the same. No matter how you looked at it, this situation was a dead end.

The woman sighed and sat on the floor with her legs crossed. Two pointy ears appeared on her head and seven fox tails grew behind her back.

“See? I can transform too, it’s not a big deal.”

Somehow seeing the Kitsune’s partial transformation seemed to calm the cub. The fox spirit extended her arms, hoping Siyeon would trust her enough now that she had a better idea of what she was.

The wolf made a few step out of the desk. Seeing that the fox hadn’t moved, she kept forward until she was completely out and when she was sure the woman had no murdering intent she rushed in her arms and transformed back into a little girl. Handong wrapped her arms around Siyeon and let her cry against her chest. She wasn’t going to let anyone hurt that girl again.

“You silly child.”

 

***

 

The fox walked cautiously in the alley, making sure to stay out of bite range. Although the fact that she was a white wolf had nothing to do with it, it was true that the young adult had difficulties controlling herself when in animal form.

“Siyeon, it’s me. I’m here to bring you home.”

As soon as she recognised the voice Siyeon didn’t hesitate and turned back into her human form immediately. The fox opened her arms and the girl rushed in to hug her. All Han Dong heard was a muffled “I’m sorry” followed by small hiccups. She could already feel the tears falling on her neck which made her sigh.

“It’s okay. Whatever this is, we’ll figure it out.”

 

***

 

The ride back to Han Dong’s home was awkwardly silent. Every once in a while the fox would glance at the passenger seat to watch how Siyeon was doing and every time the werewolf avoided her gaze in embarrassment.

Kitsunes weren’t the most patient kind. They were wise, but their way of sharing that wisdom was through tough love and reality checks. So on the third time the werewolf tried to avoid any form of interaction, the fox pulled out of the main road and found a place to stop the car. Siyeon started at the sudden turn of the wheels and when Han Dong’s gaze went back to her she sunk her head in her shoulders, ready to receive the scold.

“I said we’ll figure it out but for that you need to talk. What happened?”

“I wanted to tell Minji what I was but I couldn’t so instead she’s the one who told me she was a dryad.”

“And you panicked because…”

“The Folks hate me! If she stays with me she’ll be an outcast like me.”

“Did she reject you?”

“It’s better to call it off before people start realising what she is…”

“Siyeon!” Han Dong stopped the spiralling and continued in a sharp voice. “Did. She. Reject you?”

“I – I ran away without listening to her.”

The fox couldn’t hold back the heavy sigh that came out of .

“Not to be condescending, but werewolves are clearly not the brightest. And all of that because you met that good for nothing Jinwoo…”

“How do you know that?”

“His scent is on you. You know that stupid excuse for a wolf will stop at nothing to make you feel rejected.”

“He doesn’t have to try hard for that.”

The woman with orange hair stopped for a minute to study the young woman next to her. It was true that the werewolf had been rejected by most of the Folks she had met just on the assumption that she brought bad omen. But Han Dong had hoped that while growing up, the wolf would have learned not to care about the masses and focus on the genuinely good people who were ready to welcome her.

“Siyeon, some choices aren’t for you to make. Some people will hate you without reason or logic, and others will love you in very much the same way and you just have to let them. Besides, there are things in this world that we can’t control.”

The tinting of a bell started ringing in Siyeon’s ears. The werewolf shifted her head to try to locate the origin of the sound, but once again she deduced that it was not coming from her side of the world.

“You hear them, right?”, Han Dong stated, more as an affirmation than a question.

“What do they mean?”

“Follow them and find out.”

Siyeon looked around and recognised where they were. They had come back to the city’s main districts, not too far from Shibuya. The bells tinted louder. She knew where she had to go.

She got out of the car and started to run on the side walk, bumping into the by-passers and owning some disdainful looks in return. She didn’t care. She turned into the busy alley-ways and looked at the neon signs above her to guide her. She knew them all by now, after passing so much time looking at them to ignore the Moon.

The bells rang louder. She was there. Standing at a crossroads, a young woman with her hair as red as wine was waiting for someone with the determination of those who still believe in fate. Siyeon walked to her, panting and gasping for air.

“Minji! I came back to you.”

The dryad looked calmly at her. Surprisingly she wasn’t smiling. It never occurred to the werewolf before how cold Minji could be when the sun of her smile wasn’t lighting her face.

“I knew you would.”

“How? Do you hear the bells too? What do they mean?”

Minji huffed. As much as she wanted to express her frustration, there was just something about Siyeon’s carelessness and naïve curiosity that made her quietly soften. Her scold bore more amusement than resentment.

“Really, Lee Siyeon? You ran away from your girlfriend in the middle of the night and you care about some bells?”

The raven-haired girl felt shame drowning her. She fixed her gaze on the floor not to have to look at Minji in the eyes.

“I – I’m sorry.”

“Apologies accepted.”

Siyeon’s eyes perked up to see the dryad harbouring a smug face, that’s when the werewolf realised she was messing with her on purpose. The woman with wine-red hair soften, but her gaze didn’t lose its intensity. She hadn’t said what she wanted to say.

“You are beautiful Siyeon. And not just physically, I mean obviously you are extremely beautiful in that way as well, but your soul is beautiful too. Sometimes it’s scary just how much love you can give without the need to receive it back. But the thing is you deserve to be loved too. I love you Siyeon, so please don’t run away.”

The werewolf’s eyes widened. She felt like her whole body was ready to give up on her but somehow she was managing to stand. She was the one who wanted to say that. Up until now she had always been the one to say that and they all had run away as if those words were cursed. So Siyeon had stopped saying them. If her heart wasn’t pounding so hard within her chest she could almost forget where she was.

“I love you too. I love you so much, I didn’t want to hurt you. I was scared. The Folks, every time they learn what I am, they say they don’t care but eventually they can’t handle the shame and they leave. You’re one of the last of your kind, you shouldn’t choose to be an outcast.”

Siyeon hadn’t realised she was shouting, but Minji stayed calm.

“I thought I told you before. I only need one meaningful person.”

The bells tinted again. It was the only thing the werewolf could hear besides her girlfriend’s voice. One nod from Minji was enough to understand she was hearing it too.

“That sound you hear, it’s the sound that two souls make when they resonate with each other. You’re my soulmate Siyeon. Now and forever, until our time on this shore is done and even after we leave to the other side…”

Siyeon’s lips crashed on Minji’s before she could properly end her sentence. The dryad felt the nails diving in her hair and grazing her scalp as the younger one pulled her closer to devour her.

Siyeon didn’t care. She didn’t know why she did before. She had always known Minji meant more to her than anyone else. A moan escaped her when she felt the nails digging in her neck. The kiss was messy and rough. The dryad’s lilac scent was mixing with her own fragrance, a combination of cedar and jasmine.

“Now and forever.”

Those words sounded nice. Siyeon repeated them to seal their love, announced by fate and blessed under the neon lights.

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