Snow.

The only thing I see through the window is snow. Such white snow keeps on falling from the dark sky. It just felt so cold. My friends are in the living room, trying to wait for me for as long as they can while I finish dressing up.

I wore layers of clothes so that I could withstand the cold, breezy night. My friends told me we need to go eat and shop so that we could all have that very wonderful Christmas Eve of our whole life as friends but I bet after a few moments we would dissolve little by little since they do have boyfriends and what is Christmas Eve without your boyfriend? It would feel pretty incomplete.

But I just told myself, at the very least, I can enjoy myself with them once again. If you ask me if I would leave them behind to meet my boyfriend then, no. I don’t have a boyfriend, well I had one but well... people come and go. And I really do not want to talk about him. I am going to enjoy myself tonight and no one can stop me.

I finally finished dressing up and ran downstairs.

‘Why aren’t you wearing any make-up?’ my friend, Hyun Ri, said ‘I think that’s why you still don’t have a new boyfriend because you look so plain.’

‘I put on BB Cream. That’s considered make-up, right??’ I retorted.

‘You look good even without make-up on! Mi, it’s okay that you don’t put them on. I know someone will come to you one day and be more honest with you! Unlike—‘ my other friend, Haeng Eun, said.

‘Oh no, no,no,no,no. You are not going to say that name and I’m not going to ever listen to it again, okay? Besides, what is wrong with you guys? You’ve been annoying me to have a new boyfriend since the break up. WTF. I’m not famous to have so many followers.’ I cut her off.

‘This isn’t tumblr. This is your real life and not your double. You are getting old and you need to have a partner, stat!’ Haeng Eun preached.

‘I’m only 25, what the hell?’ I whined, I really don’t want to be sermoned by my friends about my love life especially since it is Christmas Eve ‘I can have as many boyfriends as I want but I don’t want to have one today.’

‘Are you saying that because you still like—‘ Hyun Ri asked out of nowhere.

‘Let’s just go, okay? You guys keep irritating me...’ I rubbed my temples as I went to open the door.

‘Mi is right. You shouldn’t in other people’s love life. You’re all so old to know that by now.’ Said Sa Rang, the eldest and most mature of all our friends.

‘Fine. Whatever. But we’re telling you, Mi... You’re going to be sorry if you don’t get a boyfriend before the year ends!’ Haeng Eun ran out the door, laughing.

I really don’t like to talk about my ex. I want to forget what he looks like, his name, and whatever connected to him. I honestly had enough of people telling me to get him back to me. Yes, he comes back to me but after a few weeks, or months if I’m just so lucky, he’s going to leave me once more. Two months ago, I have decided to just cut off all the ties we had. It was fine since he was the one who proposed a break up and I just wanted to end all those open and close, make up and break up process we shared for the past 3 years of being an on and off couple.

‘We still have to pick up Ja Yu.’ Sa Rang told me ‘Are you going to bring your car?’

‘Why? It’s Christmas Eve so I think there wouldn’t be enough driving space in HongDae. I might strangle a person in accident if I brought my car, you know?’ I said ‘Can’t we just walk? Her apartment is only a couple of blocks away from here, though.’

‘Why are we going to pick her up? She is just a few blocks away from here.’ Hyun Ri said and sighed heavily.

‘She’s our VIP. What else would be the reason?’ Sa Rang laughed ‘But seriously. Ja Yu’s boyfriend is also there waiting for us to make sure that we’re the ones Ja Yu will be hanging out with.’

‘What? Is Ja Yu some kind of super VIP? Is she some daughter of an elite alien who came down to earth to rule this planet?’ I was indifferent ‘It’s not like we’re assassins. We’ve been with her since... I don’t know... when we were all fetuses?’

‘You’re over-reacting. Let’s just go there and fetch the grounded princess.’ Haeng Eun ended as we started to walk briskly to our destination.

Ja Yu’s boyfriend is a big worry-wart. Sometimes he nags about me playfully wrestling with her... it’s his fault for having a bull for a girlfriend. But Ja Yu is still a kind and free soul and I think he just doesn’t want her to leave him so he nags a lot.

Before we reach the apartment’s entrance, we were warmly welcomed by Sunggyu – Ja Yu’s ever nagging beloved boyfriend.

‘I’ve been waiting forever! Where have you been? You seem to walk like snails. Can’t you see there’s someone waiting for you guys?’ he started firing his ammo. Ja Yu then appeared in the scene.

‘Gyu. Stop. You’re being like an old lady again! I’m going to be fine with them! Plus, I am tons stronger than average men so you shouldn’t worry, okay? Tell auntie that I’m going to visit by your place after I hang out with them. Take care!’ she waved Sunggyu goodbye as she joined our mini-mob of Gyu-nagging victims. I’m so happy that two opposite beings became such great couples. But not all opposites attract. I know so.

It’s going to be a long walk to HongDae and Hyun Ri’s pumps are going to skin her ankles till they bleed so we decided to just hail a taxi to reach HongDae.

Lights were everywhere and the cat walk is filled with sweet couples and their natural skinship that’ll leave you envied and disturbed at the same time. Christmas Eve was like world couples day and woop-dee-doo I’m single day. I mean, I’m not really going to nag or anything since I am not the only single person in this planet but I think a lot of single people are thinking the same way as I am.

The driver of the cab was an old man and he greeted us happily when we hailed him. He told us that after dropping us off to HongDae, he’s going straight home to his wife and his grandchildren which made me think about my family back home. I really miss them a lot. But I can’t go to Ilsan until further notice. I’ve been living alone since middle school and I barely go home so I spend a lot of time with my friends.

It was so crowded in HongDae that we need to get off a few blocks away. The driver bid us goodbye and drove home, while we were starting to walk to our destination.

‘Are there clubs open today?’ Haeng Eun said ‘I want to go to a club!’

‘Can’t we just go to a cafe? I don’t know if clubs are open. How about we just go to karaoke bars?’ Ja Yu said.

‘Haeng Eunnie, it’d look so weird if we go to a club wearing these types of clothes. Plus it’s Christmas Eve and we need to cherish the solemn and lovely Christmas atmosphere!’ I whined.

‘Yeah. Besides, we need as much time to hang out than get to know random people in the club’ Hyun Ri said ‘We all have boyfriends, you know! And I don’t want to cheat.’

‘Hell. We’re just going clubbing... we aren’t going to fish boys.’ Haeng Eun said while squinting her eyes.

‘How many times am I going to be a peace maker? You guys just quit it. We are NOT going to a club. Mi is right. We need to be solemn as the way Christmas is. But it’s not like we’re not going to have fun or anything.’ Sa Rang lectured ‘Plus, not all of us have a boyfriend. Think ten times before you fire such statements. You know that Mi is still recovering from some break-up of the century.’

‘Ha-ha-ha. Very funny, guys.’ I sarcastically ended as I wandered my gaze somewhere else.

Woop-dee-doo! There goes that love life thing again. I just wanted to have a peaceful year-ender not a love life lecture. Honestly I’ve always wanted to be with him every Christmas. I feel so sad if he isn’t with me in such a joyous day. But life began to differ. He just wanted to find his better match. He believed that relationships would last if people match each other. I was then considered his ‘match candidate’ and not a girlfriend since he met that ulzzang girl. And that’s when we had that on and off relationship. Since I was so blinded about my love for him, I have always wanted him to come back to me. I started to change myself. I started to try and become someone he would really say the best match. He would always come back to me but everything just wasn’t enough until he didn’t notice the efforts I make.

My friends called me an idiot, especially Hyun Ri since we have been together since we were kids and our bond is practically unbreakable. Everything just ended like I just have said a few moments ago.

The road to the place of the youth glimmered with lights, the streets were busy and it was filled with smiles and lovely people. All can see that they are enjoying themselves. And I think we are going to enjoy ourselves, too.

‘Oh yeah. I can feel the thrill!’ Ja Yu said as she flashed her cheeky smile ‘HongDae, here I come! Oh! I can smell hot coco!’

‘Where are we going to go first?’ Haeng Eun smiled widely ‘I’m hungry, so can we go eat cake at the cafe?’

‘We always end up going to wherever you go since we really don’t have a choice.’ Ja Yu retorted rather jokingly.

‘Aish. Let’s just go already! I’m starving! My Junnie isn’t coming here until midnight so I need to eat before him!’ she pleaded. Well, she pleaded with a curse, though. But since we really have no choice, we went to a cafe. It’s said that they serve the best tasting cake here in HongDae and I want to know if that was true.

We walked through the busy rumbling passers-by to reach our destination. I could hear people giggling and saying how much fun they had in the xxx or at xxx. A lot of sweet, no scratch that, super sweet couples who display a lot of their skinship were also visible. Some were kissing on the benches while others were on a dark corner – I think you would guess correctly in what they’re doing there.

As my friends were busy engulfing themselves in amazement, I was busy looking for some stalls who sell good quality dresses, shoes or accessories. I want to send gifts home so that my family would feel that I was with them.

‘There’s the cafe! Ohhh. Cake! Here I come!’ Haeng Eun jumped with joy. We laughed at her enthusiasm. Although Ja Yu was the maknae of our group, Haeng Eun was more childish. We entered the cafe and luckily there aren’t a lot of people inside. I would finally eat real cake and not that experimental Sa Rang cake.

‘I like that Chocó-caramel cake. I think I want 3 slices. And I want latte.’ Haeng Eun said with traces of excitement in her eyes.

‘I’ll have a slice of blueberry cake and black coffee.’ Ja Yu said.

‘I want 3 slices of tiramisu cake! And Latte.’ Sa Rang said.

‘I think I want a slice of tiramisu and choco-caramel cake and a latte.’ Hyun Ri said.

‘Hey. Why are you guys telling me your orders?’ I asked.

‘See that one taking the orders? Cute, right?’ Haeng Eun said pointing to where the cute guy is at ‘You need to have a boyfriend and you need to seduce him.’

‘WHAT?!’ I shrieked. ‘No way, Jose!’

‘Just.. effin.. DO IT.’ Haeng Eun insisted as she pushed me to the counter.

‘What the , no! Get off—‘ I stood frozen. My eyes glued to the person on the other counter. ‘Eun.. Ae.’

‘Huh? What did you say?’ Haeng Eun asked ‘Who’s Eun—‘

‘You take the order, now.’ I said as I rushed back to our table. Haeng Eun was just so dumfounded and just shrugged and took our order.

‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ Hyun Ri worriedly said.

‘Eun Ae. She’s here.’ I dazed off.

‘Eun... Ae? You mean that Eun Ae??’ Hyun Ri was shocked.

‘Who’s that Eun Ae anyway?’ Sa Rang asked. I only told Eun Ae’s existence to Hyun Ri. Eun Ae is the girl that I saw in his phone. They were together in a cafe... maybe it was this cafe. And wow, they are just so happy in that picture. He often told me that she was a better match than I am. I didn’t know that she was working here. But if I were to walk out of this place then she would just call me bitter. Ugh. Yeah, right.

Everything was so cliché. Me, meeting my ex’s new girlfriend in a cafe she works and I’m single and bitter and it’s Christmas Eve! Wait. I’m not bitter. I’m just sad.

Haeng Eun arrived, still wearing a confused face ‘Why are you being so weird? Do you know the cute guy on the counter? And by the way I ordered you 2 slices of strawberry cake and a frappe.’

‘Why did you order me something cold? And no. There’s just someone there that I really don’t want to see.’ I sternly replied.

‘I don’t know what you want so I just ordered something I liked for you! And who is that mystery person?’ she said.

‘Well, the cute little ulzzang missy is Chansung’s new girlfriend.’ Hyun Ri said. Ah. I heard his name. I’ve been preventing them to say his name but it just slid so naturally out of Ri’s tongue. Everybody fell quiet while waiting for our order.

‘Here’s your order... 4 slices of tiramisu, 4 Chocó-caramel slices, one slice of blueberry cake, 2 slices of strawberry cake, 3 lattes, black coffee and a frappe. Wow. You girls ordered a lot.’ a familiar voice said. Wait. It is a very familiar voice.

‘Junho?!’ I directed my gaze to the person who brought our orders.

‘Oh? Hey! Young Mi! Long time! How have you been?’ he said, flashing his signature eye smile.

‘I didn’t know you work here! I’ve been texting you but you don’t reply! I’m so okay! How’s aunt?’ I replied with sheer excitement. Junho is a childhood friend. He came to our house to play and my mom and his were the best of friends.

‘I lost my phone! But I have a new one. You should give me your number! I didn’t know you come here. You must be a socialite. And my mom is okay!’ He laughed.

‘Mi! Introduce him to us! He’s such a cutie!’ Haeng Eun mused.

‘Ya! You’re in a relationship now! Don’t flirt!’ I raged.

‘Well. You’re just going to introduce him. Why are you hogging him anyway?’she teased.

‘Ha-ha. Very funny. Junho has a girlfriend, you know?’I said.

Junho just laughed his eyes off ‘What if I said I’m not taken anymore?’ he, too, joined in teasing.

‘Oh please, Junho-ya, you’re as loyal as a stray puppy so I’m sure you’re not single.’ I sheepishly said.

‘Haha. Whatever. Meet me if you have time to spare. I’m free at 1am.’ He laughed as he waved us goodbye.

‘Mi-ah! What if he is single now? You should try hooking up with him! He is cute and he seems so nice!’ Sa Rang said.

‘Aish. You don’t know him. He’s hyper competitive, he sometimes nags and he’s such a baby!’ I said.

‘Oooh. You two would be a great match! You both seem so alike!’ Hyun Ri teased. Ha-ha. Fine. I’m hypercompetitive but I’m not a baby. Heck, I’ve been living alone since middle school so how am I supposed to be so immature?

‘Whatever, guys! I’m going to gobble down my food and I don’t want my food to wait.’ Said Sa Rang as she played with her fork.

We started to eat after that. The strawberry cake was good, it’s better than the ones the Hyun Ri make and the icing was just superb. I should go here often...at least Junho is here.

When we were finished eating, I went to Junho to bid goodbye.

‘Mi? Are you all finished eating?’ he asked.

‘I like this place! Your cakes are so delicious! And also, give me your phone and let’s exchange numbers.’ I said. Junho gave me his phone while I gave him mine.

‘Oh? That’s great! I can see you here often. Eun Ae makes our cakes.’ He smiled as he gave me my phone and I also gave back his. Another wow... she’s even better in baking than me. When I bake, I get over excited in sweets, meaning to say I make very sweet cakes/cookies/cupcakes/chocolates. Chansung eats 2-5 pieces of my cookies/chocolates but he never ate the cakes I made. I tried to lessen the sugar I put on my cakes but he still didn’t eat any of them. I think it’s because of Eun Ae and her goddess-like baking, ya. But he loved my cooking, especially my special Korean beef.

‘Earth to Young Mi...’ he said as he waved his hands in front of my face.

‘I’m still here, stupid.’ I said as I pushed his hand away.

‘You just heard about Eun Ae and you started acting strange... what’s wrong? Do you know her?’ he asked.

‘Technically, yes. Personally, no. Oh well. I need to go! I’ll see you later, okay?’ I smiled and waved him goodbye.

When I got out of the cafe to meet the others, I told them about Eun Ae and her talent in cake making.

‘Oh man! You just got served! Not only is she beautiful... she’s damned balanced, too!’ Ja Yu said ‘You should lay-off Chansung if you would and just go on and hit that Junho.’

‘Yeah. Thank you for rooting for me and discouraging me and humiliating me all in the same time I don’t even know how to express my gratitude to all of you.’ I sarcastically said.

‘I think Ja Yu is right, you should lay-off Chansung and just hit on Cute-ho.’ Haeng Eun said.

‘No hell. How many times am I going to say or convince you that I am not in the slightest bit into Chansung. Everything is over. I am not going to run to him, pleading him to come back to me. Plus, Junho is taken.’ I said, annoyed.

‘But what if Junho isn’t taken?’ Hyun Ri retorted.

‘Look. I do not want to have a boyfriend A.S.A.P. I am very contented of what I have now and no I will not going to ing hooking up with my ing childhood friend so you guys should off and mind your own asses.’ I practically shouted.

‘We’re sorry. We just want you to be happy again.’ Haeng Eun said as she grabbed my hand tight. I heaved a big sigh and relaxed. Yes, that’s what they wanted but I really can’t give it to them yet.

‘Let’s forget everything that happened today and let’s go shopping!’ Sa Rang butted in. But she was right. We shouldn’t fight over such a small thing.

We started laughing our asses off as we went shopping till our heart’s content. We ate in every stall where there is food, played in the arcades and sang until we lost our voices. This is totally the best day of my life and I hope nobody would ever break this happiness. Oh, cliché! Don’t you ever show your irritating face!

‘Junnie is calling!’ Haeng Eun roared with happiness ‘I’ll get to you guys later okay?’ she said as she ran to a corner – giggling her heart filled with cheesy love. Ha. I still remember how Hyung Jun and Haeng Eun hooked up. They literally hooked up in a very... how can I say this... sensual way and Chansung and me witnessed that.

‘Oh no! It’s starting! After a few minutes I’m going to be left here alone...’ I said.

‘Haha. That’s okay! Junho told you to meet him back at the cafe, right?’ Ja Yu laughed.

‘Fine. You guys better be happy today. Don’t forget your protection!’ I teased... which gave me a fatal blow on my abdomen courtesy of Ja Yu.

‘The only one who does that disgraceful thing is Haeng Eun!’ Ja Yu said.

‘Hey! I heard that! I’m effing 24 years old so I can do whatever I want!’ Haeng Eun shouted.

‘Don’t be so proud that you do those kinds of things!’ I shouted back.

‘Whatever! At least I have a very hot boyfriend!’ she said.

‘Mi. I’m also going to leave. I think all of us should leave now. We’ll drop you by the cafe.’ Ja Yu said.

‘But it’s only 11:30pm! And Junho’s work ends in 1:00am! You can’t do this to me!’ I pleaded.

‘Girl, you shouldn’t be too scared of that Eun Ae.’ Hyun Ri encouraged ‘You told us that everything is over between you and Chan so seeing her wouldn’t be a problem, right?’

I ended up saying yes and I found myself alone in the cafe. Junho left me a slice of cake and another frappe. Is Junho trying to kill me? It’s cold and I’m going to have another frappe, this time it’s like half a litre.

Time flew by rather fast and I sat there – my body felt heavy and I’m dizzy. The frappe has won over my body, I feel sick... this is just great. Why did I even drink all that frappe anyway?

Time flew by and I didn’t know I fell asleep. Someone was nudging me lightly...

‘Are you okay?’ it was a female. She has a nice voice ‘Can you stand? Junho! Help me here!’

I opened my eyes to see Eun Ae, heh, she isn’t a bad girl at all. She seemed so sweet and her face is filled with worry. I bet she doesn’t know me... if she did, what will her reaction be?

Junho ran towards us ‘Mi? What happened?’ he placed is hand over my forehead ‘You have a very high fever? What?’

‘I should give her hot Chocó. I’ll be right back.’ Eun Ae said as she rushed to the kitchen.

‘Ya! Eun Ae-sshi. You should go home. I’ll take care of her and I’ll also close the store.’ He said.

‘That’s okay! Chansung will pick me up here so it wouldn’t be a bother to me, besides, she’s your friend’ she smiled. Lucky her, Chansung never picked me up when I stay late in the university... instead, I pick him up from his part-time job...he said it’s because I have a car but... I really don’t know... he never even bothered to walk a few miles to get to me... but for that girl, I think he could walk from Busan to Seoul barefoot. They do match. I think I can’t oppose to them anymore.

Eun Ae came back and gave me the hot Chocó she made. She smiled and sat in front of me while Junho went out to fix a few things and close the cafe.

‘Thank you.’ I smiled shyly.

‘That’s nothing. Junho would be so worried if he was alone here while taking care of you.’ She smiled. She really is kind... I can’t see any trace of lying in her eyes.

‘You’re so pretty and kind. Now I understand why Chansung loves you so much.’ I said as I looked to her eyes. She was shocked, she really doesn’t know me.

‘How did you?’ she said, shocked.

‘I’m an old friend’ I lied ‘He kept telling me things about you. You make a wonderful couple! And I hope that you two would last until forever.’

‘That’s very nice of you! Thank you so much. And I hope you and Junho would last forever, too.’ She teased. Great, even my ex’s girlfriend is teasing me in having a relationship with Junho.

‘Oh no. Junho is my friend. We’re like best friends! Nothing more and nothing less! Plus he has a girlfriend...’ I kept on denying.

‘Junho is single now. His ex cheated on him. His ex came here one day with a pregnant tummy. We thought Junho was the father but when he came back after their conversation... he was crying until we closed.’ She sadly said.

I was so shocked that his girlfriend left him and even impregnating herself for solid proof. Junho is a very nice person so it’s odd that she left him hanging. Is that why he changed his number and just lied that he lost his phone? I stared at Junho who was locking the doors and closing the windows outside.

‘It’s just sad. I thought that they would live together and have beautiful babies together. I was wrong.’ I sighed.

After a few moments, someone lunged forward to Eun Ae and hugged her tight. Eun Ae screamed a little and giggled.

‘Eun Ae-ya. Sorry for coming here late.’ Chansung said. Yes, I cannot deny the fact that Chansung was the one who came unnoticed. Great, what am I going to react? How am I going to react? I should hide my face... but I couldn’t stop glancing at the couple in front of me.

‘That’s okay! I didn’t wait that long—‘ Eun Ae didn’t finish her sentence since Chansung kissed her... of course on the lips. And of course I quickly covered my face and redirected my gaze to somewhere else. There was a hard pang in my chest which made me grip my clothes. It’s painful to see Chansung kissing someone who is not me. And yes, that means I still love him. I did end everything but I can’t deny that I still love him so much.

‘I’m going to make you some cake and hot Chocó. Sit there and wait, okay? And by the way, she told me you’re her old friend so you better keep her company since she’s sick.’ Eun Ae pointed to me and went to the kitchen.

Chansung smiled at her and looked at me sceptically. I covered my face and looked outside.

‘You told Eun Ae that you’re my old friend, how did you become my friend when I don’t even know you?’ he asked ‘Are you a stalker?’

‘No. I’m a friend of a friend of your friend who knows a lot about you.’ I said, purposely changing my voice so that he wouldn’t recognize who I was.

He became quiet and gazed at the shop’s Christmas tree. When suddenly...

‘Young Mi-ya! I’m going to buy you medicine in the convenience store so stay there, okay?’ Junho shouted from the back door ‘Eun Ae-sshi! Please take care of Young Mi when I’m gone! I’ll be back in a few!’

‘Ah! Junho! I need to buy some sugar! Let me come with you!’ Eun Ae said ‘Chansung-ah. I’ll come back as soon as possible, okay? Take care of Young Mi for us!’

The two exited the cafe, great, now I’m alone with him. I wish that Chansung went with her. Wait... Chansung’s eyes were wide open and staring at me. Great, very good, Junho... you have given him a bright clue.

‘I’m going to the bathroom.’ I said as I tightly pulled down my hood to cover my eyes. I tried to stand, walked a few steps but I was so dizzy that my face hit the floor. Chansung came over me and grabbed my arm to pull me up.

‘Don’t touch me.’ I said. My eyes were dangerously welling of tears.

‘You have a fever and Eun Ae told me to take care of you.’ He insisted in helping me.

‘Don’t touch me. I can stand by myself and I don’t need your help.’ I said as I slowly stood up and walked away. This is the worst Christmas of my life. Santa must hate me so much that he didn’t give me a nice gift. I slowly and carefully walked to the comfort room and my tears fell uncontrollably.

‘Don’t cry. Open the door.’ Chansung said outside, he was forcing the door to open ‘Young Mi open this door now.’

I never thought that this is going to happen to me. My life became a cheesy love story that you can make into a dreary love song. Everything is just so unexpected.

The door opened. I think he found the keys to the ladies room. He went towards me with a blank stare.

‘Miin-ah.’ He called. I was shocked. My eyes welled up with tears once more; he never called me that ever since Eun Ae came to the picture.

‘Don’t call me that.’ I said, but his eyes were still blank ‘Don’t ever call me anything... anymore.’

‘I don’t want to see you anymore... I don’t want to ever hear your name. I don’t want to be someone you could turn to when you’re not so sure about Eun Ae. I don’t want to be your candidate anymore... that’s the reason why I agreed to end that sick relationship.’ I continued.

‘I’m sure about her now.’ He said; I flinched.

‘Right, I forgot. He-he.’ I hesitated as I wiped my tears ‘I’m sorry. I look like a jerk. I should go.’

He stayed silent... he must be ashamed that he had an ex girlfriend like me.

I stood up but my body was failing me. My heart was failing me and eyes kept on shedding tears. I stumbled; Chansung supported me with his arms... I miss everything about him and it’s so wrong. I don’t want to ruin their relationship. Even though Eun Ae ruined ours, it doesn’t mean I can ruin theirs. Call me stupid, but I really don’t want to become a relationship wrecker.

‘Let’s go outside.’ He said.

‘I can go out by myself. Please, leave me alone. If Eun Ae were to see us like this she would be mad at me.’ I replied.

‘Why are you being so stupid? You can’t even walk straight!’ he suddenly snapped. This feels like a movie... a very sad movie. It’s odd that Chansung is so worried about me.

‘Eun Ae wouldn’t be mad at you, she’ll be mad at me so you shouldn’t mind that. You’re being a pessimist. Don’t be stupid.’ He said as he forcefully held my arm.

‘Let go! It hurts!’ it really did hurt; I felt his anger the way he gripped me ‘Chansung! Let—‘

Everything went black. I thanked God I fainted.

I woke up and saw that I was in my room. Junho must have brought me here. At last was able to escape that awkward moment! Wait... Junho doesn’t know where I live. Oh well, maybe he asked my friends. Wait... my phone is locked and even Chansung doesn’t know my lock code... well maybe Junho asked directions from Chansung... Yep! That’s right.

‘Junho-yah!’ I called ‘Junho! Where are you?’

‘He’s not here.’ A voice said; great, it’s Chansung. I haven’t been completely out of the awkwardness ‘Don’t worry. I told Eun Ae a couple of lies. The Junho person wanted to stay here with you but he can’t since they have work earlier than expected.’

I sighed. I tried to stand but I still had fever. I think this’ll be a good thing since I wouldn’t have to talk to him and I’ll just fake my sleep.

‘You should go home. I can manage.’ I said as I tried to sit up on my bed.

‘Do you remember what happens when you get sick? You just lay there until you’re okay.’ He said ‘But that’ll not help you recover better.’

‘I can stand after a few minutes so it’s okay.’

‘No you can’t.’

‘Of course I can!’

‘Let me see you do it then.’

Chansung was acting strangely, maybe it’s because I’m his ex and all. But I tried to stand. Once I was standing, I stayed my ground a couple of seconds and started to walk. Ch, in your face Hwang know-it-all.

I went to the kitchen and prepared sweetened porridge. Chansung followed me ‘You’ll get sick if you eat a lot of sweet things. Heck, you even add sugar in porridge.’

‘That is none of you business, mister.’ I pointed the dipper near his nose ‘I’m fine now so you can go home before bad things happen!’

‘How many times do I have to tell you that nothing bad will happen? You’re such a retard, Miin-ah.’ He said as he grabbed my dipper, sat on the little chair and tasted the porridge I was making.

‘Hey!’ I shouted.

‘This isn’t bad. Your sugar mania can be really reasonable, too, you know?’ he said; smiling.

‘This is my house, ya know? Don’t be so comfortable!’ I fumed ‘You’re too relaxed. Just go home!’

‘You should at least thank me for carrying your fat here! Just so you know I even changed your clothes!’ he said quite annoyed.

‘You did what?’ I fumed once more.

‘Miin-ah. Let’s face it; I’m your ex so you don’t need to act like a weeping .’ He said with his ‘you-know-what’ voice.

‘Can you stop calling me that pet name?’ I asked; I feel hurt when he says that pet name.

‘Then call me Aegi so we can be fair.’ He said; still with his mocking voice.

‘Don’t play around. Even though you’re older than me by almost a year, that doesn’t mean you can tease me like that. Even though we’re an ex-couple that doesn’t mean we should be like this. It’s childlike and I hate it.’ I said. Chansung was staring blankly.

‘Why are you doing this, anyway? Is it because I quit on being your candidate? Well I’m sorry but I didn’t feel like one. I just felt like some reserve that you can toss and turn whenever there is time. Chansung, I’m also human. I got hurt when you kept on coming and going.’ I said as my hand gripped the counter table tightly ‘I thought that when I endure every break up we had then you would consider me the better match. But I didn’t realize that Eun Ae was the best. We kept on playing with your stupid experiment; the worst part is that I became your guinea pig! You should know that I loved you... so much... and that you should’ve had told me your real feelings instead of letting me hang on a cliff.’

A tear drop started to roll on my cheek. I looked at Chansung – still, his eyes were lost in some unknown dream.

I sobbed lightly and I started to walk away.

‘Miin—‘

‘I told you not to call me that!’ I shouted. My eyes were overflowing with tears; but the shock was that Chansung’s eyes were welling up with tears, too.

I stopped on my tracks. After a year of our break ups and make ups, this is the first time I saw him cry. When Eun Ae still didn’t exist and our relationship was still so peaceful, Chansung would always cry when I exert a lot of effort in everything I do – singing for our monthly anniversary/monthsary, cooking food for him or even when I give him short messages in his birthday.

If Chansung cried, that means what he was about to say is true, and what scared me is the truth he was going to reveal.

‘Young Mi...’ he said as he reached out to hug me ‘...Young Mi... I missed you so much.’ He tightened his hug and silently cried ‘Everything felt different when I’m not with you... Everything was so incomplete even though I chose Eun Ae over you. Let me call you my beautiful girl even though just this once... I want to experience what we had back when we were still so happy. I’m sorry... I am the one who should be called stupid, not you.’

He kept weeping my name and tightening his hug around my waist that it started to hurt. I leaned down to hug him ‘Chansung... listen to me. You have made your decision. You should live up to what decision you have made. Eun Ae loves you so much. I have hated her since she took you away from me but I saw in her eyes that she deeply loves you. Chansung... I don’t want to ruin your relationship... so it’s best for you to forget about me and your feelings for me.’

Chansung lifted his head and pulled away from me. I sat on the floor and directed my hands to wipe-off his tear-streaked face. No matter how tough he looked, he’s still that fragile person whom I loved.

‘Now I remember why I started calling you an ‘aegi’’ I smiled as he gave me that curious look ‘Do you remember when you thought I cheated on you? You cried helplessly like this, and when I wiped your tear-streaked face, you were sniffing like a baby.’ I laughed a little ‘It’s just so sad that you can’t be my big baby anymore... but at the very least, you have met the match that you wanted. We’re black and white, we were opposites... No wonder we had those break ups.’

‘No matter what happens or will happen, you’re the only person that I loved so much.’ He said.

‘I still love you. But our time together took its toll and ran away from us. It’s been a great relationship. And remember, I will always love you, Chansung.’ I said.

He reached for my face and kissed me, I tried my best to oppose but my body was failing me once again. We kissed rather slowly, but my heart was racing. I have done a bad thing. But I was happy that everything went to perspective and Chansung and I had the closure we finally had.

Time flew by so slowly and we were lying on the floor – just kissing. Then and there I felt the love that I will never have again. I love him, but I don’t want to hurt Eun Ae’s feelings. I don’t want her heart to break like how mine broke and I want her to be happy since she is a kind person with a very warm heart.

A few months passed and Chansung and I started to have communication again. I often ask him how they are doing and all. But one day Chansung didn’t text all day and it repeated every single day after that.

I wanted to know what was wrong so I went to the cafe where Junho and Eun Ae worked. When I arrived, I saw not Junho nor Eun Ae. The other workers told me Junho got the day off to meet his parents here in Seoul. That’s right, I forgot everything about it. But when I asked them where Eun Ae was, they began to look at each other with worried looks and didn’t tell me a thing.

I called Junho and asked him what happened to Eun Ae.

‘I don’t know, really. One day, she was just so mad when Chansung came to pick her up. I couldn’t understand their conversation but Eun Ae told something to Chansung that made him quite shocked. Eun Ae began to cry and after that I never saw them again.’ He said through the phone ‘And by the way, you should come here since mom would be so glad to see you!’

‘Oh! Tell her I’ll be there in a jiff! Take care, both of you!’ I said ‘And thanks for the info. I think it helped.’

I smiled and bid the workers of the cafe ‘goodbye’. I shouldn’t really put my finger on those types of things since I’m not authorized to comment on anything they’re going through right now. I guess Chansung finally decided to be with her match forever, as expected. I’m quite happy.

‘I should probably buy some things for aunt! Junho told me aunt loves ice cream!’ I told myself as I skidded my way to the ice cream parlour.

But my footsteps lost track when I was about to bump into a couple walking opposite tome.

‘Oh! I’m sorry! I wasn’t...’ I wandered; lost my words ‘...looking.’

Chansung was shocked and so was Eun Ae. They were holding hands... and... Eun Ae is pregnant. I tried not to be impolite so I smiled at them ‘So that’s why you aren’t in the cafe anymore!’

Eun Ae smiled at me ‘I’m sorry for not telling you about this. Even Junho didn’t know.’

Chansung was still in shock that he just looked at me as if I were a ghost standing in front of them.

‘Oh? Is it okay for him to know? I’m going to meet him today and I think he’s also curious why you left without prior notice.’ I asked as polite and natural as I could.

‘Of course, and I hope you and Junho would be happy, too.’ She said.

‘Aish. You keep on telling me to go on and hook up with Junho, aishh. Really. If Junho is the one for me then he should be the one to make the first move and not me.’ I laughed ‘So, I hope you guys will live happily ever after, okay?’

‘Chansung, you did a great job of taking responsibility. Hope you’ll never waver.’ I said to him. ‘So I’ll see you guys soon? Bye!’

I ran as fast as I could. Tears began to fall. But I don’t have the right to cry. When I looked back, Chansung was trying to run to me but he was forced by Eun Ae not to. I should be happy for them. It’s my fault that I told Chansung to stick to her. But the truth is I want him to shout out loud to pick me. I thought he would but he never said it.

I thought everything was going to be a cliché. But wow, real life proved me wrong. I wished that everything fallen to a cliché where he would choose me over her and live a perfect life with me. But tears and despair was only visible in my face.

I will never forget the greatest injury life gave me and I will never forget Chansung.

Junho was in his room, holding a letter and his eyes were blank. He then crumpled that piece of paper and threw it in the bin.

‘No way in hell am I giving that load of excuse that Chansung wanted me to give to her.’ He said as he walked out his door.

The letter said:

February 20, 2015

Mi,

I may have been a while and I’m sorry if I don’t reply to any of your messages. Eun Ae has been keeping track of my phone ever since that incident. I haven’t told you that one time at the cafe when I was about to pick Eun Ae up, I told her that I wanted to end our relationship since I wanted to be with you. I made up mind and it’s true. I want to. But Eun Ae started to crack up and cry and told me she was pregnant and I was the father of the child she was carrying. There are a couple of times when I was drunk and alone with her in her apartment so I had nothing to do but to take responsibility. And thank you for greeting me in my birthday though I wasn’t replying to your texts for over a month.

I’m sorry because I wasn’t the perfect guy you always told me I was. And I’m sorry because I can’t be with you anymore... I... love you nonetheless.