This place used to be so happy, the Magnolia walls once felt so warm as the light filtered in through the windows now it's just a cold dark room where the light doesn't come anymore. Since he left there's no sun in my life, there's no happy ending in sight no point in being; for I am nothing without him. The air is icy as it chills my bones, small shudders are emmitted reminding me that I am still breathing...supposedly living. The buzzer to our apartment is echoing through the abandoned living space, I see no reason in answering the door, it's not him.

I sit lifelessly in the middle of the floor as I hear the floor boards creak loudly, someone walking towards me. They scoop me up, I don't fight - I gave up long ago - they sit me on the side of the bath and start running water. He the side of my face and leaves me to it, aimlessly I strip my clothes off and sink under the water; the warm water making my skin prickle with goosebumps. I lay still under the water under my lungs can't take anymore. I surface gasping for air, I feel the fluffy white towel next to me and coccoon myself in it. I exit the bathroom and feel around for the clothes he laid out on the bed for me to wear, skinny jeans, baggy white t-shirt and a hooded sweat shirt. Again he leaves me and I dress slowly. I just don't see the point in having a daily routine anymore but he refuses to give up on me, on him.

 

~

 

He pushes the food nearer to my mouth, I look down at my lap as he tries to force the food past my lips until he sighs and eats it himself. He tells me that he wouldn't like it if I was so skinny so I eat a little food and down lots of water. I can feel the smile etched in his satisfied voice at my response, he puts a coat over my shoulders and tries to drag me out of the apartment. I kick and silently scream at him begging him not to remove me from the only place I ever experienced true happiness. He finally loses his temper with me. 

"Why do you insist on staying in this place?!" 

"If-If I leave it'll be like none of this ever happened...it'll be like he never exsisted"

He puffed out his cheeks deafeated and slung his arm around me, he pulled my chin up with his index finger and brought our face together

"I miss him every single day. There isn't a day when he doesn't cross my mind"

"I-I just miss him too much... he-he just left w-without saying goodbye"

 

I cried in his arms, I cried until I fell sleep. I only awoke a few hours later with tears streaking down my face after having the worst possible nightmare. It's so dark in here, it's like the World has swallowed me up and i'm never going to see the light again, but something deep down inside of me knows that the light will return. I found my heart started beating loudly a little more loudly than usual, I found my spirit to fight on. To fight and ecsape the darkness and make sure I could see the light again. When he returned the next morning I was sat up at the dining room table, wearing the same clothes but on the table was a cup of tea and some bowls ready to be filled with food. I can tell he was there but he wasn't talking...probably stunned by the sight he's seen 

"Good Morning Hye, do you want some rice?"

I nodded as he came closer. I reached my hand out and felt his face, the lone dimple and the big sweet smile

"Leeteuk Oppa" I mumbled

"Huh!?"

"Leeteuk Oppa..."

"Hye y-you talked!"

I uttered my first words since he left, my first words in nearly two years. I smiled at Leeteuk's childish but cute reaction and nodded. He came back with fresh tea and rice. We ate in silence but I can tell his eyes are on me, but this time it's different. He's not looking at me with sorrow or regret or sadness he's looking at me and he's smiling, like I can break through the darkness and see the light once again. 

I took small steps and eventually I became better, I began by getting a sleeping pattern, then bathing and dressing without anyone dragging me into the bathroom, then I got myself tea and tried cooking but set the smoke alarms off and Leeteuk Oppa had to rescue me. Small steps, I began cleaning up feeling my way around each room and throwing away all the trash. The day I started to clean the bedroom was the toughest. I felt the glossy covers of magazines and tossed them away, the rough texture of the Manga's and then found the shelves they went on and then I was sorting through clothes. I came across his sweatshirt, it smelt liek him and the tears soon welled up and I found myself lying on the floor hugging the sweatshirt for dear life.

Leeteuk pried the sweater off me and threw it in with the laundry. He picked me up and took me outside, I did protest but when he stopped walking with me, he placed me on a park bench and I could hear everything. The loud noises made my heart hurt after not leaving my apartment in nearly two years. I could hear the ducks quacking in the pond, the birds singing in the trees and people talking as they passed through the park. He let go of my hands

"Leeteuk Oppa...Leeteuk Oppa come back!"

"I'm still here..." he chuckled

After a while I got used going out to the park daily, people used to talk to me but I always shyed away and only nodded or shook my head in answer. The sun was out but it never warmed my skin, I felt permanantly cold. Leeteuk would stay by my side and sometimes Siwon Oppa would come along with us to pass the time. Nothing ever changed though all I ever saw was darkness. 

 

~

"It's warm out Hye, maybe you should wear a skirt or some shorts to the park today"

"Hmmm okay Oppa"

I felt my way into the bedroom and began looking for my denim shorts and changed into them

"Much better" Leeteuk took my hand and guided me to the park

It might of been warm outside but I still felt cold, it's the same although I can't see you'd think I'd still see the peachy colour of blurry outlines of people but I can't. I just see black or in Leeteuk's case an off white colour, I swear it's because he is an angel in disguise, my angel and saviour. We walked over to the park and I could feel the presence of more people today than there usually is.

"Siwon Oppa?"

"Ne Hye-ah"

He came and took my other hand.

"As it's nice the other members are all here, we have no schedule so we thought we'd come to the park and have a picnic"

He guided me over to what seemed to be a picnic blanket and I lowered myself to sit on the floor. Siwon one side of me and a happy energy next to me

"Donghae Oppa?"

"Ne!" he giggled and hugged me

"Eunhyuk Oppa is next to you, next to Eunhyuk is Kyuhyun, Next to Kyuhyun is Sungmin...next to Sungmin is Ryeowook, then Yesung, then Shindong, then Heechul then Teukie and Siwon-ah next to me"

They all clapped amazed at how I knew them all too well even though I hadn't seem the majority of them in two years. They began talking away as I sipped on some bubble tea. I put my tea down and fumbled around in my bag for my sun glasses, I might not be able to see but the sunshine hurt my eyes like hell. I felt Donghae shift away from me and then Siwon. Soon I couldn't feel any of there presences. They left me?

"Siwon-ah? Donghae...Leeteuk Oppa!?" I screamed terrified

I felt someone kneel down in front of me and take my hands in theres. It was an odd sensation ,they were so warm and the suddenly I felt the sun warming my back and my skin quickly got covered with goosebumps. One of the hands slipped out of mine and removed my sunglasses, I automatically flinched but then something struck me...

There was light.

There was a peachy coloured blur in front of my face... nothing was dark, everything was light!

I felt the person take my hands and softly place kisses upon them one at a time, I felt a blush form on my cheeks. Only he made me blush... it was only his touch that could make me blush like a cherry tomato. The same person kissed both my cheeks before pecking my lips ever so gently as they went to pull away I felt a salty tear drop splash on my bottom lip. 

That touch... that gently yet firm touch I knew so well...

"Young woon-ah?"

"Hye..." 

I felt my own tears brim on my eyelids before I reached my hand forward and touched his face. His soft chubby cheeks, strong jawline and sweet eye smile

"It's really you..."

I heard his low chortle and immediately pushed forward into his arms, the tears flowed from my eyes as I felt my body instantly heat up from finally being back in his embrace. This is the warmth I've been missing, the light at the end of the tunnel. The baking sun after a cold harsh winter. 

 

My Kangbear back where he belongs