Saturday. 

A day without work to do. No boss who whines. No hoobaes to save. No deadlines to cram. No computer that auto-updates when one needs it. No printer that can smell one fear. Or incompetency. No small talk. No gossip. 

Just Jeonghan and his white-walled mansion. 

He successfully buys a condominium of his own. His own. He had to share the room previously with people who his heart has grown weary off. And though alone scares him, he opts to get the peace he long craves. 

The young man had his palace painted a day ago. The smell of lacquer and latex linger in the air. He welcomes it with a huge inhale. That smell of freedom finally. 

To be clear, leaving home is half-heartedly supported by his parents. He feels suffocated nonetheless. Being alone is a situation is a want, a wild thought coming to fruition from the longest time. 

Jeonghan has a sister he woke up to sneeking his wardrobe, borrowing slash stealing his new hoodie. It annoys him but when said sister giggles (not because of getting caught but because she gallantly makes him at least rage on something), she lets him. Let her get my things. So when he gets a glimpse of his closet from a door ajar, he smiles a little. No more stealing now. 

The pit pat of the rain on his window pane reminds him of his mother. She would be calling him by now. The mattress she aired outside is still there. Now the calling comes with a little pep talk. And he moves just a tinge slower. So she would scold his father instead. The father now who innocently drinks his coffee and enjoying and afternoon tv show, gets up, and pass by him. Jeonghan earns small punch in the gut. It does not hurt. He gets off the task wisely. Wisely he said.

A short of hectic was his parent's house but right now, they would be enjoying a crate of strawberry his mother nags him about. According to Jeonghan, why move the strawberries to the plate when they can finish the entire crate? He earns, yet again, a nudge from his a little irked mother. 

Jeonghan gets the pan, takes whatever his fridge offers and starts to cook. 

"Hyung, I'm having cake," Mingyu updates as Jeonghan leaves his phone on voice message. 

"Wonwoo-hyung says you should be having a housewarming by now". Another voice message.

"Hyung you did not tell me you're moving. I wanted to help with packing and carrying!" Jeonghan snicker at Chan's whining. Always his baby. 

"Hyuuuunngggg..." Seokmin, another baby. 

"When did you gather your stuff? Stubborn kid," Seungcheol is not in town when Jeonghan started and suddenly changes address. He will be getting a long speech of what-happened-to-the-friendship. That Jeonghan is sure of.

"Hanie-ah, you're eating right?" Joshua's voice, as gentle as Jeonghan's favorite pillow. "Tell me when you're settled, I'm bringing you to this burger joint I discovered with Hansol."

"Hyung, Mom wants me to bring you food," Seungkwan's mom cooks the best out of the entire Jeju. "Chat me up."

"Ya, you better call!" Jeonghan sometimes wonder why was Seungkwan born after him. 

Taking a break from his wok, he scrolls his phone. There are voice messages from Junhui, Minghao, and Wonwoo he has not yet opened today. Same people and two hundred messages from yesterday. Threatening chats from Soonyoung and Jihoon since the other day.

More from last week. 

From the older days.

From the other months.

Beep. A new voice message came.

"Hyung, Seungcheol-hyung is just angry all the time you know. Everyone's worried. Where are you?" Soonyoung.

"Hyung, when everyone keeps misunderstanding me, you were with me. I think it's my time now," Minghao has grown sassier since. 

"Should I involve the police again?" Jihoon threatens once more. 

 

Jeonghan sets his table. The table which his mother tells him to buy. His father agrees it was sturdy. His sister goes ew at the sight of it. He laughs. True, the table made from cedar (it says) has a stark different, obnoxious touch from the rest of the house. 

He was not able to tell his parents about the theme he was thinking about. Sister knew though. But could she object now?

 

Jeonghan pulls the cake and places it at the center of the out-of-place table. He takes pictures. He's sending them to his sister. His sister nitpicks at everything. He looks again at the food. The kimchi his mother makes looks redder than what is prepared. He and his father has the same taste with jeyuk and bulgogi. 

 

Jeonghan curls on the floor. Tears welling-out. His heart, as if squeezed and dried, he could no longer shout. 

The room smells foreign.

His stuff feels nothing like his.

He just likes to leave alone. 

A momentary silence from everyone.

Was I asking too much?

The floor seems to swallow him. Everthing is turning.

 

----

 

Mingyu chats the chat group they have. "I saw Jeonghan-hyung. I'm sending the location."

Ping

Ping

Ping

Ping

Ping

Ping

Ping

The bouts of messages seem endless. Said Jeonghan goes poof after the ceremony. Mingyu notices missing clothes and perkier Jeonghan. He brushes this off. He is glad Jeonghan looks a tad rosier. 

Suddenly, Jeonghan vanishes. Not a word. Not a sound. Not a dust. He was nowhere. 

There was nothing.

 

That morning, he decides to do a left turn after meeting Minghao, Wonwoo and Junhui. The trio bares no news about Jeonghan. Just another pesky voice messages. 

Seungcheol is still angry about the police. Technically, Jeonghan is not a lost person. Quiet true if one considers the resignation paper he submitted (which they found out a week after Mingyu suggested Jeonghan goes missing on them). 

Jeonghan told everyone he was going to see his high school classmates. They said okay because Jeonghan packed his hiking clothes excitedly. They did not know however that those were the last pieces he needed to pack.

Seokmin barged in Jeonghan's room one time and was bewildered of his empty closet. He called Mingyu who told Joshua who also called Seungcheol.

From there it was pandemonium. 

​​

Mingyu sees Jeonghan from the other side of the road. He sees him entering a bakery. Mingyu makes a wide swerve.

With Jeonghan coming out with a box, Mingyu tails him as the other goes to somewhere. 

Mingyu remembers Jeonghan did not cry. Not even a flinch. The guy told them about what happen, wore his jacket and went on with the ceremony for five days. 

He sees him going inside the condominium and wonders if Jeonghan still uses his birthdate as door code. 

He also wonders if Jeonghan would open up when he sees him. 

Dang. He told everyone he is sending them their location.

The hallowness on Jeonghan's cheek wrenches his heart. He suppresses the frustration turned anger or anger turned frustration at Jeonghan. He cannot blame him. But Mingyu wishes to at least not disappearing. 

Something crashes inside the room as Mingyu contemplates if he would press the doorbell. He tries 0-4-0-6 just as how he is breathing. 

The door opens. 

 

The paint is as new as Jeonghan's wound. The cries Mingyu did not hear now makes him deaf. 

 

Jeonghan is breaking.

 

 

Jeonghan can not see from all the water in his eyes. He definitely identifies the smell. And without thinking, his arms open wide.

"Mingyu."

Mingyu rushes and crushes him in his embrace.

 

 

A lot too tight for Jeonghan to breathe. He hears him say, I'm glad you're alive repeating endlessly until Jeonghan runs out of battery and finally closes his eyes.

 

---

Seungcheol runs as if he never knew running before when he sees the door open. Jeonghan is not the type to leave doors open. 

Seungcheol has been running since he reads Mingyu's message. Luckily he is with Joshua who is as upset as he is. Whoever's upset is heavier. 

"Cheol-hyung!" Wonwoo is able to enter first. 

"Mingyu-hyung!" Hansol utters. 

​​

---

 

Seungkwan is just plain rage. He keeps telling everyone that Jeonghan is not okay. They say to let things pass. Mingyu shares the same sentiment but keeps brooding about. Mingyu does not brood. Everyone frustrates him so much. 

Jeonghan is his beloved hyung. Jeonghan is just plain number one. So Seungkwan tries to be around him as much as possible. He stays with him welcoming guests all throughout the ceremony. Him, Chan and Hansol. 

They are all on toes with him. That was why when Jeonghan disappears, he was mostly angry at himself. 

Now they found him. He reads their group chat and meets everyone's, Seokmin and Soonyoung, widened eyes. 

 

---

 

Jihoon is seething personified. After the news reaches them, he was not beside Jeonghan. He calls him all the time though. He knew Jeonghan was up to something. He told Soonyoung about this. He could not blame Soonyoung when Jeonghan left unbeknownst. 

Jihoon, Junhui and Minghao are on a China-based project. The schedule for going back was after the ceremony. 

They were able to meet Jeonghan when they came back. 

Jihoon hugs him and Jeonghan taps his back. Soonyoung meets Jihoon's eyes and raises a thumbs up. 

He cannot still blame Soonyoung.

 

---

 

Wonwoo slides in. He sees the cake on the misplaced table. The cake was questionable. Sad cream cake. The Yoon household is crazy over strawberry cake. The table did not go with the entire condominium. Jeonghan, his Jeonghan-hyung would not get something that does not coordinate.

Jeonghan is good at coordination, he thinks. He likes that about him. He senses the atmosphere and lightens it. It cascades downhill when the accident happened. He cannot offer anything that could lighten Jeonghan's grief.

 

---

 

"Mingyu, it's okay," Junhui holds his palm out. "We're here."

They travel as fast as they can when Mingyu sends Jeonghan's location. Something must have happened at that short period when they see Mingyu holding Jeonghan, clamoring to the latter's body.

Mingyu's eyes are a void pair of globes. 

 

----

 

Minghao knocks at Junhui's room that day he receives Mingyu's message. They were abroad when Jeonghan happened. Despaired as all they will be, the China transaction needs to be settled first. 

"Jun, Mingyu sounds off," Minghao takes up the empty chair. 

"If we could just close this deal ahead of schedule and go back," Junhui raises his head from the papers he is currently engrossed with. "Jihoon's agitation is getting me too."

"Poor Jeonghan-hyung."

 

---

 

"Mingyu-hyung, is Jeonghan-hyung hurt?" Chan tries talking. His clumsy Mingyu-hyung looks more hurt. They arrived at the scene with Jeonghan and Mingyu on the floor. The tall guy coils himself around the other glaring at them. 

The oldest of their bunch let goes of a thousand years sigh. Chan thinks Seungcheol-hyung has been keeping them all at bay. Now he's about to break as well. Joshua-hyung holds Seungcheol-hyung's arm.

Mingyu still glares at all of them.

"Hyung, remember the cake you bought the other day?" Hansol chimes in. "I just noticed now but Jeonghan-hyung will like it. We should go get one."

"You told me my jacket . I bet Jeonghan-hyung will say it's cool," Chan looks at Hansol-hyung like magic. 

Mingyu's focus is coming little by little.

"I wanted to show Jeonghan-hyung the newest choreo I did with the new group," Chan adds. He sits near. 

"Oh the food my mom has been talking about arrived yesterday," Seungkwan eyes the others. "Mingyu-hyung, help me bring them later."

"Right, we're back and you were not there," Minghao joins the fray. 

Joshua is suddenly beside Mingyu. "Gyu, come back right now." 

 

---

 

Hansol happens to attend his sister's class one time. He was there to bring her her project. He was at home that day. The topic was about trauma response. This time, it feels Mingyu needs the response. 

"Sol you're jacket still ," Mingyu answers.

The color on everyone's faces returns. Mingyu's back. So is Jeonghan.

Let's just review the pairing some other time, Hansol thinks as he looks at tearing up Seungkwan. 

 

---

 

"Good job, Gyu," Joshua tousles Mingyu's hair. Mingyu can talk now. 

Jeonghan is thinner.

Joshua thinks it was his fault. Jeonghan goes missing. Everybody reaches breaking. The younger ones are crying. 

He holds Jeonghan's wrist. The wretched body cannot keep up with a deteriorating psyche, is what he wants to tell them. "Jeonghan fainted. Let's get him to bed."

 

---

 

Jeonghan hears his sister. He gets up hurriedly. Mingyu catches him before he falls. 

Jeonghan shakes badly. Mingyu's warmth irritates him. I don't deserve that. 

"Hyung, it's Mingyu. I'm here," he remembers the same voice before passing out. "Please let us be here." 

Jeonghan cries just short of another liter from dehydration. 

 

---

 

Seokmin cannot lift the mood. Everyone thinks it was his role. But if no one's hyping him up, it does no good. Jeonghan-hyung fills the role. 

He was having classes, sneaking on his phone, and scrolling just on perfect timing on the article of a car accident. As soon as he sees the car plate, he dismissed the class and took off. He would be explaining it to the school director but Wonwoo-hyung will forgo it just this time. 

Jeonghan-hyung was not angry. He and Seungkwan arranged themselves accordingly as if they pre-talked about it. Jeonghan-hyung is never to be left alone. 

Seokmin did not see him blow off when talking with trailer truck who ran over the car. Apparently, the driver dozed off. He did not see him in tears during cremation. He was greeting everyone when guests pay respect. And on the final day, Jeonghan-hyung just holds his sister's frame.

He told Jeonghan-hyung he would occupy a room in his house for site research. He lied. But Jeonghan-hyung said to stay, the house will be empty for a long time anyway. 

The guys visits as often as they can. Seokmin thinks it was healthy. They are noisy and he sees Jeonghan-hyung laughing at their antics. He eats with them. And plays. He will go out whenever they invite him. He goes to work. Mingyu always and never fails to bring them food. Or cook.

Until Seokmin realizes that it was Mingyu who is doing the grocery at Yoon's house. He would cross refer to Jeonghan-hyung's mother as auntie or mom. And changes the topic. 

Instinctively, Seokmin reports to Mingyu. 

He was there when Mingyu almost punctured the wall after rushing and saw Jeonghan-hyung's personal stuff missing. 

The blame game has officially started. 

 

"Jeonghan-hyung is awake guys," he announces. 

 

Seokmin can't tell which of the people right in that room, including him, bares the most blame. Is it the group who crowded Jeonghan's room or the team who chooses to peek from the door, the rest who simply looks at him and trying to do Jeonghan-hyung's business inside the house, him who constantly was onlooking, or Mingyu who still has Jeonghan-hyung inside his arms? 

"No more disappearing Yoon Jeonghan," Seungcheol-hyung starts.

"My dissertation is done. You should fill the hard drive again," Joshua-hyung adds. 

"I'm sorry for the trouble," it kinda hurts to hear Jeonghan-hyung speak. His voice still raw from crying. How long has he been crying? 

Seokmin found out that Jeonghan was giving away the food Mingyu prepares everyday. Or pukes them. Jeonghan did say the food does not stay in my stomach, don't tell Mingyu. He's more loyal to Jeonghan anyway but still, he reports this to Mingyu. Jeonghan was not mad. He just takes the food to his room. If anything, Seokmin still suspects he's not eating. But he washes the dishes and smiles at him. All too normal until he disappeared.

"If I must place people even when you're using the CR, I don't care hyung," Seokmin swears Jihoon's going to cry any time now. 

Wonwoo walks straight to where Jeonghan is, just slumps there, takes Jeonghan's hands and holds them. 

 

---

 

Seungcheol and Joshua have to go back first. Jihoon, Minghao, Wonwoo and Soonyoung follows. Seokmin, Seungkwan, Hansol and Chan takes Hansol's car and promise to be back by the evening. Junhui ushers them all out. He chooses to stay when he noticed the busted lights. There was cleaning that needs to be done. The laundry is piling. At least he takes a bath. 

"Mingyu start cleaning this room. I'll see what I can do with others," Junhui instructs. He's home, might as well take care of my people. 

Yep Junhui, take the missing time back. 

Jeonghan passes out from time to time. Junhui might understand why. His body seems to be relaxing. Of course, we're here. What are we for if he can't rest his brain. It's not like he's cured of something. ​​​​​​But we're not leaving and he's not allowed to go missing. Not again. 

Junhui takes off and buys the things for repair. 

 

---

 

"Hyung, please eat," Mingyu pleads. Junhui tells him he's buying supplies for the house. And though Jeonghan is just lifeless there, he could zoom and disappear again. If he could just pocket him. 

"Mingyu, do you want to handcuff me?" Jeonghan smiles at him. He turns a blind eye for this unexplainable fascination Mingyu has for him. 

"Not with your wrist smaller than the handcuff hole. Or with that body notwithstanding the wind, no hyung," Mingyu sighs. The stress from when Jeonghan did the stunt to now is slowly creeping in. 

"Then let us just sleep. I still can't eat," Jeonghan pulls away from the table.

Mingyu grabs his hand. "I don't care if I have to carry you around. I'd buy that handcuff if I must. Please, please Jeonghan," he hugs him by his waist. There are more bones than muscle there. Jeonghan winces, embarassed of his physique. He feels Mingyu's arms tighter around him. 

"Ya, I decided living on my own. Not disappearing," Jeonghan had to do it. He was able to live because of them. He did not want that. He feels he does not deserve to laugh, to eat, because... The thought makes him want to vomit. 

"I will sleep. I will let you eat whenever you want. Please take me anywhere you want to go," Mingyu's eyes are moist again. 

"I'm surprised I still have water coming out of my eyes when you arrived. I thought it was okay since no one has approached me for sometime now. You rascal," Mingyu's face has always been warm to the touch. 

"Jeonghan..."

"You got the nerve to call me by my name..."

 

Junhui arrives at the same site they found Jeonghan - in Mingyu's arms. 

 

---

 

April 24, 2020

15 killed after trailer truck crashed along yeongdong expressway 

Trailer truck rams 2 cars, tangles 3 more, 15 dead

5 families involved in deadly seochang junction crash, no survivors found

 

 

April 24, 2022

 

Jeonghan spotted at Mokpo. Found forever. 

​​​