BAEKHYUN

Not a single thing made sense.

Just when days were starting to feel more livable again, things like this happened and suddenly, everything was back to square one. As if the past two years of living on his own were nothing but a made-up thing in his head. Pressure. The word that Baekhyun hated the most and the word that best described his coming days from now on—just like the good old days.

“Why aren’t you touching your food, sweetie? Is it not good?” His mother brushed a hand on the back of his neck, affectionately checking on him.

“I’m just a little tired.”

He meant it. But it was just one of the reasons he was quiet. After his heart-to-heart talk (not much of a heart in there, to be quite frank) with his father three days ago, he was immediately persuaded into quitting his job on the spot and packing up to leave his new apartment—well, sort of, he didn’t really need to pack up that much as he just moved and most of his belongings were still in the suitcases.

As much as he hated to admit it, his procrastination worked out to his benefit in the end.

“Anyway,” His mother yanked her chair closer to him before leaning against his head. “I’m so glad you’re back, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you, sweetheart.” She kissed him on the cheek and grinned in relief.

Baekhyun sighed before responding in a low tone. “Mom, I missed you too. But … we both know that this is not what I want, right? I thought you understood how I felt, why didn’t you try talking to Dad? I just—I can’t do this; I’m not fit for this. If anything, I’m just making it worse for him.” He held his mother’s hands, squeezing them gently and letting her feel his anxiety through his touch.

His mother frowned; eyebrows furrowed with concern. “I know, son, but—it’s just how things are, you’re the only one we can rely on once we’re gone. You understand that, right? We’re not here forever. Some things, we just have to do for the family’s sake.” She cupped his face and straightened out his crinkled eyebrow with her thumb.

“Yes, I understand but as I said, I’m not good enough to work in the company.” He insisted.

“Are you ready yet? I told you to be ready by nine-thirty, right?” His father’s authoritative voice interrupted their conversation. Baekhyun turned to him as he nodded. “Yes, I’m ready. Where are we going anyway—” Before he could finish his sentence, his father threw the car keys in his direction, and he had no choice but to catch them out of reflex.

“You’re driving us there, come on.” His father walked right out of the dining hall, signalling him to follow.

Baekhyun grimaced at the keys in his hand, the cold metal weighing down his skin and giving him all sorts of unpleasant feelings. As if the cold turned flaming hot, Baekhyun dropped the keys on the table as he stood up and took a step back.

“Baekhyun, do you still find it hard to drive?” His mother asked in concern. 

Instead of answering, Baekhyun just leaned over to kiss his mother on the cheek. “Bye, mom.” He bowed politely before walking away awkwardly, knowing that he just left the car keys on the table. When he arrived at their parking garage, he was welcomed by the familiar scent. Stuffy. Dim. Gasoline. Dark memories soon flashbacked in his head, and he resisted the urge to hide like a scared little child.

“What else are you standing there for? Let’s go.” His father called him from one of the vehicles parked nearest to the garage door. “Where are the keys I gave you? Baekhyun, we need to meet our lawyers and PR team. We don’t have time—”

Baekhyun’s mother appeared right at the door just behind him, even feeling her light touch on his back as she walked past her. “Honey, I think you should drive today. Baekhyun’s a little tired from the moving. Here are the keys, maybe we shouldn’t—” His father flicked his tongue loud enough to echo as he snatched the keys from his wife. “Stop babying him, honey. Is this still about your fear to drive? You can’t be like this forever, Baekhyun. You need a car. You can’t let one accident take away your efficiency in things as simple and essential as driving.” He lectured, glaring in Baekhyun’s direction.

“I don’t have to drive. Don’t you have drivers anyway, Dad? Or I could even take a cab or the bus to work, I don’t care. I don’t have to drive.” Baekhyun argued back with conviction. He wondered where his father’s assistant, Yoon Seho, was.

It sounded silly, even in his head. The future successor of Byun Group—unwillingly so—taking a cab or a bus, and worst-case scenario a train, to get to work. It may be ridiculous, but Baekhyun would make it work. If it meant that he didn’t have to touch a steering wheel. His father shook his head in disappointment. “I gave Seho a day off today because I thought I could count on you. We’re not over with this, you understand me? We need to do something about your silly fear. Just get in here now, we’re going to be late.” His father grunted before going into the car first, on the driver’s seat.

“Thanks, mom.” He mouthed as he walked past his mother again to get into the car.

As soon as the car started moving, silence overcame their small distance. Baekhyun tried to think of something to talk about, but he had nothing in common with his father. Likes and dislikes, special interests, hobbies, or even taste in music—there was nothing. , he didn’t even really know what his father’s taste in music was. He wasn’t even sure if he’d ever seen the man listen to music. His father was a workaholic and so was the late Byun Baekbeom, that was the main reason they got along. Poor old Byun Junho is stuck with his spineless second-best successor. That sentence played in Baekhyun’s head on repeat the entire car ride. 

The Byun family was stuck with the bad apple. And the bad apple was Byun Baekhyun himself.

“I’ve always known where you were, did you know that son?” His father finally spoke.

Why did he expect it? For some reason, he had always known, in the back of his head, that there was a chance that his father knew or actually cared to know. However, Baekhyun couldn’t blame him if he never wanted to see him until recently. It wasn’t that he was chosen. They just had to settle with him.

Baekhyun chuckled cheerlessly. “I figured.”

“I let you experience the things you’ve always wanted to experience, which was a simple life so that you’d understand how much harder it is and also … I knew you needed some space. You needed time.” His father continued.

Throat thickening with emotion, Baekhyun scoffed in response. He knew it wasn’t that. He knew he deserved it. He exiled himself because he needed to be gone. His father was sugar-coating things to lure him in more and more and he wasn’t falling for it. He wished he had a plan. A plan to avoid all these again but he hadn’t thought of anything. None so far.

“But son, as ironic as it sounds, it’s not that simple to have a simple and carefree life. You actually have to work hard to get there. I’m getting there but I worked hard for it for many many years.” The old man calmly lectured. “Tell me honestly, have you actually felt completely carefree living alone in a minimum-wage job? Were you comfortable and happy, financially speaking?”

“You’re missing the idea of it, Dad,” Baekhyun argued.

“Baekhyun, so many people out there would do anything to get the things and opportunities you got. Some people would go as far as doing illegal jobs. Worst-case scenario, even sell themselves just to survive. And here you are, making their challenging lives some sort of lifestyle choice for yourself because you’re scared of trying.”  

Baekhyun’s mouth fell open and his chest felt enormously tight as he listened to what his father was saying. He felt attacked. He felt even more lonely than he ever felt. Nobody understood him. Maybe his father was half-right. Maybe he feared trying. But it wasn’t merely a lifestyle choice for him. And even if it was, it made him more fulfilled than having everything.

He was born an heir, but he didn’t want to die one. , he wasn’t even the first heir, he was the second-best. The best was gone.

“All I’m saying is,” His father sighed. “When you have a child of your own, you’d also want a better future for them. And it’s hard to get that future with this kind of life you so badly want. The real struggling people would laugh at you for wanting their lives, you know that? You’re making their hardships a joke.”

Everything was a blur. If there was one thing Baekhyun hated, it was getting fed by ideas that made him confused. There had been moments when his boss, Sohyun, did joke about things like that, or question why he did what he did … and tell him that he was the only person she knew who wanted a downgraded life. That was the exact word that she used, and he remembered always feeling the same way every time it would come up. After all, he was a second heir to a big corporation that chose to groom pets for a living and live in a one-bedroom basement that didn’t even have proper ventilation and heating system.

You’re making their hardships a joke.

Baekhyun hated that his father’s words stuck. He hated that a part of him almost believed that it did look that way. That he was running away from having to try. He was afraid of failing, he was afraid of making mistakes and wasting people’s time. He was afraid of himself. He didn’t want to catch himself breaking even more when things get tough. He didn’t want any responsibilities. The only person who ever made him feel otherwise was his brother. And now that he was gone, all he was left with … was himself and the cruel thoughts in his head.

Living the way that he did for the past two years was an escape from the reality he didn’t want to experience repeatedly. The constant reminder of that night and what could have been if it never happened. He didn’t want t