A little note: Jiwan's mom retained her maiden surname after marriage. (I think that's how it is in Korea, tho I'm not sure.)

---

 

Hands

 

 

When Sol first saw Jiwan, Jiwan was clad in blue overalls over a yellow shirt and the laces of her Sunday shoes were untied. She couldn't ride a bike for her life, but she's trying her best; shuffling unsteadily and alternating between using the pedals and pushing her bike forward with her feet.

Sol saw her as her bike approached, and stared at her and the little snot she got under her nose. She got an intense concentration plastered on her face (maybe too much for what Sol would later learn to be a 6-year-old turning 7 that day) looking straight ahead but not really looking because-

Her expression turned from excitement to confusion to scared to panicked in a span of five seconds. Then she-

Sol hugged her banana, Alfred. Tightly so, unable to move as she watched as the girl's bike hit a big stone and then tipped dangerously frontward before it eventually tossed one screaming, arms flailing, and visibly terrified girl in the air...

She's flying!

Sol stared, amazed as the face of the girl slowly and gradually grow bigger, as she flew towards...

Probably...

Directly into.....

"YAAAAAH! WATCH OU-!"

Sol.

Sol didn't know if her that hit the pavement or Jiwan's headbutt hit her first. All she knew was that both her head and hurt and Jiwan was now sitting on top of her with one scrapped hand nursing the top of her own head. Jiwan's eyes were murderous despite the fact they were already b with tears. 

Sol now stared at her, aghast.

Maybe it was the way the girl's trembling lip. Maybe it was the hatred in her eyes. But whichever it was, it made Sol regret that she dared to go out.

Sol heard a collective gasp from somewhere far away, like a warning of the terror that was Jiwan. 

Jiwan pointed at Sol. 

Before Sol could open , Jiwan let out a loud screech.

"AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghh!!!!!!!" 

Then Jiwan grabbed her hair.

---

 

Jiwan's mother had to get Jiwan's father in order to get Jiwan to pry her deadly grip on Sol's pigtails. Jiwan was still wailing when her father picked her up and swung her over his shoulder then easily picked up Jiwan's bicycle with his other hand, walking unfazed as they went back to the house. 

Sol gaped at them, clothes in disarray and with a strand of hair stuck on the side of her face. 

She would never forget the admonishing glare the girl gave her right before her father could kick the door close.

Sol's hands moved automatically, searching for Alfred. He smelled of dirt and freshly lawned grass. The smell tickled Sol's nose and made her want to sneeze. If only she wasn't too petrified. 

Sol wouldn't let go of her plushie even after Jiwan's mother helped her up and ushered her inside.

--

 

Jiwan's mother was a woman with a feminine sense.

"Honey, are you okay?" Mrs. Bae asked as she kneeled in front of the chair Sol was sitting on and took a look at Sol's arm. Her voice was sweet and soft and comforting and it reminded Sol of the windchimes that used to hang in her old bedroom. Her father took it down the day after her mom ran away.

After giving Sol's arm a good look, Jiwan's mother opened the box on her lap and started dabbing Sol's wounds with wet cotton. She gave Sol tentative glances to check on her while she washed her scraped elbows, blew gently on the wounds whenever Sol winced from the sting of the alcohol and caressed the skin beside her wound with dainty fingers to soothe the pain after she was done.

A strand of hair had escaped from her loose bun and fell in front of her eyes when she leaned back and gave Sol a reassuring smile. Her lips were red. A stark contrast to the smile she gave, that made her look so angelic, it made Sol's cheeks burn. Sol buried her face behind Alfred to hide and looked at her from behind the top of Alfred's head, craning her neck a little to check if wings started popping from the woman's back. Finding nothing, Sol's gaze went back to the woman. 

"I'm sorry about our daughter, honey. I promise, my Jiwan's not always like this."

Sol doubted that but Mrs. Bae's so pretty, Sol couldn't help but just nod. 

Jiwan's mom got up to take another good look to see if there was more that needed fixing then she nodded to herself before breaking into one more smile. Sol was almost disappointed when she gave Sol's head a soft pat and excused herself out of the kitchen. 

Sol used the time to look around. There was a half-eaten cake by the kitchen counter and stacks of plates on the sink. Some stray balloons lay on the floor and some remnants of confetti scattered all around. From where she sat, Sol could still hear some murmuring of the people from inside, as well as Jiwan's occasional ad very dramatic hiccups. It took some time before the girl finally got tired of crying. Sol frowned, feeling guilty for being the cause of it.

It was the girl’s birthday after all, and Sol just ruined it. 

When Jiwan's mother returned, she had a patronizing smile, and behind her leg was Jiwan, with a reluctant frown, eyebrows furrowed, and teary eyes that wouldn't look at Sol. Sol could see mud smudged on the girl's overalls.

"Sol-ah, I already called your dad and he'll be here in a few minutes but before that, there's someone who wants to tell you something." She gave the girl hiding behind her a nudge, which was followed by a hmpf and Jiwan turning her back at them. Jiwan's mom sighed. She took the girl's hand.

"Jiwannie, you already talked to your father about this." 

No answer.

"Do I need to get him or ?"

With a scoff, Jiwan turned, sidestepping so Sol could see how 'sincere' she was.

"I'm sorry I hurt you I won't do it again I promise!" Jiwan vomited all the words in just one breath.

The apology sounded rehearsed but Sol nodded anyway, before looking away. This was as embarrassing to her as it was to Jiwan.

After getting her mother's approving nod, Jiwan hurried back inside at the speed of light. 

Her mother sighed, shaking her head at her kid. "Don't worry, Sol-ah. She'll open up to you, eventually." She winked. 

And in all honesty, Sol didn't look forward to that. 

---

 

Her father didn't wait until Sol reached him before he started returning to the car. Sol picked up the pace to catch up. She got so much to tell him because Mrs. Bae told her that she could come over and stay with them whenever she had nothing else to do. Mrs. Bae's a housewife and she was always home. Sol might not like Jiwan much but she liked Mrs. Bae and the endless stack of candies and gummy bears she stored in their kitchen. 

Also, Mrs. Bae said she'd be happy if Jiwan and Sol become friends, so Sol wanted to give it a try. She only got one before. He was nice and brought his trucks and his power ranger set and let Sol try his scooter whenever they played outside but her father said they had to leave him behind. 

On her way out, she saw the bicycle leaning on the tree standing along the pathway out. It looked new. Red and flashy. It would have suited Jiwan perfectly. But the front wheel was bent at an awkward angle and so was the handle.

Sol looked away. She hoped they could still fix it. 

--

 

Sol didn't know why but Jiwan's mother came by often to check on her. She brought them eggs from their hens and some of the herbs which she grew in their backyard. On Sundays, she brought Sol cakes and dessert. She came by consistently, too, that Sol started getting excited about Sundays and spent every day looking forward to whatever Mrs. Bae would bring for her on Sunday.

The woman always came by with a smile, donning colorful dresses that look just like the ones Sol kept in her closet. She would have loved to wear it so she and Mrs. Bae would look the same.

If only her mom was still there to help her.

(That would have been fun!)

Jiwan never came with her though. Mrs. Bae said Jiwan had other matters to attend to.

That didn't really matter, though.

Mrs. Bae was enough to make her Sundays better. 

Sol almost wanted to thank her dad for moving them here... but he's rarely out of his study.

--

 

Sol never really got the chance to come over to Jiwan's house for the entirety of her summer break. Her dad was too busy to take her there. Sometimes, Sol was tempted to offer that she'll go there by herself. It's just down the corner anyway. But since that day Jiwan almost ran her down with a bicycle, and her dad started being sad again.

He stayed inside his study most of the time, working. He frequently forgets to eat on time, so Sol ate almost all her meals with Alfred, and Ms. Son, their housekeeper and one of Sol's favorite people in the world. She was scared to come into her dad's study and disturb him. Besides, she was scared that maybe, she'd see him crying there again.

She saw Jiwan one more time before school started again, though. 

Jiwan in simple pink ruffles, her curly hair in a neat half ponytail and ears donning a pair of earrings that shone with the sunshine, making it almost impossible for Sol not to see her.

Jiwan was surrounded by four more girls around their age and they were about to walk right in front of Sol’s lawn.

Mrs. Bae wasn't there to see, but Sol wanted to make her happy, so she left her drawing stuff on the porch and went to greet Jiwan.

Sol's steps were unsure but she held her hand behind her back, standing as straight as she could because she heard a lot of people say she was too small for her age, and she wanted Jiwan to notice her.

She thought she saw Jiwan's eyes catch her but maybe she was wrong because they were almost too near now and the girl simply kept talking to her friends and avoided looking at Sol.

"Hi, Jiwan!" Her voice sounded calmer than how Sol was actually feeling inside.

Jiwan and her friends stopped talking immediately to see who was calling.

Jiwan looked like she'd been hoping Sol just stayed quiet, giving her friends an excusing smile, before turning her head to Sol with a fake smile.

"Hi," She said that almost dismissively, flicking her hair, before going back to talking to her friends as if Sol wasn't there. 

Sol knew she should have just dropped it but she couldn't stop herself.

"I-!"

Jiwan turned, rolling her eyes, "What?"

"I'm sorry!" Sol said hurriedly. "About your bike," Sol added, trying to look as sincere as she could.  

Jiwan narrowed her eyes on her, almost as if trying to find a hidden meaning in what Sol said. She scowled before deciding there was nothing, because, really, there really wasn't. Sol just wanted Jiwan's constant glaring to stop and to make her life a little better, so she could finally look forward to the day her father lets her visit Mrs. Bae.

"Just.. forget it," Jiwan said dismissively, even if it's obvious Jiwan would probably not forget it. She waved a hand lazily "Byee~" and left without looking back.

Though it really wasn't some progress at all, it made Sol a little hopeful.

--

 

Sol was surprised when Jiwan was waiting for her outside their house on their first day back to school.

"Mommy said we should come to school together because it's your first day in my school," Jiwan explained, begrudgingly so. She dug the heel of her feet into the ground and would not look at Sol. 

Not hearing Sol answer, Jiwan peaked at Sol through her eyelashes. From this angle, Sol could finally see the resemblance between Jiwan and her mother. In fact, they looked exactly the same, aside from the fact that Mrs. Bae was an angel on earth and Jiwan was... well, Jiwan.  As if sensing what Sol was thinking, Jiwan finally looked up, only to scowl at her. "Well?!"

It made Sol flinch, the sharpness of her voice, too early for Sol's ears.

"Are you coming or not?" 

Sol nodded, slipping her thumbs on the straps of her bag. She just followed Jiwan quietly, kicking a stone she found along the way. They had to walk around 300 meters to get to the nearest school bus stop. When they reached the stop, Sol just stood quietly while Jiwan sat down on the bench, her feet dangling from the ground. There were only the two of them at the stop, and Sols was probably too quiet for Jiwan because the girl absentmindedly started humming.

Sol stood still, paying all ears to the niceness of Jiwan's tune. Jiwan was not the best singer, nevertheless, Sol decided she liked her voice. 

Jiwan only stopped when the bus finally came. She went inside first and greeted the bus driver with the energy that Sol never imagined could radiate from her.

"Good morning, ahjussi! Did you have a nice vacation?" Her smile was wide and bright, almost infectious. 

"I did, Jiwan-ah. Did you enjoy yours, too?"

"Uhuh," Jiwan grinned from ear to ear.

"Made some more trouble?"

Jiwan pouted from the teasing and shook her head. The driver just laughed before catching sight of Sol. 

"I see you have a new friend there. Hi, little girl." 

Sol didn't return his wave, feeling shy. She looked at Jiwan's pink socks as she pulled at the straps of her own bag, clutching at the tips.

"She's new, so she doesn't have an ID yet," Jiwan chimed in. "Will you let her in, ahjussi? We're neighbors. Mommy told me to take care of her." Jiwan announced it like she had taken it as a big responsibility; with her chin high up and a smug smile, Sol started thinking that, maybe, she really could rely on her.

"Of course. What's your name, little girl?" The driver asked Sol.

"Sol! Yoon Sol!" Jiwan answered for her, but for nothing, because from then on, the 'little girl' would stick.

"Alrighty, little girl! Hop in!" 

--

 

Jiwan carried herself with the confidence and liberation that comes with being a 7 year old. She greeted everyone with equal vigor and hugged the friends she missed during the summer with the intensity and carelessness of a kid, who was glad that summer break was finally over. She obviously loved being in school, loved the teachers and her classmates, and the school most likely enjoyed her more than Jiwan herself enjoyed being there. 

Jiwan walked with her all the way to her classroom, waving and smiling at everybody, unaware that she was holding Sol's hand.

They weren't in the same class but their classrooms were just right in front of each other.

Before she left, she lingered just by the door. Sol almost thought the girl had forgotten something, only for Jiwan to, with a slight blush on her cheeks, tell her that she could always tell Jiwan if she needed help with something. 

Then Jiwan skipped away, and even when Sol was already in her seat, she could still hear traces of Jiwan's shouts in the air and imagine the chaos and fun she brought with her. 

Sol wished she could be like her.

---

 

In her old school, some teachers told Sol that she didn't act like a child. Sol did exactly what was asked of her. She had always been good in school. She did her homework on her own. But she kept to herself most of the time, didn't participate in the class unless she got called, and kept minimal interaction with her classmates. Her teacher was worried. Sol couldn't understand why because she really didn't mean any trouble, she just didn't have a lot to say. What more could she talk about, when nothing out of the ordinary happened at home, aside from the fact that on some nights she would imagine her mother would come into her room quietly when she thought Sol was sleeping just so she could watch her sleep.

When she introduced herself in her new class, Sol didn't hear a warm welcome from her classmates. Instead, she heard murmurs. 

Murmurs of parents gossiping about the kid, who took the housekeeper to the PTA meetings instead of her mother or father. It wasn't really happening at the moment but the thoughts just kept coming back to Sol

Sol hated school and thought that school hated her. She missed her mom and the happier version of her dad and the nights they would let Sol sleep between them whenever she got nightmares. 

Sol missed a lot of things. 

She never cried, though.

--

 

Jiwan waited for her every morning. Some days she had her hair in a pretty braid. Some days, it's up in a ponytail. She never wore her hair down when at school. Sometimes her bangs were parted. It looked nice but Sol liked it the most when it was down with just enough puff that she could see Jiwan's eyes behind her bangs. She had always thought Jiwan got Mrs. Bae's eyes. 

Jiwan didn't scowl at her as much anymore, in fact when she'd look up to watch Sol approach her, usually with an expectant look on her face; like Sol was supposed to say something to her. But Sol never did. So a lot of the time, Jiwan hid her disappointment by walking faster, so Sol could only see her back, but Sol saw her pouting anyway.

Sol never asked why, though.

Because she asked her father one time why he looked upset. After that, he left the house for many days, even if Sol waited and waited and waited.

Sol still wasn't sure if Jiwan thought of her as a friend, a neighbor, or just a kid her mother said she should take care of, but Sol could no longer imagine the day, she'd walk out to their patio one morning and see that Jiwan wasn't waiting for her.

--

 

"Mommy said I should invite you to come over." 

It rattled Sol when Jiwan talked because they didn't really talk much. Jiwan was so talkative in school and with everybody else, but the exact opposite when they were alone together. It didn't bother Sol, though. She loved hearing the sound of cicadas, the silent swoosh of the wind, and the sound of Jiwan's humming whenever they walked to the bus stop together.

Sol stopped on her track, didn't care to see where the stone she was kicking landed, and looked up to Jiwan, who wasn't exactly looking at her. Jiwan fiddled with her back, looking away. "Sunday, for lunch and then dinner," She added.

"Mrs. Bae?" Sol didn't want to sound excited but the pitch of her voice went higher. 

Jiwan gave her a look like she was dumb. "Yes. Will you come?" 

Sol couldn't hide her hesitation. Just thinking about it makes her scared. "Yes but.. then I have to ask dad." What she let out was a mumble but Jiwan heard. 

Maybe, Jiwan understood. 

"Should I ask him for you?" Jiwan offered, catching Sol's eyes with a hopeful gaze. 

That seemed like an impossible task.

"I-" 

Sol was scared but she wanted to go, too! 

"Okay," Sol said finally, already regretting it. 

"Okay," Jiwan broke into a grin, "Then wait for me in front of our house later," just as the bus drove by them.

There was a hop in Jiwan's steps as she stepped in.

--

 

Sol might have already peed a little in her pants. 

She couldn't stop pacing. It's been about 10 minutes since Jiwan ran inside her house to drop her things and she still hasn't come out. She said it would only take a second. Now that she'd thought about it, she decided it was probably not a good idea. Even if Jiwan was scary, Sol knew her father would never say yes. 

Sol was just about to consider abandoning the plan when Jiwan went out of their front door with an indignant expression on her face, and she wasn't alone. Mrs. Bae had her hands on Jiwan's shoulders, leading her out. She immediately waved at Sol when she saw her. 

"Mommy said she would ask him for us." Jiwan didn't seem pleased, but Sol was beaming because Mrs. Bae just patted her head. 

"Jiwan-ah, I told you. You should let adults talk to adults about this matter," Mrs. Bae said when Jiwan started frowning. Her voice was patronizing but that was enough to put an end to the matter. Jiwan just scoffed and reluctantly gave her hand to her mother when she waited for it, dragging her feet to show that she still disagreed, but walked with them nonetheless. Mrs. Bae reached down to hold Sol's hand, too, before crossing the road and didn't let go even as they waited for somebody to open the door. 

It was Sol's father who opened the door, looking surprised to see them three. With her father looking, Sol quickly let go of Mrs. Bae's hand and took a step back, bumping into Jiwan. Mrs. Bae smiled reassuringly at her and then introduced herself again to Sol's dad. He invited them inside for drinks but Mrs. Bae only shook her head. 

"I just went to ask if Sol may come over to our house today, actually. Will it be okay if she comes with us? I will be baking cookies, and it'll be fun if the girls can play together while I work. Maybe I'll let them help out with the kitchen as well. I'll make sure to give her dinner, too, if that might be a problem." 

Her dad only looked at Mrs. Bae, at Sol, and then briefly at Jiwan, before looking back again at Mrs. Bae. Sol saw those looks in one of the shows she watched on TV. It was as if adults could communicate with their eyes, but Sol didn't really understand how.

After a good pause, her dad nodded. He stepped out to get Sol's school bag, before ruffling her hair a little. Sol blushed at the gesture. Nowadays, her dad rarely gave her even a touch. "Okay, just take care of her. Sol, should I go get Alfred so you could take him with you?" Sol blushed even further, nodding. 

Mrs. Bae rested her hand on Sol's head, almost reassuringly, after her father went inside. "You girls are gonna have a lot of fun!" She gushed to both Jiwan and Sol.

Jiwan was still sulking, though, even after Sol took Alfred by the hand and said goodbye to her father. Mrs. Bae only smiled knowingly at the girl. 

--

 

Jiwan's house was full of colors. They got one very big yellow long sofa, a lazy chair, and a red checkered chair, which Sol was sure people only used to read newspapers on. There were patterns on the wallpapers, pictures, medals, and a framed yellow belt hanging on the wall. Right, when she came in, she was welcomed by an open shelf full of pots. They were all different from each other but Sol thought they looked beautiful together. 

"Mommy does pottery, " Jiwan said with a smug grin, hands on her hips when she saw Sol gaping. 

Sol tried to look at each and every one of them, even those too far up to see, gleaming about the details. 

Jiwan saw the look in her eyes, probably saw something worth keeping, because she hurried to where Sol thought the kitchen might be and shouted, "Mommy! Can I take Sol to the workshop?" 

She came back with an even bigger smug. "Mommy said we can go. Just don't touch the wheels and the kiln."

Sol had no idea what those were but she nodded, unable to look away from the bigger jar placed in the corner, in a shape of a bear that was holding up a big stone above its head, except there was a hole on the top of the stone, to hold the lavender and dandelions. She was still staring when Jiwan took a hold of her wrist and pulled her. 

Jiwan's grip was strong. They had to pass through the dining area before they could go out to the backyard, where it smelled like a mixture of fresh herbs, clay, and chicken poop. She could hear the clucking of the chickens but didn't have time to look for the pen. There's a swing made from an old tire, hanging on a tree, and farther back stood a cozy little red shed, surrounded by flowers. Jiwan didn't slow down, even as she pulled Sol down the shallow stairs of the veranda. Sol felt like she lost something when Jiwan let go of her wrist to open the shed, only to be mesmerized by the way, she could how she could see Jiwan's excitement in the girl's eyes. It made the corner of Sol's mouth tingle. 

The door opened with a literal bang, revealing the clay, the pots, and the hard work. She saw paint and wood and brushes and molds.

Sol wondered.

--

 

The kitchen smelled of baked goods. On the stove was a cooking pot of water. Mrs. Bae was working with a knife when they came in, only throwing them a short 'hi' when she heard Jiwan plop down in one of the chairs. 

Sol stood just right outside, unable to look at Mrs. Bae without staring at the pair of hands that made magic happen. 

Jiwan noticed her and a smile broke on her face. "Mommy?" She called, the excitement palpable in her voice. 

"Hmm?" 

"Can you teach Sol and me pottery next time she comes over?"

Sol stood frozen, waiting in anticipation. 

"Of course, honey. I need to find a perfect time to do that but it wouldn't be a problem." 

Sol probably let out a sigh of relief, because Mrs. Bae suddenly looked at her with interest.

"Would you like that, Sol-ah?"

Sol nodded eagerly.

Mrs. Bae and Jiwan exchanged a look, then Jiwan giggled. 

---

 

Jiwan started sitting beside her on the bus, tiptoeing on the school hallways so she could grin at Sol from the corridor window whenever she went for bathroom breaks and waving at Sol whenever their classes held physical education activities outside at the same time together. 

---

 

The next time she came over, Mrs. Bae taught them how to make a cup. Sol was clumsy and a little messy, but she tried her best while Jiwan worked on hers with an enthusiasm of a fly. It was that little.

At some point, Jiwan just left their work table and started playing with the handmade toy pots and pans in the corner. It was Mrs. Bae who did the finishing touches on Jiwan's and then, all together, they went outside where the kiln was and watched as Mrs. Bae carefully placed Sol's lopsided cup and Jiwan's half-finished one inside the scary burning oven. 

"Good job, you two!" Mrs. Bae gave them both a high five.

While Jiwan owned the praise with pride, the comment only made Sol shy.

Mrs. Bae baked them some tart that afternoon and kissed Sol on the top of her head when Sol told her she wanted her to keep Sol's first handmade cup. 

 --- 

 

"Yoon Sol!" 

Sol didn't know when exactly it started, but suddenly Jiwan treated Sol as she did her other friends. 

Sol almost lost her footing when Jiwan rushed to her with a hug. "I almost thought you wouldn't come out!" 

Sol only smiled, letting Jiwan hold her by her wrist as they walked to the bus stop together. She listened quietly, as Jiwan rambled on about mundane things that happened yesterday. Or the day before that, or during the weekend. Jiwan never seemed to run dry of topics and in time, Sol realized she liked that better than the usual silence.

But only with Jiwan.

--

 

Her teacher and classmates sang Sol a happy birthday. Sol got greeted a lot at school, too, and that's the only reason Jiwan knew.

So, she and Mrs. Bae baked her a cake the next day, while Mr. Seo grilled barbeque for them. They all celebrated Sol's birthday with Alfred. Jiwan sang loudly, though she didn't know all the lyrics, while Sol excitedly waited to blow the candles. Mrs. Bae and Mr. Seo gave her their gift together. Sol's eyes grew wider when she saw the handmade apron Mrs. Bae made for her and a couple of little working gloves from Mr.Seo. Sol had always been using one of Jiwan's and now finally she got her own. Meanwhile, Jiwan gave her a cute pink woven bandana. It's popular with kids nowadays, and Sol was the only girl in their class that didn't have one. She thanked them all for the gifts and wore them on their back to her house.

When she came home Ms. Son was waiting for her with a wistful smile, holding out a sweater that she bought for her as a gift. She gave Sol a tight hug and kissed the top of her head.

Her father wasn't home that day, but Ms. Son was sure he'll be back as soon as he could.

Nevertheless, Sol would always remember that day as one of the happiest days of her life.

-- 

 

Sol still kept her distance from everyone else at school, but Jiwan... and Jiwan's friends.

Sol felt she had no other choice on the matter. Really. 

Jiwan sometimes brought her snacks during lunchtime, pulling a plastic bag of gummy bears or a bag of cookies from her pocket, and passing it to Sol under the table, like they were illegal.

Sometimes she brought her friends with her and sat together with Sol. Nabi was the wise-looking kid, who was almost as quiet as Sol, and Bitna was the kid from Jiwan's class that always seemed to get herself in trouble, and most of the time, with Jiwan in tow. A snotty little boy named Sehun came by their table sometimes, too, along with a tall and tough-looking boy named Kyuhyun, who hovered around Sehun like a bodyguard. Sehun brought Sol chocolates (which only Jiwan ate) and almost always found something to bicker with Jiwan about. 

Sol couldn't recall exactly when it started, but one day, she couldn't remember her days at school not looking like this. 

--

 

Sol spent most afternoons with Jiwan. They mostly played by the swing outside. Sometimes Sol would watch Jiwan gather eggs from the pen, and run away when Jiwan chased her with chicken poop in her hands. On some days, they'd just stay in the shed; Jiwan reading one of her books on the little hammock that Mr. Seo recently installed while Sol worked the wheel because Mrs. Bae told her she'd gotten a lot better on it and Sol liked pleasing her. 

"Sol?" Jiwan asked one day. 

"Yeah?" Sol answered absently, working with the brush to smoothen the clay's surface. 

"Have you ever been to a hospital?" 

Sol looked up and saw the worry written on the girl's face. Sol visited the doctor sometimes to get her flu shots. She tried to remember if it was in a hospital then shook her head, deciding, "No. Not really. Why?" 

Jiwan fiddled with her feet, not looking at Sol. "I heard Daddy say to Mommy last night that she should go visit the hospital."

Sol only listened. The fact that Jiwan was frowning had made her stop whatever she was doing. "I heard bad things about hospitals, Sol. Nabi said her father came there once, and he didn't come home again." 

Sol tried to rake her brain for a reply. Nothing came. She wasn't good with words, so she wiped her hand on her apron, kneeled in front of Jiwan, and put her hands on top of the girl's fiddling ones.

"Mommy," Jiwan said, her voice trembling, "She- Blood would go out of her nose. She'd just wipe it away so I wouldn't see, but I saw it sometimes."

The information was hard to process. Sol didn't know what to say and what to make of it but she trusted Mrs. Bae. She wouldn't just go just like Sol's mom did, and then never come back. That's... The idea was unthinkable. 

"I'm sure, she'll be alright, Jiwan-ah." 

Jiwan looked up still pouting, eyes looking so sad. Her eyes searched Sol as if to check if she was lying, and then reluctantly, she nodded to herself. 

She couldn't leave Jiwan's side so she plopped down on the hammock to sit beside Jiwan. She took the book that was sitting, forgotten, on Jiwan's lap and started reading it out loud. 

After a few minutes, she felt a cheek against her shoulder, and Jiwan was fast asleep. 

--

 

Mrs. Bae asked Sol's dad if Jiwan could sleepover. They just whispered amongst themselves, while Sol and Jiwan played Frisby on the lawn with Ms. Son.

Jiwan pretended she wasn't trying to listen but Sol noticed because Jiwan was not getting her passes right and she's supposed to be the one who's good at this.

When Mrs. Bae called for Jiwan, she sat down to meet her gaze at eye level, telling her to behave, because Mr. Yoon needed to finish some work. She didn't want Jiwan bothering him but Jiwan could always ask Ms. Son if ever she needed something.

Jiwan nodded and nodded and kissed Mrs. Bae goodbye.

Normally Jiwan should be excited about coming over to Sol's house because she never really saw how it looked on the inside and it's SO big, but when Jiwan went back to Sol's side, she didn't look so excited at all.

So Sol took Jiwan's hand and pulled her all the way to the secret nook in their attic, where she kept her drawings and the lopsided half-finished handmade cup Jiwan had made for her.

She wished that the colors were enough to make Jiwan feel better. 

--

 

"Sol? Are you awake?" A weak nudge, "Sol, I couldn't sleep."

Sol shifted to her side to face Jiwan, who was lying beside her. She didn't open her eyes but she hadn't been sleeping, either.

One more "Sol" from Jiwan and Sol opened her eyes. Jiwan's face was only inches from her own. Her eyes were missing the usual shine in them and her curly hair was all ruffled. Somehow it made Jiwan look like she would break if Sol touched her. 

"Sol, can I hug you?" Her voice was too small. Like she wasn't Jiwan at all. 

Sol considered for a second before opening her arm and letting Jiwan snuggle with her.

"Thank you, Sol. I don't know why but I'm scared. Mommy... Mommy usually lets me sleep beside her when I get scared." 

Reaching from behind her, Sol pulled Alfred and placed him along Jiwan's other side. Sol didn't say anything, just patted Jiwan's back and waited until the girl's eye became heavy. She wanted to tell her that she shouldn't be scared because Sol would protect her. Besides, Sol was eight now while Jiwan was still seven. Sol was sure that she wouldn't have to wait long before her height caught up with hers. Soon she would be big and strong enough for them both.  

---

 

Mrs. Bae rarely baked anymore. She rarely came by on Sundays as well. Instead, Jiwan came by with cupcakes, which she baked herself, and lots and lots of gummy bears. 

---

 

"Yoon Sol!" Sol heard Jiwan shouting from the outside, even if she just rang the doorbell. 

Sol hurried down the stairs and even jumped from the last three steps. Her father saw it but Sol was too happy to be scared, and just bowed as a greeting, before continuing to the door. 

Jiwan could have squeezed her breath away with the way she hugged her, so excited that she wouldn't stop hopping while hugging her. 

Jiwan only let her go when they heard Sol's dad greet her, "Hi, Jiwan." 

Jiwan stepped back, adjusting her clothes. "Hi, Mr. Yoon." Her hand automatically found Sol's wrist. 

"Did your Mommy come home now?"

Jiwan couldn't stop herself. She smiled so brightly and nodded. It dawned on Sol that it's been a while since she saw her this happy.

Her father smiled at her, his eyes a bit sad, but it was better than the indifference, so Sol thought good of it. 

"Can Sol come over today, Mr. Yoon? Mommy said she missed her, too." 

Her dad looked at Sol and Jiwan back to Jiwan before nodding. What Sol didn't expect was for her dad to set his coffee on the side table and follow them, closing the door behind them. 

Jiwan and Sol excitedly ran towards Jiwan's house. Jiwan ran to the kitchen to get Sol's dad a drink while Sol went to Mrs. Bae immediately.

Mrs. Bae flinched a little when Sol hugged her but she kept a smile on her face. 

"Hi, Sol-ah. Have you been good while I was away?" Sol didn't answer. Being so near her, Sol noticed something different. Instinctively, she raised her hand, staring, then tracing her finger on Mrs. Bae's eyebrows. Mrs. Bae did not flinch. She just let Sol revel in her make-up over her almost gone eyebrows. Her lashes were almost gone, too. And her face was thinner.

Sol pulled her hand like it had been burned when she heard Jiwan's loud steps coming. She came holding a big glass of juice in both hands. "Here, Mr.Yoon!"

Mrs. Bae smiled looking at Jiwan and then at Sol, again. She put a finger in front of and whispered 'Shhh'. She winked at Sol before standing up, face twitching for a millisecond like she was in pain, and then the expression was gone. 

Maybe didn't fully understand it then, but somewhere in her heart, she feared losing someone dear again.

---

 

Mrs. Bae sometimes stayed with them in the shed. She listened to Jiwan talk about their day and what Sol and she did in school. She just listened patiently, laughing whenever Jiwan said something funny and making encouraging noises to keep Jiwan talking. 

Sol mostly worked on the wheel. She'd been making the same thing over and over and over, and she was getting frustrated because it never seemed good enough.

Mrs. Bae saw it, excused herself from Jiwan, and then took her chair with her to sit behind Sol. "Here, Sol, let me help you." 

She took both of Sol's hands and guided them, her fingers feeling brittle against Sol's skin.

Sol didn't like it. 

"I can do it alone!"

The bite on her voice surprised both Mrs. Bae and Jiwan. "O-Okay, Sol." Mrs. Bae gave her her space. 

"Hey! That's not nice!" Jiwan exclaimed, frowning.

Sol scowled at Jiwan. Mrs. Bae looked at them, alarmed. Sol fully didn't understand but she wanted to cry. So she snapped. She mashed the clay she had been working on almost all day, and then stomped her way outside.

--

 

Sol had already been crying for a while when Mrs. Bae came to fetch her. She was feeding the chickens twigs and even when she heard Mrs. Bae's gentle steps from behind her, she tried to ignore her. 

"Sol-ah." 

Sol clamped her lips together, tasting the salty tears and a bit of snot. 

"Sol, can we talk about it?" 

"No," she croaked. She poked a chicken with a twig causing it to flinch. 

"But it's important to talk about things, Sol-ah. I don't like seeing you upset. It makes me sad."

Sol swallowed, her tears flowing harder because she didn't like to make Mrs. Bae sad, but she couldn't talk bear looking at her after what she'd done. 

She heard a sigh. "Okay, then I'll just stay here until you're ready to talk."

They didn't talk.

At some point, Sol wondered if Jiwan was somewhere near, watching.

It didn't take long until she finally gave in. She knew Mrs. Bae had been in a lot of pain lately. If sadness felt like what Sol was feeling now, and Mrs. Bae really was sad, then Sol wouldn't let her hurt more. 

"Are you going to leave us, Mrs. Bae?" Sol muttered, looking at her over her shoulder. 

Mrs. Bae looked surprised about the question, almost frightened that Sol would ask something like it. "Where did you get that idea, honey?" 

Sol just stabbed the ground with a twig. "You look at Jiwan like my mommy did to me." 

Sol saw Mrs. Bae's face as she processed it before her expression finally settled to a serene understanding. "I do, don't I?" 

Sol let go of the twig and shifted so she could steal glances at Mrs. Bae's face. "You shouldn't do that," Sol said with an indignant pout. "Jiwan would be sad. And I- I don't like it. I don't like you to go." Just thinking about it felt like Sol was losing her mom all over again. "Okay?"

 The woman sighed again. "Sol, you smart little kid, come here." 

Sol did what was told. Mrs. Bae sat down, hands-on Sol's shoulder, trying to make Sol look her in the eyes.

"I also don't want to go, honey. You know that, right?"

Sol just kept her head down.

"Sol, listen." That made Sol lookup only, "I'm so glad I got to meet you and take care of you before... before I have to go."

Sol just started crying, even more, hand clutching the hem of Mrs. Bae's dress when the woman hugged her. She just let Sol burrow her face in the crook of her neck and Sol wailed, even more, when she felt bones instead of meat. Mrs. Bae's too thin now.

"You made me so happy, honey, do you know that? You're so sweet and honest and strong, there wasn't a day that passed that I stopped wishing you were my own. I'm so glad that I know somebody like you would be here after I'm gone. With Jiwan. I know that you always would be there to take care of each other." 

Sol could only cry. "Would you forget me, Mrs. Bae?" She croaked in between hiccups, scared because her mother did just that. She never heard from her since she packed her bags and went. 

"Never, honey. You're a part of me now. You'll always be with me. Like I'll always be with you and Jiwannie." 

Mrs. Bae hugged Sol until her cries dampened and she was too tired to refuse to move. 

Jiwan was about to be finished baking cupcakes when they got in.

She might as well shove the cupcakes down Sol's throat, with how eager she was with feeding her.

Mrs. Bae didn't eat anything but she kept smiling as she watched them. 

--

 

Mrs. Bae walked her home that afternoon. She asked Sol's father if they could talk for a few minutes, and then Ms. Son took Sol upstairs and asked her to bathe. 

After bathing, Sol went down to get a glass of milk.

She didn't expect to see her dad crying on the kitchen island. He looked up just when Sol started backing away. He stood up suddenly, quickly brushing away the tears.

"Sol, wait!" 

Sol stopped in her tracks.

"Come here, please."

When Sol was close enough, her dad just engulfed her with a hug. He went on her knees so he could easily put his face on the crook of Sol's neck, still hugging her.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please, forgive me," He talked like there was something squeezing his chest.

Sol just hugged him back.

It was easy because Sol had forgiven him a long time ago. 

--

 

Sol didn't know what to do with Jiwan. 

She liked to touch Sol, too much. She sometimes came by Sol's classroom and just sit with her, playing with Sol's fingers as she talked about everything under the sun. Sometimes the teacher had to shoo her out, and she'd complain that if Sol was in her class in the first place, Jiwan wouldn't have come.

She liked to make sure that Sol ate well. She started bringing lunch boxes for Sol. It was always filled with a bit of meat and greens of different shapes and sizes, but Jiwan only liked using carrots, cucumbers, and tomatoes a lot, and Sol was starting to get tired of them. She'd eat them all, anyway.

She liked dragging Sol with her mess and ever-changing hyperfixations. 

One day Sol was making a bowl when he heard Jiwan yelling.

"Yoooooooon SoOooooooooooOOool!" 

Sol poked her head out of the shed's window, holding her muddy hands away to avoid getting mud on anything, she's not supposed to get mud onto. Jiwan was waving excitedly, jumping like a bunny, from the corner of the house, urging Sol to come to her. 

"YOoooooOn SoOOOOOOoooOOl!" 

"I'm coming!!!!!!"

She hurriedly washed her hands, wanting to go out as fast as she could because Jiwan had that look when she was about to make some trouble and Sol was scared.

She ran to Jiwan and Jiwan ran to the front yard, as soon as she saw Sol coming. 

When Sol reached the front yard, she saw Jiwan already on the bicycle, the same one she ran Sol down with, only the paint was scraped, and needed painting, and it got a new front wheel. Jiwan waved at her, then used her legs to push her towards Sol. "Yoon SooooOOol!" 

A part of Sol wanted to run away because Jiwan had the same expression as she did that same day, but willed herself to stop because she could see her dad, Mrs. Bae, and Mr.Seo was watching them from the patio with amused smiles.

"Sol, I'm leaaarning!" Jiwan screamed, not even looking ahead, overly focused on the shaking handlebars, "I'm learning!" she yelled again, slowly lifting her feet from the ground, to try if she could maintain the balance, "See! See! Sol, I'm lear- " she was still yelling before she lost balance again, "-Neeeeeeng~!" just before she fell sideways. 

Jiwan looked as if she would start crying, Sol was ready to run.... and then Jiwan just started laughing, one was holding on to her stomach while the other was holding her knee holding her scraped knee.

Then everyone just started laughing with her. Sol felt like bubbles were about to pop from her chest.

Jiwan was erratic, moody, and a brat but she's too sweet and cute.

Sol loved seeing her laugh and loved laughing with her. 

--

 

Jiwan's presence had become a constant in Sol's life that Sol never thought that a day would come that she wouldn't hear her antics and unadulterated laughter anymore. 

But it did. 

One morning Sol went outside, expecting Jiwan to be there, waiting for her with the usual Yoon Sol on her lips and sun in her eyes, but Jiwan didn't come.

Jiwan wouldn't come for days, and then one day Sol's father came and talked to her about how people's lives were not measured by how love they lived, how life was borrowed, and that sometimes when someone's purpose was done and served, God would take them back again. 

Her dad tried to explain it in many different complicated ways, but what Sol understood was that Mrs. Bae was gone now.

And that Sol should be by Jiwan's side.

---

 

Sol saw Jiwan again in a sea of black umbrellas. Her curly hair wasn't as neat as it used to be and her Sunday shoes were untied. Jiwan looked like she already cried whatever her body could cry by how puffy her eyes and how red her cheeks were. 

Sol pushed through the crowd despite his father telling her to stay. 

When Jiwan saw her, it was like a switch and now she's back in wailing again.

Sol hurried because Jiwan already had her arms open for her. 

She just let Jiwan cry in her arms and clamped her lips tightly together to keep her own sobs from escaping.

Jiwan searched for Sol's hand as the priest started the last rites.

"Yoon Sol," Jiwan whispered, her voice so broken and small.

Sol gave her hand a squeeze. 

"I'm here now."

--

 

 

tbc?