2022

The first rays of soft morning light shone through the window and it stirred Hyukjae awake. He held himself up on his elbows and saw that it was drizzling... tiny raindrops skittered down on the high window. He turned over to Donghae who's still sleeping beside him and in time, the alarm buzzed to life. Without opening his eyes, he reached over for the bedside table and hit the alarm off. 

"Why don't you stay for today?" Hyukjae asked, his gaze back to the window.

Donghae turned to his side and mumbled, "Can't."

"Oh, you and your stupid exercise ritual," Hyukjae replied, rolling his eyes.

"You know, you should really come with me so we could do this stupid ritual together."

"Pass. You know how I've been admiring my cute belly these days."

Donghae laughed. "Silly man," he said. "Breakfast?" He was already up and tousling his hair away from his face. 

Hyukjae smiled. "I'll do it. Go and get yourself ready."

Breakfast was made—eggs, toast, and black coffee for Donghae. 

"Do you want me to bring you something?" Donghae asked while drying his hair with a towel. 

Hyukjae took the towel from him. "Eggs maybe? We've run out of them," he said, drying Donghae's hair. "Oh! And yeah, milk and strawberries please."

"You aren't eating?" 

"You go on, I'm having fun drying your hair."

"Nope, I'm having fun having you dry my hair," Donghae replied. "You're in a good mood today," he mused.

"Maybe it's the weather," Hyukjae responded, tousling Donghae's hair one last time before sitting in front of him.

"Are you sure you won't skip today? The weather's perfect for lazing around."

"That's very tempting," Donghae replied, taking Hyukjae's hand. It was bigger than his and it irked him a little bit. He had more defined muscles but Hyukjae's all long limbs and bones. He kind of envied that. "But, I'll only be gone for half an hour, and we'll spend the rest of the day together, hm?" he continued then kissed the back of his hand.

"Okay, my muscle man, if I really can't keep you today, then you better go now so you'd be back in no time."

Donghae stood and gulped the last of his coffee. "Sure you don't want to come along with me?" he asked, bouncing up and down, throwing in some punches in the air. 

"Nope. I kind of had an appointment with the couch today. I'm sure he'll be disappointed if I cancel at the last minute."

"You're being silly again." Donghae laughed. He put on his jacket and shoved his car keys in his pant's pocket. He walked back to Hyukjae and kissed the tip of his nose—and he had to tiptoe a little to do it. "I like you being silly. I'll be back. Wait for me," he said and he was out the door.

Hyukjae proceeded to clean the kitchen table and wash the dishes once Donghae was out. He was indeed in a good mood today. He wanted to get things done so when Donghae arrived, they'd just spend the rest of the day doing nothing. They had a jam-packed schedule the past few months, and they finally had a few days to rest before another back-to-back activities that were already planned for the couple of weeks ahead.  It's been a while since the last time he spent time with Donghae outside of work. He missed him.

They've been going out for 11 years and have known each other for half of their lives. But he still missed him every time he wasn't around. If someone told him that he's going to meet his soulmate early on in his life and be hopelessly in love with that person, he would have laughed. If someone told him that person would be a man, he would have died laughing hysterically. But here he was—happy. His heart ached beautifully.

It wasn't easy to get to where they're at. Their relationship was still a secret and they had to fight their own personal battles to come to terms with the fact that they're in love with each other. They had to fight their inner demons—and morals for Donghae—to accept that their love wasn't any different from the rest. That what they feel for each other wasn't unnatural. It wasn't a sin. It wasn't ugly nor disgusting nor inhumane. They weren't sick that needed a shrink with a remedy to straighten them back. How difficult would it be to digest that they were just... in love? It's as simple as that.

While sorting through the dirty laundry, Hyukjae's eyes landed on a red shirt with a huge "x" mark on it. He smiled and remembered their 10th anniversary last year. 

It was past midnight but they couldn't sleep. They decided to watch a movie but gave up after a few minutes of going through Netflix yet still couldn't decide what to watch. They sat on the couch in silence instead. Donghae laid his head on Hyukjae's lap and the latter was his hair like a sleeping cat.

Donghae asked, "What do you want to do on our 10th anniversary?" His voice cut through the silence.

Hyukjae hummed at the question. "Wait for our 11th anniversary in peace."

Donghae sat up, ignoring Hyukjae's answer. "I have created a universe for us," he said smugly. 

Hyukjae itched to tease, so he did. "Why do you assume I want to be in it?"

Donghae slapped his chest and Hyukjae grimaced. Playful or not, Donghae's slap always hurts.

"Come on, be serious!" he whined. "Anyway, I have created this 'x' universe for us—"

"Why do you keep dragging me into your universe?" Hyukjae interrupted, still not over the teasing. 

"I'm really getting annoyed now," Donghae said, rolling his eyes and clenching his jaw.

Hyukjae, absolutely feeling entertained over Donghae's reactions, exclaimed, "Oh oh! The baby tiger's annoyed now." 

Donghae rolled his eyes again. Hyukjae cleared his throat. "Okay, I'm serious now. Go on, tiger, tell me about this universe." 

Donghae snickered at the endearment but decided to let it pass or else they might as well forget having a proper conversation. "Wait here a moment," he said and ran inside their bedroom. He was back before Hyukjae could ask what he was looking for. 

He sat back on the couch and rolled out a red t-shirt in front of Hyukjae. "See this 'x' here? X is made of two lines," Donghae said, drawing the "x" sign with his fingers. He added,  "The lines are you and me."

"How so?" Hyukjae asked, genuinely curious.

"We were on a different path, but as we walked our own ways separately, we came across each other," Donghae said, a wide smile taking over his face.

"Then this universe of yours perfectly fits my 'o' universe, which by the way, I have created just now," Hyukjae said playfully. He readjusted himself on the couch and leaned his whole body toward Donghae. "Want to know about this universe?" he asked and Donghae nodded, already holding back his laughter. 

Hyukjae cleared his throat. "We were walking around in circles, lost and clueless about our future, but as we continued to circle around, we found each other."

Donghae laughed, his head whipping back and mouth fully open. By the time he was done laughing, there were tears in the corners of his eyes. Hyukjae wiped them dry, smiling fondly at how his thumb could easily cover Donghae's eye. "I'm a genius, aren't I?"

"I'm not going to argue with that." Donghae reached out and held Hyukjae's hand. "Our 'x' and 'o' universe just shows we're destined to be together," he said, entwining their hands. "We're made for each other, aren't we?"

"Pretty much, yes—" Hyukjae replied. "So for our 10th anniversary, how about you reconsider my plan of lazing around all day and wait for our 11th anniversary in peace?" he added, wiggling his eyebrows... teasing.

Donghae smacked his hand away. "You're unbelievable."

Hyukjae didn’t know if it’s because of the weather or because he had more than 6 hours of sleep and woke up feeling great, but he felt more confident with his relationship with Donghae. He's gotten used and comfortable with their set-up. And as long as they stay inside the universe they've created for themselves, then they have nothing to worry about. Their universe was their refuge from the noisy, chaotic, judging world. They were away from everybody else so they could only think of themselves with no worries, no hesitations, no limitations. And he's happy to live in it, no matter how small it is, because that way, it only made room for the two of them. In their own universe, everything made sense. Their hearts were in sync. Their minds were at peace. Their souls were finally one. They could do whatever they wanted, love each other the way they desired, and receive the love they could get and give it back twice as much. As long as they keep their distance from prying eyes, as long as they're careful enough, then they're safe in their own little universe. 

The world doesn't have to know, he thought with a satisfied smile.

Hyukjae picked up Donghae's pants and ran his hand over the clothing to make sure nothing was inside its pockets. He felt a small lump so he dug inside, wondering what it was. 

It was a ring box. He would have admired the classy and elegant steel-blue velvet box but he felt like he was punched in the gut, so hard that his breath hitched erratically. The tiny little thing stirred something within him, and he didn't like what it was.

Was Donghae planning on proposing? The thought troubled him but it jarred him even more when he caught himself wishing for otherwise. 

He opened it. Inside was a gold eternity band soldered with diamonds. He didn't even have to put it on to know that it was his size. And something else caught his eyes. There were symbols engraved inside—sun and moon. He staggered and he felt nauseous. 

He paced around the room, each footstep heavy with restlessness. His fears started to nibble at his heart, his ugly thoughts ading and poisoning his mind. He couldn't pinpoint what made him so afraid. The ring could only mean lifelong devotion. As if they weren't already devoted to each other. But marriage is a declaration, not only to each other but to the world, isn't it? But the rest of the world didn't  have to know about their love, did they?

His mind raced. Th