The time I stepped in to his private room the first thing I noticed is his full of joy written on his face and the longing stares staring directly to my eyes.

He called my name and I can say he was the happiest person that I heard saying my name.

“Took you so long!? And tell this imperious person to get out.”

I diverted my eyes to the unfortunate middle age nurse, she is holding a small white bottle and I can tell it’s his medicine. I marched my way to them and I lend my hand to his nurse. I apologetically smiled at her. And he nodded at me before handling the list she is holding.

“You can get out now. I only need and want her to my room.”

I knitted my eyebrows.

He is being too much, again. I called his name in warning tone. He just pout at me and he bowed his head.

I sighed and shake my head to his behavior.

“Ms. You can go I will make sure he’ll drink all of his meds. “ I politely said and I surely emphasize the word sure. He is on stubborn mode on highest level today. I received a smile to the nurse and before she went out I whisper a apology to my best friend inappropriate behavior and she said she understands and used to it. And I heard that he greeted my fiancé’ who insisted that he’ll wait for me outside.

When the door closed, I placed my both hands to my waist. And I walked to his bed, he is seating his lower body is laying and covered with cream white duvet. His dark browned hair is lazily falling on his head his bangs are slightly covering his droopy eyes. He is wearing a white cotton shirt. He is a bit pale and his lips are dried. I can see his moles that I personally like and I can only appreciate it whenever I am close to him. And every time he is sulking he looked like a stray puppy and wants to be adopt.

“I won’t be affected by your puppy eyes! I don’t like your attitude to your nurse, Byun Baekhyun.”

He tried to hug me but I stepped back even I want to.

He leaned his back bowed his head. He is fiddling his nails. He is about to bite it but I clanked my tongue and he stopped and dropped his hand. This is him whenever I give him my earful speech. I open and close my mouth I want him to understand his situation but I stop myself. I can’t afford him being like this, sulking.

I round my eyes to his room. Nothing change, his private room turned a permanent home for him ever since he was diagnosed to his illness. His parents wanted him to be strictly monitored that’s why they decided to admit him until he is cure. When my fiancé’ said that I often visiting him because I choose to visit him every time I can, he is longing to people who’ll stay beside him and he is longing his life before. For me that is I can do for him.

I set my eyes to his wooden white table beside at his bed. His other tablets that are needed him to take. I can’t help to pity him. But I shouldn’t he doesn’t like it whenever he saw me giving him a eye of pity. He said he doesn’t need it he is strong enough and the presence of mine is he only needs.

I hardly swallow a one table but him he takes it everyday and it’s not only one every time I am witnessing it I feel something hurt deep inside of me. I feel like I am more frustrated than him because of his situation but he didn’t mind it. As long I am with him he is fine. I always care for him and I always be that’s why as long as I can I’ll do whatever is his request or any of his whims that Chanyeol and I frequently disagree.

I really hope he get well really soon.

 

“Baekhyun.”

I utter his name he craned his neck at me. His unshed tears are glistening and his lips pouting. Seeing his like a wounded puppy I can’t help to think he is cute even he had a tears in his eyes.

I crooked a smile at him.

“Don’t do it again okay? I am not mad. Stop crying.” I bring my fingertips to his eyes and I wipe his tears that have fallen to his apple cheeks. I softly squeeze it.

“I promise.”

He offers his pinky finger and I gladly accept it. I wrapped my small finger to his slender one sealing his promise.

“I promise! Stop frowning. Promise! I won’t do it again at least you came for me.” And he wrapped his slender arms to my waist; he hugged me like I didn’t visit from another day.

I softly tap his shoulder. And I ruffle his hair.

“I’ll expect it. And before I forgot, your meds!” I broke his arms from me and I can see his shoulder drop. He loves hug and cuddles.

I bring him a glass of water. I watched him gulping his meds he swallows like it’s a soft cotton candy he handed back the empty glass.

I smiled at him I always I treat it as a personal accomplish for him. Who’s going to kid about drinking a lot of tablets of medicines with different kind of shape, size and the bitter taste you’ll endure.

“How are you Hyunie?”

His eyelid lifted his expression becomes better. His refreshing aura is beaming at me. He give me his signature cheekiest smile and probably the cutest giggles.

“More than fine! I don’t feel any, you know..because you’re here!”

I just smiled at him.

“Of course, I will come to you as long as I can. That’s best friend like me will always do.”

His expression changed his eyes that are sparkling earlier subsides but he tried to mask his emotion. I don’t know why, do I say something that can make him, hopeless. Now I feel terrible.

A silenced lingered. I observed his room even I already did earlier. I bring back my eyes to him, his brows are slightly knitted I know he is pondering and he looked contemplating if he should voice it.

I touched the back of his hand and his shoulder lightly jumped.

“What’s in your pretty mind? Mind you share it.” He is stiffed then exasperated sigh.

“Do you really- No.. Don’t you think it’s too early for marriage?”

Why did he bring back that again? I thought he was okay and he supported me and Chanyeol. I once asked Chanyeol about their relationship if they have any conflict or misunderstanding but he’ll budge my questions and he always points that Baek is too childish for him. Unlike he is very mature one.

“Hyunie, I thought we already have your blessings-

 

Why? When do you want it? Or do you ever want us to?

I can’t find myself to form any response to him and the person entered the scene. I bit my lower lip and I didn’t notice that I am squeezing hard my dress cloth.

I looked up to my back when I felt his warmth. His unsmiling face greets me and I can see a smirk forming at the corner of his lip.

I turned to the person he is teasing or mocking should I say. The organ to my chest begins to throb.

I don’t want them to fight just because of this-I don’t even know when it started! My friends said I am noob and naïve to notice things. Now I feel like they are telling the truth.

They are the first best friends to begin with. Baek and I are best friends since we’re in middle school and then fast forward when we’re stepped in high school he introduced a tall lanky guy his ears are the first thing that I notice and his puppy like eyes and Hyunie said he is his first best friend way before me.

I lifted my attention to my fiancé’ and to Hyunie. They’re both not blinking; the intense staring between the two as if there is exchanging of communication. And they understand each other well. The first one broke the staring contest of them is my fiancé. He sweetly smiled at me and he gently squeezes my shoulder over the sleeves of my powder blue dress.

“Our marriage will go on with the date we decided that is, three months away. And nothing can change it.” He bragged.

Baekhyun cleared his throat and he looked to my eyes. I can say he will not let Chanyeol win over this conversation.

“I was talking to her and she is the one I am asking. Why are you even here? And I don’t accept an annoying visitor.” He deadpanned to my fiancé and his ears are beginning to red like a ripe tomato.

“Who said I’m visiting you. I am only here because I am accompanying my fiancé and I am not the annoying here.” He barked to the puppy, of course he will not let Baekhyun overpower him. My eye is twitching upon hearing their exchanging of words. Am I hearing an arguing between two grown men? When Hyunie is about to retort I interfere. I have enough hearing them argued.

“Stop arguing! You both act like a child. Park Chanyeol. If you don’t want us to argue don’t talk unless I ask you to. Just saved your pettiness and Byun Baekhyun just don’t. And to my answer to your question is just what he said we’ll do our wedding. Everything is settled and I was hoping you can attend, I am about to ask your parents for my permission but I think you don’t want to. I’m sorry.” Is he joking or not but I’m bit disappointed. I thought he fully acknowledge our wants.

“Why are you apologizing to him?-

“Chanyeol. Shut it.”

I pressed my lips into thin line. And I shot him a warning stare.

“Fine. Sorry.”

I motioned to Hyunie to start talking and hear his explanation, he gladly take it.

“I’m sorry it’s not like I’m disapproving your marriage I just thought to ask you again because I-I’m your best friend! What are friends for if they are not caring for their wellbeing right?

 Um you look like you do have other business. You can leave me already. I need to rest and sleep the medicines I drank is starting to affect me. You go, thank you sweet pea.”

Something swift and I can’t pinpoint it exactly. I thought he wanted to see me and now he’s pushing me away. Maybe because of him, concerned written on his face. Chanyeol met my eyes when I turned to him I averted my gaze back to Hyunie and he is readying his self to tuck on his bed.

“Are you sure Hyunie?”

“Yes you can go.” He stiffs a yawn. I know he is not acting he is indeed needs to sleep due to the side effects of his meds.

“I’m already sleepy just tell to nurse that you already left.” he groaned in sleepy tone while facing the wall.

I went close to him I placed my hand to his arm.

“Sleep well. And don’t forget what I said. I will visit you again. Bye Hyunie.”

I lean and I kissed his apple cheeks.

His puppy downturn eyes turn into huge tangerine size. I gave him a toothless smile.

“See you soon.”

I clung my arm to my fiancé’ arm that is already knitting his eyebrows.

 

 

-----------------

 

 

 

9:47 am

In the fourteenth time glancing at lush green wall clock hanging and the sounds of ticking hands doubling the foreign yet become usual feeling growing in my chest, I carefully sip to the straw and drink the warm water in to my tumbler though it doesn’t ease any of my nervousness. I can’t help to swipe my tongue for another time on my lower lip that is already painted with a sultry color of rosy peach matte lipstick and the makeup artist strictly told me I shouldn’t do it often or else it worn out.

Nervous, excitement and bit worried. They are combining and I can’t even name what’s more dominating. Is this what they called mixed feelings? Seconds Later I feel like I need to go to comfort room to pee or need to vomit.

I tap my cheeks both side. I blow a heart full breath. I practice my breathing exercise that my cousin taught me an hour ago.

I watched myself reflection in the vanity mirror with a light bulbs surrounds. I looked constipated despite the artist made me into a new pleasant person on the day that I’ve been waiting for.

I stretched my cheeks and tried to smile seconds later I am looking to my constipated face again. I slumped to soft cushion and swallowed my lower body. The cloth of the dazzling gown I am wearing right now I eyed the intricate design of the sheer cloth.

It’s the day. After three months, feels like yesterday. The proposal of my Chanyeol feels like a beautiful dream yet I am here beautifully dressed and ready to go to the hall. Is this real? Why it feel hard to sink to my mind. But this feeling I am experiencing telling me this is the reality that I am waiting for to happen.

In a span of minutes and hour I am no longer single and we will register a new status in our family registration.

After my visitation to Hyunie or Baekhyun, Chanyeol and I had a huge fight it was worse than before. I left him in our middle of our date. I am crying mess inside the taxi that I hail and the driver eyeing me weirdly but I don’t give a care. My parents thought the wedding, will not going to happen but Chanyeol is persistent, he doesn’t stop and his patience for me is everlasting. He apologized and to Baekhyun as well. He confessed he was overpowered by his jealousy and being narrow minded over our best friend and to its situation that is very petty. He surrenders and said it was his fault. I knew him as a person with an overwhelming pride on his entire body though he lowered himself and asked for my forgiveness and he asked me respectfully to go on with our wedding for the second time.

I said yes again for another time. Why? the sincerity, his expressive eyes full of tears, on his knees, he is badly shaking and himself pleading to me. My heart skipped a beat and I felt a tug in my chest. I can’t stand to watch him wounded and hopeless. My love for him is more than a reason to forgive him.

That was indeed a real struggle to our relationship.

I breathe in and out with tiny gaps after I practice for a while I smile to myself. The heavy feeling in my chest instantly disappears.

This is your special day! Just cherish the every single moment. I mentally chant to myself. I can do it!

A knocked on the door wakes me up from my moment to myself. I seat properly and straighten my posture. And I utter come in to the person on the other side. Head of the very familiar relative peered and her teasing smile greets me.

“Let’s go Ms. little bride everyone’s is waiting for you and I heard Chanyeol is very impatient now.”

He is. He never missed a moment to send me a text and call.

She’s wearing a peach gown, base to our wedding motif. She is cousin of mine to my mother side and right now she is my maid of honor.

“You better catch my bouquet later!”

I requested her again but she only gave me a frowning face. She and his boyfriend maybe have a quarrel anyway is not my story to tell and I don’t want to bug her.

“I’m ready! My reminders don’t forget it. Can you help me with my gown?”

I stand up and picked the hem of my gown. One last time I glanced myself at the huge mirror standing where I am waiting to be called. The wedding gown is heart shaped and off-shoulder type that hug my curves well and the lower part is beautifully flowing until it’s laying on the floor that’s why a help is needed or I’ll trip myself embarrassing. She helps me to carry the long gown until to the elevator. The wedding hall where is our wedding to be held is in the upper floor. And it only takes 30 seconds until we arrive.

Before we turn left I abruptly stop and my cousin snap me and questioning my action. I give her my free palm while the other one is holding the bouquet decorated with my favorite flowers baby’s breath, peonies and pink carnation and she knows I need a little moment. I closed my eyes one last sighs, I open my both eyes, and this is it.

I am about to proceed my steps to our destination when my cousin halted and her knitted forehead welcome me. She opened my purse that she is holding from the beginning we left the waiting room. He opened it and fished my phone that is bursting with vibration. She handed to me and the familiar photo of the puppy eyed man and his name flashing to my phone.

I wonder why he is calling me in this hour. He already sent me short greetings in the morning at clearly six o’clock he called me afterward he quickly ended the line after his greetings and he did send us already a wedding gift two days in advance.

That I found it weird and tiny bubbles of anxiety are building up I did asked his parents a permission to attend our wedding even just in the reception but the doctor advise it will not be good to his health condition. I am bit disappointed and sad though I understand it’s for his betterment. My last visit of him is two weeks ago after I visited him together with Chanyeol I rarely catch him free in his room he is usually undergoing in an examination I don’t if it is coincidence and then next time he suddenly announced he’ll rejecting visitation for a while and his doctor advised too. Thankfully I successfully visit him again, his weary eye is the first thing that I notice and his fat on his cheeks lessen. A lump forming to my throat and the heavy feeling weighing to my chest I can’t helped to feel sorry for him however he did his best to give his signature delight expression and threatened me if he saw me any tears to my eyes he’ll kicked me out and forbid to visit him again. As I fond of him and didn’t want him to be upset I obediently agreed and I restricted myself to do any pitiful act. He said he is healthy and fine, he reasoned it just that his therapy is tiresome that’s why he lost weight and, I believed him.

 

Is he greeting me again? Knowing him he likes to repeat things or did he forgot something to add earlier.

“Hello, Hyunie?” I

I’m sorry. I can’t.

My heart is pounding and I unconsciously biting my bottom lip. Why is he sorry for? And why his voice is different, is he wearing oxygen mask right now?

Morbid thoughts popped into my head. My cousin asking me to drop the call immediately and she are mouthing something I can’t register to my brain but I ignore her completely as if she is not beside me.

 I suddenly remember his condition.

My hands gently holding the bouquet start to quiver. I gripped my phone and shakily I opened my mouth.

“Don’t be sorry. I told you its fine if you can’t attend the wedding.”

No is not the reason. I just want to say sorry for you and for Chanyeol. It’s the wedding about to start?

“Why you keep saying sorry! Y-yes it is about to start.” I frustrated answered.

Okay I’m sorry if I am interrupting you again and send my apology for Chanyeol I am sure he is already sulking that giant.

“Are you okay?” I anticipate his answer while holding my breath another lump forming in my throat I swallow repeatedly.

Maybe no? I don’t know I am really really tired right now I just wanted to rest. I’m sorry if I called you so sudden and congrats on your wedding my sweet pea. Good bye-

His shallow breath is the last thing I heard before he dropped the call. Why he sounds bidding a farewell? He said he is healthy and he is perfectly fine but why did he say those stupid words! And why I can’t see properly?! I blinked and my cheekbone becomes wet.

“Hyunie? Hyunie?!” I hastily dropped my both hands one is holding my phone and the ones holding my bouquet of flowers. I felt my cousin beside me worriedly uttering words I can’t understand what is she saying, the only thing I can think right now is my best friend Hyunie. I need to go to him, and I need to see him right now.

A gently shook and the voice of my mom awakes me from my trance. I my eyes went to her and to my cousin.

 “What is happening to you? Are you feel sick!”

Baekhyun..

I gather my thoughts and already chose a decision. I murmured what’s shouting in the back of my mind.

“I need to go. Tell Chanyeol I am sorry.”

By myself I leave the scene and hurriedly ride a lift downward to the lower floor of the building. The tears pooling to my eyes and the heaviness of my gown doesn’t stop me to run. After I arrived where the reception is, curiously eyes followed me and I don’t give any care, is it their first times seeing a bride looking like a mad woman running hastily?! They are lucky enough they get to see me.

I exit the building that supposed to be where my wedding held. I shut my eyes another set of tears fall to my eyes. I don’t know if Chanyeol will ever forgive me.

 I already left him, is now or never, Hyunie my lovely puppy eyed best friend needed me I know although he didn’t said anything. The wedding can wait, if it there is stills a chance.

 Right away I hailed a cab. I peered at the window until I can’t see the building anymore. I ruined our wedding.

 

 

 

His private room is normally empty and only by himself usually occupying is far from I expected to see upon my arrival, my heart skipped a beat. I gather all my strength to move my feet forward and quickly wipe my remaining tears using back of my hand. A lot of uniformed people wearing white hauling and in chaos welcomed me once I reached my destination. His personal nurse is the first person acknowledges my presence.

“Miss!”

“Hyunie-Why?”

And then I notice his parents both in tears and his elder brother his only sibling lowering his head and both fist are shaking he is leaning to the wall. I walked to them his brother is the first notice me bewildered staring at me. Then his parents also curiously eyed my direction when they heard their son gasped. Mrs. Byun cried my name and she burst into tears. I was about to hug and console her but she only shook her head and stretching her shaky hands where is Hyunie is. And when I turned my head went blank and a sob escaped from my mouth.

He is indeed wearing an oxygen mask based what I am expecting from our phone call and truth it is there is something wrong. The distance didn’t make any hinder to read his lips moved and I knew when our eyes met he is whispering my name. I didn’t hesitate to run into him. I gently place my hands into his fluffy hair and now is full of sweats some strand of his hair are sticking to his forehead. I used all of my strength to form a grin to my face. And this time I clearly heard his shaky and small voice uttering my name.

“Did you ditch your own wedding? Chanyeol will be pissed and already cursing. His voice is really scary sometimes.” Why did he even manage to crack a joke?! He looked he’ll passed out any time. My lips are trembling I am upset and feel frustrated.

“Byun Baekhyun what are you saying?!” my tears are non-stop and carelessly falling to his shirt. And I don’t care if my make-up is already smudge and wearing off from my constant wiping my face.

He hushed me and he holds one of my hands.

“I am sorry, stop crying on me please. Chanyeol will be mad at me more.”

“There is no Chanyeol here; you don’t need to think of him okay? Do you hear me Byun Baekhyun, you need to live for another 70 or 90 years even 100! You just need to fight we are here, we are here keep fighting on you. Don’t give up please. I am begging you, I leave my own wedding just for you because you are important to me and I – I love you Hyunie. I want you to live” I don’t know if I properly deliver what I want to voice out for him between my sobs and clogged nose.

“You’re so sweet, sweet pea.” His droopy eyes never leave my face.

“I did live my life. It just shorter than you don’t worry I’ll be fine.” He whispered in audible voice.

“Dry your tears I am afraid I can’t help you. If Chanyeol arrived later send my apologies to him and remind him to make sure his promises come true or else I’ll punch him although I am not buff like him!”

“You should the one because you will.” I stubbornly interjected.

“Okay.” He weakly said.

 

“You’ll be fine Hyunie. I will wait for you.”

“Please you don’t have to.”

 

The two uniformed lady tapped my shoulder and uttering Hyunie is needed to be transfer to emergency room.

“Wait-Hyunie! Promise me please!” I wailed and at this point lost all of my shame.

Should I be feel relief when he didn’t mumbled what I wanted him to instead he voiced the last three words of his life for me on that day. I love you.

 

A strong pair of arms pulled me I let him I don’t have any strength leaving me to fight back. A strangle sobs is the only way I can express my devastated state of my psyche.

 

“Sshh, I hate seeing you crying, he’s going to be fine.”

“You are not mad.” I pointed out of all things I can say to him and that’s really bug me. I really thought he’ll hate but he isn’t.

“I don’t, you have your reason and I understand.”

His deep voice I already knew who it is. His warm arms enveloped me and brought me to his body. He is really like a warm honey yet I can’t find to feel comfortable right now.

I thought everything will go according to what I want to happen nevertheless it was not. The deafening electric sounds from the monitor that I just started to despise lingered across his room. And the next thing I know before I lose consciousness I am hearing my own ugly voice cracking between my anguish wails.

 

------

(I know it’s so sudden pls forgive me >:( )

 

 

5 years later

 “Please hurry!!”

“I’m coming!” I yelled back to her. I am still stuffing snacks and the box of cookies on my basket. After I was done I went out. When I get to our garage the two figures inside of the car are busily munching the cupcakes. One is a child and the other one is feeling like a child. I put my hands to my waist. And I shoot my sharp eyes to them. I stomped my feet while I carried myself to the other side of the car door.

“Park Chanyeol!” I heavily knocked my hands to the glass.

Eyes bulging of the little missy and she quickly dropped her half eaten cup cake. Smudge of icing smearing her chubby cheeks.

“Hang on a second!” he wiped his mouth and his hands using tissue napkin before he opened the door he didn’t give me a second glance he naturally proceeds wiping the little missy dirty face and hands. The tiny crumbs of the cupcake are falling on the cleaned molded carpet of the interiors of the car.

I scoffed and my attention to the box of cupcakes that I am sure they sneakily snatched from the kitchen. I opened it and I shocked but not surprised. They nearly finish the half dozen of cupcakes and they are only two!

“Park Chanyeol! And you little Missy!”

I spent seven minutes giving my daughter and husband long speech why they shouldn’t eat a lot of sweets. And we didn’t have even arrived to our destination our snacks are nearly finished and I received a hearty giggles from my daughter and boisterous laugh from my husband. I don’t think I am only babysitting a one child.

At least we arrived to our destination on time. This time I visited him because it’s his birthday and he’s celebrating his twenty nine birthdays. I missed him terribly.

I placed the bouquet of flowers that I personally picked and arrange for him together his favorite snacks and food.

“is he still sleeping?” such an innocent question yet it made me feel melancholic.

 “Yes he is still sleeping, he need to rest.”

She only pouted after I explained to my little missy. I softly pinch her squishy cheeks and I dropped a quick kiss.

“You’re so cute baby. Hyunie will surely shower you with a lot of kisses!”

“Really? I want to meet him.”

“Maybe not now baby. He is a bit cranky when he disturbed to his sleep. And you don’t want to see an angry dog.” My giant husband interjected.

My daughter jutted her tiny mouth and repeatedly shakes her head.

It’s been years still he is effortlessly a goof and adult with a child spirit. And he is having a good time whenever our daughter is such a little innocent missy.

I always imagine him with my daughter and what If I leave my daughter with him and Chanyeol. What will happen? That would be chaotic and must be a beautiful memory.

And maybe they’ll surely click and be inseparable. However it will only stay as a wishful thinking.

 

Between the two, I choose him. Did I regret it? No. If the situation repeats I will only repeat what I chose. The regrets that I am surely leave me miserable is I don’t get a chance to be his side until his last day.

 I missed him so much.

 How are you Hyunie? I hope you are doing well and enjoying your time there. You are not hurting anymore.

Still it hurts me but I can manage, you don’t have to worry. We’re doing fine.

 

 I miss you.. and Happy Birthday my beloved Hyunie.

 

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Thank you for reading. I feel sad for Hyunie but it’s in the original story I don’t want to change it. But for real it made me feel utterly sad, and it’s my own doing hehe. Anyway thanks crossing with my little story !