Like I mentioned in the foreword, this is the first non-oneshot I haven't done in a while. I'm not particularly proud of it because I feel like I could've done Tabi some more justice than I did. But I'm writing him an entire multi-chapter fic. I hope you like it better than I do, though.

Also, I did no editing or proofing. So I'm sorry if it so bad. OTL
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"It hurts to hold on, but it's missed when it's gone."

- The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot [Brand New]

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“Yah, Choi Seunghyun! That’s my ice cream!” her voice resonates in my head so loudly, so clearly. I can feel her hit me right in the arm before shoving the rest of her ice cream cone on my nose.

All I can remember was just standing there, stunned to stillness that she had the audacity to do that, and even more shocked when she crushed the entire frozen treat into my face.  She stuck her tongue out at me, alerting me of her next step, which was too predictable.  She broke out into a run, away from me, only looking back once to taunt me into chasing her.  

It took me a minute to regain my composure – register everything that was happening and wipe the mess of strawberry ice cream and broken pieces of a waffle cone from my face – before I did actually chase her.   She only got a short distance away, probably about fifty feet and in a spot between two tall trees, before I caught up with her and pulled her into my arms, her back against my chest. I snuggled my face into the crook of her neck so that whatever remnants of the ice cream was left on my face rubbed onto her skin, leaving us both sticky. 

Because she was squirming so much to get away from my grip, I lost my balance and took the both of us down to the ground.  When our laughter at our failed attempt at balancing subsided, she rolled over in my arms to turn and look at me, the expression on her face contemplative, pensive.

“Mwo?” I asked her, my voice deep and heavy as I tried to catch my breath.

She pulled her arm up and gently the side of my face, tracing my cheekbones and jaw line, her touch so smooth and effortless that I leaned into it, closing my eyes in the process. When I opened my eyes, she smiled.

“You caught me and never let me go, even when I made you fall,” she whispered softly with a light giggle. 

I joined in, laughing at the playfulness that shone through her usually mature, composed demeanor.  She snuggled closer to me as I welcomed her warmth with a tighter hold of her.  We laid next to each other soundlessly.  The only sound that was heard was the birds singing above us, the rustle of the leaves on the trees encompassing us, and the soft chattering of the people around us.

 “Jagiya,” I said after a few quiet moments. She responded with a murmur and looked up to meet my eyes.  “Don’t ever smash ice cream in my face ever again.”

The last thing I can remember is her giggling.

The memory fades here.  All I’m left with is the image of the two trees standing in front of me, and all the happy people, mostly couples young and old, passing through them in a leisurely stroll.  But even though this is my present, my past clouds my vision.  All I can see is the two of us, lying together in each others’ arms lazily, just passing time peacefully like that. This is something I can’t have anymore.  I drop my head and let out a sigh, hoping that it isn’t loud enough for anyone to hear. I’m wrong.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Daesung asks me in his raspy voice.

I turn to look at him, worry and confusion battling for dominance on his flawless face.  It’s natural for him to worry about others, but I don’t want to burden him with what’s troubling my mind right now. No, for me to properly answer his question completely and honestly, I’d need more than an afternoon away from the studio for what Jiyong called, “a time to clear your mind to write lyrics.”

Honestly, I’m thankful that Ji gave us this break from our normal work environment to write lyrics to our own individual songs, something he explained as being a chance to get inspired by real situations, real places, real things.  Real life, basically.  I’m sure it was a jab at Youngbae, who was personally assigned by Ji to visit his girlfriend so that he can finally write a love song worth singing about.  Thinking about that, how Bae is probably spending quality time with Reina in an attempt to create lyrics for his song, makes me resent my decision to come here of all places.  Then, my mind goes back to Daesung’s earlier, still unanswered question. 

I turn to look at him, who I know is still patiently waiting for an answer despite his focus being something far off in the distance.  I knew there was a reason I would only allow myself to take Daesung with me, as opposed to the others in my group.  He isn’t one to persist if he can read it on your face that you weren’t willing to share more than necessary.

“I’m fine, Sungie,” I finally reply after what seems like an eternity.  He nods, probably already understanding that I’m not willing to talk about whatever it was preoccupying my mind before I could respond to him. Yes, It was right for me to bring Daesung with me.  And even though he’s such good company, I feel bad for having to lie to him.  “I just can’t think of anything to write out here.”

“Really?” he asks in disbelief, and my body tenses automatically because I think he alludes this writer’s block to my association to this place, to her.  But that’s impossible because none of the members know about the meaning this place holds for me. And it seems I’m right because he just continues, saying, “This is a great place for me. The words just flow out freely.  How’d you find out about this place?”

I shrug my shoulders, my yes on the trees in front of us.  “Just some place I used to go to a lot when I wanted to get away from Seungri,” I lie again.  Daesung, none the wiser, laughs at my fib.

We’re quiet a while, as Daesung hums out a tune to a song he’s probably working out in his head, something a little upbeat.  I look down at the notepad he brought with him resting on his lap, and sure enough he’s got words written down already.  I look at my own resting on my own lap, staring at me with no such progress at all.  From my peripherals, I can see Daesung pluck the pen resting behind his ear and begin to scribble more words down hastily, like he’ll forget the words if he doesn’t do it quickly. He hums the melody as he does this. 

Me?  I stare back at the two trees, picturing the two of us together resting on the grass beneath their shade. Not Daesung and me.  Her and me.  My right hand slowly lifts off the ground, leaving my left to support my weight on its own so that I can write these thoughts on paper.  But unlike Daesung, I’m not quick enough and the words disappear just as I reach the pen on my lap. I drop my head in defeat.

“Hyung, I’m getting a little hungry.  I might grab something from that ice cream cart over there.  Do you want anything?”

Again, Daesung pulls my mind back into reality with another question, and when I turn to face him this time, he’s pointing behind us, where a lone man stands, manning a fairly crowded ice cream cart.  I recognize the man as the one that sold me the ice cream she smashed into my face all those days ago, the memory that haunted my thoughts earlier.

“It’s okay, Dae.  No ice cream for me today.  Maybe just water?” I request.  He keeps a careful eye on me, like he doubts my response. I don’t blame him, though. I am never one to decline ice cream. 

But then, he concedes and nods his head in understanding before dropping his things and asking me if I can watch them.  When I say I will, he takes off for the cart, jogging.  I watch as he takes his place in a line of ten people, moving quickly for just one man making cones.  But then he is rushed by a few fangirls who recognize him easily.  I sigh in relief because at least this will keep him busy for a while as I try to recollect my earlier reminiscing.  After all, it’s the reason I came here even though it hurts.

“Hyung, maybe this time you can write lyrics about being hurt instead of hurting someone?” Jiyong suggested earlier today in the studio that was too stuffy for us to work in, the moment he assigned us to go out to different places and get inspired by what we felt. “Try to go for a kind of acceptance and understanding of the breakup, but also regretful that it happened, like it’s your fault.”

Those suggestions brought me here, naturally, because they’re all the feelings that I’m currently going through.  Still.  Even after all these months.  Inwardly I curse Jiyong for this suggestion because if I can rely on Daesung to read my face and know when I want to open up or not, I can rely on Jiyong to read my mind and know what’s troubling it.  Again, I’m thankful I decided to bring Daesung along with me.

The thing is, the breakup that I’m channeling to write this song is my fault. All of it.  I didn’t initiate it, nor did I ever express that I wanted it.  But somehow I knew, even though she gave me the age-old excuse, “It’s not you. It’s me.”  I knew I was the one to blame. 

“This is something I need to do, Seunghyun-ah,” her voice fills my head once again, taking me back to another memory that took place right here, in the same park. 

I find myself between our pair of trees, no longer in each other’s arms, but instead standing a foot apart, face-to-face. I remember wanting to reach out to her, rub her arm comfortingly and tell her that she doesn’t need to do this.  I remember also wanting to yell at her for deciding this, acting completely opposite of the caring boyfriend I have always been to her.  But what I actually did was just stand there, listening to every word she was telling me, stunned to silence that it was actually happening.  She was breaking up with me.

Her lips were moving as she explained to me what the problem was, where we went wrong.  Honestly, I didn’t know what went wrong and it wasn’t just because I wasn’t listening to her.  As she spoke, my mind reeled to through the course of our relationship – all the good times (which were plentiful and so passionately intense), all the bad times (which were scarce and just as passionately intense), and all the times we shared between these trees, just sitting together in harmony.  Nothing in our time together, not even the bad times, were so irreparable that it would bring up the end of our relationship.  Not to me, anyway.  But she thought otherwise.

“Seunghyun-ah,” she whispered as she gently the side of my face with the back of her hand, soft, warm knuckles brushing against my cheekbone. She tried to blink back the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes unsuccessfully.  My numb arms tried to move to wipe them from her face.  I just couldn’t do it.  “Seunghyun, this is my decision.  This is what we need right now.”

No, we don’t,I wanted to yell at her, just to scare the stupid decision out of her mind.  But my mouth was so dry from the shock of this revelation, my throat clenching so tight that I swear, I’ve never felt this kind of discomfort ever.  We don’t need to break up. We just need each other.  I need you.

“Seunghyun, this is for the best.  I know it is,” she said, her voice breaking, giving away the fact that she didn’t for once believe it. 

She sniffled and wiped her face with the back of her hand.  Her eyes were pink from the tears stinging them, the snow white complexion of her nose tainted the same color.  She took a breath, a deep and heavy one, before wiping her face again.  If only I had the strength to move my arms and wipe those tears away myself.  Maybe that one act would’ve been enough to show her that I needed her.

But she was finished with her explanation.  She’d been finished with it for a while.  She was just patiently waiting for me to say something, do anything – probably to convince her to stay.  But I was just stunned. I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t.  Not after everything we’d gone through.

The right side of curled up into a sad half-smile, lips pursed tightly together.  She had her hands clasped together tightly, shoulders hunched slightly like she was bowing her apologies to me.  Because she did this, the long, dark strands of her hair poured from behind her shoulders and cascaded downward with the motion.  When she returned to an upright position, she tentatively leaned closer to me, closing in that one-foot gap that we never had between us.  She pressed her hands on either side of me and tiptoed to leave me one last kiss on my lips, albeit so softly that it was barely even a peck.  Then, she whispered a “Goodbye, Seunghyun” before returning to her heels and twirling around effortlessly.  I didn’t even have enough reaction time to trap her in my arms, pull her back into my body, press my head against hers and breathe in the scent of her hair one last time.

“Jagiya,” I called out finally, the moment she cleared ten yards between us.  She spun back around while she was trying to dry her eyes, no doubt not wanting me to see her cry.  But when she wiped the tears from her eyes, she took the sadness with it because she was now smiling.

“Ne, Seunghyun-ah?” she replied softly, so sweetly.

I took a chance in taking a step toward her and surprised myself that the movement stuck, that I actually took it and landed back on the ground firmly.  I didn’t dare take another one, but I needed to reach other to her.

“Wae?” was all I could manage, my voice betraying me as it cracked, even though the rest of my face was probably void of emotion.

The smile never left her face, even as she shrugged her shoulders and said, “You should know, Seunghyun.”

And that was it. No sadness.  No anger. No bitterness or resentment.  And furthermore, not another overview of the explanation I missed earlier. 

The last thing I remembered was her walking away.

“Hyung, here’s your water,” Daesung says, once again pulling me away from another memory that still haunts me.  I look up at him from the position I’m at and take the water he was holding up in the air for me.

“Thanks, Dae,” I tell me as he reclaims his seat next to me, using his free hand to pull his belongings back into his custody beneath the arches of his legs.

As Daesung returns to his ice cream, strawberry of all flavors, I take one long, big swig of my cold water. I didn’t realize how thirsty I was, let alone how dry my mouth had gone. Did I really crave water that bad?

“Omo, hyung.  I thought you said you couldn’t find anything to write?” Daesung asks.  I turn to him, an eyebrow arched to question him.   He points to the notebook resting on my lap.  “You nearly wrote an entire song.”

I look down at my notebook, not believing a word Daesung had said.  After all, had I not just spent the entire time he was gone daydreaming about a moment in time that I wanted so badly to change?  But sure enough, words written by my hand are covering the page, almost all of it.  They’re more so thoughts than actual lyrics, though. But, like Daesung said, they are enough to write an entire song. 

I shrug at this.   “I guess I just thought I’d finish writing something before you did today,” I tell him, the jest very light in my tone.

“It’s not a competition, hyung,” Daesung laughs.  But even though he tells me this, he adds,” I wonder how Youngbae hyung and Seungri are doing with their songs.  Jiyong hyung would probably be happy if we get both of ours done by the end of the week.”

“Probably,” I agree with my dongsaeng, letting out a little chuckle.

I look down at the words written by my own hand, probably when I was visiting my painful memory.  I stare at all the thoughts I’d written down.

Our love took shape in the shade of these trees
Strengthened by every hushed word we’d said to one another
Here, you confessed your feelings to me
Here, I told you what you mean to me
 

Our love took shape in the shade of these trees
Held together by trust and faith in each other
Here, I told you everything I was afraid of
Here, you told me everything I should be proud of
Our love took shape in the shade of these trees
Measured in silent moments, stolen kisses, and ice cream fights
Here, I held you tightly in my arms
Here, I could protect you from harm
 

Our love faded in the shade of these trees
Broken by an unknown reason I probably should’ve paid attention to
Here, you told me that you needed this
Here, you told me that I should know why you’re doing this
Our love lingers in the shade of these trees,
Constantly reminding me of what it could’ve been
Here, the memory constantly haunts me still
Here, I wait for you still

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By the way, I just want to throw it out there that I'm not the best at poetry or songwriting. This is why I'm not a songwriter. OTL

Review? Please and thank you. :]