Chanyeol and Baekhyun have been together for 8 years and married for 5 years. And Chanyeol absolutely believes that meeting Baekhyun is the best thing ever happened to him. Since the start of their relationship, they've always treated each other with respect and cared for each other deeply. They understand each other better and better as time passes so that one can easily see what the other is feeling with a glance and a simple gesture. Even during the tough times, they'd support each other and brace through the troubles that came in their way. Though it was not always flowers and sunshines, their relationship has always been strong and healthy.

That's why... Chanyeol never thought a day like this would come suddenly. A day that was supposed to be their 9th anniversary. A day they'd celebrate together with a dinner date once Baekhyun got back from work. A day that should have been perfect for both of them. But here he is... alone in the bathroom, completely at a loss for words while staring at the bloodstained flower petals in his hand. He couldn't process what he felt at that moment, confusion, bewilderment, astonishment, disbelief...all of these feelings are mixed up in a jumbled mess, making him unable to react. And then an overwhelming sense of emptiness consumed his whole body, making him feel as if he's been submerged in a pool of icy water.

He clutched at the edge of the sink to stop himself from collapsing on the floor, the other hand clenching into a fist which completely crumbled the petals in its hold.

"How...how could it be. Impossible. Absurd. Ridiculous. No way ... There's no way this is happening to me..."

He heard himself mumbling these words repeatedly like a madman. Like he's trying to convince himself. But he couldn't wrap his head around them...The words fell from his lips but they sounded like they came from somewhere far away. He kept trying to force down the lump of panic rising in his chest but his whole body started shivering that he collapsed on the cold tiles of the bathroom like a puppet whose strings have been snapped.

" Impossible... This is impossible. Lies! This is all lies..." He didn't even realise when tears started rolling down his cheeks, they were cold, just like his whole body. Hugging his knees and burying his face in his arms, he rocked back and forth in his curled up position in a futile attempt to comfort himself.

He didn't know how long he sat there. Hours ticked away as he recalled a blurry memory from some time ago. About a year ago, Baekhyun had been on a business trip and Chanyeol was left alone in their house. He wanted to distract himself from missing his husband too much ,which might result in him whining to the other while he's busy with his projects, so, the taller went out to the beach by himself. It didn't end well and he caught a bad cold on his way back home. That time, he woke up the next morning with petals of flowers scattered next to his pillow. But he just brushed it off as the petals from the vase on the nightstand. If he considered carefully, it was weird for the petals from the vase to fall all the way on his bed when there's no wind. So...it could be concluded that he already got this cursed illness since a year ago. A year ago huh?

He remembered that it was during that time Baekhyun was appointed to be the leader of his current project team. And he started getting way busier than before. Frequent business trips and extra working hours. They no longer had meals together because Baekhyun would mostly have takeouts or business dinners with his colleagues. They barely had time to talk to each other. Or more likely, Baekhyun wasn't really willing to talk about his work at home anymore, considering Chanyeol really didn't understand much about project planning and management. The taller guessed it'd be boring to talk to someone who couldn't give any constructive feedback so he didn't mind much.

Chanyeol would ask how his husband's day went when he came home but by the time the other had washed up and crawled into his arms to answer, he'd be off to dreamland after a few quiet sentences and some soft kisses. And Chanyeol told himself that he shouldn't complain. He was actually quite happy that he could at least offer a safe embrace to rest in. He should be supportive and caring towards his hardworking husband. And he's more than willing to. He can always give the other a warm home to come back to. The last thing he wanted would be making his husband feel bad for his own selfishness. He knew how much Baekhyun loved him. So he reminded himself not to let doubts grow in his mind. When a small voice in his head told him that he's been giving too much without even getting the smallest return,that he's been lonely in this big house by himself without anyone to listen to him, he just pushed it out and covered his ears.

After Baekhyun got back from the business trip though, his workload got relatively lighter and he went back to being his cheerful and loving self as if he never went away for months and ignored Chanyeol's calls and messages for weeks without notice sometimes. And so, Chanyeol told himself that he's been overthinking and that he shouldn't bother his husband who already had enough stress from work. Chanyeol should be his safe haven who gives him comfort and warmth, not a fuel who adds more to his problems. Chanyeol prepared a small celebration part just for the two of them on the day Baekhyun's project was announced as a success and the dazzling smile on his husband's face was enough to make him forget about all his previous pain.

Months passed by and Chanyeol couldn't help but notice the way things started to change, he's always been someone who takes notes of little things and his heart sank with each change he spotted. But still, he told himself that it's normal that things or people changed with the passage of time, that nothing is constant in this world so it should be fine as long as he could get used to it right? However, things were easier said than done. As much as he kept trying to fill in the gaps by giving more of himself, Baekhyun, on the other hand, started slipping out of his fingers more and more. Until he couldn't reach for him anymore…

He remembered that his husband who used to take a day off on Chanyeol's birthday completely forgot about it this year and instead of a "Happy birthday", the taller only received a text saying that the other wouldn't be coming home tonight since he was out of the city for work. And yet, Chanyeol still told himself that birthdays weren't that important after all. He never celebrated them before he met Baekhyun so this year shouldn't be that big of a deal. Chanyeol had gotten so good at erasing his own pain that he was able to greet his husband with his usual grin when he came home. If there was a small part of him filled with disappointment because Baekhyun didn't remember about his birthday even now, he didn't give it any mind.

A sudden ringtone snapped him out of his dazed state, he dully registered that his phone is vibrating in his pocket. Ah, he should pick it up. He tensed up as soon as his eyes looked down at the screen, the contact name sending another sinking feeling in his heart. It's almost 6 p.m.. Baekhyun must be calling him to get ready for their date. Chanyeol cleared his throat, trying to keep his voice steady before answering the call.

"Hey love, I'm almost rea—"

"Channie I'm so sorry!!"

"Huh?" Chanyeol was confused why his husband was suddenly apologizing. Trying to push aside the growing panic in his heart, he tried to keep his voice as gentle as possible.

"What's the matter babe? Are you okay?"

"Yes yes I'm okay. It's just…" A sudden pause and Chanyeol could feel Baekhyun's nervousness even though he couldn't see the other. The unease in his heart rose like a tide. " I don't think I'd be able to make it back for our date tonight."

Crack. Chanyeol could swear he heard the sound of his heart dropping onto the cold hard floor. A suffocating pain covering his whole chest that he couldn't stop himself from clutching at the front of his shirt. "Oh...are you getting busy?"

Despite his trembling voice, his clueless husband didn't hear it at all. "Yeah a sudden dinner came up. I am the one in charge of this project after all so I couldn't miss out."

"I understand,Baby. It's alright." Chanyeol didn't know if he shouldn't feel relieved or disappointed. He wasn't in a state to go out for dinner after his earlier discovery, but to be informed like this just a few minutes before their date, the truth was like a cold harsh slap in his face.

"Remember to not drink too much okay? Please take care of yourself."Regardless of whether Baekhyun still loved him or not, Chanyeol could never bring himself to stop caring for the other. Baekhyun is the one who owns his whole heart after all.

"Okay I will remember your words. Don't wait for me alright? It might get too late. I promise I'll make it up to you babe. Oh- Gotta go. I love you, Channie!"

The line went silent before Chanyeol could reply. The last sentence rang loudly in his head and he couldn't stop the self-mocking laughter spilling from his lips. His dry throat protested at the action, sending him into another violent coughing fit.

Perhaps, his poor husband still wasn't aware of the changes in his own heart? Baekhyun probably still thought they were both in love. Or perhaps, he actually noticed but was too afraid to confront the issue? Chanyeol used to think he knew the other like the back of his hand. Now he'd realized that such thinking was really naive and arrogant.

One couldn't even understand his own heart well at times, how would it be possible for him to understand another individual 100%? Where did he even get such confidence from? Blankly staring at the red petals scattered on the floor, he gently picked one up in his hand. Rubbing the soft texture between his fingers, he could only shake his head helplessly with a humorless smile.

"Red roses...If this is the price for giving you my whole heart, no matter. What else can I even do? I'll just die loving you…"