“Yo.” 

The man was either close to being dead inside or being really, really good at resting face. HeeJin was impressed, if a bit unnerved… 

She had a bad foreboding. 

“I’ve heard you stabbed Milluki. Mom was in tears.”

“Yeah who wouldn’t cry getting stabbed by their kid,” mumbled Leorio to her left, letting her a short breath of normalcy, steadily increasing a worrisome gut feeling forgotten for a brief moment. “Geez, Killua.”

Illumi tilted his head to the side, dramatically overdoing the gesture. “From happiness. She was overjoyed to see how you’ve grown up,” continued Illumi, drowning out Leorio’s spluttering. “But she’s still concerned about you being out on your own and asked me to check up on you, when I got the chance. I had no idea I’d find you here, taking the exam. I’m here to get a license for a job that’s coming up,” prompted Illumi, staring unnervingly at Killua.

“I don’t really want to be a Hunter…” paused Killua for a second. ”I was just curious about the tests.”

Ilumi hummed. “Were you? That’s good. Because now I can tell you,” HeeJin saw a rabbit hop into existence halfway between them, sniffing around as if nothing was wrong, “that you would not make a good Hunter.”

She frowned in confusion. What did?..

“Your calling is an assassin.”

Alarms went off blaring in her mind.

That would. Make it. (She understood now how Killua was so fast and strong and he was just a kid, how he took to this exam like fish to water.) Crime family and a runaway. There was a strong idea where this was heading in the back of her mind. It was like a fuzzy film grew, separating her from the room, muting the reality. 

At the same time, Illumi continued what could only be called “conditioning” to her unprofessional ear. “There’s no fire in you, just darkness. It sustains you, drains you of any desire. Your only joy is causing death, and even that is fleeting. That is how dad and I molded you.”

It turned hard to look impassive. They could’ve stopped with acupuncture-induced shapeshifting, but no, they had to go there.

The room was spinning.

“Now that your curiosity is satisfied, why go on?”

Her pulse was escalating, blood humming in her ears. This crippled yet careful phrasing, she heard it all before, not to her, no. It didn’t even mattered to whom it was said, but from whom. She had to remind herself who she was, where she was. She was now “Jeon HeeJin, an east Gorteasean ballet dancer”, who never heard of Bonhomme family, she was in the final phase of Hunter Exam. Even more, was already done. In a couple hours she would be handed her license. 

She wanted to cover her ears.

HeeJin understood now.

Killua ran from home.

Illumi is trying to take him back.

Like a cruel joke, she was forced to watch a distorted version of her own possible future unfold.

It took Killua several seconds after Illumi finished talking to speak up, sweat rolling down his face. “You’re right… I’m not at all interested in being a Hunter,” he clenched his fists, voice determined and strained. “But there are other things that I want!”

“No there aren’t.”

She should’ve gone with HyunJin. There were white rabbits hopping around. She rarely gets to see the whole family nowadays! What a relief, they are all still well… HeeJin realized she didn’t know where to run if she needed to vomit.

Killua had raised his head, showing his teeth. “Yes there are ! And one thing most of all !” The boy’s voice rose to distressed shouting, a half-step from breaking down.

Illumi has not changed his expression once since the start of the round, all his words borderline monotone. “Oh yeah? Tell me, Klilua. What is this one thing?” It was as he was saying he severely doubted that.

Seconds stretched as Killua continued to sweat. Illumi slowly blinked.

“Well… Speak up.” He tilted his chin higher, barely a centimeter, but HeeJin was so fixated, unable to tear her eyes away, she noticed the shift. “There’s really nothing, is there?”

“There is !” snapped Killua, leaning forward. “I want…” He sagged back into himself, head hanging low, “to be friends with Gon!” His voice was barely audible, but in the silent vastness of the room, his words were clear and so, so exhausted. Bleak. “I’m so tired of killing…. I just want to be a kid… hanging out, doing stuff with Gon. That’s it.”

Her heart bled, empathy clearing her thoughts and she opened , voiceless, unable to find suitable words. 

And just like a guillotine, the cage’s door shut. “That’s not happening. You are incapable of friendship, of seeing anyone as anything except a target. This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly. Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that.”

As the boy the mouthed the word “No”, she felt like she was drowning, Illumi’s oppressive aura too sinister for her to think straight through the realization and her ears rang and there was taste of bile on her tongue and 

he would do it.

Killua was going to be brought back home.

It took her a moment to discern pangs of HeeJin’s emotions. They came muffled, barely tearing through the storm of anger howling inside her.

No matter how Chuu looked at this or tried to ignore associations, this whole thing looked awfully familiar.

And, worst of all, she was once again stuck at the sidelines.

Waves of panic crashed into her, and Chuu tore her eyes away from the two brothers, to HeeJin, who was hyperventilating through Choerry’s worried pacification.

Right. She had to be not the sole empathizing observer in this situation. 

The girl shook miserably as she was led closer to the wall, but Illumi’s last words threw HeeJin over the edge, and she crashed into herself, sagging like a broken little thing. 

HeeJin was no longer present after that, just sitting by the wall behind the row of applicants, trying to get her bearings together and failing, falling, each of the words echoing in her head as she blankly stared at about a dosen rabbits hopping around her in a tight circle.

The things that were said would haunt her in the nightmares.

Illumi continued.

“If you try to be friends with him you will one day want to kill him. It’s that simple. Killing him will be the only thing that will matter because,” Killua’s shaking was visible to a eye, “you are by nature a murderer .”

If Chuu wasn’t busy comforting HeeJin, she would tell him where to shove and how to twist his “by nature” thing. Instead, she just bared her teeth.

Thankfully, there was another volunteer.

Leorio, almost growling, with a vein popped on his forehead, made a step towards the brothers. The referee stood in front of him, blocking. “I’ve warned you already…”

“Hey I’m not interfering! I just got something to say!” Leorio told with an audible strain. “Killua, listen, this brother of yours is a jerk! He's full of it! Take him down and pass already! As for being friends with Gon?! No sweat, man! You already are!” Killua, with his head hanging low, had a full-body twitch. “Gon sure thinks so, anyway!”

Illumi blinked. “Does he? You mean that?”

“Every flippin’ word, pinboy!”

Putting finger to his lips, Illumi turned his gaze upwards, deep in thought. “Hm… that's a problem. Thinking he’s friends with Killua…” He made a motion with his finger, coming to a conclusion. “Guess I’ll have to kill him.”

The atmosphere shifted. She untangled arms from HeeJin’s still form and raised up. 

Chuu couldn’t care less about Gon right now, but she sure as hell wanted a tiny, pitiful, almost broken child soldier to keep the first friend he got in his life.

Every other person in the room shifted too, for various  - and unimportant - reasons.

As Illumi took out the needles he previously pulled out of himself, he turned to Killua, staring him down. “Assassins have no use for friends. They get in the way.”

As Killua’s panicked shaking became even more obvious, the older brother indifferently turned away, striding to the door that Gon was carried through. “Where is he?”

One of their spectators from the previous phase darted across his path. “This match is still underway…” - a sharp movement later, the needles were stuck in the man’s face, starting to distort it immediately, even changing the skull’s shape, creating a hollow on the left temple and stretching the right side of the face, skin pulled tightly in some places and folding in all the wrong ones.

“Where is Gon?” repeated his question Illumi, not even looking at the horror he created.

“Through that door…” managed to gurgle out the man, hands rising to his head. “There..” he fell on his knees, quivering and lowly unrecognizable words.

“Thanks.”

She stared at him head-on, ready to fight a goddamn human-type manipulator. Kurapika and Leorio blocked the door beside her, several of the judges approaching too. The two applicants' faces were stormy and if Chuu dared to move focus away from the assassin in front of her, Chuu would’ve marveled at that. They were great friends of Gon’s. They were a bonded unit. 

She wouldn’t forgive herself letting another one be casually torn apart right in front of her.

The sight made Illumi stop in his tracks, cocking his head. “This could be a problem… Getting this license is important for my work. If I kill these people, I’ll fail the exam and Kil will get an automatic pass. Oops…. If I kill Gon, the same applies. Hmmm… Ah!” His face almost lit up. It was apparent that the expression barely changed, yet on a blank canvas even that shift stood out. “That’s it! First I’ll pass the exam and then kill Gon!”

His words made Killua start to hyperventilate and Chuu could feel his distress with her skin. 

As if realizing something, Illumi turned to the Chairman. 

“There’s no revoking my license… Even if I killed everyone here, right?”

“There’s no rule that says you couldn’t.”

Right. The rule she was applying for.

“What do you think, Kill?” After all this spectacle Illumi finally turned to Killua again. “There’s only one way to save Gon and that’s for you to fight me and win . But is saving Gon the reason you would fight me at this point? I rather doubt it. You’re not even thinking about your ‘friend’ right now; the only question in your mind is whether you can beat me or not.”

Startled, Killua raised his head at the approaching brother.

“And you have your answer already. You have no chance against me.”

Eyes full of fear, Killua stared at Illumi, who started to slowly reach out to him. The boy looked a tiny step away from breaking.

“‘ Never go against a superior opponent’ - I made sure I hammered that lesson home.”

With almost vanished pupils, Killua made a fearful half-step back, fixated on the tips of Illumi’s fingers.

“Don’t move.” The boy froze. “Your very next move will signal the beginning of this battle. It will be that or when my fingers touch you.” Chuu sneered. This was unacceptable and insane . “There is only one other option and it’s your choice. However, if you choose it... Your precious Gon will die.”

Leorio’s temper flared again, as his shout rang through the room. “Tell him to go an egg, Killua!! You don’t have to worry about Gon! If this goon makes a try for him, we’ll bust his - that’s a promise! So do what you want!”

But Killua could not hear that, Chuu knew that. The boy was frozen, in fear and conditioning and a hatsu - stop mixing memories and reality . He no longer looked at Illumi’s fingers, approaching dreadfully slowly, but his tension, his eyes, they told her.

She could almost hear a snap .

“You win, Illumi. I… Admit defeat.”

She couldn’t pay attention to what happened next. 

The only thing that Chuu could take control over enough to do, was a little shoulder shake when everyone tried to get to Killua, tagging him and immediately stepping away, the echoing vastness of powerlessness familiar and only fueling her rage.

Between Killua’s surrender and him standing behind Bodoro, who was ready to fight Leorio, she did not hear a sound, time passing in a heartbeat.

She knew it didn’t matter.

His masters tugged on his Leash and just like that a beast turned into a Dog . There was no way to be heard.

Years of conditioning, pushing loyalty and obedience down someone’s throat would not be broken with a couple words.

She followed each move Killua made. 

Half a dozen people in this room could leisurely stop him. None did. 

Bodoro’s body hit the floor in complete silence, but she was not focused on that either, nor on the boy's clawed bloodied hand, nor the messily torn hole in the martial artist’s chest.

Under an engulfing cloak of cold rage and agony, Penguin stared at Illumi.